I rushed to Alaire’s side, pressing down on his arm. His eyes gazed over at me and beads of sweat trickled down his forehead. I forced a little smile, but I didn’t know how to comfort him when I was as clueless as him about the procedures. Despite whatever discomfort he might have felt, he remained still.
Glancing up at Daciana, I realized her body was trembling.
“Daciana,” Grefin growled, but she wouldn’t stop.
“Daciana, that’s enough!” he persisted.
Her hands dropped to her side, and she wiped her face. Then in a husky voice, she asked, “I assume you can sew him up without my help?”
Grefin gestured for her to leave, and then he released his hold on Alaire. I let loose of Alaire’s arm. Next, we would need to sew his wound before we could rest and wait to see if his condition improved. Grefin decided he would sew while I kept a watch on Alaire so that he would stay in place.
He slipped the needle through the skin and Alaire let out a cry of agony. I stroked his head, attempting to soothe him.
“Don’t worry this will all be over soon. You’re going to be okay,” I said.
Several minutes passed, and then at last Grefin announced that he was finished. I sat down on the bed, feeling somewhat relieved. For now he said it was most important for Alaire to rest, and we would have to wait until the morning to see any results.
“I’ll find cloths to soak the yarrow in, and then I’ll wrap those around his leg. In the meantime, stay here and keep an eye on him. Daciana will arrive shortly so that you can rest,” Grefin reassured me.
He placed the materials that had been on the bed onto the floor, and then he picked up a small bowl and left. I watched until he was gone, and then I leaned my head against the wall. Alaire’s arm tapped against my thigh, and when I glanced down at myself I realized I was leaning against the blood-stained pillow.
Letting out a sigh, I whispered, “It’s all right, I don’t mind. I can always clean my dress, but it is you I care about.”
He blinked in response.
The silence in the room was unbearable. My thoughts ran back through the events prior to Alaire’s rescue, and I couldn’t believe that for a moment I had doubted him. For an instant I had believed he betrayed me. Such mistrust in my companion could have gotten either of us killed if we had been in a battle. Staring up at the ceiling, I decided I would tell him of my shameful thoughts. I hoped that by admitting it out loud he could forgive me, and in return we would feel more open to honesty between each other.
“Alaire,” I said calmly, “I was frightened when I first arrived here. It was foolish of me, but when I realized that Grefin was a White magician… Well, I thought that you had betrayed me.”
Glancing down, I saw him raise his brow.
“Betray…. You?” he croaked.
I twirled a strand of his hair with my fingers. “I shouldn’t have, you know? You said we would escape the darkness together, and it was wrong of me to have doubts.”
“Next time…” Alaire said, “Come to me first…before you have second thoughts.”
“I truly am sorry,” I bowed my head down, hoping he wouldn’t see the tear that leaked from my eye.
His hand settled on my thigh, and I listened to his deep exhales.
“Does it hurt?” I asked.
He closed his eyes and whispered, “Yes… I thought it would kill me.”
“That won’t happen. It’s my turn to protect you, my turn to be…” I continued in a lower voice, “your guardian angel.”
Abruptly there was a tap and Daciana entered in with cloths, closing the door behind her. She informed me that I could leave and Grefin would be waiting to show me to my own room. Though I assured her I was fine with staying, she insisted that I rest. I hesitated briefly, but Daciana seemed perfectly fine and Alaire’s eyes remained closed. He was most likely already asleep, and with that I left his bedside and exited the room.
Chapter Nineteen
Every Last Word
Moments later Grefin held a beige door open for me, though the room looked similar to Alaire’s. Once I was inside Grefin found a candle on the nightstand and lit it. He assured me that Alaire’s room was two doors down the hallway in case I felt the need to check on him.
Yawning, I stumbled over to the large bed and flopped onto it. My hair fell down over my face, but then, realizing Grefin hadn’t left, I sat up properly.
“Why are you willing to help Alaire? I know this can’t all be because of a bargain you struck however long ago when you first met,” I said.
He sat down on the bed beside me.
“My family has been a part of the magical world since as long as anyone can remember. When I was your age, I didn’t understand any of it. The adrenalin I felt during battles was exciting, but I could not grasp how important each battle was.”
Grefin rubbed his hands on his pants, staining them with the blood from earlier.
He continued with, “When I started attending Council meetings, I realized there was more to our world than fighting. Everyone there had families to return home to, mouths to feed, and younglings to teach. We were a united family. However, more of that changed when we brought magic into the human world.”
I listened carefully, having never heard the story before of our arrival into the human world. Ever since I had been born, I remembered living among humans. It seemed impossible to imagine a world without them.
“Where was the magical world before we lived with humans?” I asked.
“The first magicians lived in a magical realm called Belsgar. Arnulf, one of the original White magicians, created the realm in hope that anyone else with magic could find a haven there. He was the only magician to have conquered enough power to create a realm, but there were others who lived in other realms besides his.”
“Well, what does this have to do with helping Alaire?”
Grefin chuckled, “Patience, child!”
Frowning at the world “child,” I leaned my chin on my hand to wait for his explanation.
“Anyways, magicians knew that the human world existed—since most were born there and then later on taken to Belsgar. A century passed, and then the magicians decided to mix in with the human race. To get straight to the point, we realized that humans have order in their society. War after war, Dark and White magicians battled it out to see who would have control. As you know, the Dark magicians were never very fortunate.
“Part of the reason I think we’ve always feared Dark magic is because it’s mysterious. We have individual magicks of Fire, Light, Water, Ice, Plant, and Storm—nature’s elements. Your kind, on the other hand, have all of those powers at your disposal. Fortunately, as a doctor I don’t have to take a side in these wars. I see a purpose in every patient I treat, and that includes the Dark magicians I’ve healed. Alaire is just as good of a man as anyone else.”
Patting my shoulder, Grefin stood up and stepped to the door. He held the knob, and then quietly he slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him.
My eyes drooped, but I wondered how it was Grefin knew so much about our world. He was different from the other White magicians I had met, and it seemed like he knew more about both sides of the war. If he truly wished to be neutral in the fights, it didn’t add up for why he would willingly heal Dark magicians.
Lying back on the bed, my eyes grew weary while the thoughts filled my mind. In the morning I could find out more, but for now I was satisfied. When I woke up I could visit Alaire, and certainly by then he would be back to his normal self. A wolf howled at the full moon in the distance, and then my eyes shut. The creature continued to howl for quite some time, and all the while I wondered if Alaire could hear it from his room.
***
Not too far from where I lay in bed, I could hear someone coughing frantically. When I opened my eyes and raised my head the coughing changed into choking.
I sat up and listened. There was silence, and then I heard the person struggling to breathe on
ce again. Springing off the bed, I ran to the door and opened it. The noise was coming from down the hallway, and all I could think of was Alaire. I jotted to his room and saw the door was ajar. Peaking my head in, I saw that no one was inside, save for him, lying on the bed as pale as ever. Without another thought, I scurried to him and sat on the bed. When I touched his face it was burning; sweat dripped down his neck and onto his chest.
“Celestria, I’m freezing in here…” Alaire choked, attempting to grasp my arm.
I leaned in closer to him, feeling the faint beating of his heart. His entire body was covered in sweat, but it didn’t make sense why his fever had returned when Daciana healed him. It nearly took all of her strength to remove the poison and sickness from his body.
“Where is Daciana? Should she not be watching over you?” I asked.
“She went to speak with Grefin… Upstairs,” he said.
“This is outrageous! Wait here and I shall—”
Alaire interjected, “Do not go! Please don’t leave me here. I can feel it now.”
As he wrapped his arms around me, I shivered from his touch. Then I asked what I regretted. “What do you feel?”
“Death.”
One word and that was all it took. Instead of saying anything, I lowered my body so that I could lie on his chest. His heart beat slowly, and his skin was hot enough to be on fire. I looked out into the dark, empty hallway and scowled at the thought that Death could be waiting at the door for him.
Attempting to sit up, I glanced around the room for a cloth and the bucket of water. Alaire refused to release me from his hold, but I managed to reach for a bowl on the chair beside his bed. There was a wet rag already soaking in the dirty water, and thus I patted his face with it.
“Let me find Daciana for you. She can help you; she’ll make you better,” I reasoned, holding back tears.
“No, she cannot. I won’t let you this time; you have to stay here,” Alaire said.
“Daciana!” I screamed.
Though I tried to pull away, Alaire continued shaking his head. I feared the motion would only worsen his condition, and after a minute or two I surrendered. His eyes eased, as if he knew he had won me over. All this time I had spent treating him, I had never realized that he too might fear losing people as much as I did. I stayed because if I was dying I wouldn’t want to be alone either.
“I never left you,” I said as I soaked the cloth in water once again to wet his neck.
“But you nearly died because of my own selfishness. I wasted your precious time arguing with Grefin when we should have been out in the field searching for you immediately. You were right about me, you know? I act like a child sometimes. You should also know that there are people who would care if you died, but I won’t let you die tonight.”
I gasped, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. All of the sudden a wave of emotions hit me. He could die tonight, and all he had left was me. Where were Grefin and Daciana? The tears built up in my eyes, but he did not deserve to see me cry if these were his last minutes.
“Daciana!” I wailed once again, desperate for her to hear me.
Looking down at Alaire’s chest, I whispered, “If I lost you it would be the end of me.”
When I glanced back up a thin smiled curved on his face. “Now that’s something I haven’t heard you say before. I know you think you need to save me, but you already have.”
“How, pray tell, is that?”
His hands slid down my arm until our fingers intertwined. For an instant I stopped wiping the cloth over his body, and I shivered at the tingling sensation.
“You are the one who has kept me alive through all of this. When I met you I found a reason to be the better man I thought I couldn’t be. Your smile, your curiosity, and the innocence you have… I love it. It gives me hope that someday our world can be reformed. Someday… Someday you will be safe,” he answered in a raspy voice.
Before I thought about it, I wrapped my arms around Alaire’s neck and buried my head into the pillow his head rested on. I let out a sigh, hoping the tears wouldn’t leak from my eyes. His hand caressed my back, but I was ashamed that he had to spend his time comforting me. He was all I had, the only person close enough to family now, and I was losing him.
Turning my head to face him, I said, “That’s not good enough! It’s not supposed to be like this. We have to finish the battle; we have to live in a world where we’re safe. Don’t leave, Alaire.”
I kissed his cheek, and then he raised his free hand to touch my face. While I nuzzled my head against his, a tear dripped down my cheek. His finger smeared it away, and then he traced the outline of my lips with his fingertips. My attention was on his breathing as he exhaled and inhaled and then repeated the process again. Alaire looked beautiful, despite his injuries, with the candle on the bureau illuminating a glow on his body as if he was an angel.
“I’m a better person because of you,” I whispered in his ear.
“Celestria, I…”
His face turned white like powder, and then his hand loosened from mine.
My head dropped onto his chest, and the tears streamed down my face like a waterfall. I clenched onto his cross necklace while I still had my other hand intertwined with his. I had lost him forever, and the heat rose to my cheeks with that thought. How could God let this happen to him? After everything Alaire had been through, how dare He?
“He lost everything, and you thought you had the right to take him away?” I screamed, though only silence returned.
The candle from across the room flickered, but I could have cared less whether it was dark or bright. Twirling Alaire’s necklace in my hand, I thought of everything I should have said. Abruptly all of the words came to me as if they had been imprinted in my brain, and I cursed myself for not having thought of them while he was alive. I smothered my face into his chest, feeling the coldness of his body and smelling the odor from the sweat.
Turning my head, I said, “You were the only man who ever saved me. Did you know that?
“And to think all you had ever wanted was for this to end. You would have fought till the end and made a legacy for Dark magicians. Why hadn’t I been able to save you, Alaire?” I wailed, swirling my finger around in a circle on his muscular stomach.
Let me go, Celestria, I could hear him say. I straightened up and looked at his lips, but he was motionless.
“You taught me magic, friendship… love. Come back to me, come back to me,” I pleaded, holding onto his arm for dear life.
Someone coughed, but I only glanced back long enough to see Daciana standing at the door. Her hand covered her mouth, but dangerous thoughts clouded my mind when she stepped into the room. If she had come sooner, Alaire might be alive.
Chapter Twenty
Feel Your Touch
Daciana approached the side of the bed, and I returned to sobbing on Alaire’s chest. The tears dripped down his chest, and I watched as they sunk into his skin. Though Daciana attempted to pull me away from Alaire, I refused to move by the slightest. I couldn’t let him go, even while he was already too far gone to ever return.
Grabbing tightly on my arm, Daciana pulled me again. I fell on the floor and heard the thud before I realized what happened. The room started spinning…
***
I fell on the floor and stared at the room around me. The bed beside me was empty, and the blankets were twisted together. Then I realized it was my room. Instantly, I stood up and ran to the door. Before I turned the doorknob I looked down at myself and saw I had not changed out of my torn dress. None of that mattered now; I had to find Daciana.
“Daciana!” I cried the moment I stepped into the hall.
Running through the hallway, I rushed to Alaire’s room with tears streaming down my face. Nothing mattered more than him. He couldn’t truly be gone, but the thought itself sent a shiver down my spine. My teeth gritted together, and a flood of heat overwhelmed my body. Not Alaire, not Alaire, I thought.
My pa
lms sweated as I bolted into Alaire’s room. When I entered a wave of cold air hit me in the face. Daciana sat in the chair, holding onto a bowl, and Alaire lay on the bed motionless. She sprung from her seat, setting the bowl down, and a line of wrinkles showed under her eyelids.
“Is something the matter?” she asked, crossing her hands over her chest.
I slowed my pacing and advanced to Alaire’s bedside. It couldn’t be happening; not all over again. His eyes were closed, and there was blood staining the bed sheets.
“Celestria?” Alaire’s eyes opened and looked directly at me.
I jumped with the realization that his lips had moved. I thought I would die from pure shock. I could barely look back at him, for it was too much to grasp. He had been dead. He had died, yet there he was glancing up at me now with the faintest of a smile. Shuddering, I couldn’t think of what to do next.
“Maybe you should sit; you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Daciana suggested, gesturing at the chair.
Sinking down into the chair, I dropped my head on the mattress as a downpour of tears flowed down my face.
“Why are you crying? Nothing’s wrong with Alaire, though he was murmuring in his sleep something about ‘being safe.’ In the morning I can look over his wounds again and determine how long it will take for him to heal,” she explained.
“I… he…” I stuttered over my words. If I told Daciana about the dream she would think of me as a mad woman. The fact that Alaire might have spoken the same words as he had in my dream was something I would need to ask him later on.
“Oh,” she smirked. “It’s like that, eh?”
She handed me a cloth, and I dabbed my face with it. I glanced down at Alaire, whose eyes seemed to be searching around the room for something. When his eyes met mine, I smiled and wiped another tear away.
“I always knew Alaire liked women, but I never imagined he would go for…” she studied me and shook her head. “For someone like you. Back when I met him, he was very private about his romantic life,” Daciana remarked.
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