“I never saved you,” I said out loud, though I had not intended to.
Alaire shook his head and extended his hand to me. “Hush, everyone needs somebody, my friend.”
At the word “friend,” I raised my head. No one had ever called me their friend before.
“I cannot force you to take Emeria with you, but remember everything you have worked for. We came this far to find Léal, yet here you are by my bedside, seeing me at some of my weakest moments. You chose to stay with me and see to it that I heal. Do you realize you’ve done that?” Alaire responded.
I twirled my hair in circles, something I had never done before. “I plan to seek out Léal as soon as I come back and you are well.”
“And suppose I do not live?”
“Say no such thing! You did not die last night, and you will not die now. By God, Alaire, someone would think you have a death wish with the way you speak!” I cried. Having revealed that I wanted to find Léal, I knew it wasn’t in hope that we could all be reunited. I had to find him to see for myself why he had never returned and if the darkness still followed him.
Alaire groaned. “Sorry, I’ve been beaten badly enough to the point where I can’t tell where my fate lies. Pray tell, why do you continue to deny help when it is offered to you at no cost?”
I took another step and leaned over him, lowering my head toward his. In his ear I whispered, “The vision I had of Dyanna… it hasn’t left my thoughts. What I saw was a lie, a false sense of hope, yes?”
“If your instincts warn you that the vision was false, then believe in that. Whatever it was, at least it didn’t harm you,” he responded.
In a quieter voice I said, “I do not wish for anyone to find out, and if anything goes wrong I can’t trust a Light magician to save me.”
He raised his head to mine and kissed the top of my forehead. I could smell the fresh blood from his wound, and I quickly retreated to sit on the edge of the bed. Perhaps if I had kissed him for a moment longer, asked about the vision for a second more, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened to him.
I noticed Emeria in the doorway, and then I heard Alaire speak the words with the most impact.
“Trust me,” he said.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Love and War
No one would know who Celestria Hale was. Grefin had a point with my name being useless, and before I could find Aldemund I would be caught up in a lie. If Emeria came along she could get me inside without any trouble. She was young enough to be fooled, so as long as I went along with what she said perhaps she could be distracted long enough for me to find Aldemund. I would not risk forcing Emeria into a fight that could kill us both.
When I informed Emeria of my decision, she ran to me, grabbed my arm, and dragged me out of the room. She swore we had to find Grefin, since he would know the best method by which to travel to Belsgar. According to her, we couldn’t arrive there by horse or on foot, thus we had to use other methods of transportation. Having never been to a realm before, I had no idea what other options we had.
Dragging me down the hall and past the mural, Emeria turned the corner and started up the staircase. When we reached the top, there was a door to the right open. Emeria directed me to walk inside while she searched through the other rooms for Grefin.
Once she was gone, I stepped inside to stand by a stack of books. I spun around in a circle, in awe of Grefin’s library. The shelves were clustered side by side in the room. On the floor there were books lying open and pieces of paper scattered everywhere. Skimming the titles, I noticed each book related to magic. Whether it was spells or magicians, Grefin seemed to own every book ever published on the matter.
As I flipped through the pages of one book titled Magicians of the Era, a thought occurred to me. At last I might have the materials to find out who Esmour was, and why he and Aldemund fought one another for such a long period of time. However, there was no telling how much time I had. At any given moment Emeria was to return with Grefin, but nonetheless I navigated through each page in determination to find something.
Abruptly, the floorboards creaked. Quickly, I turned around to face none other than Grefin. He whispered something to Emeria, who stood beside him, and then she exited.
“Looking for something?” Grefin asked.
“No, I uhh… I umm…” I stuttered while attempting to close the book in my hands. It wobbled until at last it fell to the floor. The room became silent once again, and then Grefin chuckled.
“This is my library; if anybody knows where to find something it’s me. Perhaps I can help you?” He offered, stepping forward.
I considered his proposal, debating in my head if I should risk revealing my curiosity for information Grefin may disapprove of, seeing as Alaire already did. On the other hand, he hadn’t harmed me when given the chance. This could be my only opportunity to find the answers I needed.
At last I said, “Only if you promise not to speak about this again.”
Grefin nodded for me to continue. All the while, I pondered of how Alaire would react if I asked him directly. Then I remembered how quickly he snapped at Grefin, and I thought otherwise. I didn’t want to go behind his back to find out more, but I wanted to know what my enemy would do once I was on the battlefield with him again.
“I’m looking for information on a magician named Esmour. The man you and Alaire have spoken about?” I asked, cautiously.
For a moment he stood without saying a word, and my face whitened as I waited. I knew nothing about Esmour, whereas Alaire had a history with him. Was I vulnerable by being with a man whose past he refused to share? Exactly how “dangerous” was Alaire’s work?
Abruptly Grefin nodded again and said, “Ah yes, Esmour. Unfortunately he was a very private man. Even if I did have any books on him—which I don’t—you wouldn’t find anything useful.”
I waited, but he stared vacantly at me with his arm on his hip.
“You don’t know anything about him?”
He sighed. “The only magicians who know anything about him are the ones who workedfor him, many of whom are dead now. You could ask Alaire, but take it from somebody who knows… Don’t search for answers you might not be ready to hear yet.”
Tapping my foot, I refused to quit my search. If Grefin had known Alaire around the time Esmour was alive there was something he wasn’t telling me.
“And I suppose you won’t tell me what you know?” I responded.
He held up his hands, seemingly surrendering. “Esmour was a great and powerful man. Nobody dared to fight him unless they had a death wish, or of course unless they had arranged to fight one of his magicians. I knew Alaire back when he was with Esmour. Seeing him today, it’s hard to believe he used to work for the Devil long ago.”
“The Devil being Esmour?” I asked.
He folded his hands across his chest and frowned. “It sounds foul, but you hadn’t known him. Go ahead, ask Alaire anytime. I guarantee that he’ll never admit what he did for Esmour. Of course there were stories, but no one knew what actually went on.”
“Alaire already told me,” I bluffed, hoping he might be more willing to confess anything else he knew.
“Ha, if you knew you wouldn’t be searching in a library for answers. I met Esmour once, and from what I’ve heard over the years he contributed to the downfall of your kind. Murder, destruction, bloodshed—you name it, Esmour did it. As for Alaire, he used to go by the name ‘Hunter’ when he went on missions. Know why? He only stalked magicians during the night,” he said, moving closer to bend over for the book I had dropped.
I shuddered at the name “Hunter,” and I couldn’t imagine how the nickname related to Alaire. If I took his word for who Alaire was, where would that leave me? Murdering innocent lives and destroying homes didn’t sound like the man I knew. Perhaps those stories focused on Esmour’s history, but Alaire was too gentle and sincere to be a psychotic killer.
“Stop this!” I yelled. “Alaire isn’t an anim
al, and you have no right to slander his name. I’ll take it upon myself to confront Alaire about these accusations.”
“Very well, I’ll call Emeria in and discuss your journey,” he shrugged, though his brows drew together.
After calling in Emeria, Grefin chose a book from the shelf behind me and opened it. While Grefin flipped through it without acknowledging my presence, Emeria offered a faint smile towards me. She stood nearby me, though I tried to keep my distance from her. I barely noticed her gesture, but for now Grefin was right. I was not ready for answers about who Esmour was, and when the time was right I was certain Alaire would tell me on his own.
Grefin’s voice broke through my thoughts as he said, “I think the safest way would be with the combination of magic and a muta.”
Setting aside my thoughts on Esmour, I blinked and waited for him to explain.
I spoke up when he said nothing more. “What is a ‘muta’?”
“Some animals are born with powers as we are. These animals are what we call 'mutas' because they can transport themselves and the people around them to places they have been to before,” Emeria explained.
I had heard of animals born with abilities, but in the past I mocked the idea because it sounded ridiculous.
“Where are we supposed to find an animal like that?” I asked.
Grefin grabbed another book from the shelf. “I have a muta who lives here, and he will be able to help you.”
“Is there anything you do not have?” I asked.
Surprisingly, he answered, “Yes, before you arrived I did not have two Dark magicians sleeping in my home.”
Grefin whistled loudly, and all of a sudden a small cat came running to him, rubbing against his legs. It was black with white fur on its paws. Grefin picked up the cat for me and Emeria to see. The animal looked normal, like any other, and there was a blue ribbon which hung loosely around his neck.
“Muta will take you to Belsgar when you are ready,” Grefin said.
“I’m prepared to leave now,” I responded.
The cat pounced onto the floor.
With a grim look, Grefin answered, “No, you are not quite ready yet. First, I think it would be best if you say goodbye to Alaire.”
“Goodbye?” The word squeaked from my lips.
“Yes, because I must be blunt with you: Alaire’s chances of surviving now are looking slim. He’s still weak from his previous injuries, and he hasn’t proved that he has any strength left,” he said.
When I frowned, he added carefully, “He does not act like a man with a desire to live.”
I refused to listen to another word. Bolting out of the room, I ran down the staircase and around the corner. I nearly tripped as I made my way to Alaire’s room. The moment I stopped into his room I could feel anger pump through my veins.
“Alaire!” I shouted.
His eyes grew wide with innocence and confusion. Daciana was guarding Alaire’s bed as usual, and she instantly attempted to seize me.
“How could you? Is what Grefin tells me true?” I shouted at the top of my lungs, pushing away Daciana.
“I’m sorry? Pray tell, whatever could I have done to upset you?” Alaire asked in the sweetest tone I had heard since we met.
I could barely think; the memories of Adam and Léal’s departures clouded my thoughts. Every man I ever knew in my life had left me one way or another.
I threw my hands up into the air. “Why aren’t you trying? You can make it through this; I know you can, so why is Grefin telling me that you aren’t strong enough?”
“I never said I would let myself die. I am trying, but you don’t understand how difficult this is. I strived to get better, and now I’m right back where I started,” he replied calmly.
“You think I don’t understand because I’ve never experienced what you have gone through. You seem to be forgetting that I’ve watched you suffer through it. I need you to do this—not for me, but for yourself,” I said.
The fury was building up inside of me. Alaire meant everything to me, but the horrid memory of my dream still lingered in my mind. Why hadn’t I been the one to be poisoned or the one stuck behind in the fire? He always watched out for me, but by being with me he had been the one to endure the pain.
Someone cleared their throat, and I glanced back to see Grefin standing at the door. I ignored his grief stricken face.
“You told me that we need to fight before there is an end to all of this,” I said, returning to face Alaire. “You told me over and over again not to give up. Enlighten me, is this how you plan to ‘fight’? I can’t fight this war by myself, Alaire.”
“That’s just it, though. When I first met you I loved the innocence in your eyes; you had a different perspective on the world. Now I can see it… You’re ready to go to war. I can’t help but to feel responsible for taking away your innocence, and if I’ve done that I don’t deserve to live,” he reasoned.
I nearly gagged. During the time period I had left him to heal, Alaire constructed a monster out of himself in his own mind.
“I’m no longer a child. The war is unstoppable now; you know that as well as I do, and we’d be fools to ignore it. I don’t want to go to war, but I will if I must. You helped me realize the prejudice our kind has faced for centuries, and if I have to die so that we can live a normal life I’ll do that,” I said.
The next words struck me hard.
His eyes narrowed. “All this time being bedridden, I’ve been able to think about who I am. I’m not sure I can live a normal life when I still carry the luggage of a past life. I killed people; I used my magic in a way no magician should simply because it was the only thing I was good at.”
“Hunter…” I whispered.
Alaire nodded grimly.
Staring at the blood on his pillow, I started to calm down. I didn’t agree with anything he said, but I knew he was in pain. Maybe I had no right to accuse him of not trying hard enough when he already put so much effort into it the first time.
Lowering my voice, I said, “We all have pasts we’re ashamed of. The last time I saw Dyanna, she had come home late. I spent the entire day working alone on orders that I needed her help with, and when she came home to tell me about a mission she planned I snapped at her. I told her I hated her, that I never wanted her to come home again.”
Alaire’s eyes widened.
Slowly, I added, “Those were the last words I said to her… ‘I hate you.’”
I held my hand against my heart. No one knew about the last conversation I had with Dyanna. I thought, by not saying it aloud, it would go away and it wouldn’t be real. Perhaps Alaire had a point, though. We were in too deep, and if we kept holding onto a past life we would never be able to move on with our present one.
“Celestria,” Daciana said, “I’ll need to begin the next process soon. It will involve—”
I held up my hand. “I don’t want to know. Please call upon Roana if you need more assistance.”
I was leaving, and if I knew how they would be treating Alaire it might stop me. I couldn’t carry that fear with me, knowing in a few minutes I would be traveling to a place where death or victory awaited me.
Facing Alaire, I said, “Even if you think the darkness still consumes you, I have seen you for the man you are. Your magic is a part of you, but it doesn’t determine who you are as a person. You have a good heart, Alaire.”
Alaire’s voice quivered as he said, “Thank you. If I don’t make it, the diamond you found is inside the dresser.”
I glanced over, and Daciana, who was closest to it, took another step forward and opened one of the drawers. Taking something out of it, she held it up to reveal the diamond.
Suddenly Grefin ran into the room, snatching the object from Daciana.
“Do you not realize what this is? This is no ordinary diamond,” Grefin said.
“It’s not?” Alaire and I asked in harmony.
Grefin rolled the diamond in his hand, admiring it. “No, this
is the work of a magician. I haven’t seen something like this for years, yet I recall it is used to relay a message.”
He shifted his feet and faced me. “Where did you find this?”
“I…” I bit down on my lower lip until I tasted blood. “I… It just…”
“Would you mind if I took a closer look at it? Since it seems you cannot remember who gave this to you, perhaps I could find out more about it,” Grefin said.
Alaire added in, “He’s wise, Celestria. Let him take a look at it, and he might be able to help you.”
“Fine,” I agreed. “Emeria will be traveling with me, but once you’ve finished examining the diamond you can send word to us. I’d prefer that she return here before I put an end to what I started with Aldemund,” I stated.
Grefin and Alaire looked at one another and then returned their focus to me.
“I can write to you,” Grefin said, nodding his head.
I clapped my hands together. “Good, then I’m ready to leave. Muta!” I called for the cat, looking around the room for him. He didn’t appear to be in the room, but when I peered out into the hallway I noticed Emeria standing there. I began walking to the door, but a familiar voice stopped me.
“Wait! I have to tell you something,” Alaire said.
I froze, and it felt like time itself stood still as I waited for him to continue. I clung to the scarf that still hung over my shoulders.
“Perhaps I never expressed how much I care, but I do have feelings for you. You are the dearest thing to me that I have ever known. I wanted to hold onto you, but I fear I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.
“These injuries got in the way of me teaching you survival skills, and my secrets only kept me consumed with darkness. Magic might not make me who I am, but it has a strong hold on me. If you can’t forgive me, I know you will never return to this place. Either way, you should know that Léal lives in Neutadt… in case I don’t live through this.”
Staring into the hallway, I tried to imagine the look on his face. I thought about those honey colored eyes of his, and the soft complexion of his face. How could anyone not love that? A faint smile curved onto my face, remembering when I first met him; I thought of him as a “ladies’ man.”
Cursed With Power (the Magicians Book 1) Page 18
