by J. D. Tyler
Ryon wouldn’t know Kalen was behind what was about to go down. If he suspected, it wasn’t like he’d be able to prove anything. Pretending to enjoy his eggs and bacon, Kalen concentrated. Sent out a wave of energy that drew from air and light and a touch of shadow. The composition swirled to form a tall, menacing figure draped in what appeared to be a dark cloak. The white face was blank, and it stood beside the wolf, reached out a skeletal hand and pointed a bony finger at him.
The blond was engrossed in conversation with Zan sitting beside him and at first didn’t notice the eerie presence. No one else in the room could see it, except for Ryon and Kalen, who pretended he didn’t.
Ryon laughed at something Zan said, and glanced to his left. When he did, he choked on his food at the sight of the cloaked creep. A thrill of satisfaction wormed through Kalen’s heart, even as it shamed him. Ryon had always been pretty decent to him and—
Focus, Kalen. Make me proud.
Doubt subsiding, Kalen sent another burst of magic at his creation, animating it briefly.
“You are no good to anyone with your worthless gift,” it hissed at Ryon. “Die.”
Ryon immediately went white and nearly fell off his seat. “What the fuck?”
Pushing a last surge at the figure, Kalen had it rush straight at Ryon and pass right through him before disappearing. The force of it knocked the wolf to the floor, where he landed on his ass.
“Jesus, man,” Zan blurted, startled. He offered his friend a hand. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Didn’t you see it?” He let Zan help him up and stood by his chair, clearly rattled. Wild-eyed, he spun in place, searching every inch of the dining room for the specter.
“I didn’t see crap except you falling out of your chair looking like you’d seen a ghost. You did, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. Shit.” He tugged at his hair in distress. “But I’ve never had one attack me before. I felt the damned thing go right through me.”
“No way,” Jax said from nearby, frowning. “You all right?”
“Yeah. Or I will be, soon as I get the image out of my head of the Grim Reaper telling me I’m worthless and to die.”
This caused no little alarm among his friends, who peppered him with questions. Kalen made sure to interject a couple as well, just to throw off any suspicion. When all was said and done, the group chalked it up as a random occurrence, not that Ryon was all that convinced. Appetite gone, the man excused himself and left.
Another twinge of guilt speared Kalen’s chest. He’d upset a good man for nothing other than the sheer pleasure of watching another suffer. Worse, not everyone was fooled into thinking the incident was totally “random.”
Mackenzie was glaring daggers at him. His chest tightened as she stood and stalked to his table. “I want to talk to you. Alone.”
Out of self-preservation, he went on the offense. “You didn’t take a big enough chunk out of my hide last night? Want a knife so you can finish the job, baby?”
Leaning over, she whispered ominously in his ear, “I know what you just did. So unless you want everyone here to listen to our conversation, I suggest you come with me. Baby.”
Straightening, she marched out. Fuck me.
Ignoring the curious glances directed his way, he wiped his mouth, tossed his napkin onto his plate, and followed along. She led him down the corridor, not speaking again until she pulled him into the team’s empty conference room. Perching one hip on the table, she crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a look of pure disgust.
“Want to tell me what the hell that was about back there?”
Damn, she looked sexy when she got all butch like that. It was a side of his doc that didn’t come out often, and it turned him on. Probably not a smart idea to point that out right now.
Giving his full attention to her, he realized she wasn’t just angry—she was disappointed. She couldn’t hide the emotion in her blue eyes, or the exhaustion. He wondered if she’d slept any after she’d left last night.
He cared. Even though she’d rejected him, he cared far too much about her feelings. Her well-being. The thought of Mackenzie hurting, hurt him in turn.
“How did you guess it was me?” he asked hoarsely, slumping into a chair.
“I didn’t have to guess. We’re mates now, remember?” she spat. “I can’t read your thoughts, but every emotion in you is coming through loud and clear to me. Including your rage and your guilt.”
He tensed. “Since when?”
“This morning when you came to breakfast. I started to feel all of it, right after you walked in, and I know it’s coming from you. If you focus, you can probably read mine, too.”
“I don’t need to feel them to get that you’re upset,” he muttered.
“Upset?” She stared at him, incredulous. “Kalen, what you did to Ryon may seem harmless, but the intent behind the act is very serious. Why would you do something like that?”
His gaze dropped to his boots.
“My God, that Unseelie creep has an even bigger hold on you than I thought. What does he have that lures you in?” Her anger dissipated, replaced by fear, and she gasped. “You haven’t become . . . intimate with him, have you?”
His mouth fell open. “No!” He shook his head, stomach lurching at the mere thought—and that she would even suspect him of having sex with the Unseelie. His panther snarled in displeasure at the image of bedding anyone but his mate. “No way. Not like you mean. I’d never lie to you about that.”
She blew out a breath and nodded. Some of her color returned. “Okay. Then how is it that he gets to you?”
“You know part of it. He plays to my insecurities and sympathizes with all of the shit I’ve been through,” he admitted with difficulty. “He tells me everything I’ve always longed to hear from my father. He tells me how proud he is of me, and when I please him . . . he gives me a blood reward.”
She stilled. “His, or someone else’s?”
“His. It’s like a designer drug my system already craves, and now I don’t know how I’ll stop.”
She lowered her head and fell silent. When a tear slid down her cheek, Kalen pushed to his feet, intending to gather her in his arms, but she put out a hand to stop him. “This is so messed up. I don’t know how to deal with any of this, or with you.”
Agony speared his heart. “If I’m just another problem you have to deal with, then maybe I’m not worth the fight. At least Malik thinks I am.”
That was a low blow, and it produced instant results. Pushing from the edge of the table, she took a couple of quick steps forward and swung her hand. Her palm struck his cheek with a resounding crack that echoed throughout the room. He didn’t move. Didn’t breathe.
“Don’t ever compare me to that murdering piece of scum, not ever again!” she shouted. “There isn’t a single person in this building whose life he hasn’t almost destroyed! Is that really what you want? To help that bastard kill your friends? Maybe even kill you?”
“No. It’s not what I want at all.” Any second, he was going to implode. How much more could he take?
“Then fight him! Otherwise, you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“But I can’t—”
She wasn’t listening anymore. Turning, she stalked from the room, flinging open the door so hard it bounced against the wall and chipped the paint.
“I can’t fight without you,” he whispered to the empty air. His mate was the only good and pure thing keeping his head above water.
Without Mackenzie, he would sink into the depths of hell and never emerge.
Eight
Mac swept past the front desk, ignoring Noah’s tentative question.
“Doc? You okay?”
She kept going. When she reached the sanctity of her office, she slammed the door shut and stood there, chest heaving. A wave of dizziness swamped her and the room began to spin. She wavered, put out a hand, realizing she was about to go down—
And a stro
ng hand caught her arm, steadying her.
“Whoa! Easy there,” Nick said soothingly. “Come on, sit down.” He helped her into one of the two guest chairs in front of her desk and took a seat beside her, patting her hand.
“Thanks. I didn’t see you there.” She took a few deep breaths, rubbing the tears from her tired eyes.
“I just got here, thought I’d sit down and wait for you. Better now?”
“I think so.”
“Do I have to ask what—” He halted in midsentence, eyes widening. “Oh, Mac. Christ, don’t tell me what I’m picking up is true.”
“Depends on what you think it is,” she hedged.
“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant with Kalen’s baby,” he said softly.
She swallowed hard. “Jeez, it’s hard to keep a secret when you’re living with a bunch of Psy-wolves.”
Her attempt to joke fell flat. Nick’s lips didn’t so much as twitch. “Does Kalen know? I met with him yesterday and I didn’t pick up on anything.”
“If he knew, you would’ve been picking him up off the floor.” She sniffled. “Things between us have been a roller-coaster ride, to say the least. No, the perfect time to drop the bombshell hasn’t exactly presented itself.”
“Not to mention how scared you are for your baby, and that’s getting in the way of telling him the truth.”
She nodded miserably, trying not to cry again. “I know in my heart he would never intentionally harm our child.”
“If he were in full control of himself.”
“Yes.”
“Are you feeling okay physically? Other than the dizzy spell, I mean.”
“I’m fine, really. That was probably because I’ve just started having some morning sickness and can’t keep a lot down. I’m not as nauseated later in the afternoons, though, so I’m eating a little better then.”
“That’s good.” The silence stretched between them as the commander absorbed the import of this development. Finally, he met her gaze and said, “What’s going on with you and Kalen doesn’t make what I’ve come to ask of you any easier. Quite the opposite.”
“Whatever it is, you know I’ll help any way I can,” she told him with some unease.
“I know, and I appreciate it. Thing is, Kalen needs a lot of help—”
“Ya think?” Embarrassed by the sarcastic outburst in front of her boss, she grimaced. “Sorry. That wasn’t very professional of me.”
He gave her an understanding half smile. “I’d say you’re entitled to some angst where our Sorcerer is concerned. I want you to know I’m just as worried about you as I am about Kalen.”
“Nick, I’m fine,” she tried to reassure him. But he wasn’t buying.
“Mac, I know why you left Dallas. And even though Kalen isn’t a patient of yours, the possible repercussions to you are just as devastating. He’s more troubled and volatile than anyone you’ve ever dealt with, even the man who attacked you years ago.”
Why did the man always have to be so reasonable? “True. But I honestly don’t believe Kalen will hurt me.” She had to believe that.
“I hope you’re right.” He leaned forward, his expression earnest. “We know Kalen is standing on the edge of a cliff, and it’s not going to take much more to send him over. He needs all of us to be there, showing our support, ready to yank him back, if he’s going to survive.”
“I can’t disagree with that.” She paused. “Did you hear what happened at breakfast?”
“About Ryon getting knocked out of his seat by one of his ghosts? I heard. And?” He waited for her to explain.
“It wasn’t one of Ryon’s spirits,” she said. “Kalen created the thing as an illusion and scared the hell out of him for kicks.”
“Damn, I was afraid of something like this happening.” He gazed at her, troubled. “But I didn’t pick up on it and neither did anyone else, as far as I know. How did you figure out what he’d done?”
“I felt his emotions. I read his intent through them.”
His brows drew together. “And just how did you manage that when no one else could?”
“Because last night he claimed me as his Bondmate,” she said with difficulty. Her face grew hot. “Without my permission.”
“He did what? Jesus fucking Christ!” His laugh was completely devoid of humor as he shook his head. “I ought to shoot him now and put him out of everyone’s misery.”
She winced. “That might be a bit harsh. There were two of us getting hot and heavy, after all.” At hearing her own words, she finally began to think that she might have been a little too hard on her lover. He had tried to explain, and she hadn’t been willing to listen.
“I’m sorry, but in my old clan of born shifters, the penalty for claiming a Bondmate without consent is either banishment or death.”
Never before had she heard him refer to his old life. She wondered where this clan was located and where they might be now. Whether anyone there missed him. But as curious as she might be, that was a line she didn’t feel comfortable crossing with her boss, and they had a more immediate issue to discuss.
She brought the topic back to the purpose of his visit. “Well, you’re not really going to shoot him or you wouldn’t be here discussing our well-being with me. What do you think I should do?”
“He needs to talk with someone about his struggles, past and present,” Nick said. “I know things aren’t easy between the two of you right now, but he needs you.”
“You think I should give him another chance.”
“I think you should do what you know in your heart is right. I think his success in defeating Malik depends on his happiness with you.”
“No pressure, huh?” Dammit! It was becoming very apparent he wasn’t going to give up until she saw his point. Slumping in defeat, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll try, but that’s all I can promise.”
“Noted.” Visibly pleased, Nick stood. “Are you sure you’re all right after that dizzy spell? Do you need me to call Melina in to take a look at you?”
“No, thanks. I’m all right now.”
“Hmm.” Which meant he’d probably do it anyway. “Well, take it easy and I’ll see you later.”
Giving Nick a halfhearted smile, she watched him walk out. And wasn’t surprised when Melina hurried in less than a minute later.
“What the hell does he mean, you weren’t going to tell me you’ve been dizzy?” she bitched.
Back to the exam room. And just think—only eight more months to go, give or take.
Yippee.
* * *
You won’t be alone. We’ll be there with you every step of the way.
But they couldn’t follow through, no matter their good intentions, Kalen thought. The darkness inside him was taking root like a plant that had been dying of thirst for too long. He curled on his side and stared out the bedroom window at the deceptively bright day. At the lush forest beyond, beckoning his panther to go for a run. But even that small happiness had been taken away, unless he wanted to risk being drawn to Malik’s lair again.
Idly, he gazed at his hand resting on the bed. Focusing on his panther, he allowed a tiny bit of a shift and one of his sharp claws grew from his index finger. A deadly weapon fit to skewer an enemy. Especially when he was one of them.
The claw would make a perfect razor blade.
Heart pounding, he placed the tip of the claw against the inside of his left wrist. Could he do it? Make a couple of deep gashes and simply wait until the pain was ended for good?
Nick’s friendship, the Pack’s support, even Mackenzie’s love, were conditional. They would accept him as long as he didn’t fuck up—which he did, frequently. He had nothing. No real home, a mate who didn’t want him, and only an evil bastard who did. He would end up hurting everyone he’d never wanted to care about.
I will terminate you, Nick had said.
Why wait?
Then the memories of making love to Mackenzie stole into his thoughts unbidden. Of holding her close,
skin to skin, just listening to her breathe. The bittersweet images gradually eased the turmoil in his mind. Calmed the desperation. Despite the heartbreak of the path he’d traveled to get to this point, he wasn’t ready to give up.
Not yet. When and if he went down, his death had to have meaning. Purpose. Until then, he’d hang on. Another hour. One more day. The claw retracted and he started to relax.
Come to me, boy. I have a task for you.
He started at the damned Unseelie’s voice in his head, though he’d been half-expecting the asshole to intrude in the wake of his last thoughts.
“I can’t do that,” he snapped to mask his fear. “It’s the middle of the fucking day. Everyone will want to know where I’m going.”
Don’t play me for a fool. You’re a Sorcerer. Simply cloak your passing and nobody will know.
Not necessarily true. He could think of one who might, but he carefully guarded that name.
“It’s an unnecessary risk.”
And a test. Don’t try my patience. Just get your ass here.
Kalen’s brow rose. A crack in the Unseelie’s normally cool, persuasive facade? Interesting. Whatever Malik was up to, it was a matter of some urgency, and his curiosity got the better of him. “I’ll be there. Are you at the cabin?”
No. Follow our bond, and you’ll find me.
“Or I could just follow the stench.”
Agony knifed through his head as swift punishment, there and gone so fast he barely had time to draw breath. The connection between them vanished, but his orders were clear. God, how he wished he could tear out the bastard’s throat. One day soon, he promised himself.
But he was the only one who could get close enough to learn Malik’s immediate plans for his so-called super-shifters. To help the Pack stop him. If only he could hold on.
Considering his options, walking through the busy compound, even cloaked, didn’t sound like a great idea. Nick or one of the others might still pick up on his life force moving in their vicinity. Using his magic to translocate was one way to go, but was a method he seldom used. It required a lot of concentration and zapped his energy much too fast. But right now, it was the best way.
