The Adventures of HAL: The Second Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 2)

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The Adventures of HAL: The Second Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 2) Page 8

by Haines, Derek


  ‘We’rea here!’ Cappi happily announced as he slammed his foot on the brakes and came to a fashionably screeching halt.

  ‘Thank you Cappi. You’re quite a driver I must say,’ Hal said as he reached for his wallet to pay.

  ‘Oh I likea to drivea Mr Hala. Oh, no needa. Allreadya paida bya youra frienda.’

  ‘Which friend Cappi?’

  ‘Oh, I donta aska questions Mr Hala,’ Cappi smiled.

  ‘Well, take this as a bonus for your exceptional driving,’ Hal said as he handed Cappi twenty Euros.

  ‘Oh, you’rea very kinda man Mr Hala.’

  *****

  After checking in, Hal made himself comfortable, turned on the television and wondered what the next step was going to be. He had no clue as to what he was to do next. The only logical thing to do was wait and see. After a half an hour of Italian television, and not understanding a word, Hal decided that a café would be a better way to pass the late afternoon, until it was time for an evening meal. As he strolled, he happened by a newspaper stand and saw a couple of English newspapers, which he bought to pass his time.

  The air was crisp, the coffee excellent, and the newspapers hardly enthralling, but the afternoon passed uneventfully, and gave Hal plenty of time to wonder what the hell he was doing in Rome. Brisbane seemed so far away, as did any hope of having a Brissie backyard barbie. Cappi had of course touched a raw nerve by innocently mentioning his niece in Australia, and it brought immediate thoughts of Narelle streaming back. Hal was still learning how to handle his loss, and even though it was still painful, he knew he had to be patient and allow time for his heart and mind to heal. He just breathed deeply and moved on slowly.

  As it was getting decidedly cold, Hal settled for dinner in his hotel, and with no messages for him, had an early night. There was little to do other than wait for whatever it was that Sir Bradley Sidebottom had in store for him. Grin and bear it, and hopefully get back to Brisbane with a helpful inheritance. He did wonder however, if he would have to meet his mother and sister before leaving Europe. It was something he was hoping might be avoided.

  Hal woke refreshed the next morning and took his breakfast in the hotel, then coffee in the hotel foyer to read the morning’s newspapers. The day was overcast and threatening, so Hal hoped something would happen soon, as he didn’t fancy spending the whole day in his hotel room, and even more uninviting was the thought of being a wandering tourist in the cold, wind and rain. He was in luck as he heard a familiar sound of screeching brakes in front of the hotel. Looking out through the foyer window, there was no mistaking the arrival of Cappi the suicidal taxi driver. Hal folded his newspaper as Cappi entered the foyer and noticed Hal on his left.

  ‘Ah Mr Hala, buongiorno. I havea toa takea youa now.’

  ‘Ok Cappi. Take me away!’

  ‘Oh, Mr Hala, youra soa funny.’

  ‘Where are we going?’ Hal asked as he walked to Cappi’s car.

  ‘Nota far. The Vaticano.’

  ‘The Vatican?’

  ‘Yesa. It’sa nota far,’ Cappi replied not at all understanding Hal’s surprise.

  ‘Will I meet the Pope?’

  ‘Ah Mr Hala, youa really are a funny mana!’

  As Cappi navigated the small roads and then the lanes inside the Vatican, Hal wondered if a tour or something had been arranged for him. Something to fill in his time while he waited for Sir Bradley’s plan to eventuate.

  ‘Oka Mr Hala. Here we area.’

  ‘Are we Cappi?’

  ‘Yesa. Just knocka on that door,’ he said as he pointed to a very nondescript door that looked like a door to a storeroom. The lane was quiet, with very few other doors to be seen. It looked as if it was a back lane to whatever buildings were proudly facing the other way.

  ‘The tradesmen’s entrance,’ Hal thought to himself.

  ‘A presto Mr Hala,’ Cappi said as Hal got out from the car.

  ‘Yes Cappi, I hope so.’

  Cappi sped off in his usual driving style, and Hal knocked on the door. After a few seconds it opened.

  ‘Good morning Hal, I’m Sandro Gregorian. Nice to meet you,’ he said as he shook Hal’s hand and invited him in.

  ‘Um, pleased to meet you too,’ Hal said after tripping on the doorstep and then somewhat taken aback by being met by a youngish man, probably in his early thirties, dressed in jeans, t-shirt and joggers. Hal’s thought that the door looked like an entrance to a storeroom was also proved to be accurate as he was indeed standing in a cold, damp and dull room that seemed to have all the attributes required of a place to store and forget things.

  ‘Well, shall we go? Sir Bradley has briefed me, so we can get started straight away. Sorry about the grand entrance Hal, but we prefer to keep things rather low key.’

  ‘Yes, well alright,’ Hal replied not knowing what there was to be low key about.

  ‘This way then,’ Sandro invited Hal to follow him into a long corridor. ‘Very sorry to hear about your father. He was a fine man indeed.’

  ‘You knew my father?’ Hal said just before he bumped his head on the entrance to the corridor.

  ‘Yes, quite well. It must have come as a shock to you.’

  ‘Yes and no. We weren’t all that close really. I’ve been living in Australia for quite a few years.’

  ‘Yes I was told about that. Ah, just through this door.’

  Hal followed, crouching his head this time, as he was led through a maze of doors and corridors, until finally Sandro stopped at a very old wooden door. ‘Now we go down,’ he smiled.

  The unlit stone stairway had a ghostly appearance as the walls and steps were illuminated only by the lanterns each was carrying. Deeper and deeper they descended as each landing presented another set of stairs leading further downward.

  ‘This wasn’t exactly the tour I expected,’ Hal said with an attempt at humour.

  ‘No, not at all I’m sure,’ Sandro replied. ‘We’re nearly there.’

  Hal didn’t reply.

  After a few minutes the stairway finally ended at a single door. A huge, ancient looking iron bolt lock securing the entrance. Sandro slid the bolt and opened the door.

  ‘Where are we?’

  ‘This is the anteroom to a museum dedicated to the astronomer Christopher Clavius. It’s called the Cavern of Clavius. However our destination is over this way,’ Sandro said as he pointed to a wall of bookcases.

  ‘Books?’ Hal asked.

  ‘Not really,’ Sandro replied as he lifted a small panel that was hidden discreetly in the frame of one bookcase. When he lifted it, it revealed a small lever, which he pushed upwards and then closed the secret panel. He then moved to another bookcase and repeated exactly the same procedure. And then a third. As he pushed the third lever, the middle bookcase started to move away from the wall, revealing a steel doorway. It looked like the door to a safe, as there was no lock and key. There were two combination dials instead. Sandro turned them with great care, then opened the door.

  ‘Please come in Hal. Welcome to the Camera Stellata.’

  *****

  Hal was immediately struck by the ornate nature of the room. Tudor leaded light windows painted on the left hand wall, giving a sense of light streaming into what was in all respects an underground bunker. At the end of the room, an immense fireplace behind two long arced tables extending almost the full length of the room. A chair resembling a small throne at the head, with chairs running down either side. Just in front of him, a single small table and one chair, detached from the main tables. Above an ornate ceiling. Sky blue, with a white and gold gilded pattern that contained hundreds of gold stars. To the right, and oak panelled wall, with again, one painted window, giving an appearance of space and light.

  ‘Have you heard of the Star Chamber?’ Sandro asked Hal whose head was still craned looking at the incredibly ornate ceiling.

  ‘As in the Tudor court that was in Westminster Hall?’

  ‘Yes. So you know about it?’


  ‘Not really. Only what I learned at school. It was some kind of rogue court wasn’t it?’

  ‘Well, some have called it that. But this is the Star Chamber, or Camera Stellata as it is now officially called. It moved from Westminster to Rome in the late seventeenth century.’

  ‘Officially? So it still exists?’

  ‘Oh yes Hal. You’re standing in it.’

  ‘But it was abolished, and I know there’ve been movies and books about it, but it’s all fiction.’

  ‘Oh yes Hal, there’s been many fictional ideas about the Start Chamber, but I assure you this is no movie set. Take a look around. Go on,’ Sandro encouraged.

  Hal took his cue and walked along the right hand side of the room, tripping only once on the protruding leg of one rogue chair that was impolitely a little distant from its place at the table. Each place at the long table clearly marked with name plates. He walked along towards the head of the table. The place just to the right of the small throne caught his attention. Sir Bradley Sidebottom’s name, etched in gold on a wooden plaque. At the head of the table, William Minor-Morris, Archduke of Chester similarly etched. As he turned and started down the left hand side, again more names until he stood as if instantly frozen at the second from last place. The name plate read in etched gold, Baron Halbert Hoop.

  Hal looked up at Sandro, but his mouth failed to work. It was some moments before he could make a sensible utterance.

  ‘I’m sure you’re going to tell my why my name is here.’

  ‘Yes Hal. Look, sit down. I think I need to give you a little history lesson about your family and the history of the Camera Stellata.

  Sandro started by explaining the events of 1641, Lord Ashtoke, the Archbishop of Canterbury and Pope Urban and how the Camera Stellata began influencing world governance. Of course, Hal was not informed about Gloth, as it would be many, many years, if ever, before he would be eligible to know about that. At first Hal was convinced it was a prank of some description, or at least some kind of theatrics that he needed to endure to become a member of some secret club like the Masons. All part of his inheritance procedure. It was only when Sandro started to explain some recent decisions that the Camera Stellata had taken, that Hal really started to wonder what the hell was going on.

  ‘Do you really expect me to believe that 9/11 was all orchestrated from here?’

  ‘It really doesn’t matter if you believe it or not Hal. Now that you have the duty to sit on the Camera Stellata, you’ll have your own opportunity to decide on actions such as these in the future.’

  ‘What? Terrorist attacks?’

  ‘Oh no Hal. The Camera Stellata simply acts like the board of directors of a large company. Except the company is the world. Planet Earth. All the major decisions affecting world politics, justice and the economy are made here.’

  ‘War?’

  ‘Yes of course. When it’s deemed the appropriate course of action.’

  ‘I can’t believe this.’

  ‘Yes, it always comes as a shock to new members. But in time you’ll understand.

  ‘You said it’s my duty? You make it sound as if I have no choice in the matter.’

  ‘Correct Hal. You don’t.’

  ‘And if I say no, I lose my inheritance right?’

  ‘Wrong Hal. Your inheritance is of no interest to me as it’s simply a matter for you and your family. Refusing to accept your duty to become a loyal and sworn member of the Camera Stellata as has been passed down for generations in your family is not optional. Failure to uphold the obligations you now have and the secrecy required are completely non-negotiable.’

  ‘Have people refused in the past?’

  ‘Yes. On very rare occasions.’

  ‘And the result?’

  ‘The Camera Stellata makes those decisions Hal. Not me.’

  ‘You are telling me I either accept, or ….’

  ‘Oh I don’t think we need go into details.’

  ‘Sandro, are you a member?’

  ‘No Hal, I’m not.’

  ‘So what’s your connection?’

  ‘I’ve arranged for morning tea in the anteroom Hal. I’ll tell you over our tea about my family. Rather a long story about popes, calendars and control.’

  ‘So I should gather that the Camera Stellata and the Pope have a long established connection?’

  ‘Let’s have tea, shall we?’

  Sentenced

  Hal sat quietly in the anteroom of the Cavern of Christopher Clavius while Sandro went about his meticulous preparations for morning tea. As Sandro carefully trimmed the crusts from the sandwiches and cut them into very precise equilateral triangles, Hal felt a wave of fear enveloping him as it suddenly dawned on him that very real decisions had been made about his life without him knowing. Even in being disowned by his father, it was becoming clear that his father had always known what Hal’s fate beheld.

  ‘Why didn’t my father tell me about this?’

  ‘No member is allowed to discuss an iota about the Camera Stellata outside of the Star Chamber. Not even with their heirs. And not even in here, in the anteroom.’

  ‘So I can’t ask you about it?’

  ‘Let’s just say that we can talk in generalities.’

  Hal sat silently while Sandro continued to fuss. ‘Is Earl Grey fine with you?’

  ‘Yes fine, what ever you’re having,’ Hal replied as he took an uncontrolled deep breath that it seemed his body needed. He looked at Sandro, then at the door of the anteroom. He had the feeling there was someone on the other side. Someone to make sure he stayed on this side of the door.

  Sandro placed the tea tray on the table between two old leather sofas and sat opposite Hal. ‘Can I pour?’

  ‘Yes, sure,’ Hal replied, lost in thought.

  ‘It’s always a bit of a shock Hal. Don’t worry. You’re not the first one who’s been through this, and certainly won’t be the last. It just takes a little while for it all to sink in and adjust to some new realities.’

  ‘So what happens now?’ Hal asked, not wanting to pursue the ‘if I don’t accept’ part of the conversation for the moment. It didn’t seem Sandro wanted to answer that with anything other than vagaries.

  ‘You’ll be our guest here for a little while Hal. You have a lot to learn in a short time, and need to understand what your responsibilities are. This is not something that can be done overnight.’

  ‘And a little while is?’

  ‘A full meeting is being arranged to coincide with your appointment.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘When your initiation is complete, so about three to four weeks normally.’

  ‘So I’m to be a prisoner for a month or more?’

  ‘Oh no Hal. Don’t look at it that way at all. You need to understand how fortunate you are. With a positive approach to the coming weeks, I just know you’ll grasp the honour and importance of this. Your family’s genes run in your blood, so I’m sure you’ll accept the honour.’

  ‘And you Sandro? What have you accepted?’

  ‘Ah yes Hal. My family is even more complex than yours I feel. My family and my roots go back to Pope Gregory the Thirteenth and it was through his foresight and that of his successors that you and I are here today.’

  ‘Popes have children?’

  ‘Oh yes Hal. In days gone by this was not unusual. Gregory had a mistress named Octavia and with her a son named Librerato. My family is from this line and has been entrusted over the centuries to assist in the financial and administrative management of matters of the Pope and the Camera Stellata. That’s why I’m here with you today. Part of my job so to say.’

  ‘You make it sound like you’re a business consultant.’

  ‘Probably not a bad analogy Hal.’

  ‘I have to tell you Sandro, that I really feel way out of me depth in all this. I just can’t believe it’s possible. Popes, secret meetings a half a mile below the Vatican and being told I’m to be locked up for a month. You know, all I reall
y want out of life is to have a little house in Brisbane with a backyard barbecue. I’m a nobody Sandro, I really can’t see how I belong here. I only came because…’

  ‘Oh don’t worry Hal. Settle down. You can still have your house in Brisbane with or without a barbecue. Your life isn’t going to change all that much you know. I can assure you that just like your father, you’ll live a perfectly normal existence after you’ve accepted who and what you are.’

  ‘And if I don’t?’

  ‘As I told you before Hal, that’s not for me to decide.’

  ‘The Camera Stellata?’

  ‘Yes Hal.’

  ‘And if I just walked out that door right now, and started climbing the stairs?’

  ‘You can try. I won’t stop you,’ Sandro said very seriously and looked down at his teacup.

  Hal stood, waited, then walked slowly towards the door of the anteroom and stood still, facing the door. He reached down for the lock and turned it carefully, then opened the door very slowly. As he did, two Swiss Guards turned to face the door. With the door half open he could clearly see the automatic weapons of the two guards aimed at him.

  ‘I’ll close the door,’ Hal said quietly and then carefully closed the door.

  ‘I think that would be wise,’ Sandro said, still sitting on the sofa with his back to Hal. Turning slowly, and a little dejectedly, Hal went back to his sofa and cup of tea.

  ‘I have no choice it seems.’

  ‘Oh Hal, you’ll have many choices. You just have to make sure they’re the right ones.’

  Hal decided to sip his tea. The two men sitting in silence as Hal came to grips with his new reality. He had been taken prisoner.

  After some minutes, Sandro broke the silence. ‘Ready to get to work Hal?’

  Solitary Confinement

  Hal surveyed his new living quarters. Only a short climb up four landings from the Star Chamber, his hopefully temporary abode was comfortable. With a bedroom, small living room, kitchenette and bathroom it had all the hallmarks of satisfactory accommodation; for a prison cell that is. No windows with a view, spa or swimming pool and a sad lack of a mini-bar. He tried to console himself that it was far more comfortable than the Strand, his hotel in London, and that the bed was in much better condition and seemed to be relatively new and sparingly used. The walls of the small living room for one were lined with books, and he gathered that some study was being hinted at. With his Latin being next to non-existent, his choice of reading was going to be limited however. Luckily there was a television.

 

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