by Fox, Natalie
‘Not for what you think, though,’ he stormed at her, and pulled his sleeve from her grasp. ‘You were cold and shivering—’
‘And you were warming me, naked!’ she argued.
‘You kept moaning that your skin was sore and my clothes were rough on you.’
She remembered and hung her head again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she uttered weakly, the fight slipping from her.
‘So am I,’ he growled, and left her to go and sit in the chair by the fire, leaning down to forcefully shove a log on top of the coals. The sudden flames lit his grave face and Jade’s heart squeezed helplessly.
‘Isn’t there any electricity?’ she asked forlornly. She leaned back against the pillows so that she could watch him, Mel, here with her, angry and yet looking after her, holding her and kissing her and then not allowing it to go further. He was strong, so much stronger than she was, and she resented that. He seemed to have his life completely in control whereas hers was a mess.
‘There’s a power cut. Three inches of snow and the world goes mad.’ His tone was contemptuous.
‘You’re mad with the world and with me.’ She sighed, and her voice was weak with torn emotions and fatigue as she said, ‘You never used to be so angry, Mel.’
He smiled without humour, leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. His face was side-on to her and she could see his eyes were shut, and that even if he opened them she wouldn’t be able to read his expression. It helped for what she wanted to ask him.
‘Have you been angry all these four years?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Do you talk to Nadia the way you talk to me—angry and embittered?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Do you love her more than you loved me?’ she asked bravely, wondering where this sudden burst of courage was coming from.
His shoulders stiffened.
She was getting to him. And hurting herself in the process. She didn’t really want to know, did she? But she wasn’t well and this flu bug was making her do and say things she wouldn’t normally.
‘My birthday was the worst night of my life, Mel,’ she whispered, closing her eyes. ‘I didn’t know my father was going to do what he did. He’s always tried to run people’s lives. It’s why my mother left. I’ve known Nicholas all my life, since we were children. We were always together, never lovers, always friends. When I met you I knew what love was. I should have told you about Nicholas but—’
The click of the bedroom door snapped open Jade’s eyes. She looked across the room to the fire. It burned brightly but Mel wasn’t in the chair beside it. She was alone in the darkened room, along with her incoherent mutterings. A sob of despair caught in her throat and she slid down the bed and closed her eyes tightly to blot it all out.
The room was bright when she awoke. The fire was out but the room was warm. A repetitive click from the radiator in the background was an indication that life was thrumming through the central heating system. Shakily Jade got out of bed and padded to the window, the life seeping gently back into her own bones. Fine rain was falling and there was a constant drip from the roof tiles. The pines in the forest at the end of the garden were already shedding their mantle of snow in the thaw.
The door opened behind her and she turned to see Mel coming into the room with a tray. He was freshly showered, his dark hair damp and slicked, but the growth of beard shocked her.
‘You shouldn’t be out of bed,’ he said, putting the tray down on the bed. ‘You must eat today. Get your strength back. I found eggs in the fridge from your last visit—I checked the box and luckily they’re not past their sell-by date—and bread in the freezer. Thankfully the electricity wasn’t off long enough—’
‘Mel,’ Jade interrupted, still studying the jet-black growth of hair on his face. It puzzled her. ‘What day is it?’
‘Monday.’
‘Monday!’ she wailed. Her hand went to her forehead. She couldn’t believe it! ‘I…I came on Friday night and-’
‘You’ve been very ill, Jade.’
So ill that she had lost days out of her life!
Mel buttered bread for her. She sat on the edge of the bed with him, weak and stunned and trying hard to come to her full senses. So much had happened and it was all still a bit blurred, but the one thing that stood out was Mel’s warm kisses and then his terrible withdrawal from her. Had that really happened?
‘Have you eaten?’ she asked in a murmur as he handed her a warm plate of scrambled eggs and bread and butter. He’d done this for her and…and she couldn’t bear it, thinking he might care when he didn’t really.
‘Yes, earlier.’
‘You have a beard.’
‘I didn’t think I’d be staying so long.’
‘Why did you come?’ There had to be a reason, and it was nothing to do with wanting to be here.
He gave her a rueful smile. ‘I told you you couldn’t afford country weekends but you wouldn’t listen. There’s so much to be done, more than you realise. I followed you down and expected to get back the same night or, at the latest, the early hours of the morning.’
Extraordinarily, she was disappointed. Yet she should have guessed what his reason had been. Deep down, she had known. But acceptance was something else. She forked some egg into her mouth; it was good.
‘How did you get in?’ she asked, her head clearing some more, the food helping.
‘The door was open.’
‘It couldn’t have been,’ she protested, but on second thoughts it could have. She hadn’t been well when she’d arrived—headachy and cold and not herself at all. ‘So you came in and found me.’
‘I found the house freezing cold with all the lights on, and when I ventured upstairs you were in bed, moaning. I felt your brow and you were burning with fever. The rest you know.’ He got up and, taking his tea to the window, stood drinking it and gazing out at the thawing countryside.
Jade ate what she could, occasionally glancing at him warily. The rest she didn’t know, not all of it. He had been here the whole weekend looking after her. What had been going through his mind? Eventually she put down the plate and sipped her tea.
‘You needn’t have stayed,’ she said softly. ‘You could have—’
He turned to look at her and the blank expression in his eyes gave her no reason to hope that he had stayed for any reason other than concern for a fellow human being. ‘I couldn’t leave you. You needed me,’ he muttered.
What would he say if she told him she needed him for ever? she wondered. Would he give up Nadia and come back to her?
‘I would have thought Nadia needed you too,’ she ventured. She watched his face for a change of expression.
‘She’s on the road to recovery, and besides, as I told you, her sister is with her. You had no one.’
‘So you felt sorry for me.’ And she was to be pitied, she supposed. She was pathetic.
He smiled then, a genuine one, and came across the room to her. Jade’s heart fluttered nervously. He squatted down, took the cup from her fingers and put it down with his on the rug next to him. He held her fingers lightly in his hands and his voice was soft and low as he spoke.
‘Yes, I felt sorry for you, and at this moment in time I feel very sorry for myself as well. I know what you’re trying to do, Jade; you’re trying to draw me out, find out how I really feel about you. You keep mentioning Nadia but she has no place here. You told me a lot of things while you were delirious—tried to explain what happened that night and—’
Jade moaned and dropped her head in embarrassment. ‘Please—’
‘Please what? Don’t embarrass you? I’m not meaning to, Jade. I just don’t want you getting too many wrong ideas.’
Her heart contracted painfully. He maybe cared a little, but that was all. He was trying to tell her that none of this mattered, that the only reason he had stayed to nurse her was that she was some poor wretch who had no one else. But he had called her darling and other things, and led her to b
elieve…
‘Wrong ideas?’ she challenged croakily, tears burning her eyes. ‘I might have been delirious but I wasn’t totally out of my mind, Mel. I felt you. You kissed me—you are always kissing me—exorcising ghosts, you say. You even suggested my total submission just might be the cure-all.’ Her eyes were wide with pain and incomprehension. Her voice lowered to a whisper. ‘You had your chance, Mel, so why didn’t you take it?’
He let go of her fingers, almost thrusting them away from him in disgust. He stood up and went to walk away.
‘And you’re always doing that, Mel,’ she cried, halting him immediately. ‘Walking away when it gets too hot for you and you start to hear something that is close to the truth. What is it—a guilty conscience?’
He spun round and faced her angrily. ‘You are the one who should have the conscience, Jade. Not me. I don’t operate with two lovers—’
‘You very nearly did last night, or whatever night it was!’ she cried heatedly, getting to her feet to challenge him. ‘You nearly—’
‘Yes, nearly!’ he thrust back at her. ‘And it’s thanks to me and not you that we didn’t go all the way!’
Jade gasped at that, a hand going to her mouth in shame.
‘OK, you didn’t really know what you were doing—but then again perhaps you did; perhaps, like me, you nearly lost control,’ he went on. ‘It would have been so damn easy to make love, because we wanted it so badly and couldn’t help it. But then what? All it would have amounted to would have been some momentary sexual relief. Climax and then full stop, going nowhere. Because nothing would have changed. I still wouldn’t be able to trust you.’
‘Trust me!’ Jade echoed in a wail of indignation. ‘You have never had anything to mistrust me over, only what’s in your mind. Nicholas was a part of my life but not the important part that you were. I told you that.’
His eyes narrowed threateningly. ‘Yes, this weekend, half out of your mind with delirium. Four years after the event.’
‘Oh, no, Mel Biaggio. I’m not taking that,’ she cried angrily. ‘I tried to tell you then, when you were storming away from my party. You wouldn’t listen then and you really didn’t hear this time. You wanted to punish me then and you want to punish me now. Bathing me, caring for me, warming me and then the final rejection. You came here and found me ill, saw the opportunity for revenge and snatched at it.’
He stepped towards her and Jade shrank back as he towered over her. He gripped her shoulders, the force of the pressure he was exerting nearly lifting her off the ground.
‘The rejection was for self-preservation, Jade, and if you can’t recognise that then you haven’t learnt much since we parted. Making love to you this once might not have been enough. I might have wanted you again and again, like I did four years ago. I’m not going through that torture again, Jade—never!’
He let her go but didn’t move back from her. His body was stiff with tension, his eyes narrowed with anger. He controlled it all, though, and spoke calmly and rationally at last.
‘Now that I know you are strong enough to argue with me I’ll leave you and get back to London. I’ve already stayed too long. I’d advise you not to come back to work too soon, because when you do you will need your wits about you.’
Jade stared at him in dismay. How could he be so cold and harsh after being so loving and caring all weekend? Work—how could he think of it after all that had happened during her illness? He had kissed her tenderly and passionately and you couldn’t do that if you didn’t care. But there was Nadia. He and his Italian honour wouldn’t allow Jade Ritchie in his heart any more. What had happened this lost weekend had been a weakness on both their parts. He had been morally strong and was being strong now. She had no choice but to match his strength, and she would. No more weakness where he was concerned.
She took a steadying breath. ‘Yes, you’d better get back,’ she said resignedly. ‘Though what excuse you will give to Nadia I can’t imagine.’
‘I’ve already given my excuse,’ he told her. ‘The phones didn’t go down with the weather. We’ve spoken every night.’
Jade swallowed painfully. Yes, of course he would have phoned his dearly beloved, but she didn’t think for a minute he had told her where he was calling from!
‘I’ll…I’ll be in the office tomorrow…’
‘No, Jade,’ he told her firmly. ‘Next week. I’ll look after things for you. You’re not strong enough yet.’
If she wasn’t strong enough why was he leaving her all alone? Because he had to get back to Nadia, that was why. Blindly she turned away and started to gather together her breakfast things. She was strong enough, and as bitter as she was feeling she had to concede that he had done enough already. She might have died here all alone, cold and with frozen pipes and no electricity.
‘Thank you for everything, Mel,’ she murmured.
He took the tray from her. ‘I’ll clear up before I go. There is soup and—’
‘I know there’s soup!’ Jade cried, and then bit her lip. She was showing she didn’t want him to leave, which was crazy because she did want him to go, right out of her life, and never to come back again. She lowered her voice. ‘I don’t feel like eating yet awhile. You’re right—you must get back. I’ve kept you from your life long enough.’
He went out of the room in silence and came back ten minutes later to say goodbye. Jade was back in bed with the duvet pulled up under her trembling chin. He bent and kissed her forehead but it was a condescending kiss, a duty kiss.
‘You’re cool now. Rest and get plenty of fluids and try to eat something later. I’ll call you tonight.’
Jade didn’t say a word. She was too choked up inside to speak. She heard him close the front door after him and his car engine starting and the swish of tyres on the drive. Then an awful silence that stretched into eternity.
CHAPTER FIVE
IT TOOK Jade only a fleeting second to take in the impact of Nadia’s presence in the art department. There had always been a buzz in the offices when the guys were firing on all cylinders. Today there was a mega-buzz as Jade pushed open the swing doors and stepped into the studio. There was a group gathered around Dave Rand’s drawing board and Jade sensed that Nadia would be the nucleus.
Her first day back and she had to face this. It was enough to give her a relapse. Jade shrugged off her coat and draped it over her arm. She hadn’t been to her own office yet; the buzz of creativity had drawn her straight up to the studio.
On her entrance Dave Rand, the more senior of her artists, turned, and the group around his desk parted like the Red Sea to reveal a very beautiful Nadia.
Jade hadn’t doubted she would be beautiful, but in fact she was exquisite: dark, with gamine features framed by a mass of tumbling chestnut hair that almost reached to her waist. She wore skin-tight black trousers and a sloppy black sweater that skimmed the cheeks of her perfect bottom. Her jewellery—droopy earrings, beads and bangles—was ethnic, profuse and noisy, her perfume Eastern and exotic.
She was arty and charismatic and radiated flair and style, and Jade felt wave after wave of unaccustomed jealousy wash over her. To add insult to injury Jade noted that she was as petite as herself. They said men were attracted to the same sort of woman. Mel obviously went for tiny women he could try to dominate.
‘Jade…’ Dave was the first to speak, frowning with concern. ‘Good to see you back, but rushing it a bit, aren’t you? Mel said you wouldn’t be in till next week.’
‘I’m fine,’ Jade told him. Mel had called last night and she hadn’t told him she intended driving up the next morning. She did feel fine, sort of. It had been unbearable staying on at the house after he had left and she had determined to get back to normal as soon as possible.
‘You might look fine but you can’t be,’ came from behind her, and Jade swung around to face Mel. He didn’t look at all pleased to see her, but then she hadn’t really expected him to be now that Nadia was here with him. Jealousy burst that
ridiculous little bubble of hope that had persisted on and off till now. ‘I told you not to come in till next week.’
The group dispersed, except for Nadia.
‘You don’t tell me what to do in my own company, Mel,’ she told him calmly. ‘And you don’t reprimand me in front of my staff.’ Her eyes were unflinching as she faced him. This was the only way—to harden her heart against more hurt.
Mel’s eyes narrowed. ‘And you don’t reprimand me for reprimanding you in front of your staff either,’ he said tightly, meaning Nadia.
For Nadia’s sake Jade kept her retort tightly buttoned; the girl had shifted uncomfortably at the crossfire between them.
Mel introduced them and as Jade shook Nadia’s hand in greeting she was surprised to feel a tremor in the girl’s grasp. She wondered if her own had given anything away.
‘Pleased to meet you, Jade.’ Nadia smiled hesitantly. ‘I do hope you’re feeling better. It’s a lousy bug and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.’
Heavens, was Jade her worst enemy? Her throat tightened at the thought of how this girl must be feeling, working with Mel’s one-time lover…if she knew. Had Mel told her?
‘I hope you are feeling better too,’ Jade returned politely, not at all sure how to take her or her own feelings at the moment. Here she was, face to face with the woman who was going to marry Mel and unable to determine how she felt. Initially she’d been jealous but the wobbly handshake had confused Jade. It gave the stunning girl a vulnerability she hadn’t expected.
Nadia laughed, a soft, almost nervous tinkle of mirth that no doubt would win the hearts of all the men in the art department, if it hadn’t already. ‘I think with the depth of caring we both received a good recovery was inevitable,’ Nadia said, her eyes bright as she looked up at Mel with obvious adoration and gratitude.
Jade felt herself go cold all over, as if her life’s blood had drained down to her ankles. Nadia knew Mel had nursed her too? When Mel had told her he had made his excuses to Nadia over the phone she hadn’t thought he might have told her the truth—that he was nursing her back to health. With an aching heart she wondered if he had bathed Nadia as well, snuggled up to her to keep her warm…Oh, no, I can’t bear this, she thought in misery. It’s worse than revenge; it’s going to be a slow death by emotional torture.
