Where I Am
Michelle Dare
Published by Michelle Dare
Copyright ©2018 Michelle Dare
First Edition, eBook - Published 2018
Cover Design by Q Design
Photography by Paul Henry Serres
Interior Design by Riane Holt
Editing by Barren Acres Editing
Proofreading by Tiffany Landers
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, resold, or transmitted in any form without written permission from the copyright holder, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. If the location is an actual place, all details of said place are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to businesses, landmarks, living or dead people, and events is purely coincidental.
The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of a copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.
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Michelle Dare
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Website: http://michelledare.com/
Astoria
He was the man of my dreams, or so I thought. I wasn't sure how I'd react when I saw him again. I planned on avoiding him, but our small hometown made that impossible. The years apart melted away when I saw him. Time hadn't changed my feelings, after all. Jealousy flared anew. My heart, which I thought had healed, was back to being in a million pieces.
Now I'm right where I don't want to be—in front of him with tears in my eyes.
Parker
Everything isn't always as it seems. One moment could cause a ripple effect with unexpected consequences that last for years. Not a day had gone by that I didn't think of her. When our paths crossed again, I knew I had to tell her the truth. Arguing was inevitable, but I'd rather fight for her than face another day without her. My heart always belonged to her.
Where I am is standing in front of her—asking for another chance.
Table of Contents
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
A Note from the Author
Preview: Where I End by Michelle Dare
Other Books by Michelle Dare
About the Author
Prologue
Four Years Ago
Astoria
Ten days. Almost two weeks. Everything in my bedroom is packed and ready for when I leave. There isn’t anything left for me to do. Now, nothing can drag me away from Parker. I have ten wonderful days to spend with him.
If someone would have told me I'd fall hard and fast for a guy I only met three months ago, I'd say they'd lost their mind. Yet, here I am, on my way to my boyfriend's apartment to spend time with him before I leave for college. A man I love utterly and completely. I’m going to soak up all the love and attention he’s willing to give me while I try and keep the tears, which are certain to form, at bay. I’ve spent so much of my time with him that to think of being away, and not being able to have his arms around me, almost brings me to my knees with misery.
Before I met Parker, I’d only read about love at first sight. It was something in books or movies. It didn’t exist in real life. Or so I thought. Parker is tall, has these amazing green eyes, and thick, blond hair. I love running my fingers through it when we watch a movie. He lays his head on my lap and I comb my fingers through his soft, short locks. He'll let out a long breath of contentment at my touch. It warms me to know I have that effect on him.
When I was in my car, ready to leave my house, I texted him to say I was on my way. The apartment he's renting is only ten minutes from my parents’ house, which, coincidentally, is on the same street as his parents’ home. Arrow Falls is a small town.
Pulling into a spot outside his apartment, I park next to a newer-looking, white Jeep Grand Cherokee. I've never seen this particular SUV before, and it's parked crooked in the spot next to Parker's car. Like they flew in here in a hurry. I hope everything is okay with whoever it is.
Grabbing my purse, I shut off my car and lock it before briskly taking the stairs to the second floor. There’s a nervous anticipation inside me. It happens every time I see Parker. I like to refer to it as butterflies, which flutter when he’s near.
When I met Parker, I had butterflies at first sight.
I was driving with my friend, Mackenzie, and we were approaching a local park that had a basketball court. I could see those chiseled abs of his from the street. My mouth dropped open as my eyes took in every square inch of him. The next thing I knew, Kenzie was yelling for me to keep my car straight. When I snapped to, I realized I was drifting dangerously close to a car parked along the side of the road. And by close, I mean I came within inches of scraping up a black Jaguar. I slammed on the brakes, bringing my car to a screeching halt. My hands were shaking as I gripped the steering wheel to try and calm myself. I’d never had an accident, not even a minor one. My parents would have killed me if I hit someone else’s car because I wasn't paying attention.
As I was trying to calm my racing heart, someone knocked on the window. I jumped, turned, and came face-to-face with Mr. Handsome himself. Parker's mouth was drawn into a thin line, his eyes were narrowed, and his sweaty hair lay spread out on his forehead. I couldn't do anything but stare. Not open my mouth, speak a single word, hell, I don’t think I blinked. I sat there frozen. Kenzie had to reach across me to push the button to roll down the tinted window for me.
Once he saw me, his features softened slightly. "You almost hit my car," he said very matter-of-fact, but there was a hint of something else in his tone. Something that matched the slight quirk of his lips.
I was still mute, so Kenzie spoke up, never missing a beat. "She was distracted by a hot body on the court." I turned to glare at her, a blush quickly spreading across my cheeks. She flipped her platinum locks over her shoulder and winked at me.
"Hot body, huh?" he said with mirth in his voice.
Turning back to him, I nodded. It was all I could do. He smiled then rested his muscular forearm on my door. Even sweaty, he smelled good; like summer and crisp mountain air mixed with rugged hot guy.
"I'm Parker," he introduced with an outstretched hand.
I couldn't do anything but stare at it. Then Kenzie shook his hand. I slapped her arm away then covered my mouth. What the hell was I doing? I'd never smacked her, even in teasing.
"I'm sorry," I said quickly.
"No, you're not." She winked again. Good God, this girl. She was trying to get me in trouble. The kind of trouble where I end up kissing the hot guy hanging on my car do
or.
Parker's hand was still inside my car, hanging casually, waiting for me to accept it. Finally getting my shit together, I took it in mine.
"And you are?" he asked.
"Astoria," I said breathily. It was not like me to react like this to a guy. I was usually indifferent. I've had them vying for my attention since I started high school. None of them caught my eye like Parker did.
I didn't think much of my looks. Long, auburn hair, blue eyes, and a thin frame. I wasn't as curvy as the other girls my age. My hips were narrow and my breasts on the smaller side. I still thought all the guys wanted to be with me because of my last name. I came from a wealthy family.
"Astoria." Parker rolled my name off his tongue, and it was sexy as hell. It had me melting in my seat. "I'm glad you didn't hit my car, Tora." I'd never heard that nickname before.
"Tori," I corrected him. All my friends called me Tori.
"Nah, I like Tora. Fits you better."
That one encounter kicked off a relationship like I never could have imagined. Sure, I'd dated in high school, but nothing serious. Now, we’re inseparable. Where one of us is, the other almost certainly is as well. I didn't get a summer job since my parents wanted me to have time off before college. Parker is in college as well, but his is less than an hour away from our small Pennsylvania town. Where I am going is three hours northeast. I won’t be able to see him often, once I leave. I only plan on coming home for breaks and holidays. It is too far to travel for the weekend only. But Parker and I are committed to making it work long-distance.
My stomach flutters as I reach his door. I turn the knob and step inside. The cool air hits me. It feels good against my skin. This summer has been hotter than normal. I'm not one to look forward to winter, but this year I'll welcome the frostiness.
I toss my purse and keys on the counter then glance around the living room, not finding him. Taking a few steps toward the bedroom, I hear the shower running. Parker's voice floats to me.
"Let me help you," he says. What the hell? Help who?
I peer around the corner and notice the bathroom door is open a sliver. I gently push it, so I can look inside, then gasp at the sight. Parker is in nothing but a pair of boxers and in front of him is a woman. A naked woman with her bare back to me. She turns to face me, and I stumble backward, recognizing her instantly. My ass hits the doorframe, my eyes well with tears as my hand reaches for the counter, knocking something to the floor with a loud thud. This can’t be happening. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from what I’ve just seen.
Parker notices me and his eyes widen. "Tora, it's not what you think," he rushes to say.
I shake my head, unable to speak. He's getting into the shower. With his brother's girlfriend. How can he do this? How can he throw away all that we have? Was he lying to me all this time? Cheating on me? I never thought he’d do this to me. I have friends who’ve been cheated on, and I always told them how Parker is different. He’s not the kind of guy who does that. I was wrong.
I spin and rush from the room, grabbing my things as I go. With hot tears flowing down my cheeks, I run from the apartment, and down the stairs, as fast as my legs will carry me. The last thing I hear is my name being called by Parker, as I slam the door to my car to race out of the parking lot and his life.
One
Present Day
Parker
"I can't believe you watch this shit."
"For your information, this is quality television," Eve states as she crosses her arms.
"Quality?" I ask. "Your definition of quality is completely different than mine."
"You can't deny this is entertaining. Look, someone else just threw a punch. Get ‘em girl!" Her light brown hair sways in the ponytail it’s pulled into, as she punches her fists in front of her in a mock fight.
I stand and make my way to the kitchen. "It's boring, Eve. Plain and simple."
"Do you always need to fight with my wife?" Cy asks. He's my best friend. Him and his wife, Eve, have been living with me for a while now, since they are between places. As much as we bicker over what's on television, I fucking love having these two in my house. They might not be my blood, but they are part of my family.
"It keeps things interesting," I reply over my shoulder, then start pulling items from the refrigerator to make a sandwich and place them on the counter.
Cy drapes his arm behind Eve where they sit on the dark leather couch. "Ignore him, baby. He wouldn't know quality if it smacked him in the face."
"Oh, I know it when I see it," I reply.
Eve turns so she can see me. "Those women you sleep with every night aren't quality, Parker."
I lift the butter knife I’m using to spread mayonnaise on the bread and point it at her. "Don't talk about my women."
She laughs. "Random hook-ups are not your women. They're like stray cats. You might have fed them for one night, but once they see the bowl is empty, they are on to the next house begging for another meal."
"They are not strays. They are good women, who just don't deserve an encore."
"You're such a pig."
"You love me."
She rolls her eyes and faces the television again. "I do, and you're lucky I keep your ass in check.”
I bark out a laugh. "What's that? You check out my ass?"
Cy shoots me a death glare. Even after all this time, he still gets jealous if I mention anything whatsoever sexual about Eve. Cy and I have been friends since grade school. I love riling him up. It's so much fun.
Eve pats his arm. "Don't you worry, it's only your ass I look at."
"Damn straight," Cy mumbles, then possessively pulls her close so she's pressed right up to his side.
I finish making the sandwich and lean back against the kitchen counter to eat. I'd do anything for these two. I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen when they move out. It will be very quiet in my home again, that’s for sure. Too quiet.
They bought a plot of land and are having a house built. Luckily, it's just up the street from me. I've grown too attached to them in the past year to have them go far. They are the closest friends I have, outside of Blair.
On cue, my phone rings and Blair’s name flashes on the screen. "Hey, what's up?"
"Parker..." she sniffles and releases a soft sob on the other end of the line.
I straighten. "What happened?" It's early in the evening, the sun beginning to set.
"I fell asleep, and..."
"I'm on my way." I hang up and grab my keys, leaving my sandwich to sit on the counter.
"Booty call?" Eve asks as I rush by.
I force a smile. Only a few people know what Blair goes through, just my parents and me. "Something like that," I reply. I don't like lying to them, however, in this case, it's necessary.
I run down the stairs of my raised log cabin to the garage and am out the door, driving down the mountain in no time. Blair lives across town in the wealthy part of Arrow Falls, as the locals refer to it. It's where there are large homes on acres of land spread far apart. It's also where my parents reside. When Blair moved back to town, she decided she wanted to be close to my family and me. She bought a home she fell in love with in that area.
I hit the gas in my Range Rover and am thankful I spent more for the supercharged model. This isn't the first time I've driven to Blair's as I am now. I've done it in the early morning, late at night, middle of the day. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her—absolutely nothing.
When I finally reach her house, I throw my SUV in park and kill the engine. I hit the button programmed into the Rover, opening her garage door. Jumping out, I don’t bother locking it. No one is going to steal it here. Arrow Falls isn't exactly crime-ridden.
Once inside, I disarm the security system on the house and take the stairs two at a time. When she calls me upset, she could only be in one of two rooms. Never anywhere else. I open Blair's bedroom door. She’s not in her bed, but then again, she rarely is when she calls
me crying. I look throughout the bedroom and the bathroom, finally finding her in the back corner of her walk-in closet with her knees up to her chest and tears running down her cheeks. Her bottom lip trembles as her puffy eyes lift to mine.
Dropping to the ground, I wrap her in my arms and hold her tight. "I've got you. I'm here."
"I saw him, Parker."
"It was just a dream. He's still in prison and not coming anywhere near you."
"When will this stop?" she cries. "Ever since they told me he could be released soon, the nightmares have gotten worse."
"You need to keep going to counseling. It will help. I'll go with you, if you want."
"I don't want to leave the house."
"I know, but it's good to get out and you've been doing much better. I'll pick you up and take you wherever you need to go. Don't worry. I'll be here."
Over the years, she's made a lot of progress, but since she found out Brant was getting out of prison soon, her nightmares have returned full force. And every time they do, she calls me, just as I asked her to. They are real to her. With each one, she relives the horrific abuse she endured at his hands.
"Come on. Let's get you back to bed."
She nods as I help her stand. She's lost weight in the past couple of weeks. Blair has always been slender, but she's too thin now. She's not eating. Instead, she's working herself sick to keep her mind off things and not sleeping as much as she should be. Then when she eventually passes out, she's dreaming of him and what he did to her.
I get her into bed and pull the covers up, then turn to go back downstairs.
"Don't go," she pleads.
"I'm not. I left the garage door open. I want to close it and rearm the house."
She pulls the covers up to her chin and curls into the fetal position. I press a kiss on the top of her head before going downstairs.
Blair is one of those people who puts on a brave front and doesn't let anyone see what's going on deep inside. Not even Eve, who works for her. Blair’s pen name is Brenda Simone. She’s always been Blair to me, though. She’s a best-selling romance author. Together, Eve and Blair are a great team. Eve is amazing at keeping her organized and allows her to devote more time to her writing. Blair's been an author since I met her years ago. Her books sell like crazy, and readers line up at her table when she attends signings. I personally don't get it. I mean, Blair is awesome and all, but I don't read, so going to these events and getting a book signed by an author doesn't appeal to me.
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