Start Over: A Novel (Start Again Series #2)

by J. Saman

  “I hear voices,” Duchess Kate calls out in a sing-song voice as she comes from another room on the opposite side the great room from where Ryan entered. “You guys made it. Thank god.”

  “Where are we staying, Duchess?” I ask. “I want to throw our things down.”

  “Upstairs, eighth door on the right?”

  “Come again? Did you say eighth?”

  “I did indeed, my fine brown-haired friend. This ‘house’,” she puts air quotes around the word, “has twelve bedrooms. I gave you one of five master suites.”

  “Holy fuck, dude.” I look over at Ryan. “I know we do well, but come on? It’s one night, right?”

  “A very important night, Luke,” Kate says, enunciating the word like she’s telling me to shut up and support my friend because he needs the encouragement. Fucking Ryan. He’s lucky I love him as much as I do.

  “Okay, well, I’m going to drop off our bags in the eighth room on the right and then do I get a tour of this palace or should I just wander around and figure it out as I go?”

  “I’ll give you the tour.” Ryan smiles big before looking over at the Duchess and winking. She giggles at him, slapping his arm playfully and reaching up on her tip toes to kiss his chin. Kate is unbelievably short compared to him. At least Ivy can kiss me without having to strain herself.

  “I’ll come with you, Luke,” Ivy says through a yawn. “I don’t mean to put a damper on things, but I’m completely knackered and if I don’t get at least a little sleep, I’ll be entirely useless later.”

  “And since I can’t have you useless later, I think a nap is wise.” I take Ivy’s hand and lead her in the direction that Kate points us. “Besides, it may take several hours for Ryan to show me the entire place.”

  Ivy laughs, but I can tell that’s she out on her feet. Once we find our room, which really is unbelievable, I leave her to sleep and I go in search of Ryan. I don’t have to go far, because the man is waiting for me outside my room.

  “Hey, Stalker Joe. What if I had been balls deep inside my girlfriend in there?”

  Ryan laughs, shaking his head. “First of all, I knew that wasn’t going to happen with her in that state. Second of all, she’s not your girlfriend and you should get that shit right in your brain now.”

  Did I really just call Ivy my girlfriend?

  I didn’t even realize I had said that.

  “Shit,” I hiss out. Ryan leads me down one door before he opens it, showing me another bedroom that is a little smaller with slightly different decor than mine. “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

  “Sounds like it.” Ryan pauses in the next bedroom, standing in the center of it staring at me. “What’s your deal with her anyway? She’s leaving, right? And soon.”

  “Thanks for the reminder, dickhead. But yeah, she is. And there is dick all I can do to stop it. So,” I shrug, “I’m screwed and enjoying whatever time I have left with her.”

  “But you’re falling for her.” It’s not a question, and the statement gives me pause.

  Am I falling for her?

  “I’m not,” I say emphatically. “She’s leaving and I’m . . . me.”

  Ryan looks at me unimpressed. “What does that even mean?”

  “You know what it means.”

  He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You could tell her, you know?”

  I shrug. “No point. She’s leaving.”

  “I get that she’s leaving, asshole, but it’s a year and a plane ride, right? You’re . . .” Ryan looks away from me for a beat before meeting my eyes. “Different with her.”

  “Different?” I echo, hating the way that word feels on my tongue.

  “Yes, in a good way. In the best way really.”

  “What is this? Are we going to do each other’s nails and discuss the moments of our lives now? I like her. A lot, obviously. It’s impossible not to, but she’s going and I . . . have my own shit.”

  “And that’s another thing,” he points at me like his mother does when she has a point to make, “You need to stop hiding behind your own shit.”

  “I’m not,” I squeak like a prepubescent boy. “What am I supposed to do, Ryan? There is no point in telling her, and it’s not something I share anyway. You shouldn’t even know about it, except you’re a nosy bastard with insane hacking skills.”

  He takes two deliberate steps toward me, placing his hands on my shoulders in a way that would seem condescending from anyone else.

  “But because I am a nosy bastard with insane hacking skills, I do know. And I still trust you more than almost anyone on the planet. Something I don’t do.” I swallow hard. “You need to ask yourself if she’s worth the fight and the trouble. If she is, then don’t let her get away just because she’s going to be in Boston for a while, and don’t let her get away because you have a past that most people don’t.”

  “And what about my present situation, Ryan? Or are you playing dumb on that one?”

  He just stands there watching me.

  “If you were me and Kate was Ivy, what would you do about that?”

  “I don’t have an answer for that, Luke. I know some of what’s going on, but definitely not all of it, so I can’t really speak to that. But . . .” he sighs, pushing his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. “In all honesty, I don’t know what I’d do.”

  I can’t say anything back to that. I need to digest that, and it’s not something I can do with an audience.

  “Come on.” He claps me hard on the back the way the fucker always does. “Let me show you the rest of the place where I’m going to trick Katie into marrying me and being mine forever.”

  “I don’t think it’s much of a trick if she goes willingly.”

  “Maybe, but my girl is already freaking out. I caught her crying this morning before we drove up. You know what that means.”

  I frown. “Do you want me to talk to her? The Duchess and I have a bond you cannot break, not with a thousand swords.”

  Ryan stops mid-step, turning to face me. “Did you just quote The Princess Bride? What kind of self-respecting man does that?”

  “The fact that you know I just quoted that movie says that you’ve seen it as many times as I have.” I smirk at him as his green eyes narrow at me. “You can’t hate on that movie. Besides,” I chuckle. “Ivy made me watch it the other day. That girl has a real hard on for eighties flicks.”

  Ryan shows me bedroom after bedroom and by this point, I’ve stopped looking and just nod with an appreciative smile. Like I give a shit about what they look like?

  “I can’t decide if I like the pussy-whipped version of you or not,” Ryan says as we get to yet another goddamn bedroom.

  “Said the pot to the kettle. Look at what you’re doing right now,” I wave my hand in the air indicating our surroundings. “You’re showing me bedrooms in the house you’ve rented for your wedding.” I point to my chest. “And I’m pussy-whipped?”

  “I never once said I wasn’t pussy-whipped. Katie has me by the balls and she can keep them.” He smirks at me. “I like what she does with them.”

  “And you’re saying I should be like this too?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Ivy is the best thing to happen to you since I came along, and I’m the master of awesome. Just . . . think about it.”

  I nod my head and walk on to see yet another boring ass bedroom that looks absolutely the same as the one before it.

  Think about it, he says. I’m different with her, he says. Tell her the truth, he says.

  That last one might just be something I cannot do.

  Chapter 12

  Luke

  Ivy ends up sleeping for four hours, and after I wake her up with my face between her thighs—cue wicked smile here—we shower together before joining Ryan and Kate for dinner.

  And I have to admit, the four of us together just works.

  Ryan and Duchess Kate, and even Claire, are my family. The only one I really have, and well,
I sort of feel like I’m living a lie. I mean, I am, but not in the ordinary sense.

  In the sense that Ivy and I are a sham.

  We’re this fake couple with perfect chemistry and symmetry and every other -try there is.

  So maybe Ryan’s right? Maybe I should tell Ivy my dark past and see if she’s willing to try long-distance with me?

  Crazy, right? Maybe . . .

  “So, I told him if he was going to order all that blood and fluids, when the patient had an EF of thirty percent, I wasn’t going to be the one to hang it,” Kate says like any of that was English.

  But Ivy fully gets it, shaking her head with a scowl. “Bloody interns. What on earth was he thinking? He would have put that patient into pulmonary edema.”

  “Right?” Kate slaps the table. “That’s exactly what I said. Dammit, I love it when I’m vindicated.”

  Ivy laughs, but Ryan and I just look at each other, wondering what the hell they’re talking about.

  Kate pours herself more wine before reaching across the table to empty the bottle in Ivy’s glass. This is our second bottle, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that Ryan and I have had a total of two glasses between us. For the mathematically challenged, that means one glass each.

  Translation? Our girls are trashed.

  Adorably so.

  “I think this place is perfect for your wedding,” Ivy says, looking around the kitchen that will not be seen by guests. “It’s so beautiful and peaceful and . . . romantic.”

  “Ha,” Ryan nudges Kate’s shoulder. “Told you, love.”

  “You don’t think it’s too much?” Duchess Kate scrunches her eyes like she’s trying to see Ivy, or maybe not see double.

  Ivy shakes her head slowly. “No, I think it’s a fantasy come true. I think your husband-to-be did an ace job.”

  “I’m sorry you won’t be able to come,” Kate says to Ivy, before looking at me with an indiscernible expression.

  “Me too, but I’m afraid it can’t be helped. I leave the week before your wedding,” Ivy giggles. “How’s that for timing?”

  “Do you think you’ll ever come back?”

  Ivy shrugs a shoulder. “Can’t really say.” I feel Ivy glance in my direction before turning her attention back to Kate. “I never in a million years thought I’d have a reason to, other than family.”

  My heart starts pumping like it’s trying to outrace my mind.

  Is she saying I could be a reason for her to come back?

  “Well, if I ever manage to knock Katie up, we could use a doctor,” Ryan says before Kate smacks him in the chest. Hard. “What? Why’d you hit me?”

  “Because she’s a pediatric emergency doctor, genius. As talented as she is, I’d rather us not need her medical expertise.”

  “Fine, point taken. But hitting me that hard means you’re drunk. It’s time I whisk you away to bed and make you my concubine, since you can’t exactly protest.” Ryan looks to Ivy with a wink. “Don’t worry, Doctor, she likes it.”

  Ivy holds up her hands, smiling. “TMI, Ryan. I think I officially need to go set fire to my ears.”

  “Right,” Duchess snorts loudly. “Like you haven’t heard way worse from that one,” she slurs, pointing to me with a wobbling finger that really could be directed at anyone at this table, even people who aren’t here. “Or maybe not. Luke’s all about the secrets.” Then she claps a hand over her mouth with wide eyes and looks to Ryan with an I-didn’t-just-say-that expression. “I think you need to take me bed. I think multiple spankings are in order, and I think I absolutely deserve them.”

  Kate and Ryan stand and Kate throws me the most apologetic look in the history of apologetic looks. I just smile, waving her away. What the fuck can I do about it anyway? She’s drunk and didn’t say too much.

  I don’t even know if she knows all that much.

  Ryan isn’t usually one to divulge, so I’m guessing my Duchess is going on a hunch. Not a wrong one, but a hunch all the same.

  “You ready to go up and try out that hot tub?” I ask Ivy as we stand. Ryan, the stupid rich prick, hired help for our little night away. That help includes a chef and cleaning service, so we don’t have to clear our plates or do the dishes.

  Personally, I think he was buttering us up with this, but I won’t judge.

  “Aren’t alcohol and hot tubbing contraindicated?” Ivy asks.

  “Probably, but I won’t let you drown. Promise.”

  Ivy smiles and allows me to lead her upstairs and down the hall, and I swear it takes us a solid five minutes to make that trek.

  But once we enter our suite, I’m blown away. The fire is roaring in the hearth and the hot tub has a layer of pink rose petals floating on the surface.

  “Did you knock me unconscious and drag my lifeless body to an over-the-top five-star hotel?” Ivy asks, her jaw slightly agape.

  “No, but that would be tempting if this place wasn’t amazing.”

  “So, is this is the point in the evening when I get naked and you get naked, and we sit in the boiling hot water while I try to ignore all the thermophiles in there and we chat about nothing of importance?”

  “Um . . . Yes?”

  “Good.” Ivy turns to me, placing both of her palms on my chest. “Because I’m a little buzzed, Luke. And I think I like you against my better judgment, and I think . . . I shouldn’t.”

  “I know, honey.” I lean down to kiss the tip of her cute nose.

  “Why did you have to come back now? And why couldn’t you have left in the middle of the night again?”

  I chuckle, though there really isn’t anything funny about what she’s saying. In fact, it’s so absolutely gut-wrenching that I feel the slice throughout my entire body.

  This girl just has me. It’s not even wanting. It’s way beyond wanting. We’re bordering on need here. Big, fat, ugly need.

  But how do you say no to the angel of your dreams?

  How do you push back from the one you let slip through your fingers a decade ago?

  You don’t, right? You go for it, even if you know, you fucking know, that she’ll cripple you. Or worse yet, that you’ll cripple her because there is no way we can have a happy ending. It’s just not possible for me.

  I lower my forehead to hers, staring into her eyes that are almost a smoky gray against the firelight, which serves as the only illumination for our room.

  I’m falling for you, I don’t say.

  “I’m in trouble,” I choose instead.

  “Me too, I think, but I don’t want to be, Luke. I’m half tempted to call this quits and save myself the heartbreak.”

  Just that simple thought fills me with more dread than I ever thought possible.

  “There’s no point in doing that. I’d still want you even if I couldn’t have you. It’s still fun. It’s still no strings. Don’t over think this, Ivy.” The words burn my throat and taste like battery acid as I swallow them down. I hate lying to her like that. But I can’t lose her either. Not yet.

  I’m not ready to give her up.

  She swallows hard, blinking up at me. “Then let’s go soak in the water for a while, it looks heavenly.”

  She strips down to nothing, standing there naked with the flames of the fire licking an orange glow up her skin. She’s so beautiful. So stunningly gorgeous without even the smallest hint of insecurity at her nudity as she stands there, allowing me to drink her in.

  “I’m jealous of the firelight.”

  She tilts her head, a small smirk bouncing on the corner of her lips.

  “Those flames are dancing all of your body, every single place I want to touch and kiss.” Her cheeks heat, but she doesn’t look away.

  “Are you ready?” she whispers, this moment too intimate, her desire too great, for her normal tone.

  I strip down too, her eyes soaking me in the way mine did with her. Once she’s satisfied with my lack of apparel, she reaches a hand out for me.

  I accept it, feeling a zing of electricity
that is so familiar and yet I never grow used to it. How can it be like this each and every time I’m with her? How can I still possible crave more?

  We sink into the blistering water that smells of chlorine, and I hit the button to turn on the jets. Ivy lays back, resting her head on one of the cushions and closes her eyes. She’s content, peaceful even, and I can’t stop watching her, wanting to absorb some of that for myself.

  “When was your last relationship?” Her eyes don’t open as she asks me this, her voice half lost in the sound of the jets. “Other than that girl in college?”

  “No one.”

  Her eyes open wide at my answer as she regards me with astonishment.

  “Really?”

  I nod, not wanting to elaborate on the reasons behind all that and praying she won’t ask. I’m not ready for that conversation. I doubt I’ll ever be.

  “That surprises me.” It’s a simple statement, but the meaning behind it is anything but. She’s asking me why without being direct about it, and I refuse to bite. Ivy sighs out when she realizes that. “Do you think you and I would be if I wasn’t leaving?”

  That’s good question, Ivy.

  “I don’t know. I’d love to say yes.”

  “But?” She voices the word I didn’t.

  “But it’s a moot point right now, so why question it?”

  She nods, giving a half a shrug, but there’s a slight frown marring her expression. “I guess you’re right.”

  I slide through the water, displacing some over the edge as I move to sit directly beside her. “The truth is, I doubt I’d be able to stay away. I can’t even seem to do that now, so . . .”

  Ivy climbs onto my lap, steam undulating in the air as it rises from her body. Her arms encircle my neck. It’s cold out here, but the water makes that experience—the dichotomy between freezing cold and boiling hot—pleasurable.

  “Did you know that you’re my one and only one-night stand?” I don’t respond, I just stare at her. “Did you know that you’re also the only man I’ve ever had no-strings sex with? I don’t do this, Luke. I’m a relationship sort of girl, but I’m having fun with you. I really am, and maybe it’s time I allowed for that to be okay.”