Start Over: A Novel (Start Again Series #2)

by J. Saman

  “Stuff it, you nobby cow,” I mutter, gratefully accepting my large drink and taking an equally large sip.

  I make the rounds with Sophia, and when she gets to Luke she gives him a long once over, inspecting him carefully.

  “I’ve heard loads, though I do have to say you’re much larger than my baby sis here let on.” She cups the crotch of his jeans and I nearly spit my drink across the room, but settle for choking it down instead.

  Luke laughs, not at all disturbed by the fact that a stranger just grabbed his manhood in public.

  “I like to think so, though I do wish she had conveyed my size accurately.” Luke leans his long frame against the side of the bar, looking at my sister with a broad smile. “Ivy did, however, describe you perfectly.”

  “Of course she did, I’m by far and away her favorite person ever.” She touches Luke’s chest, running her bright red nail up and down the center. Suddenly, their little interaction is much more than I can stand.

  “That I believe,” he says with a wink and a smile that has my tough-as-nails lesbian sister simpering. Luke does have that effect on everyone he meets, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

  Reaching out, he grabs my hand, yanking me into his chest before leanaing down to whisper in my ear, “Is this dress meant to entice or torture?”

  I giggle like a little school girl. Apparently he has that effect on me as well.

  “Both. Is it working?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. You look so goddamn hot and sexy in that thing I can barely think straight. Please tell me you’re staying with me tonight?”

  I shake my head, reaching up to run my fingers through is day old stubble. “Sophia is here.”

  He gives me a sad smile and a nod of his head. “I know. I just don’t like sharing you. Is it wrong of me if I tell you that I miss you when you’re not around?”

  When he says things like that, my heart clenches and my stomach fills with butterflies.

  “No,” I shake my head, looking up at him. The way he takes me in, studying my face, resembles love so closely that I have to remind myself it’s not. “I feel the same way about you.”

  Luke leans down, brushing his lips against me before dropping his forehead to mine, his fingers dancing along the exposed skin of my back.

  “Jesus, Ivy, how am I ever going to survive when you leave? I’m so addicted to everything about you.”

  I can’t say anything back to that so I lean up, pressing my lips to his, wordlessly telling him that I feel the exact same way.

  “Enough of that lovey-dovey rubbish. She needs a shot of something girly and yummy, because despite the Manhattans she slugs down, she’s not a boozer,” Sophia says to the bartender, so close to Luke and I that it almost feels like an invasion.

  The bartender examines Luke for a beat before turning back to me with a wink. “I’m going to make you two. A pop my cherry, and a bend over Shirley.”

  I burst out laughing. “You’re razzing, right?”

  “Definitely not when it comes to sex-themed shots.”

  “Oh, yummy,” Sophia says. “Make mine a tight snatch.”

  “Bloody hell, Sophia.” I’m laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my face. Luke’s arms are wrapped tightly around my waist, but he’s laughing too and so is everyone else. Only my sister can get away with things like this.

  “And what about for me?” Luke asks, leaning forward.

  “For you?” The bartender half sneers, eyeing him closely. “How about a blow job?”

  Luke laughs out loud. “There are way too many things I could say to that, but I’ll accept it only if my girl here takes it and you make one for all these beautiful women at the bar.”

  “Coming up.” The bartender shakes her head with an amused grin.

  “But I wanted a redheaded slut,” Claire whines, suddenly joining our small gathering. “It’s my calling card.”

  “I really don’t need to hear that,” Ryan says with a scowl.

  “Lighten up, boss. Last I checked you’re not my dad, and if I want to take a pretty lady home with me tonight, I’ll do it.” Claire sticks her tongue out at him like she’s six, and we all laugh some more.

  Luckily we’re saved by the overwhelming amount of shots that are placed on the bar top, three in front of me—including something with whipped cream on top.

  I can only guess at which one that is.

  “I can’t do all those. I’ll be sick.”

  “I’ll take these two,” Luke says. “But no way I’m not watching you take that blow job shot. You do know you’re not supposed to use your hands, right?”

  I shoot him a look, and he throws his hands up in surrender. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.”

  “You want me to put my mouth around that and drink it down without using my hands?” The moment I say the words I instantly regret them. Everyone bursts out laughing at my expense. I turn three shades of red and Luke pulls me into his chest, vibrating with mirth.

  “Could you be anymore adorable?” he asks, kissing my temple. “That was so much better than you actually taking the shot. Besides, I like it when you use your hands. You have my permission.” Now I’m blushing even harder as I push him back and smack his chest. “What?” He feigns innocence. “Just stating a preference here.”

  “Men,” I grumble, before picking up the drink and tossing it down. It’s smooth and creamy, and delightfully yummy. Licking my lips, I turn to face Luke with a naughty gleam to my eye and a wink.

  “You’re evil for tempting me like this. First you come in here wearing the best dress ever created, and now you’re taking blow job shots and licking your lips. If I didn’t adore you as much as I do, I’d pull you into the bathroom and have my way with you.”

  “That’s oddly endearing,” I say.

  Everyone else is chatting away and taking their shots and having fun—especially Sophia who is having a field day with Claire and Kate.

  “Are we still on for my meeting your parents tomorrow?” Luke asks, his fingers gliding up and down my exposed arms. He can’t seem to stop touching me tonight, and I’m certainly not complaining.

  I think it’s the dress. It must be the dress.

  “We are, if you’re still interested in meeting them. I’ve warned you about my dad. He can be a bit . . . much sometimes.”

  “I want to meet them,” he says calmly. “I want to do everything with you.”

  I’m swooning. I never really grasped the meaning of that word until this precise moment, but that’s exactly what I’m doing.

  “You mean that?” I can’t help but ask, hope burrowing a hole inside my chest and taking up residence there.

  “Yeah, baby, I mean that.” Luke’s hand cups my cheek as he stares intently into my eyes. “I’d say I didn’t expect this, but I think I did. Are you okay with that?”

  I swallow hard before nodding. “I’m afraid.” We’re opposites in so many ways. I mean, I guess we also have a lot in common too.

  But I never expected to fall this fast and this hard for this man.

  “I know, me too. We’ll figure it all out. You have another ten days left, and I’m not ready to let you go yet.”

  Chapter 16

  Luke

  Ivy’s apartment is loud and warm, thanks to the raucous laughter coming from her sister Sophia and Claire. The two of them hit it off instantly last night amongst a fleet of dirty-named cocktails. There may have even been a shared kiss between them, but Ivy will neither confirm nor deny.

  Tonight is a pre-wedding party—because apparently we don’t party enough as a group—proposed by Claire in lieu of a bachelorette party that Kate was vehemently opposed to having. Ryan doesn’t care about having a bachelor party all that much and his brother Kyle, who is the best man, won’t get here until the day of the big event anyway.

  So that leave us with this little wine party that Ivy offered to host, since she’s won’t be attending the wedding with me.

  The w
edding is exactly two weeks away, and though I know Duchess Kate is completely on board with her future with Ryan, she is standing by his side watching everything with the silent observation that can only come from overthinking.

  I feel for her, I really do.

  I can’t begin to comprehend what’s going through her mind.

  Kate lost her husband and young daughter to a drunk driver almost four years ago, but that isn’t a heartache that ever goes away. I imagine that even if this is a happy time, it is also a very painful one.

  Ryan, being Ryan, is already attuned to the shift in her demeanor and has kept a protective and comforting hand on her back all night.

  It’s yet another reason why I love him like a brother.

  He is good people—the best really. As I scan the room, I realize I’m stuck in my own form of quiet contemplation. These people, these friends of mine, don’t really know me and yet they’ve accepted me anyway.

  Sure, Ryan knows to a certain extent, but that’s because he did his research and pieced together the rest.

  I have never told him anything outright, but that never seemed to be a hindrance to his trust or loyalty to me.

  Kate too. She loves me unequivocally and without challenge or doubt.

  So why do I not trust that their love and acceptance would remain true and intact if it was challenged with all that I have done? All that I am doing and capable of?

  And then there is Ivy.

  It is amazing how much I love her.

  How I have grown to need her in such a short amount of time. The thought of losing her is more than I can endure, and though she’s leaving so very soon, it will never fully be over for me.

  I met her parents today, which was my idea oddly enough. They were definitely not what I expected, though Ivy did warn me. Her father seemed to like me enough especially after she introduced me as her friend and promised him that’s all we are.

  He gave her a skeptical look, clearly reading between the lines.

  Can’t exactly blame him for that.

  I have never witnessed a normal family before. One where the parents love each other and their kids, and no one drinks too much, beats, or degrades anyone intentionally. It was an eye-opening experience and filled me with longing.

  That brings me back to my reality. The reality that goes beyond the simple, non-issue of distance. The reality that I’m not who she thinks I am. The reality that she’d leave me for good if she knew. The reality that I love her enough to let her go.

  But maybe she doesn’t have to know? Maybe we can suspend reality for just a bit longer?

  Because she’s mine, and as I said before, I need her. In fact, I think she may just own me.

  So yeah, I’m going to have to give that one my best shot and hope we come out together on the other side.

  Ivy is on her second glass of wine, but has yet to take a sip from it.

  She’s been holding it, letting it linger as more of an extension of her hand than something she is all that interested in. Her eyes are glued to the screen of her phone, a frown staining her beautiful face.

  I’d bet money that it’s related to a patient. I’ve never met a doctor who cares more for their patients than Ivy does.

  She types something in and then slides the phone back into its resting place in the back pocket of her jeans. Craig Stanton decides this is the perfect moment to make his move, grabbing her attention with some bullshit or another, his intrinsic charm reeling her in.

  I let it happen, mainly because I don’t exactly see him as a threat.

  He’s interested in Ivy, but it appears entirely superficial and well, I trust her.

  But I’m still watching, because I’m not a moron either. Who am I kidding? I want to throttle that motherfucker for even glancing in her general vicinity, let alone talking to her.

  “You done dicking her around or what?” Ivy’s sister Sophia asks, casually sliding in beside me, except there is nothing casual about her slightly aggressive stance. She’s an interesting woman and I’m not quite sure what to make of her. Her love for her younger sister is unambiguous, but she has been merely tepid with me.

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  She puffs out a dubious breath, the blonde curl dangling from her forehead bouncing in the breeze. “What I’m really asking you here, princess, is if I need to call in my cleaner to take care of you.”

  Turning to look at her, a wry smile lights up my face. “Your cleaner? Is that like some Pulp Fiction shit or what?”

  “Not exactly. He’s more like a problem solver, but he owes me a favor or six, and if you’re going to hurt Ivy I’ll make you one of them. And believe me, it would be a piece of piss for him.” I want to laugh at that, I really do, but she isn’t even so much as smiling. Whatever humor I was feeling dies instantly.

  She is absolutely serious.

  Yeah, I really don’t think she likes me much.

  “I’m not a problem for her, big sis, and hurting her is something I find just as abhorrent as you do.”

  “That’s good onya, mate, because you’re rather iffy as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Retract your claws there, Tiger Lily. I may be one of the lost boys on this island, but Ivy is my home and I’ll follow her anywhere.”

  Sophia observes me for a very long minute. So long in fact that I am resisting the urge to shift my weight out of discomfort. I am rarely intimidated by anyone, but this chick is managing the impossible.

  Probably because I am desperate for her approval and know I have a million miles to go until I get there.

  “Okay, but screw her over and they’ll find your balls on the side of the road somewhere near New Mexico, and your dick in a warehouse in Colorado. The rest of you, I can’t really speak to.”

  “Thanks for the graphic detail on that. Bodily harm and regular old threats aren’t enough for you? I get dismemberment and castration?”

  Sophia lets out a loud snort. “You’re lucky I’m not Dad. Ivy is his baby, in case you missed that today. Anything I can think up; he’ll do worse.”

  “Noted, Soph.” I smile, using the familiar nickname Ivy uses for her. “I like you. You’re a little scary, quite possibly unbalanced, definitely crazy as fuck, but I love that Ivy has you.”

  “I know.” She sighs. “Ivy is pretty spiffy, and I’m just now starting to see the signs of life that had dwindled for a while.” She turns to look at me as she takes a sip of her wine. “That tosser ex of hers really mucked her up, so you can understand my having reservations about you.”

  I nod, but she’s not interested in my response. Her eyes are fixed on Ivy, who’s laughing at something good old Craig is saying to her. Douchebag. Just the simple idea of him having her sets my teeth on edge. In fact, the idea of any man other than me having Ivy, ignites a torrent of brush fires inside of me that cannot be manipulated or quelled. I am not known for my anger or aggression, but dammit all if that’s not what I’ve got going on right now.

  Dickface.

  “I’d never do anything like that to her. Ivy told me all about Jason and if she’d allow it, I’d go after him with my bare hands—or my computer, since I’m far more effective with that.”

  “I know you are, Luke, because though you haven’t been fair dinkum when it comes to telling Ivy about yourself, much like your mate Ryan over there, I know everything.” My jaw drops and she grins the grin of the Cheshire cat who ate the goddamn canary whole. “I told you I have people, and your shit is your own, except that it involves Ivy now and you need to tell her.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat that is suddenly cutting off my oxygen supply. This woman has managed to throw me not only off my game, but out of the goddamn park and onto my ass. She’s very good. I’ll give her that.

  “I can’t.” It’s really all I can say, because I’m reeling over here. How on earth do so many people know about me? Okay, it’s really only two, but in my very small, limited circle that’s like forty percent right there.


  “For what it’s worth,” Sophia turns her attention back to Ivy. “I would have killed the bastard myself too.”

  I laugh out, probably because I don’t know what else to do. That’s not exactly what I thought she was referring to.

  So much for sealed juvenile records.

  “How the fuck do you know so much?” She can’t know everything. There’s just no way. Ryan suspects because I work with him and have been leaving on my “trips” for years, and has looked into my past with his mad computer skills, but there is no way Sophia could know about that. Right?

  Sophia gives me a sardonic look. “Please, bitch, I work in Hollywood. It’s my job to know everything about everyone and decide what to say and how to spin it. That’s why I’m the best and everyone knows it. But I also know how to hold onto those secrets, and I won’t divulge yours to Ivy. That’s not my job.”

  Sophia gives me a half smile, but the softening in her eyes tells me that her sister is the most important thing in the world to her.

  “I know you know this, but she’s a regular Joe of a person. She just wants to get up, go to work, do an ace job at it and come home to someone who will love her. That’s it. That’s her grand life aspiration, and she fucking deserves it.” Sophia takes a deep breath, like just thinking about how ordinary Ivy wants her life to be is exhausting. “If you can’t or won’t give her that, then walk away.”

  “Walk away.” I test the words on my tongue and they taste like vomit mixed with Vegemite. Probably because in the back of my mind, I know she’s right. “She’s leaving me soon enough, you know.”

  “Pft.” She rolls her eyes. “You nobby cunt, she’s desperate for you to tell her you’re willing to try long distance.” My eyes widen and a small laugh pops out of my mouth at the name she just called me. “Don’t make a face, cunt is a regular insult Down Under. But I mean what I’m saying, so get over yourself for a minute and listen up good. You need to tell her the truth about who you are. All of it. She deserves that from you, especially since I think you love her, and you’re what she wants.”