Start Over: A Novel (Start Again Series #2)

by J. Saman

  She doesn’t stir as I climb into bed well after eleven and pull her soundly into my chest, wrapping her tightly in my protective embrace.

  Sleep comes for me quickly, mostly because I haven’t had her next to me in so long and both my bed and I have missed her presence.

  When I wake up for work, she’s already gone, a note left in her place informing me that she expects me to pick her up for our date at seven.

  She can have whatever the hell she wants.

  I shower and dress quickly, and by the time I make it into work, things are bustling, mostly because it’s Ryan’s younger brother’s first day.

  Kyle was a criminal attorney in New York City until recently when Ryan somehow convinced him to move here and take on the role as our new corporate lawyer. Ryan hasn’t discussed it much, but I surmise something must have transpired for Kyle to make the drastic change, especially since he’s been brushing off Ryan’s propositions for a while now.

  Kyle is standing with Claire, in front of her desk, as I walk down the hall toward my office. They’re having some sort of discussion and to an outsider, one who isn’t as well acquainted with them as I am, it would seem casual. But it’s not. I can practically feel the sexual tension radiating from both of them and that draws me back to their flirtatious interactions at Ryan and Kate’s wedding.

  I know they’re best friends, but it seems like more. Maybe. Who the hell knows.

  This could be fun.

  “What’s up kids?” I call out, announcing my approach as I slap Kyle hard on the back.

  Little shit.

  “Dick,” he mutters, pushing my hand away. God, I love this kid. “That any way to greet your new lawyer?”

  “Kyle, I’ve known you since you were in diapers.”

  Claire snickers, but Kyle just blows it off. “Right, when was that, grandpa? You mean when I was a teenager?”

  “It’s still amazing to me how much younger you are than Ryan,” I muse. “And how much shorter.”

  “Shove it,” he says, but now he’s smiling. “I’m only four inches shorter, and Ryan is a freak of nature. People really shouldn’t be that tall.”

  “He’s six-three,” Claire comments dryly.

  “Which is freakish tall, I maintain,” Kyle says, his hazel eyes and sandy brown hair glow under the florescent lights. “Even Luke, who is a couple of inches taller than me, is shorter than him.”

  “You boys really have a thing when it comes to length.” Claire smirks at both of us. “Anyway, I’ve got work to do and all that good stuff. I’ll catch ya later, Kyle,” Claire throws him a wink. “Later dickwad,” she says to me and saunters off, though not in the direction of her desk, and I can only shake my head at the stupid idiot that is my best friend’s little brother.

  “You didn’t.”

  “What?” he asks absentmindedly, watching Claire’s ass walk away.

  “Oh, shit. You fucking did,” I laugh my ass off, shaking my head again, because this is not going to end well. “Dude, do not let your brother know.”

  “What?” Kyle feigns innocence, but his hazel eyes do not fool me. He’s not that good of a lawyer.

  “I mean it. If Ryan finds out that you two hooked up, he’ll lose his shit. You may be his little brother and he clearly loves you because he gave you his blood and whatnot, but Claire is like the sister he never had and he’s fiercely protective over her. And,” I stick my finger up in the air remembering my next point, “he does not take well to inter-office fraternization.”

  “We absolutely have not hooked up. We’re just good friends,” he maintains with a scowl. “But now that we’re on the subject, why is he so against that?”

  “Because the big guy, Mr. Serious, does not like drama.” I wave my finger in the air, gesturing in the direction that Claire just went. “And office romance is drama. Especially with Claire.”

  “It’s not even a thing. Friends. That’s all.”

  “Right,” I say, oozing sarcasm. “But just so you know, she will rip off your balls, toss them up in the air and hit them four hundred yards with a bat.” Kyle winces at the imagery, but he needs to know all the same. “She eats men like candy before spitting them out so she doesn’t absorb the calories. Get what I’m saying here?”

  “Got it. Like I said, not even a thing.”

  He’s frowning though, which tells me that it is a thing or was a thing, but hopefully it’s not anymore.

  “See ya around the fun house,” I say, smacking his back again.

  “Yeah, see ya.” He’s still staring off into space, probably thinking about his nuts, so I leave him to that because I have a shit ton of work to get to before my date with Ivy.

  By the time I finish up, it’s a little after six. I’ve already made a reservation for eight-thirty for dinner, but first, I want to take Ivy to Bathtub Gin for a drink because it’s cozy and intimate.

  I get a text that might put a kink in those plans as Ivy informs me that she’s stuck in a trauma and that I should just come get her at the hospital instead of her place.

  I make my way to the hospital, through rush hour traffic and find a spot to park in, and now it’s well after seven. But I’m smiling because I have a date with my girl, which in my mind means she’s giving me another chance.

  Locating the emergency department, I meander toward the waiting room which used to be our standard pick-up slash meet-up place. But before I even reach the room, I spot her standing over by the bank of large windows in her regular clothes typing something into her phone. She looks beautiful in her standard jeans and ice blue blouse that will no doubt bring out the color of her eyes.

  “I never would have pegged you for a chess girl.”

  Ivy looks up, her cheeks flushing instantly. Busted!

  “H-how did you know I was playing chess?”

  I smile, walking closer to her. “Because I know you, darlin’.”

  She smiles at that, but it’s reluctant. Almost like she doesn’t want to smile at the notion that I know her. I’ll win her over.

  “So you say.”

  “No. I do. I know you.” I smile, before I turn serious. “Sophia called me this morning and told me about yesterday with fuckface Jason. She called me at work and well, I was worried about what he said to you about being in touch. So I hacked his phone. And computer.”

  Should I have mention that last part to her? Probably not given the frown on her face. There is nothing on his phone about her anyway, yet, but it allowed me to fill half an hour with fun this morning.

  “And let me tell you darlin’, that ex of yours is not only stupid, but he’s a total perv. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to open an email from an unknown sender and click on the link for a porn site? Clearly our little friend Jason here has never heard of phishing emails.” I didn’t even get creative with it. I didn’t even make it from someone he knows. I sent that malware almost like a joke, never expecting in a million years he’d bite.

  But he did and boom, instant access.

  Illegal? You bet. But fuck it. No one can trace it back to me anyway.

  “Oh.” Ivy scoffs a little. “Can you do that with my computer?”

  I shrug, “I could, but I haven’t.” I roll my head to meet her worried eyes. “Why?” I bounce my eyebrows. “Nervous I’ll find something good on there? Something incriminating maybe?”

  “No. I just don’t like the invasion of privacy and it’s a HIPPA violation.”

  I love what a goodie-goodie she is. Seriously, I’ve never met anyone other than the Duchess who walks the straight and narrow so much.

  “What are you hiding?”

  “None of your business. And if you hack my computer I’ll call the police.”

  “You’d never know if I did it.”

  She sighs out exasperated. “Don’t you have anything else to do?”

  “Nope.” I pop the p sound. “I get bored easily. You ready for dinner or do you want to just skip to desert and go home?”

  “If yo
u go home does that mean I get to as well?”

  “With me?” I smirk. “That’s one way to pass the time.”

  She rolls her eyes that look like blue fire against the color of her shirt. “Clearly you know what I meant.”

  “Suit yourself.” Neither of us move to leave. “Ivy,” I whine. “I’m hungry.”

  She laughs at me. “I’m in the middle of a rather challenging chess match.”

  “Oh yeah?” I yank her phone from her grasp and move her piece for her. She reaches out, trying to grab it back from my hands, but quickly realizes she’s not going to get it and gives up in favor of watching me play for her. And when the other player moves, I continue, taking their Rook in the process I might add.

  “Oh my god,” she says and I can’t hide my smile. “You are such a rat bastard.”

  “I can’t help it if I’m better at chess than you are.”

  “You are not,” she practically shrieks.

  “Agree to disagree unless you want to go toe to toe with me, baby?”

  “Maybe another time.” She shuts off her phone with a smug smile playing on her lips, thinking she just locked me out.

  How cute.

  “Let’s go get an ice cream. I’m fucking starving.”

  “An ice cream?” she laughs. “What are you, eight? What sort of date is that? Didn’t we already do that once?”

  “Yes, I’m eight. Now come on. I’ll even buy.” Ivy shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest like she’s trying to take a stand or something. “Okay, dinner first then dessert at my place.”

  “Well, when you put it like that.” She winks at me.

  Fucking Ivy winks at me.

  For some reason I find this to be incredibly awesome and just the smallest bit sexy. People so rarely surprise me, but Ivy’s brutal honesty mixed with her fiery temper and overt politeness keep me on my toes. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with her so easily.

  She’s the most fun I’ve had in three decades and one year.

  She’s like the most elusive of hacks.

  Cagey yet vulnerable.

  Able to be penetrated but only after more dedication, balls and sheer luck than most are willing to play for. But once you get inside, it’s the best sort of rush. The highest of highs that no drug can even come close to touching. Once inside, you have the keys to the motherfucking castle and you own that shit. It’s yours for the wielding, but if you push too far or get carried away with the thrill of the prize, you’ll crash and burn.

  And that, my friends, is worse than never penetrating it at all because you know how fucking amazing it is on the inside. But you also know you could potentially never get there again.

  So do I plan to squander another minute of my life without her?

  Absolutely not.

  Chapter 35

  Ivy

  So, I have a bit irony for you. Are you ready? Luke hacked Jason. He completely invaded his privacy and did so unabashedly and unapologetically. That and he ended up outside my blasted building on a bloody step before chasing me down at the airport. That’s pretty close to stalking, right? No. That is stalking.

  And I do not care.

  Go figure that one out.

  Maybe it’s the fact that Luke isn’t really a stalker. I mean, some of his actions say that he is, but I don’t believe that is his outright goal or anything. I don’t think he sits about possessively obsessing over where I am and who I’m with or what I’m doing to the point of insanity and violence.

  But Jason? That’s exactly what he would do to the point of following me around everywhere I went. To the point of accosting me and others I spoke to. To the point of violence.

  The mere thought of him causes bile to creep up my throat.

  I like to think that he’s gone. That he’s done with me. But that weakness in my brain that I absolutely hate makes me feel like he’ll always be lurking about. Men like that thrive on vulnerability, and that’s something I need to work on. No one can help me with that.

  Strength comes from within, right?

  But as Luke throws his arm around my shoulder, pulling me securely into his side, I know I’m safe.

  He has one of the most jaded pasts I’ve heard of. The things he’s done? Hell, I still can’t make heads or tails of them.

  But do I condemn or redeem him?

  I love him and I believe he’s a good man. He’s never shown me otherwise.

  So that’s what I’m going to go with. That’s what I’m betting on and I don’t think that’s the wrong choice. I may even feel it’s the right one.

  “I made us a reservation,” Luke says as he opens my car door for me. We’re in his car and I get the feeling that he’ll be dropping me back off here at the hospital in the morning. I seem to be okay with that too.

  “Where’s that? Because I’m keen for Mexican food.”

  Luke laughs, shutting my door and then hopping in his side before starting his car with the press of a button. “I actually went with sushi.”

  I slap at him, laughing. “You did not, you savage liar.”

  “Savage liar? That’s a bit strong, don’t you think? How about ruthlessly handsome, or roguishly endearing?”

  “That could never describe you.”

  “You wound me, Ivy. Deeply. You should know that.”

  “If you don’t feed me soon, Lucas, I’ll wound you superficially as well.”

  “God, I love your threats,” he sighs. “Okay, I might have gone with Mexican, but if you end up smelling like onions and chili’s, I might try to take advantage of you before we hit up the ice cream.”

  “Really? Onions and chili’s do it for you?”

  “Darlin’, you have no idea.” He gives me that lopsided impish smile of his, complete with that sexy-as-all-sin dimple. What is it about his smile that gets me every time?

  The Mexican place he picked is one of my favorite restaurants in all of Seattle, and though I’m ravenously hungry, my appetite is dwindling.

  “My spidey sense is telling me that something is off with you,” Luke says as he pops a chip laden with guacamole into his mouth.

  “I’m not following.”

  “You’re not eating, and that’s pretty much a sport with you, so what’s up?”

  “I don’t know. Just uneasy is all.”

  Reaching out for my hand, I happily place mine in his. “Do you want to go out and meet up with everyone? Ryan’s brother has joined our little team of merry bandits and I’d bet money on the fact that he’s dying for the redhead.”

  “Claire?”

  “One in the same.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know,” Luke laughs.

  “She’ll eat him alive.”

  He shrugs, “Already warned.”

  “I’d rather just go home.”

  “No ice cream?”

  “Can we take a pint to go?”

  “I can pay the check now, order you up some salted caramel and we can be eating it in bed within the hour.”

  “You really are the best, aren’t you?”

  “Without a doubt. But really, what’s going on?”

  I look down at my half eaten plate of enchiladas with regret. I love this place and these enchiladas and don’t know why I can’t shake this. “You know I saw him?”

  “Yes,” he answers, though it was a rhetorical question. “He won’t bother you, Ivy. I’ve got him by the balls if he even tries.”

  My eyes find his. “What does that mean?”

  “It means I’ve got access to his systems should I ever need them. It means that if he ever comes near you, I’ll have him arrested and destroy his world. It means I’d never ever let someone hurt you.”

  “Can you offer the same promise against yourself?”

  That gives him pause. “Yes. At least, I think so. You’re my world and I will always protect you. No matter what.”

  Wow. I mean, just wow. What can someone even say to that?

  Luke’s eyes hold mine, tre
pidation clear as day in those brown depths. “Do you have questions for me?”

  “No. I really don’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand everything that comes with you, but I’ve thought about it and maybe I’m okay with that. Maybe it doesn’t matter.”

  “Can you say matter again?”

  “Matter?”

  “Yeah, but you say it like mat-ah. It’s cute.”

  I roll my eyes, ignoring the way he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet. And I definitely ignore the way it makes me feel. “Pay the check. I want my ice cream and then I need to sleep.”

  “With me?”

  “Yes.”

  Luke whips out his wallet in one of the fastest moves I’ve ever witnessed. He doesn’t even wait for the check. He just drops down a couple of large bills, way more than what we owe, and then reaches for my hand.

  I take it with more ease than I would have imagined.

  We make it out to his car, and as we drive through the streets together, I fall into myself again.

  “What are you thinking?” Luke tilts his head in my direction, his eyes still on the road.

  “I’m not thinking anything.”

  “You’re the worst liar, baby.” He reaches out for my hand again. “You can ask me whatever you want to know.”

  I shrug, feigning indifference. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m thinking the things I am. “It’s none of my business.”

  He chuckles, reaching up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing up and down, eliciting a shiver down my spine. “Sure it is. I told you, you’re mine and I’m yours. I know you’re wondering about my past.”

  “I’m not.” He throws me a look and my shoulders fall. “Not really anyway. I just still feel like I’m missing so much of you, and . . .” I trail off, not wanting to finish my thought.

  “Did you know that I’ve only ever had one real girlfriend?” I shake my head, not entirely sure where this is headed and a little frustrated that he changed the subject like that. “I dated a girl named Veronica, Ronnie I called her, when we were in college. She split the second the feds came banging on my door and after that, I met you.”