Perfect Wreckage

by Cowles, Catherine

  Crosby’s smooth strokes cut through the water as he kept an eye on my progress. “You’re doing great.”

  “You sound surprised.”

  “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

  “A few times, but it’s been a decade at least.” I had to admit, Crosby was onto something with his obsession with the activity. It was so quiet out here. Only the wind and the birds and the water. I could get used to it.

  “You ready to tell me what put a burr up your butt?”

  “Excuse me?” I should’ve known Crosby wouldn’t let anything go that easily. He was too much of a nosy bastard.

  “Stop pretending to be so offended at every little thing and tell me what’s really going on.”

  My mouth pressed into a thin line. He always saw too much. Understood my coping mechanisms, sometimes even before I did. The mask of propriety and perfection were nothing but a shield, but it was one I desperately needed. I couldn’t give Crosby my scars, my secrets. It would give him all the power. I straightened and dipped my paddle into the water. “Have you heard from the Abbots at all?”

  Crosby’s movements stilled, his paddleboard drifting as his eyes stayed focused on me. “No, have you?”

  I swallowed, my throat sticking on the movement, Grant’s rage flashing in my memory. “Grant stopped by Cornerstone.”

  “When?” There was a bite to the single word, ferocity. It was easy to forget that under Crosby’s easygoing surface was a beast. I’d seen it when he took down Bell’s kidnapper.

  I cleared my throat, focusing on the water ahead. “Tuesday. When I finished up, he was waiting for me by my car.”

  “Wait, Grant? Not Clark?”

  I gave my head a little shake. “We have…” God, what was the right word to encompass what lay between Grant and me? “History.”

  Crosby studied my face carefully. “What kind of history?”

  A hellish one. One that barely let me out alive. “We dated when we were growing up.”

  “They never said anything.”

  I chuckled, but it was tinged with bitterness. “I’m sure they didn’t. The Abbots weren’t exactly happy that I was dating their son.”

  Crosby dug his paddle into the smooth water, bringing his board closer to mine. “What about Harriet?”

  Just the sound of her name was a painful squeeze of the heart. “She thought I was too good for him.”

  “She was right.”

  I looked out to the horizon, the sun hanging low in the sky. God, I missed her. Her unshakable belief in me, in my worthiness. The comfort of her presence. The Gables had been my home for so long, but it was Harriet’s presence that had made the estate so special. “They don’t want me to have The Gables.”

  “It doesn’t matter what they want.”

  “They’re going to fight me on it. And they always fight dirty.” I could only imagine what they would’ve put my beautiful baby girl through if she had been born. It would’ve been ugly and cruel if their actions during my pregnancy were anything to go by.

  Crosby’s board bumped mine, my gaze jumping to his. “They’re not going to get The Gables. They might try to make this ugly, but they won’t win. I promise.”

  I gave him a smile. But it was a sad one. He didn’t know the true ugliness of the Abbot family. I did. “So,” I said, searching for a change of topic, anything to steer us away from the ghosts of my past. “What’s on your agenda this weekend? Flinging yourself off a cliff? Running with the bulls?”

  Crosby chuckled. “Actually, I have a date.”

  I froze. I didn’t want to admit that the heat coursing through my belly might be jealousy. “Do you, now?”

  “I do, indeed. Want to join us?”

  I reared back, almost losing my balance on the paddleboard.

  Crosby dissolved into laughter, trying his best to stay upright. “Oh, God. The look on your face is priceless.”

  “You’re an ass, you know that?” I started paddling away from him.

  “Wait, don’t be mad. I really do want you to come to the aquarium with me.”

  I glanced over my shoulder. “You and who else?”

  “Zoe. She’s nine and would love to meet you.”

  My paddle stuttered in the water. “You’re friends with a nine-year-old?”

  Crosby rubbed at the back of his neck. “I volunteer at Shelter Island Child Alliance. Zoe’s my buddy right now.”

  It was one of those moments where your world tilts on its axis. It was just a slight movement but one that allowed me to see things from a completely different viewpoint. “How long have you been doing that?” The Alliance was an amazing organization. They’d helped Caelyn get custody of her siblings and had given all of them the support they so desperately needed in those early days.

  Crosby began paddling again, and I followed suit. It was as if he didn’t want me to study him too carefully while we covered this topic. “I started not long after I moved to Anchor, so…almost four years.”

  “You never talk about it.” I’d never once heard him mention the Alliance or volunteering. Bell and Ford hadn’t brought it up, so I doubted he’d told them either.

  “It just never came up.”

  The sudden twisting sensation low in my belly felt a whole lot like guilt. Volunteering for an organization that worked with foster children and families going through custody disputes didn’t exactly fit the picture I’d created of Crosby. An image I was coming to realize may have been a little too tinged by my past experiences with Grant. I knew that Crosby came from a blue blood family back east with oodles of money. Everyone on the island did. I hated to admit that the simple knowledge of his wealth might have blinded me to the truth of who he really was. “That’s really great, Crosby.”

  He shrugged, continuing to paddle towards the sun. “So, you want to come with us to the aquarium?”

  “I’d love it.” I needed to see this new Crosby in action, the one he hid away from everyone.

  “Turn your board.”

  “Huh?”

  Crosby swiftly navigated his paddleboard so that he was facing the shore. “Turn around. Go slow, though. I don’t want you cursing me if you take a header into the water.”

  I glared at him and carefully navigated my paddle through the water, slowly spinning my board toward the shore. When I got myself in position and steady, I looked up. My heart seized. The Gables. Crosby was right; I’d never seen the estate from this angle before. The manor house, the guest house, I could even catch sight of the house the Abbots had occupied for so many years, the one Harriet had sold while I was away at college—too many bad memories for us both.

  But the rest of the property? It held nothing but good. I wouldn’t let the shadow of old memories infect it. I wouldn’t let the Abbots take it from me, from Harriet. I was going to do what she’d asked of me and make it into a true home, one full of life and the people I loved. The sun and its late-day amber color seemed to cast a glow over the buildings, the gardens, the beach. It was magical.

  “Thank you.” My voice was hoarse as I whispered the two words to Crosby.

  “Anytime.”

  18

  Crosby

  Kenna twisted in her seat as we drove off the ferry and onto Shelter Island.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. She’d been fidgety the entire ride over, and quieter than normal. Not even my usual teasing and poking at her temper got a rise out of her.

  “Nothing.” Kenna rubbed her hands along her jeans, smoothing invisible wrinkles.

  “Stop lying to me, Brown Eyes.”

  She let out a little growl. “Am I dressed all right?”

  I quickly glanced at Kenna before I pulled into traffic. The woman looked effortlessly gorgeous, wearing jeans that hugged her curves just right, and a tunic-type top in a deep maroon that brought out the amber of her eyes. Shit, I needed my head examined if I was noticing that kind of thing. I cleared my throat. “You look great. This is a casual thing.”

 
Kenna pressed her lips together and nodded, clearly not believing a word I said. “Is there anything I need to know about Zoe?”

  I navigated my truck away from town and headed towards the rolling hills. “She’s nine. Loves soccer. Doesn’t seem to be into dolls.”

  Kenna laughed lightly. “All the most important things to know.”

  “Her mom’s in jail for drugs. It’s a second offense, so she’ll likely be there for a while.”

  Kenna sucked in a sharp breath. “There’s no other family who can take her?”

  “They declined to take custody.”

  Kenna muttered a curse under her breath. “How long has she been in foster care?”

  “A few weeks now.” I looked over at Kenna for a brief moment before returning my eyes to the road. The lines on her brow and the set of her eyes communicated a mixture of anger and pain. “Were you ever in foster care?” I hadn’t even considered what memories this might bring up for Kenna given her history.

  She stared out the window towards the ocean as we drove. “One week. It was more than I’d wish on anyone.”

  My hands tightened on the wheel. “Bad foster parents?”

  “Not bad. Just…exhausted. Too many kids in one home. And I was terrified of what was going to happen to me.”

  “But Harriet got you.”

  A small smile tipped her lips. “She did. I’d live through that week a hundred more times if it meant I ended up with her.”

  “You two were good for each other.”

  Her smile widened, it was that unguarded one I so rarely got but craved with every part of me. “We were, weren’t we?”

  I pulled into the driveway of a house that looked a little worse for wear but not too bad. Zoe was sitting on the front step with her new backpack, Mrs. Calhoun in a rocking chair behind her with a baby on her lap.

  Kenna’s hand reached out and grabbed my thigh as I put my truck in park. “That’s Zoe?”

  “Yup. She’s gonna love you.”

  Kenna blew out a breath. “Let’s make today really fun for her.”

  A grin spread across my face. “That we can do.”

  * * *

  Kenna had absolutely no reason to worry, she and Zoe became instant friends in all of about two minutes. By the time we made it to the aquarium, I was simply a tagalong on their adventure. They talked nonstop. When we wrapped up our morning’s excursion and headed for lunch, I felt as if I’d learned more about the two of them in those few hours than in the entirety of the time I’d known them.

  “Did you know that the Pacific Ocean is more than thirty-five thousand feet deep at its deepest spot?” Zoe had been rattling off random facts all morning.

  Kenna looked up from her menu. “That is pretty crazy.”

  “I wouldn’t want to go that deep in the water.” Zoe gave an exaggerated shiver.

  “Me, either,” Kenna replied. “I’ll stay firmly on the surface, thank you very much.”

  Zoe grinned. “I’ll stay on the beach.”

  “I like swimming too much for that.”

  Zoe looked down, becoming incredibly interested in studying her hands.

  “What is it, Zo?” Kenna’s voice was gentle but not babying. She’d been striking that perfect balance with Zoe all day, interested and engaging but not pushy. It was as if she had this sixth sense for when to move forward and when to give the little girl her space.

  “I don’t know how to swim.” Zoe mumbled the words so they were barely audible.

  Kenna gripped my knee under the table, and I knew she was thinking the same thing I was. We lived on a chain of islands. How had her mother not gotten her swimming lessons? They gave them for free through the school system because it was incredibly dangerous to live where we did and not know how to swim. Kids could get into too much trouble when they played in and around water so often.

  “Would you like to learn?”

  Zoe’s head snapped up at Kenna’s question. “You could teach me?”

  Kenna’s lips curved. “I’d love to teach you. We can start next weekend if you want.”

  A shadow passed across Zoe’s expression. “I have to ask Mrs. Calhoun, but I really want to.”

  I laced my fingers through Kenna’s under the table. She gave a small jerk in surprise but then eased into the contact. I gave her hand a squeeze of thanks. “We’ll figure out a way to make it happen.”

  Zoe’s eyes reddened. “Thanks for being so nice to me, you guys.”

  Kenna squeezed my hand even harder. “Thanks for hanging out with two old dorks.”

  I turned on Kenna in mock-outrage. “Hey! Speak for yourself. I’m young and hip. Right, Zoe?”

  She giggled. “You’re pretty cool…for an old dude.”

  I clasped a hand over my chest. “You two wound me. Shots straight to the heart.”

  Our waitress stepped up to the table. “Back again, Crosby? But you brought pretty company this time.”

  “What can I say? I’m a lucky man today, Susie.”

  She chuckled. “Do you guys know what you want?”

  “The Burger Barn has the best burgers on all the islands, so we all have to get burgers, no salads.” I eyed Kenna to make my point.

  She rolled her eyes. “Wouldn’t dream of getting anything different. Can I do the cheeseburger with caramelized onions?”

  “Sure thing, hun.”

  Kenna glanced at Zoe. “Want to split a milkshake?”

  Zoe nodded. “Do you like strawberry?”

  “It just so happens to be one of my favorites.”

  A foreign feeling invaded my chest, a warmth that seeped into every corner. Kenna rarely ate like this, but she was trying to make sure Zoe ordered a lot of food, and that she had whatever she wanted from the menu.

  Zoe looked up at Susie. “May I have a hamburger with no tomato, please?”

  “Of course, sweet thing.” Susie turned to me. “I already know what you want, but how about to drink? Guinness or Coke?”

  “Coke, please. Thanks, Susie.”

  “Coming right up.”

  Zoe toyed with the straw in her water, glancing back and forth between Kenna and me. “Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?”

  Kenna had just taken a sip of her water and promptly began choking. I patted Kenna on the back. “I’m gonna try and not take that reaction personally, Brown Eyes.” I turned to smile at Zoe. “No, we’re just friends.”

  “You should ask her out, Crosby. She’s pretty, and she’s nice. You don’t always get both in one person.”

  Truth from the mouths of babes. Kenna was stunning, but it was the beauty that she hid away, the heart that cared so deeply, that stole my breath. “I think you’re right, Zo.” I turned to face Kenna. “What do you say? Can I take you out on the town?”

  The look Kenna gave me was one that spoke of a slow and painful death. “Sure,” she gritted out.

  Zoe let out a little squeal. “We have to pick the perfect place for you to go. It has to be romantic and beautiful and—and—I don’t really know what else. But special.”

  “How about The Cove? That’s pretty romantic.”

  Kenna stiffened beside me. “Anywhere but The Cove. Or skydiving.”

  I grinned, but it was forced. Kenna was scared of running into Grant there. Shit. I needed him gone from Anchor. Now. “You’re right, The Cove is too stuffy. I’m gonna think of the perfect place to take you.”

  I only hoped she didn’t murder me when we got there.

  19

  Kenna

  “You gonna toss me overboard if I hold you to that date?”

  I glanced away from the wake the ferry was churning up and towards Crosby. “Come a little closer and find out.”

  Crosby’s eyes seemed to twinkle as he stepped forward, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me to him. He ran his lips lightly up my neck until he reached the shell of my ear. “Would it really be so bad, spending an evening with me?”

  It wouldn’t be. And that was the prob
lem. I fought to keep my breathing under control as my nerve endings flared to life. It wasn’t like I’d been celibate since Grant and I had imploded. I’d gone on dates, had relationships. But there was just something about this man’s touch that always seemed to bring me to life. “It depends on what we’ll be doing.”

  “I can think of one or two things to keep us busy.”

  He gave the lobe of my ear a playful nip, and I responded with an elbow to the stomach. “Don’t bite me.”

  The mischievous tilt to his lips had my stomach hollowing.

  “You like it when I give you little nips.”

  “Not in public.” I glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying us any mind.

  Crosby released me and held up both hands. I felt the loss of him instantly. His heat, the life force that seemed to thrum through him, spilling out into the air around him. Into me. “I promise—” Crosby’s phone started to ring. He slipped a hand into his back pocket and pulled out his cell. Taking a moment to study the screen, he scowled and silenced it.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing.” He shoved it back into his jeans. “Now, where were we? Ah, yes. I can taste your skin in private but not in public.”

  The dismissal shouldn’t have burned, but it did. I hadn’t shared everything with Crosby, not even close, but I’d shared pieces. More than felt safe. His phone started to ring again. He muttered a curse, repeating the same steps as before. This time, however, he flipped the switch on the side to put it on silent mode. The carefree man of two minutes ago was gone.

  “Who was it?”

  Crosby glanced up, giving his head a small shake. “No one important.”

  I simply met his gaze. “If the amount of tension that just ran through your shoulders is any clue, it was someone important.” Crosby broke our stare and looked out at the ocean, at Shelter Island getting smaller in the distance. “You don’t get to have it both ways, Crosby.”

  He flicked a quick glance in my direction. “What do you mean?”