We lost ourselves in the kiss, but when I went for the button on Crosby’s jeans, he pulled back. “Whoa.” His gaze surveyed my face, looking for something. “Not that I don’t love the enthusiasm, but I mention your mom, and you attack me? What’s going on, Kenna?”
Kenna. He’d used my actual name. If that wasn’t evidence that things were already changing, I didn’t know what was. I stepped back, out of his circle of warmth. “Thanks for the heads-up. You can go.”
“I can go?” The words were more of a growl than a question.
I nodded. “You’ve done your due diligence. You don’t need to be tangled up in this mess anymore.”
Crosby took two long strides towards me, eating up the space between us, destroying the invisible wall I’d erected. His hand slipped under the fall of my hair, giving it a tug so I was forced to meet his gaze. “And if I don’t want to go?”
I swallowed against the emotion gathering in the back of my throat. “You will.”
His expression softened. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of like having you around.”
“You won’t when my crazy mother shows up drunk or high or decides that three p.m. on a Wednesday is the perfect time to do a striptease on top of a bar. And don’t forget to add in the trouble Grant and the Abbots might cause.”
Crosby brushed my hair away from my face and swept his lips across mine. “Worth it.”
A sob was dying to break free of my chest, but I forced it down. “This is just sex.”
A flash of something that looked a lot like pain skittered across Crosby’s features. “I’m not built for settling down, but this isn’t just sex either. It never has been.”
I studied the man in front of me. The man who was offering a half-promise of more. I should’ve told him to get lost, but some little voice in my head told me that he was offering everything he had to give. And I couldn’t imagine walking away from that gift. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Crosby arched a brow, and I laughed. “This is going to end in disaster.” I shouldn’t have been laughing, because the truth was that Crosby had the potential to hurt me. He wouldn’t mean to do it, but when he walked away, it would kill. I had spent so much of my life trying to avoid the very pain I was walking straight towards if I kept on this path with Crosby. But I was so damn sick of running away, of avoiding so many things. For the first time, I realized just how much I might be missing out on by playing it safe.
Crosby’s lips twitched. “It might, but it’ll be worth it.”
My fingers went to the top button on his shirt. “You’re going to have to earn that promise.”
Crosby’s hands closed around my wrists. “Dammit, woman, stop trying to get me naked.”
I burst out laughing. Crosby released me as I doubled over. “I never thought I’d hear those words out of your mouth.”
“Yeah, well, I never thought I’d be saying them,” Crosby grumbled.
I straightened, trying to pull myself together. “What did you want to do if we don’t get naked?”
“Oh, I’ll be getting you naked later. But, first, we need to talk.” He inclined his head to the door. “Let’s go sit on the swing.”
My throat caught at the idea of sitting on the swing that Harriet had put in overlooking the beach. She and I had sat in that very spot countless times to watch the sunset or have one of our heart-to-hearts. I hadn’t visited since she passed.
Crosby wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to my temple. “She’d want you to use it.”
I nodded against his chest. “Let’s go.”
We walked in silence. The twilight sky held the promise of a clear, starry night. When we reached the swing, I paused for a moment. Crosby gave my hand a gentle tug, pulling me down next to him. My breath stuttered as I sat, but the comfort of the worn wood and cool, sea air was a balm I hadn’t known I needed.
Crosby wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Cold?”
“No. It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Sometimes, we just need a gentle push.”
He was right. But I wondered what it was that Crosby needed a gentle push towards. “Harriet and I solved a lot of life’s problems from this spot.”
His fingers toyed with strands of my hair. “I don’t doubt it. When I suggested that she and I sit out here one afternoon, she wouldn’t let me. She said this was her special spot with her ‘sweet girl.’”
I chuckled, picturing Harriet rejecting Crosby. “I bet you pouted.”
“I don’t pout.”
“Don’t worry, it’s a very manly pout.”
Crosby shook his head. “Think this spot has it in its magic to solve one more of life’s problems?”
“Let’s hope it does. Janet or the Abbots?”
Crosby began twirling a strand of my hair again. “I’m wondering if the two aren’t related.”
I turned to face him. “Janet said Grant called her.”
Crosby’s expression hardened. “It seemed like convenient timing.”
Thoughts churned in my brain. “I haven’t seen her for years.” Since before I left for college. And if anyone knew the kind of injury my mother could inflict, it was Grant. I’d laid bare all the wounds she’d inflicted on me, so, of course, he’d use the knowledge to his advantage. “But what good does it really do him to bring her back?”
Crosby shrugged. “It messes with your head. It’s another warning that he can make your life miserable if he wants to.”
My spine straightened. “But he can’t. Sure, he can make trouble for me, but I refuse to let him steal my joy or my peace. He won’t stop me from fighting tooth and nail for The Gables.”
Crosby gave my hair a gentle tug and pressed a kiss to my head. “That’s my girl.”
It terrified me how much I wanted to be just that.
27
Kenna
My feet pounded against the pavement, the early morning sun fighting off the chill the sweat dotting my skin had created. I was almost back to the start of my ten-mile loop, but I felt like I could do another ten. The thrum of anxiety I felt was the perfect fuel for my muscles. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time before I needed to be at work.
“Geez, Kenna. This is early, even for you.”
I startled at the sound of Caelyn’s voice cutting through the early morning air. Bringing my cool-down jog to a walk, I made my way towards her. “I could say the same for you.”
She held out a set of keys, jangling them. “I told Mr. Walters I’d open today. Why don’t you come in? I’ll make you breakfast.”
I glanced at my watch. “I have time for something quick.”
Caelyn’s lips pursed. “I can make you a scramble really quick, but you need to eat more balanced meals. No more living on that sugar-free coffee crud and energy bars.”
I chuckled. Caelyn had mama bear ingrained in her system. “Those energy bars make life easy. But you know I never turn down your delicious concoctions. Unless it involves those carob chips you’re so fond of. I don’t care what you say, they do not taste like chocolate.”
“Quit trying to sweet-talk me and get inside.” Caelyn unlocked the door to The General Store and flipped on some lights. “Head on back. I have to get a few things from the walk-in.”
I made my way through aisles I knew like the back of my hand. Caelyn, Bell, and I had ridden our bikes here for popsicles or candy bars countless times while growing up. And it was still my preferred grocery store of choice, even after we’d gotten the bigger chain one.
I rested my hands on one of the stools and began to stretch. The last thing I needed was to pull or tear something.
“You’ve lost weight.”
The worry in Caelyn’s tone had me cringing. “I’ve just been busier than usual.” And stressed to the max, worrying about Grant, The Gables, and now Janet.
“You need to take better care of yourself.”
“You sound like Crosby.” After we’d had our talk on the swing last n
ight, he’d taken me back to the house and put one of my frozen meals in the oven, telling me he was withholding all orgasms until I ate a proper dinner. I wasn’t sure a frozen spring pasta counted as proper, but I’d eaten it anyway.
Caelyn arched a brow as she began chopping vegetables. “Crosby, huh?”
I snapped my mouth shut. I should’ve known better than to mention his name to the hopeless romantic of our group. “He’s just…” I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence.
“He’s looking out for you. Cares about you.”
I couldn’t disguise the flinch at her words. Because they rang true, and if I were really honest with myself, I wanted more. From the man who had been clear that he couldn’t give it.
Caelyn’s chopping stilled. “You’re falling for him.”
My head jerked up. “Am not.”
Caelyn’s grin spread. “You so are. Come on, would that really be so bad? You haven’t let your walls down for any man since Grant.” Her voice gentled. “Don’t you think it’s time?”
“It can’t be him.”
“Why not?”
I slid onto the stool, then picked up a napkin and began to tear it apart. “He’s made it clear that he’s not built to go the distance. With anyone.” His ex had hurt him. Deeper than maybe he even wanted to admit. I knew what it was to have the past mark you, to have it change what was possible for your future. But I also knew that no matter how much pain I endured, I still wanted to reach for forever with someone. To create a family.
I’d just been careful about who I considered to assume that role one day. All of my romantic partners since Grant had been like Henry: stable, predictable…boring. Crosby had shown me what it was like to be with someone who made me feel alive. But I couldn’t have him. Not in the way I truly wanted.
Caelyn opened a carton of eggs and began cracking a few into a bowl. “He just needs the right woman to show him what a true partnership could be.”
It was such a Caelyn thing to say, but her belief that you could change someone had gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion. The broken seemed to be drawn to her empathy and caring nature, but so often, she gave and gave, getting little in return.
I gathered the napkin bits into a pile. “I can’t force him to take a step he doesn’t want to take.”
“But you want to take it.”
I bit down on my bottom lip. I couldn’t seem to say the words out loud. If I gave voice to them, it somehow made the desire real. “He’s more than I thought he was.”
Caelyn whisked the egg mixture together with the veggies, some cream, and cheese. “How so?”
“Did you know he volunteers for the Alliance?”
Caelyn paused her work, looking up. “No, Callie never mentioned it. But then again, she doesn’t know we’re friends.”
The Alliance had helped Caelyn when she was trying to get custody of her siblings and still provided them with support now and again. And Caelyn and Callie had become good friends. “He’s one of the advocates. God, Cae. You should see him with those kids. There’s this little girl that he’s working with. Zoe. He’d do anything for her.”
There was a sheen to Caelyn’s eyes as she poured the scramble into a skillet. “He’s a good man.”
“I’m beginning to realize that he’s the best kind of man.” I’d let so many of my past wounds blind me to who Crosby truly was. Now, though, my eyes were fully open. He wasn’t perfect by any means. But the core of who he was, consisted entirely of kindness and protection.
“Then you should fight for him, Kenna.” Caelyn’s voice whipped out, stronger than I’d heard it in a long time. “Show him what a life with you could be like.”
“I don’t know…”
“I didn’t think my best friend was a wuss.”
I snorted. “I’m not, I just…” I was terrified to let myself completely go there, to go after what I wanted with the knowledge that I might get hurt in the end. “Let me take it one day at a time.”
Caelyn pointed her spatula at me. “Just as long as you’re not running away.”
“I’m not. I promise.”
The screen door slapped against the wood frame as someone entered. Heavy footsteps sounded against the worn floors. Caelyn’s eyes lit up as a deep voice sounded. “Breakfast sandwich to go.”
I turned, taking in the hulking form behind me. He was handsome, there was no doubt of that. Even the scar that bisected his brow and cut down his cheek seemed to add to his beauty somehow. “Hey, Griffin.”
He gave me a chin jerk and a grunt. That was talkative for the man. Griffin took off down one of the aisles to do what I assumed was some shopping. I leaned over the counter. “Real chatty, that one.”
Caelyn glared at me. “Don’t be mean. The rest of this island is small-minded enough when it comes to Griffin.”
I held up both hands. “I’m not. He’s just a little odd. And he’s got that I-could-crush-you-with-my-bare-hands look about him.”
“I think he’s handsome.”
I chuckled. “You’ve made that abundantly clear. You and the rest of the female population of this island, who isn’t terrified of him.”
Caelyn set my scramble down in front of me and placed her hands on her hips. “Given everything he’s been through, I think it’s natural that Griffin has some walls up. But he’s always been perfectly polite to me.”
My brow rose. “Tell me, how does one grunt politely?”
Caelyn tried to fight her laughter, but it soon escaped and had me joining in. It was just what I needed to start my day. But as I finished eating, I couldn’t help but worry that my friend with the most tender of hearts might be developing a crush on the last man she needed to be fixated on. Who was I kidding? I was doing the same damn thing. Except I’d already surpassed the crush phase and was precariously close to so much more.
28
Crosby
I tugged off my tie as I walked through the door of my office.
Penny looked up from her desk. “That bad?”
I tugged the choking fabric free. “The Abbots are not good people.” It was the understatement of the century. It was only the first day of the trial, and Grant was already playing dirty. He and Hotchkiss were doing their best to convince the judge that Kenna, Dr. Kipton, and I were in cahoots in the hopes of stealing The Gables from Clark and Annabelle. It didn’t matter that there was no proof; they were spinning a convincing tale with conjecture alone.
Penny sobered. “Do you think they’re going to win?”
“Not if I can help it.” I’d do whatever it took to help Kenna keep her home, the refuge that Harriet wanted her to have. It just meant that I’d be looking for some additional witnesses to make our case.
“Glad to hear it. A few things came for you in the mail. I put a pile on your desk.”
“Thanks, Pen.” I made my way into my office, taking a moment to remove the uncomfortable suit jacket and hang it behind my door. I eased into my chair and began flipping through the mail. Bills and junk mostly, with one lone padded envelope.
I pulled scissors from my drawer and sliced the seal. Dumping the contents onto my desk, I froze. The photo that stared back at me felt like a lifetime ago. It was on a beach in front of my family’s house on the Vineyard. Alicia wore a red bikini and a large, floppy hat. I grinned down at her, my sunglasses perched on the top of my head.
It was the weekend I’d proposed to her. My parents had been over the moon. For the first time, I’d truly felt their love and approval. But it had all been conditional, dependent upon me playing a role I didn’t actually have any interest in. Partner at the firm. A vacation home down the beach from my parents. Alicia and two-point-five kids. But none of it was real. Hell, Alicia had already been cheating on me. She’d promised me forever while screwing my best friend.
A muscle in my jaw ticked as I picked up the card. It was like passing a car crash on the side of the road. I knew I would only see ugly devastation, yet I couldn’t help but lo
ok.
Crosby,
I know I messed up. I’ll do whatever it takes to fix things between us. Please talk to me.
Yours always,
Alicia
I let out a snort at the signoff. She’d never been mine, and she never would be. The difference was that seven years ago, I would’ve given anything for her to be mine. Now, I’d give anything for her to go away. Blocking her number had stopped the calls and texts, but you couldn’t block the United States Postal Service. I pulled out my phone and typed out a message.
Me: Tell Alicia to stop sending shit to my place of business.
I guess I should’ve been glad that my mother didn’t have my home address. Alicia probably would’ve shown up in person by now.
Mom: Don’t use that language with me, young man. You need to hear Alicia out. That’s the least she deserves.
Alicia didn’t deserve a damn thing from me, except maybe a taste of her own medicine. But Brent had already given her that. An old colleague from the firm had sent me an email letting me know that Brent had cheated on Alicia, and she’d found out in a very public manner. What could I say? Karma was a real bitch.
I paused for a moment before typing out my next text, trying to think of something—anything—that would get my mother to stop Alicia’s campaign for forgiveness. The knowledge that the woman had destroyed my life certainly wasn’t reason enough for Mom.
Me: I’m seeing someone. These messages and gifts are inappropriate.
It wasn’t a lie. Kenna and I were in some sort of pseudo-relationship. Just the knowledge of that had me fumbling with the top two buttons on my shirt. I took a deep, steadying breath. It wasn’t the kind of relationship I’d had with Alicia. It was raw and real, and it required no promises of diamond rings and houses that I hated. In fact, Kenna hadn’t asked me for anything.
Perfect Wreckage Page 16
