by John Snyder
* * *
Back at Kelly’s Bar, Jacob dreamed randomly. In one of his dreams, he stood at the jewelry counter of a fine department store in downtown Chicago, an array of rings, bracelets, necklaces, and the like displayed before him. He spent almost a half hour studying the exhibit.
“I’ll take that one,” he told the woman behind the counter.
“Oh my. That’s an excellent choice. Who’s the lucky lady?”
“My wife, Amanda. It’s her birthday.”
“This must be a very special birthday.”
“All of her birthdays are special. In fact, every day I spend with her is special.”
What a catch, the woman thought.
They dined at an exquisite restaurant. Jacob couldn’t wait to give the gift to Amanda. He’d planned to wait until after dinner, but his enthusiasm got the best of him. Just after ordering their entrées, Jacob told Amanda that he had a birthday surprise for her.
“Close your eyes and don’t open them ’til I tell you.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Just trust me. Close your eyes.”
Amanda obliged.
Jacob pulled a stunning diamond necklace from his suit pocket. Leaning in, he gently placed it around her neck. The stones sparkled in the candlelight.
“Okay. Now you can open your eyes.”
“Oh, Jacob, it’s beautiful.”
She took her compact from her purse and admired the necklace in the mirror.
“Do you like it?”
The pleased expression on her face told the story.
“I love it! You’re so thoughtful.”
Amanda slanted her body toward Jacob and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Jacob.”
Chapter Six
A rat scurried across Jacob’s chest, startling him awake, tearing him from his wonderful dream. The dream served as a stark contrast to his current whereabouts—on a cot in the storeroom of a waterfront bar.
He rubbed the sleep from his face and fumbled for a smoke. As he lay there, he tried to return to the pleasantness of his dream but the demons in his mind wouldn’t let him. Instead, they took him to another place—to a dark place where he did not want to go.
“No!” Jacob screamed. “No! I’m sorry, Amanda. I’m so sorry! Oh, Tommy—No! No!” he screamed again and began to wail. He cried, uncontrollably, for about an hour, cursing God and cursing himself. He was in hell. He got up and turned on the light, looking at the clock on the wall—4:30 a.m.
The place was closing in on him and he wanted to leave. He ran to the door, forgetting it was locked from the outside. He was a prisoner until the morning person came to open up at eight—just him and his demons.
His thoughts became bleak. He tried to go back in his mind where his pleasant dream had left off, but it was useless. He couldn’t get away—or could he? Sure he could! Right there in front of him was the exit—the door to his escape. Why hadn’t he seen it before? He could choose whichever door he wanted, vodka, scotch, rum—whatever. He chose scotch. That would be his way out. He walked behind the bar, pulled a bottle of scotch down from the shelf, and opened it. He started to pour it in a glass, then laughing angrily, he threw the glass against the wall, where it shattered into pieces. Jacob tilted his head back, taking a long swig of scotch straight from the bottle. He was on his way. Out of there!
Immersed in the agony of shame, self-pity, and regret, Jacob spent the next several hours chain-smoking and draining the contents from the fifth of booze that sat before him on the bar. He drank and wept, wept and drank, trying to forget all the tragedy in his life. He finally succeeded when his head hit the wooden counter on the bar. He passed out…escaping at last.
* * *
Whistling an old navy tune, Carl rattled the chain on the front door as he unlocked it. Upon entering, he immediately spotted the broken glass on the floor. His eyes shifted to Jacob—passed out, sitting on a bar stool, hunched over the bar—an empty bottle of scotch lay on its side next to his arm.
“What the…”
Carl pulled down a note that was tacked to the inside of the front door and read it.
Carl,
There is a gentleman sleeping on the cot in the storeroom. He’s just passing through and needed a place to stay. He helped me out last night cleaning and closing up so I let him stay for the night. Just thought I’d let you know.
Bill
Gentleman? This guy is a far cry from a gentleman, Carl thought.
“Hey. Hey! Wake up!” he yelled, shaking Jacob by the shoulders.
Jacob groaned, saying something completely inaudible.
“Wake up, you bum!” Carl bellowed, grabbing Jacob and pulling him to his feet.
Jacob staggered against the bar, barely able to stand on his own.
“What’s the idea of helping yourself to a bottle of my best scotch? You got the money to pay for this?”
“Huh?” Jacob moaned, hardly able to open his eyes. Then he mumbled something else the bartender wasn’t able to understand.
“Aren’t you the guy that was in here a few mornings ago?”
“Yeah,” Jacob slurred.
“Look at the mess you made, you old drunk. I suppose you don’t have any money to pay for that scotch either—do you?”
Jacob was unable to carry on a conversation. He just leaned against the bar, swaying to and fro wearing an irritating grin on his face.
“Well, let’s just see what you’ve got on you,” the bartender said angrily as he ransacked Jacobs’s pockets. He came up with two dimes, a nickel, three pennies, and a cigarette butt. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
The man gripped Jacob by the back of his collar and shoved him toward the door. Opening it, he tossed Jacob out onto the sidewalk as if emptying the trash. He returned in an instant and flung Jacob’s ragged coat and knapsack out the door, hitting him in the face.
“Get out of here and don’t you ever come back in this place again, or you’ll be in for some real trouble!”
Now where had Jacob heard that before? He picked himself up, making several feeble attempts at putting his arms into the sleeves of his coat before staggering down the street away from Kelly’s Bar. As he walked, he ricocheted off buildings and trees, bumped into several pedestrians, and was nearly run over as he staggered out into the street.
“Where do you think you’re going—you old drunk,” one man shouted out his car window over the sound of his horn. Several other drivers blew their horns at Jacob, as well, and a fellow even gave him the one-fingered salute, which Jacob happily returned—in a much more colorful fashion than he received.
He made his way several blocks from Kelly’s before staggering to a stop. He sat down, leaning his back against the wall of Ben’s Hardware, where he passed out again. As only Jacob’s luck would have it, the same Chicago cop who, just the other day, had reprimanded him for sleeping on the sidewalk happened along.
Jacob lay facedown. The officer approached, tapping him on the back with his nightstick. “Move along, sir,” the officer said.
Jacob didn’t budge.
The officer rapped on Jacob’s back a little harder with his stick. “I said move along!”
Jacob sat up, staggered to his feet, and the officer recognized him. “Oh, you again, eh?”
Jacob took one step, then stumbled to the ground.
“Okay, pal—let’s go. I told you if I caught you sleeping on my beat again, I’d run you in. I guess you didn’t believe me, did you? Well…I’m gonna make a believer out of you now.”
The officer escorted Jacob to the nearest precinct and locked him in a cell until he sobered up. The last thing Jacob remembered as his head hit the pillow was how soft the jailhouse bunk felt. With a grin, he thought, These accommodations ain’t all that bad. Then he passed out again.
* * *
Hearing a vaguely familiar voice approaching, Jacob began to awake. “Jacob. Jacob, wake up.”
He squinted as he attempted to
focus on the frame of a man standing over him. His head throbbed.
“It’s me. Howard Angel.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re in jail.”
“What are you doing in jail, Howard? Why’d they lock you up?”
“They didn’t lock me up, Jacob. They called and said there was a lost soul down here sleeping one off…I had an idea it might be you. Come on. Sit up a bit.”
When he did, the room began to spin; his hands trembled. Howard helped him to his feet. They exited the police station and entered a cab Howard had kept waiting to take them back to the Salvation Army Mission. Once there, Howard fixed Jacob some hot coffee and a sandwich.
“Now, do you want to tell me what’s eating at you?”
Jacob remained silent.
“Come on, Jacob. I want to help you, but first you have to help me by being honest.”
“Don’t bother wasting your time on me, Howard. My soul’s not worth saving. I have been a sinner for many years now and my destiny awaits me in hell.”
“Well, I don’t quite see it that way and neither does God. You know Jesus died on the cross for our sins…and they can be forgiven if we only seek forgiveness.”
“Just forget about me. There are others more worthy.”
“You’re the one I’m most concerned about at this moment, Jacob. Now, level with me. Please let me help.”
“There are many things troubling me, least of which is the condition of my spiritual state.”
“That should be number one on your list.”
“Look, I am a lost soul. You can’t help me. Don’t waste your time.”
Jacob’s lips tightened. He squinted, and his face wrinkled in pain. He looked horrible, and he felt even worse.
“Why don’t you get some sleep and think about what I said.”
Howard walked Jacob back to his room.
“You can sleep in my room tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll fix you a place to stay on here until you can get yourself straightened out.”
Jacob’s condition left him with no strength to argue. Slipping off his shoes, he collapsed on Howard’s bed. Howard left quietly, easing the door closed behind him. Before passing out, Jacob surveyed the room, which appeared neat and clean, yet barren. The off-white paint that covered the brick walls was peeling. A lone portrait of Jesus hung on the wall. There was a tattered leather-bound Bible on a table next to the bed with several pieces of paper protruding at odd angles, marking pages within the book. Intrigued, he sat up and reached for the Bible, then hesitated. He touched it cautiously, as if it were hot and would burn his hands. Lifting it from the nightstand, he placed it on his lap. Marshalling the courage to open the book, he thumbed through its pages. It had been many years since he’d held a Bible in his hands. Its words seemed so foreign to him and far too difficult to comprehend. Frustrated, he closed the Bible and carefully placed it back on the table, rationalizing in a childlike manner that if he put it back in its original location, it would be as if he’d never picked it up in the first place. Reclining, he lifted his feet up back on the bed, reaching over to turn off the light before trying to fall asleep.
Exhausted, and feeling bad, he tossed and turned restlessly. Craving a drink and a cigarette—just a sip or two to calm his nerves—he began scheming about how to slake his thirst, taking his mind off his troubles just long enough to fall asleep. His dreams transported him back to his courtship with Amanda.
* * *
Another bouquet of flowers just arrived, the third of the week. Amanda fumbled for the envelope to see what was written inside. Jacob had a way with words, and reading his notes always excited her.
Amanda,
Your glowing skin and beautiful smile take my breath away.
Jacob
She held the note to her heart and smiled. He is relentless, she thought. Flowers, candy, and all his surprise visits. Will he ever give up? Her feelings were becoming confused. On the one hand, she had a relationship with Robert, but on the other…little by little, Jacob was chiseling away at her heart.
Jacob’s endearing ways were making a favorable impression on Amanda, and she felt a strong physical attraction. If it wasn’t for Robert, she would embrace a relationship with Jacob straightaway. But the history with her beau presented an obstacle for Jacob because she felt an obligation to Robert. What troubled her most? It was a feeling of obligation more than anything else.
The flowers and candy from Jacob kept coming, as did many declined invitations to “Just take a walk or something.” But this didn’t dissuade him. Every now and then, he showed up, unannounced, with flowers or a box of candy to spend a few minutes with Amanda on her front porch. His persistence once led to a very awkward occasion.
One evening, Jacob stepped onto Amanda’s front porch. He extended his hand, the one not holding the flowers, of course. “You must be Robert. I’ve heard so much about you, and now I have the opportunity to make your acquaintance.”
Robert didn’t quite know what to think, but being polite, he confusingly offered his right hand to Jacob. Jacob latched on to it and gave Robert’s hand a hard squeeze. With the other hand, he presented the bouquet of flowers to Amanda. Robert stared at Amanda with a stupefied expression. His face flushed and he sneered back at Jacob.
“Oh, this is Jacob, a friend and the business partner of my cousin, Nicky,” she offered as an explanation.
Robert seemed less interested in Jacob’s status and was clearly annoyed at the intrusion. He whisked Amanda away, saying they were late for the picture show. Jacob smiled to himself as he watched them walk, arm in arm, down the sidewalk. Robert looked back over his shoulder to see what had become of Jacob. Jacob gave him a nod of approval…as if Robert needed it.
Jacob’s persistence and unpredictable presence served as an irritation to Robert on more than one occasion and, at times, caused friction between Amanda and her suitor. That was just fine with Jacob. He’d much rather see friction between them than sparks.
Chapter Seven
As the months passed, Jacob continued his pursuit of Amanda. He began falling in love with her and sensed her feelings toward him were warming. She flirted with him frequently and paid him more attention. A mutual attraction became undoubtedly obvious as they spent more time together, taking walks, sitting on the front porch swing, talking and laughing for hours at a time. One starlit evening he heard her say what he wished she’d said months before: “Jacob, your persistence has finally worn me down.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I have feelings for you.”
“Feelings?”
“Yes, feelings.”
“What kind of feelings?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, really I don’t. Please tell me.”
Jacob knew exactly what she meant. But he wanted her to come right out and say it with certainty.
“You have won your little competition. You have won my heart.”
Now she just needed to let Robert know, something she dreaded.
A broad, gratified smile grew on Jacob’s face. “So it was a competition.”
“Oh, Jacob!” She smiled.
She buried her right cheek in his chest and hugged him close. Jacob wrapped his arms around her and gave a gentle squeeze.
“I love you, Amanda.”
“I love you, too.”
They embraced each other tightly.
The next day, Robert came calling. An awkward and uncomfortable conversation followed.
“What’s wrong, Amanda?”
“Nothing.”
“Something’s up. What is it?”
She thought for a moment, contemplating how to tell him about her change of heart.
“What is it?”
She took a deep breath. Here goes, she thought.
Nervously she said, “We’ve been dating for a while, and I know you want to become more serious about our relationship.”
“Yeah? And…?”
&n
bsp; “I don’t know if I want to continue our romance.”
“What?”
“I’m sure you’ve been able to discern our bond has been strained lately. Things just haven’t been the same.”
“Yes, I have.”
“I’d like to take a break.”
“A break, or are you trying to tell me more?”
Amanda paused, looking up at him.
“Well, what I’m trying to say is…I want to slow down a little.”
“Slow down, or stop?”
“Truthfully, I think we should stop seeing each other.”
Stunned, he spoke a little louder. “Does this have something to do with your friend Jacob?”
“Ah…you might say that.”
“I am saying that! I knew that guy was going to be trouble.”
“I’m sorry, Robert, but I would like to go out with him.”
“My suspicion is you already have. Haven’t you?”
“Let’s not argue.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Well, how did you think I was going to feel? Did you actually think I was going to be happy to hear what you have to say?”
“No, but that is truly how I feel.”
“What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything. We have grown apart.”
“That’s bull. This guy Jacob…he’s the reason.”
“Not totally, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t have something to do with it.”
“That’s what I thought. Well, you’ll have your wish. I’ll leave you to your new romance. I hope you’re satisfied!”
