by HJ Bellus
“Hunter.” I place my palms on his chest and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping not lose courage. “I have to get this out.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder pulling me into his chest. His lips kiss the top of my head over and over. “Talk, baby.”
“My Sophomore year I thought I fell in love. Mr. Hawthorne, my English teacher, was the man who I thought I loved. He paid me particular attention and seduced me in with his looks and words. I’m not innocent here, Hunter. One thing led to the other, and we had a sexual relationship.”
I choke on my words, not wanting to finish the story even though the ugliest part has been divulged.
“I find myself sixteen and pregnant with my teacher’s child. My parents’ marriage was already falling apart, then this was the final straw that shredded everything. My mom was a monster on a war path. She sued the school and pressed charges against Mr. Hawthorne. Everything went public. She wasn’t doing it for me, but the paycheck.
Long story short, they took Baker from me when she was born. I only had special visitation with her, and I never missed a visit. Mr. Hawthorne’s brother, Jerico, was also on a mission to save his family’s name. He won primary custody after years of court battles. There was a stipulation about me getting a steady career, then the court would re-evaluate.
Jerico has a new fiancée, and the attention had worn off having Baker, so he brought her back to me. He wasn’t abusive to her, but also wasn’t a good man.”
“Why were you here in Idaho?” Hunter asks.
I squeeze my eyes tight. “I had to leave California to focus in on my nursing degree. There were too many distractions in California, between my mom and Jerico’s mind games. I did everything to get her back. The sacrifice killed me, then I met you.”
“And Mr. Hawthorne?” Is his next question.
“He’s in prison and has signed away all rights to Baker.”
“So, she’s yours now?”
“Yes, Hunter, she’s all mine. It’s been a battle since the day I fell pregnant.”
“And Jerico was bad to her?”
I finally muster up enough courage to peer up at him. “It was a sterile environment with minimal toys because Jerico hates clutter. She was never exposed to daycare or preschool because Jerico had a nanny for her. Her only interaction and play was with me. I never missed my time with her until I had to leave.”
This part of the story makes me cry. Leaving Baker behind nearly killed me. I left a piece of my soul with her that day, but I had to do it for our future.
“I knew that he was a bastard when his smug ass stepped into the shop that day. I immediately hated him.”
“He’s a cruel bastard. Baker was never his concern, it was their family image.”
Hunter’s hand cups my cheek. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met, Teale.”
“I’m a failure.”
“No, you are not.” Each one of his words are well-pronounced.
“I am. I failed Baker for so many years and then crushed you.”
“You did hurt me, Teale.” His raw honesty destroys me, but I don’t let my face show it. “I’ve never been so devastated in all of my years, and it’s because how much you mean to me. There hasn’t been one day since I walked out that you haven’t been on my mind. It’s all you.”
“The ice cream shop,” I whisper.
A bolt of pain slices through me, but now is the time to put everything out on the table. No more secrets or hesitations.
“I won’t lie to you, Teale.”
I wince when he says this because it’s all I did to him in the beginning. I never flat out lied, but withheld the truth which is the same.
“There were several girls at home this summer.”
I grip his forearm unable to hear any more of this. “Hunter, I can’t hear about you with other women.”
“There were no other women who touched my heart and soul like you, Teale. There were old friends at home this summer who threw themselves at me. Burton did everything but sell his left nut to get me a hookup. I couldn’t do it.
Then the girl you saw me with, well that was my last-ditch attempt to forget you. It felt good, but wrong at the same time. Then when you walked in on our first kiss, I knew right away how big of a mistake it was. I talked with Chloe, and we agreed just to be friends.”
He pulls back holding up his index finger. “There was one kiss, and I’ve regretted it every day since.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’ve been around a lot of younger kids. Most of them family friends, but not one has ever taken to me like Baker has. Why is that?”
My shoulders sag in relief knowing that all of the difficult elements of the conversation have been tackled.
“That’s easy.” I lean forward and kiss his cheek. “Every night I’ve told her stories about you. I want Baker to grow up a powerful and courageous woman. I want her to know just because a guy gives her attention that doesn’t mean love. There’s no better person to teach her about real love and a real good man. She deserves to be treated like the way you treated me from day one.”
“Any more secrets? I’ve told you everything.” His husky voice causes chills to break out over my skin.
“One more thing.” I pause for added effect. “I shit my pants one time in kindergarten.”
Hunter’s smile breaks out across his face. “I shit my pants in Costco when I was in high school and cutting weight for wrestling.”
His forehead drops to mine. We sit silent for a long time, just breathing each other in and clinging on to the hope of forever. There will never be another man for me. If Hunter decides to walk away, he’s the end of my story. And I’m okay with that because deep down in my bones I know he’s my beginning, middle, and end.
14
Hunter
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” -Willie Nelson
The inevitable time of the season is here, and the snow is flying. Every part of the landscape is covered in pristine snow. I’m grateful I bought the truck to make it out to Dave’s place. There’s no way in hell I’d make it in my car.
To say the last month has been the best of my life would be an understatement. My days are still twenty-four-hour worries of Dave, coupled with school, my feedlot job, and my girls. My life is complete again. Teale and I don’t share heated nights in the sheets, rather spending time with Baker until she falls asleep. Then there’s a lot of passionate kissing and reuniting.
We are taking it slow in our own way. The harsh truth and reality of us are, our sores are too in-depth and raw to dive right back in. Sweet, little Baker is the perfect mediator healing all of our wounds.
I did get a damn trampoline set up just in time before the snow fell. It took up the entire grass area that Teale’s apartment was allotted. I thought I had a broken heart before, but I was wrong. It wasn’t until Baker told us that her Uncle Jerico bought a trampoline for looks, but she was never allowed to jump on it. He showed her YouTube videos of broken bones and warned her about the danger.
We jumped our asses off every single night until the snow was too thick to wipe off the trampoline. The chilling temperatures outside didn’t even stop us. We jumped our ass off no matter the time of night. It hasn’t been easy juggling my time, but worth it.
“Hey, Grumpy Old Man,” I holler when I enter Dave’s house.
“Hunter,” he shouts back.
Dave’s perched in his recliner. His health has taken a turn for the worse. It’s been steadily declining from day one that I entered his house. He has good days where his spirits are high, but ever since he returned from the hospital, he’s only complained about the pain in his feet. His accidents have increased again, and I do believe it’s a result of the pain in his feet.
“How’s it going today?” I ask him.
“Shit. Just shit.” He points to his television. “The damn satellite is out because of all the snow.”
I grab the remote from
Dave because I don’t trust his abilities when it comes to technology. Shit, we still struggle over his phone. He shakes so bad when he holds it and somehow manages to turn down the volume on the earpiece while holding it. He grows frustrated when he can’t hear me and then just begins shouting. I’ve tried showing him several times how to turn it back up, but it’s a losing cause.
“No signal,” I mumble.
“You need to get up on the roof and brush the snow off.”
I typically don’t mind his request, but on other days it rubs me raw. Dave thinks I only have him on my daily schedule and no other worries. Which is the furthest from the truth. I grunt then turn to leave the room.
“You need to get laid, boy.”
“No shit,” I growl back at him. “No shit.”
I toss my Carhartt work jacket back on and make it out into the foot of cold snow. A bitter wind takes away my breath, stinging the skin on my face. Climbing up on the roof is the last thing I want to be doing right now. Steadying the ladder, against the eve of the house, I climb right up onto the roof. It takes several minutes to steady my footing once on the roof. It’s a tricky situation with the slick snow and the uneven level.
Once I manage to get to the satellite, I use the broom to knock away all the snow, careful not to break any of the wires or the satellite itself. Once all the snow has been wiped away, I pivot on my right foot to make my way back to the ladder. It all happens in a flash. My footing slips, my ass hits the roof, and then my body tucks and rolls right off the roof. My left calf tangles up in the ladder with a harsh smack. The pain only registers for a moment before I realize I’m bouncing off the roof with loud thumps then free falling in the air.
The snow-covered ground breaks my fall. It’s not forgiving and could be compared to landing on cement. The oxygen in my lungs evaporates with the devastating fall. It takes me several minutes to breathe and gain my bearings. I clutch my head thankful I didn’t knock myself out. It’s going to leave a mark. I’ll be sore as hell tomorrow.
“Fuck,” I hiss, remembering how long I was sore after the motorcycle crash.
I stare at the gray skies lying on my back, trying to muster up the courage to get my ass up off the ground. My calf screams out in pain with each step when I put back the ladder. Going to have a good bruise after that fall.
When I enter the house, Dave is perched forward in his recliner. “What was all that ruckus out there?”
I shrug not even close to admitting that I just ate shit off his roof. “Nothing. Brushed the snow off the satellite. It should work now.”
“Goddamn, that was loud. It sounded like you fell off the damn roof.”
I ignore his comment while firing up the television. The satellite begins working, taking the time to reprogram. Then channel eleven news starts blaring.
“How about you get up and shower.”
“No, my feet hurt.”
“Has wound care been in?” I ask, kneeling before him.
“Yes.”
“And do you tell them your feet ache?”
“Yes, Hunter.” His voice grows more irritated with each question.
Dave told me after the first visit of wound care that his legs were wrapped as a precaution. I’m regretting taking his word for it since it seems he complains more and more about the pain. At first, he’d mention it here and there, but now it’s a constant. I’ve tried taking him to the doctor to get it checked out, but the cranky old man doesn’t want to waste any money.
“Dinner?”
“Not hungry. Just took my hydrocodone and other meds.”
“Anything else I can do for you, Dave?”
“That damn satellite is going to freeze up again. Does it every damn winter.”
“What do you typically do then?”
“Wait until the fucking snow melts,” he growls.
I raise an eyebrow and can’t help the smile playing out on my face. “You need to get laid, Dave. I’ve heard that curbs a sour mood.”
Slowly, but surely a snide grin spreads on his face. “Is that so? Thought you were shit for listening. I guess not.”
“Guess, since the ladies aren’t knocking down the door I brought you this.” I toss him a few bags of candy.
No thank you given. He tears into the candy, throwing it in his mouth. I head back to his room to find his sheets covered in urine and shit. I can tell he’s been in a lot of pain because he rarely makes it to the bucket, bottles, or toilet. After the bedding is stripped and tossed in the washer, I then go to his kitchen and clean out his fridge then empty his trash.
The stench is something fierce, so I dump a gallon of diesel on it then light it. The fire roars putting off the perfect amount of heat. The stark contrast from freezing temperatures warms me from head to toe. The overwhelming smell of diesel masks the rotting trash. I grab the brochure application out of my back pocket to study abroad. I always thought it would be Teale holding me back from this opportunity, but I was so wrong. There’s no way I can leave Dave for a whole semester. Teale and I are in a great spot, where I know she’d understand me leaving and experiencing the one in a lifetime opportunity. It would be hard for us, but we’d make it work.
The sad reality is I can’t leave Dave for an entire semester. It’s not the fact he needs me, but more I need that grumpy old bastard in my life. He frustrates the hell out of me, sucks up all my time, and irritates me like no other, but he’s my very best friend who I need in my life on a daily basis. My fist clutches the brochure in my hand, then I toss away the opportunity in the fire without a second thought.
I’ve learned over the last year and a half to always trust my gut. Right now, there’s a horrible feeling settled in the pit of it. Dave is going downhill, and fast. I curse the foot of snow that’s kept him stuck inside. He loves working on his farm when the temperatures allow. Hell, the man had me driving his tractor all over the farm, loving his seat. I peer up at the sky, struggling with the fact he’s in so much pain, and I can’t do anything about it.
I send a silent prayer up to God to put His hands on Dave, and keep him safe and to heal him. The man’s already survived a stroke that left his bottom half sixty percent paralyzed.
Dave’s asleep by the time I get back into the house. I grab his favorite quilt that his mom made him in his younger years. It’s seen better days that’s for sure, and the majority of America wouldn’t even touch the old, ragged material. It’s his favorite. I make sure to cover him up from underneath his chin down to his toes.
Any other night I would’ve woke him up and carried him to bed. However, tonight he was in so much pain that I don’t dare wake him up. I make sure that all of his medications are near him, along with a protein shake and his favorite plate of fresh fruit for in the morning.
I watch him sleep until his clothes and bedding are dry and clean, and also back in place. My heart hurts knowing that my days with my best friend are numbered. There are no words to soothe the lingering ache in my heart. Not a single word.
15
Hunter
“Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood, and you’re the one I need.” -Johnny Cash
I’d typically go home on a night this late. I’m a selfish bastard right now and need Teale. I pull into her driveway before I even realize where I am. There’s one light on. It’s her bedroom light with her silhouette in front of the window.
I grip the steering wheel tight, knowing the time is nearing to give her that diamond ring, the perfect one I picked out for her. I grab her house key out of my pocket. She was insistent I had one, even though I never used it. I’m thankful in this moment because I need her more than ever.
The door creaks open, and I’m thankful my girl is smart about keeping her door locked at all times. I kick off my boots, toss my trucker hat on the inn table, and then creep up to her room. It would be fun to scare the shit out of her, but I also don’t want to startle Baker, so I stall in the hallway and send her a quick text.
Me: Babe, I’m in the ha
llway
The three little dots bounce at the bottom of the screen, then my phone vibrates in my hand.
Teale: Is this a creepy, scary movie set-up? Are you going to whip your pony in my face then pull out a knife?
Of course, this woman would make me smile right now.
Me: Stop. I’m out in the hallway and about to walk in your door. I didn’t want to scare you and wake Baker.
The three dots dance again, but I don’t wait for a response this time. I push open the door and watch the cascade of deep, auburn hair whip over Teale’s shoulder. I don’t focus long on her beautiful hair. Instead, I find myself studying her body. She’s in short booty shorts and a sports bra, with a pile of laundry in front of her.
She picks up on my mood before I have a chance to explain anything. Teale drops the tiny t-shirt in her hands and moves my way. Her arms wrap around my neck pulling me to her.
“Is Dave okay?”
Only Teale would know that he’d be my first worry. I nod to comfort her nerves because he is essentially fine, but not really. Fuck, how do I even begin to explain it?
“Hard day?” She asks.
“Yes, his spirits are low and pain level high.”
“I’m so sorry, cowboy.” She pulls me closer, carrying the weight of my worries on her shoulder. Then she guides me into the bathroom off her room. She takes care of me, as I remain numb and not wanting to face the future.
The hot water pours down on my skin as Teale runs her smooth palms over my chest and back lathering up the soap. Her hands then go to my hair massaging my scalp. I know she’s still worried about my motorcycle accident, but does her best to keep her nursing training at bay.
She dries me off then guides me to her bed, wiping away the stack of folded laundry not worried about undoing her hard work. I hold her tight to me inhaling her scent. I crave so much more from her, but right now just need her body against mine. It’s everything.
My eyelids grow heavy, and sleep comes easy with her scent making me drunk. Even in the light stages of sleep, Teale’s hand running through my hair makes me smile while falling asleep. I’d be lost without this courageous woman.
