by Olivia Arran
The damn man was using logic on me! And despite myself, it was working—I could see his point.
“I need to think about it.” That was all I could give, all I could say. I felt like I had been through the wringer, emotionally drained and wiped out. But I also felt a little lighter, too, like maybe there was a way to redeem myself, that maybe I had served my penance. My fingers grazed my locket, and for the first time in ages, I didn’t feel quite as sad. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anytime. And, I meant it, for you—anytime.” He made to leave, but I grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
***
Tarq
“What about you? Time for you to share, big guy.”
She was snuggled in my arms, her head tucked against my chest—it was all my dreams come true. She hadn’t quite answered my question about us being mates—and she wasn’t saying that she’d give us a chance—but she had shared something that was obviously very painful, something that had shaped the woman she was today. The reason why she wouldn’t accept us. I had hope now. Knowing the reason for her reluctance was half of the battle, in my mind anyway.
So, I had to give her something. I picked the safest topic, hoping she’d buy it.
“I don’t know why your Alpha powers didn’t touch me.”
“Soooo not good enough! Try again.” She dug her fingers into my sides, tickling at my ribs.
“Ouch! Stop it! Okay, okay. It could be to do with the Alpha-Beta bond. Or—” I hesitated, unsure of how she would take this part, but carried on, keeping my tone light, “—it could be that I’ve gotten stronger.”
She stiffened in my arms, exactly the response I’d been hoping to avoid.
“It wouldn’t change anything between us. I’d still be your Beta.”
“But— If you—? Do you have any Alpha’s in your line?”
My turn to stiffen. I hadn’t thought this through… “Not that I know of.”
She pulled back, her sapphire blue eyes scrutinizing me skeptically. “Not that you know of?”
I couldn’t tell if my being a possible Alpha made me more attractive to her or not. But I did know that if she didn’t accept me as her mate, it might mean the end of us working together. “Nope, not that I know of.” I couldn’t tell her any more. Didn’t want her pity. And it had nothing to do with us.
She had enough to chew on for now, and maybe it would take her mind off her memories.
She narrowed her eyes at me, deep in thought.
“Don’t think too hard, babe. I think we should get some sleep, it’ll all seem clearer in the morning.” I was mentally begging her to drop it, and kissed the top of her head in an instinctive move. One she didn’t object to.
Maybe I was making progress?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Amanda
“Do you think this is going to work?” I hissed to Tarq as we reached the bottom of the stairs. I had slept the sleep of the dead and had woken feeling strangely refreshed. Tarq, on the other hand, looked like he was the one who had been put through the wringer, his hair still mussed from sleep, pillow creases lining his cheeks.
“Only one way to find out!” he said, grinning with eagerness.
So, we were back to that Tarq. But I couldn’t get mad, instead finding my lips curling up in an answering grin.
Together, we stalked into the dining room, where most of the pack were helping themselves to breakfast. All eyes turned to us, cutlery clattering onto plates, mugs being sloshed down in haste. My heart sank as I realized any progress I thought I had made had been wiped clean, undone by last night’s events.
I had always known it would take time to win them over, but it stung to see so many faces, previously friendly, now regarding me with suspicion and fear. I took a deep breath, I could do this. “Most of you will have heard that last night we caught the pack traitor, and that it’s Kate. I know this must be upsetting to a lot of you, but we can’t let her behavior go unchecked. She is mentally ill, having believed the lies that Eric fed her, and she is carrying his pup.” I held a hand up, and the buzzing that had started fell silent. “But, she knew what she was doing by attempting to assassinate an Alpha. She was resigning herself to pack justice. Therefore, she will be put on trial and judged by the pack. This afternoon, at 2:00 p.m., in the pack clearing. Does anyone have any questions?”
I was met with silence, and unease stirred in my gut. I didn’t like doing this, but it was for the best. They would see, when it was all done and finished.
“Good. Thanks for listening, and my door is always open if anyone would like to talk.” I walked over to the sideboard, where dishes of food had been laid out, and started shoveling bacon and eggs onto a plate.
“You did good, babe. Just the right amount of authority. You told them what they needed to know. The rest will come out later at the trial,” Tarq murmured, having followed me over, busy filling up his own plate.
I determinedly chased a piece of bacon around the bowl with a pair of tongs. “It didn’t feel right. It felt like they were all judging me, wondering what I was doing, coming into their home and putting one of their own on trial.”
“You can be the benevolent Alpha in time, taking a step back and just managing disputes, but not now—not when the pack is so weak. They need a strong, assertive leader, something Colstone does not, which is why James gets away with being so easygoing. I know it’s hard—” He laid a hand on my shoulder, the other darting in and swiping the errant piece of bacon, popping it into his mouth.
“Hey!” I batted at his hand, a moment too late, and he grinned at me, his teeth crunching with relish. “It’s not that it’s hard, it’s just I didn’t expect it to be so…”
“…Lonely?”
He’d read my mind—again. I nodded, giving up on the tongs and swiping a couple of pieces of the crispy meat with my fingers. “Yeah. That. It’s never bothered me before—”
“But, you want these people to like you. They’re your family, your real family—not like Colstone was. You’re worried that they’ll turn on you, like the Smithrock Pack did when you were a kid.”
The man was full of surprises! Since when had he been so perceptive?
He must have read the surprise on my face because he chuckled, answering, “When it comes to you, babe, I always pay attention. And I have an eye for detail.” Winking, he strolled away to snag a seat at the table, leaving me to wonder what he had meant by that. Detail?
Giving up, I joined him, noting how the room had cleared out in the short time we had been selecting our food.
“Don’t let it bother you,” Tarq mumbled around a mouthful of eggs, waving his fork in the air. “They’ll see. Give them time.”
I could only hope he was right.
Because right now, I was questioning every decision I had made so far—professional and personal.
***
Tarq
The pack clearing was on the other side of the field, just at the edge of the forest. The earth was packed down tight, barren except for the tenacious moss that sprouted on every available surface, crawling over felled trees, thriving on the rocks and stones that littered the open space.
I surveyed the area, not liking what I could see. There were too many unknowns, too many places in which an enemy could hide.
“It’s not ideal, I know, but the pack has used this for as long as they have been settled here.”
“Is this where—?” I gestured toward the center of the roughly marked circle, the edges scored permanently black.
“This is where they judged me,” Amanda answered simply. She didn’t flinch, but I could tell it bothered her, being back here.
I tried to imagine her as a fifteen-year-old girl, standing in the circle, her heart torn to shreds while adults demanded answers. My hands clenched into fists, impotent rage coursing through me.
A small hand on my arm, the softest touch. “It’s done. If I have to let it go, then so do you.”
Arriving in straggle
s, the pack members filled the clearing, loitering around the outside of the circle, whispering to their neighbors and darting looks our way. Their faces were starting to become familiar, their names etched in my mind, along with what each person was like—what their hopes and dreams were. This rag-tag group of people were important to me now—I could only imagine what Amanda must feel.
The last to arrive were Jed and Mark. They had done their part and were hauling a reluctant Kate between them.
“Showtime,” I whispered, giving Amanda’s arm a quick squeeze in support. “Remember—?” I tapped my chest, indicating the bond, and she nodded, stepping forward.
I took a step back, admiring my mate as she stood tall and strong in front of her pack. The shards of sunlight that had managed to break through the leafy ceiling teased and caressed her glossy blond hair, spinning silver strands, casting her in an ethereal light. Tight jeans hugged her shapely ass, her long legs carrying her toward the center of the circle.
Reaching Kate, she stopped, turning to address the crowd. “The pack is called to hear and cast judgment on Kate of the Smithrock Pack. She admits to attempted assassination of your Alpha, grievous bodily harm of your Beta, malicious damage in the form of fire, and plotting to assist known traitors in taking over the pack.”
“They’re not traitors! You are!” Kate screamed, Mark and Jed having to physically hold her back from leaping at Amanda.
Amanda swiveled on her heel to face Kate, her eyes cool and sharp. “Who? Who are not traitors? This is your time to defend yourself.”
I could understand Kate’s internal struggle; if she gave names, she was admitting to it. But if she didn’t defend them, she was not defending herself.
“Gary,” she finally muttered. “He’s not a traitor. He wants to help raise my child—Eric’s child, the real Alpha of Smithrock—and he would stand as proxy until my pup is old enough.” She spat at Amanda, the wet globule landing at my mate’s feet, then started to laugh, a high-pitched, manic sound. “Just you wait, you’ll see! Soon, you’ll see! Then it will be too late for you to leave. You should have left when I warned you to—”
“Oh, that’s exactly what we were hoping for, Kate.” Why we had allowed her to accidentally keep her cell phone and make the call. We had been counting on it.
I had been observing the periphery, alert for any intruders, and when a branch snapped over to the far left, I tensed, ready. “He’s here, Amanda,” I growled, taking a step forward.
“Good. I thought he’d never get here! Come out, Gary, where we can see you. Glad you got the invitation to our little party,” Amanda called out to the forest, her pose one of relaxed nonchalance. But I could see the thread of tension that hummed through her, could feel it through the bond.
“You started the party without me!” a deep voice called from the edge of the clearing, then a tall, muscular man strolled out of the trees, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, his face twisted in an approximation of a grin. “Aw, shucks. Now, that’s not playing fair, blondie.”
Fuck. He was a big guy. I took another step forward, watching him over Amanda’s head. If he made a move—
“Call off your guard dog, blondie. This is between you and me.” The man I guessed was Gary stretched his arms above his head, swinging them around in a parody of warm up.
Amanda turned to keep him in sight as he paced the perimeter of the circle. “Now that we have you here—”
“I call challenge! There. That should make things simple for you. We fight, you lose, and I take over as Alpha of the Smithrock Pack. Something that should have happened anyway. Then I’ll be going to hunt down my chosen mate, Lisa—the little wildcat ran out on me! But don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll have room for you. Plenty of room.” He leered at Amanda, rubbing his groin in a pathetic attempt of intimidation.
“You don’t have the right to call challenge!” My words carried across the clearing, and I watched as everyone’s heads swiveled from Gary, to me, then back again. But nobody spoke, their continued silence conveying their fear of the man parading in front of me.
“Says who? You?” Gary sneered.
“You’re wanted by the Colstone Pack—”
“They’ll get theirs, don’t you worry about that. I owe that Alpha a beating he won’t forget.”
I took a step toward him, Amanda’s hand against my chest the only thing stopping me from ripping his head from his shoulders. “You’ll have to go through me first…” I growled, tensing, ready to spring forward.
“Oh, I intend on it.” Gary postured, his large frame bulking as he flexed his muscles. “But first, the lady needs to strip. We have a challenge to deal with, then she can tend to me after…with her tongue.” He laughed, as though what he had said was hilarious.
“Don’t, Tarq,” Amanda murmured. “It’s what he wants—you mad enough to give him an advantage.”
“You can’t seriously be thinking about accepting his challenge?” I grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her around so Gary couldn’t see her. But I kept a close eye on him over her shoulder. The slightest twitch in the wrong direction and he would be praying to the Mother wishing he’d been a good little wolf.
“He challenged me. If I want to keep the pack, win their respect, I have to.” She shrugged, full of false bravado, but inside I knew she was scared.
“He’s a lot bigger than you, babe—”
“And I’m an Alpha.”
“He seems to think he is, too. We don’t know how strong he is, not for sure.”
Amanda huffed, a frustrated sound. “What would you have me do? I can’t back down, not to him. I won’t hand him Smithrock!”
It was the opening I had been waiting for. What I had been planning for. “Let me fight him, as your Beta, on your behalf.”
“Tarq—”
“Wait! Hear me out. We were saying we weren’t sure if my powers had increased or not, or whether it was the Alpha-Beta bond giving me an advantage. Well, it doesn’t matter either way. I can take him, I’m strong enough. I know it.”
“Getting bored over here!” Gary called from where he was pacing, his fingers twitching with agitation.
One of the female pack members flinched as Gary drew closer, reminding me just what kind of an asshole we were dealing with here.
I grabbed Amanda’s hand, pulling her body flush with mine, pressing us together toe to chest. “An Alpha considers all options, weighs up all possible outcomes before making a decision. And his, or her, decision is always for the good of the pack. Make a good decision. It’s not called weakness, it’s called leadership. Choose me!” I couldn’t stand the thought of her facing that bastard in the circle, the thought of him getting close to her, hurting her. I would do anything to protect her, but I was worried her pride would prevent her from accepting what I offered.
She stared up at me, her blue eyes bright, her hand raising to cup my face tenderly. It was as though everyone else had disappeared, this moment with Amanda everything I had ever dreamed of. The way she was looking at me…
“I—I can’t—”
“But—”
“No, wait, hear me out. I can’t send you in there in my place because I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I have already lived a long time carrying the guilt of a loved one’s death—don’t ask me to do it again. Please!”
My heart stuttered as what she said sunk in. She wasn’t going to let me fight. And she loved me! Did she even realize what she had admitted?
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tarq
I hadn’t planned on her being stubborn about it, digging her heels in. “You’re asking me to do it, though, if you fight—”
“But he won’t kill me. He said he wants to keep me alive.”
“For a fate worse than death! Amanda, you know what he wants to do with you. With all of the women here.” I felt sick to my stomach, the thought of that bastard abusing my mate like that. If he won in a challenge, he would have the Council on his side, and
I would have to go rogue to protect her—but I would, in a heartbeat. Words choked in my throat, refusing to come out. I had to tell her my last secret, then maybe she would understand.
“You have to let me do this—” I cut her objection off with a glare, “—no, you do, and I’ll tell you why.” I took a deep breath, hardly able to believe I was about to blurt out the secret I had been carrying for so long. Hiding shamefully.
“If you look at the odds objectively, with the bond between us, I can draw on your strength. So, I should win,” I hedged, unable to just blurt it out.
“Should! It’s not good enough!”
“I haven’t finished. This is personal for me. Not only because you’re my mate, but because of who, and what he is.” Another deep breath, trying to loosen the tightening in my chest. Just spit it out, Tarq!
“Wha—”
“A rapist.” There. I’d said it.
But she stared at me, her face scrunched up in confusion, not understanding. “But how is that—”
I forced the words from my mouth, each cutting like a razorblade. “I’m a child of rape. My mother was forced, taken viciously against her will. The bastard bit her, claiming her at the same time…resulting in me. She couldn’t look at me without remembering. I brought her pain every day of her life…”
“So, that’s what you meant by not knowing if you could be an Alpha,” she murmured, shock in her eyes. And tears—for me.
“That’s why I can’t let you fight him, why I have to do it. If I can rid the earth of one more rapist scumbag—I have to! For my mother, who couldn’t fight back, and for you, who can, but shouldn’t fucking have to!”
There was a long moment where we just stared at each other, each fighting our own demons, and I wondered what the future would hold, whether we’d ever outrun the past.
Then she grabbed my hair, yanking my lips down to hers in a savage kiss of teeth and lips. She pulled back, her breath feathering my lips. “Now I understand—everything. Go put your past to rest. But if it looks like you’re getting your ass handed to you, I will step in!”
