by Bry Ann
“Sam’s gonna be in the kitchen,” Mandi mumbles. “Your friend went to the living room. I told Sam not to talk to anyone, so I’m betting he’s in the kitchen pretending to get her water so he can avoid her tits.”
“Mandi!”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
She clasps her hand in front of her and smiles up at me, sweetly.
“Seriously, be nice, Mandi. Maria doesn’t need this shit right now, either.”
I see a retort on the tip of Mandi’s tongue, but thank God, she holds it back.
“Sam! Come on out,” Mandi calls in a choked voice when we reach the edge of her living room.
I waltz in to make sure Maria is there and okay. When I’m sure she is, my mind goes back to Sam. Sam has seen me before. Most of this town has. I did live here for nearly four years after it happened, before I took my talents and utilized them elsewhere. But I’m a man now. Not a boy. Not a lost fucking kid. I’m a man, and a criminal. Sam’s a ghost to me. But he’s also a good man.
I want nothing to do with him.
I run my hand through my hair furiously. I can’t stop pacing. Can’t stop brooding. Can’t stop thinking.
“Brantley?” A hand slides along my lower back, as I watch Mandi walk over to distract Sam, who just entered the room. Sure enough, he was in the kitchen ‘getting water.’
“Look at me.”
I shake my head. I need to be avoided until Sam is the hell out of here.
“Look at me, Brantley.”
“What the hell do you want Maria!?”
“Who is he?”
“No one.”
“Brantley…”
“Old friend from high school. Ex-friend.”
“Because of you or him?”
“Me.”
She nods solemnly and takes my hand, bringing it up to her face with a gentle squeeze.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
I pull my hand from hers and turn to the man whose eyes have been on me since he walked into the room.
Mandi leaves his side.
“Sam,” I say curtly when our eyes meet.
He extends his hand. “It’s good to see you, Brantley.”
“You as well. Hope life is treating you alright.”
“Life is good. Really good. It’s really nice to have you in town, man.”
I grunt. “Well, enjoy the rest of your day.”
I hope the message is received. Leave, Sam.
“Same to you.”
I turn away from him to get the hell out of this room until he’s gone. I’m nearly all the way around, weight back on my heel, when I run straight into a body. Familiar, cold, soft hands latch onto my chest and spin me around.
Maria.
I don’t even have the chance to speak, before she’s wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leaning into my side.
“You two should get lunch some time. Catch up.”
What the fuck is she doing?!
“Maria,” I hiss under my breath.
Sam’s eyebrows shoot up, then he looks to me, pulling his shoulders back.
“I’d like that. I’d really like that.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” I snap. “Have a good day.”
I push Maria out of my way and storm into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge. Mandi doesn’t drink beer, but I’m guessing she keeps them here for Sam. She better not be dating somebody. Goddamnit…
I let my head fall into the fridge.
I’m done with this. I’m so done with this.
“She’s growing on me, Brant.”
Mandi.
“Get out, Mandi.”
“Na-ah. Please come join us.”
Damn it, she’s using that innocent voice of hers. I groan under my breath.
“Pleaseeee.”
“You women are gonna kill me.”
I swear I can almost feel her grinning.
“Aww, maybe we’ll love you to death. You’d just die fighting it. Not our fault.”
I groan and push off the fridge.
“Fine, but be nice to Maria.”
“Oh don’t worry. She’s on my good side now.”
“Fantastic,” I say dryly.
Mandi bounces on her toes and smiles at me.
“Does Maria know you love to watch movies?”
I slam my beer on the counter, and shake my head. I guess she will in a moment.
27
“I’ll set it up, Brantley! Don’t you worry about a thing. You throw your beer away, and get your head on straight.”
She floats up on her toes one more time and smiles at me.
“Get out of here,” I laugh. “You’re nuts.”
“Thank you for not being mad at me.”
With that, she runs out to get everything ready. Mandi is still so childlike for being a woman in her thirties. I’m no psychology expert, but there was something missing in Mandi’s life, something not even I understand. Something even my mom couldn’t fulfill, and it left her incomplete in a way. Stunted her, but in the best of ways. Mandi’s childlike charisma is part of what makes her so special to me.
“I’m incapable of being mad at you,” I mutter.
I slam back my beer, take a few deep breaths, and head into the living room. That’s when I hear voices. I can’t help but listen in. I’ve never claimed to be a saint.
“So, are you and Brantley dating?” Mandi asks Maria.
“No,” Maria responds immediately. “Brantley’s just saving my ass.”
I glance around the corner to see Mandi’s head fall, shame written all across her face. “Yeah, he’s good at that.”
Maria’s eyes widen. Sometimes I forget that she’s a tech, and has a major in psychology, so she pays attention to these things. I watch as Maria’s face softens and her hand reaches out to stroke Mandi’s back.
“Hey, hey now. No getting down.”
Mandi looks back up at Maria through her lashes. “Are you fucking him?”
I choke on my saliva. Mandi! Jesus.
Maria’s eyes go impossibly wide, then she bursts out laughing.
“Well, well,” Maria says through bouts of laughter, “I wasn’t expecting that. Ms. sunflowers and daisies has a naughty side, huh?”
Ugh, I don’t want to hear this.
“No, I just…” Mandi stutters a little. Thank God. “I don’t want him to get hurt. I can’t watch him get hurt again.”
I sigh. I can’t get it through Mandi’s stubborn head that it’s not her job to protect me.
“I won’t hurt him,” Maria mumbles, bitterly.
“But… if you’re sleeping with him and nice to him and you push him to do things, what happens when you leave?”
“The boundaries are clear, Mandi. Our hearts aren’t in it. His sure isn’t. And neither is mine.”
Mandi tilts her head to the side, taking Maria in with a curious look on her face.
“How do you keep your heart out of it?”
“Easy,” Maria says with a smug smile. “Think with your vagina, not your brain.”
Mandi’s eyes narrow. Uh-oh. I know that look. Mandi’s about to get crude.
“Oh, and your vagina led you to my house, did it?”
I can’t help but smirk, waiting to hear what Maria’s gonna say, even though my heart is pounding and my eyes are wide. I can’t believe Mandi would say that. She’s changed. She’s always been outspoken, but now she has absolutely no filter. Or maybe it’s because I can’t accept the fact that Mandi is an adult. A full-grown woman responsible for her own life.
“I don’t know what she was thinking,” Maria teases, adding a playful shrug for good measure..
Both Mandi and I wear the same narrow-eyed expression. The lie is clear in Maria’s eyes. She can’t hide it, and I certainly can’t deny it. Her decision to walk through this door with me had nothing to do with her desire to sleep with me. It’s about her wanting to know me. Her decision was all brain, all heart. And wit
h that being true, what does that mean for us? What does that say about her feelings for me?
If she still has any.
I can’t listen to any more of this.
I walk into view. Both of them are sitting on a spread of blankets in front of the television. Maria looks away and Mandi smiles up at me.
“Hey! I set you up a spot by Maria. We’re watching ‘The Blind Side’. Come sit.”
Subtle, Mandi. Real subtle.
“I swear Big Mike reminds me of you, Brantley! He’s all big and soft and quiet,” Mandi mumbles with her head on Maria’s lap and her feet on mine.
Someone brought out drinks halfway through the movie, and gave them to Miss Lightweight over here. Mandi’s drunk out of her mind. If you think she talks too much sober, when she’s drunk, she’s literally of flood of words, thoughts, and feelings.
“But I wish Big Mike found a girlfriend. He needed a girlfriend. Like you do, Brant. You have a girl now. So I’m happy,” Mandi slurs. “She’s really pretty, but nice too…”
“Okay!” Maria says, laughing and looking down at Mandi like a big sister, even though she’s technically younger.
“I think you’ve had enough.”
Mandi goes to sit up, but wobbles. Both Maria and I jump to help her. Our hands touch when we try to steady her back. Hot to cold. Maria pulls back immediately, like my touch burned her.
“I think you got her. I’ll wait here.”
What is this feeling inside me? The subtle, dull anger that usually lives within me is just nonexistent around Maria. I feel soft.
“Okay. Maria?”
“Yes?”
Her hair’s frizzy and in her face, dress all crinkled and pulled to the side, but her eyes have most of my attention. They look heavy, weighed down with emotion.
“I had a really good time tonight.”
Her jaw goes slack, shock filling her expression, which she slowly replaces with a small smile.
“Who would have thought you’d be a movie guy?”
I shrug. “I don’t watch them much, if ever. Really just with Mandi.”
Her eyes warm up. “I figured. You’re good with her. Now go! Get her to bed. She’s drunk out of her mind.”
I give Maria one last warm smile before helping Mandi to her feet.
“Come on, you nut. Let’s get you to bed.”
Mandi groans. “You should kiss her.”
Maria bursts out laughing. “Take her to bed before we’re married.”
I chuckle softly. “Oh, Mandi.”
Mandi wraps her arm around me and lets me help her to her room.
“Bye, pretty girl!” She calls to Maria drunkenly as we walk out. Maria’s chuckle is the last thing I hear when we reach the hall.
When we’re out of Maria’s view, Mandi leans into me all the way, like I expected her to do in the first place. She was embarrassed to do it in front of Maria. That thought makes me smile a little. I love this girl so much. When we reach Mandi’s pastel pink room, she practically runs to her bed.
“My head hurts.”
“I’d imagine,” I laugh.
“You’re so mean to me.”
I smile as I move the covers for her and help her underneath them. She snuggles into them, then turns to me, eyes watering. I squeeze my eyes. She’s drunk and I’ve been gone a long time. This talk is going to be hard.
“You’re gonna leave again. You should, but I just…”
“Hey,” I touch her shoulder. “I won’t be gone as long this time. I promise.”
“Please. I know I’m weak. I’m not strong like you or Maria, so I need you.” She starts to cry. “You’re my brother. You’re my only family in the world, besides your mom. But she just reminds me of you. How I never get to see you because you hate it here. Because I’m stupid.”
I’m an asshole. “Mandi, shh. You have my word. Now go to sleep. I’ll stay ‘til you do.”
“Promise?” She whispers, on the cusp of crashing.
“I swear.”
“Okay.”
She slides her hand over mine and squeezes. I slowly slide my hand out from under hers, and as I do so, her eyes start to flutter closed.
“I love you, big brother,” she murmurs as sleep takes her. “I love you so much. I’m sorry.”
Then she’s gone. I don’t even realize tears are rolling down my cheeks until she’s no longer awake. I hurt for her pain. I can’t get through to her that it’s okay. That I’m not mad at her. That it’s not her fault. No matter what I do, nothing clicks. And if I can’t reach her, I don’t know who can. That scares me.
I grab a piece of paper off her nightstand, and a pen she has lying around, and scratch a note to her.
Forgive yourself, Mandi. Please. For me.
… And I’ll keep my promise to you.
See you soon.
-Brantley
With that, I sneak out of here. I do my best to wipe the tears off my face, hoping they’re not too noticeable. There’s only one bathroom in Mandi’s place and it’s in her room. I won’t risk waking her.
When I walk back into the living room, Maria is folding the last of the blankets from the floor. All the bottles are gone. The floor is clear. The food is back in the kitchen.
“Is she okay?” She asks me, placing the blanket back on the couch.
“Yeah, she’ll be alright.” I hope.
“She’s a sweet girl. I see why you’re so protective of her.”
I nod, watching Maria carefully. She’s organizing Mandi’s house.
“I want to take her home and wrap her in bubble wrap,” Maria giggles. “She’s adorable.”
“Mandi’s something, alright.”
Maria side-eyes me. “You love her so much.”
“I do. I’d do anything for Mandi.” I pause with a smirk. “Obviously.”
“Well, I’ve never had a sister, but I’d totally adopt her as my little sis. When we get home, you should give her my number. If she wants, of course! I could help her with girl stuff. I’m pretty sure whatever it is, I’ve been there.”
She rolls her eyes and throws down the pillow she’s carrying.
“I’m sure Mandi could use that, but…”
Maria freezes and turns to me with a cold expression.
“But?” She lifts her chin and cocks her head to the side.
“But, and I’m only saying this because I care, do you really need to take more people on? I want Mandi to have someone like you in her life, I really do, but does anyone have your back?”
“Don’t worry about who has my back, Cut!”
We both freeze. Even as feeling starts to come back into my limbs, all I feel is my heart pounding in my chest. I hear it. Thump. Thump. Thump. I don’t even think it sounds the same. Blood rushes to my ears. It hurts.
Cut.
She called me Cut. Not on purpose. Not to prove a point. On instinct.
Which is so much worse.
“I didn’t mean it!” Maria cries desperately. “Oh my god, I… Brantley, I didn’t.” Her eyes water. “I don’t know why I said that!”
“It’s fine.”
I shrug out of the arm she has now gripping my side.
“Brantley, please.”
“Get in the car,” I say coldly. “We’re driving back tonight. I want this trip over with.”
Maria starts to shake as she fights to stand tall. “Ok… kay.”
With that, she runs out without looking back. I glance to the left at the spot she just vacated. Her shoes. Of fucking course she left them. I grab them with a tight fist and storm to the car, being sure to use the key Mandi gave me a while back to lock her door.
When I get to the car, I chuck Maria’s sandals at her.
“You left these.”
Maria lets them fall to the floor. She doesn’t look at me. I don’t realize why until I see a tear fall into her lap.
“Don’t worry about it, Maria. Honestly,” I say tersely. “It’s not like we’re friends.”
&
nbsp; Her whole body convulses.
“Yeah, I know.”
I give her one last glance before driving home. This was all dumb as fuck. We both need to get back to our lives.
It’s what we’re best at.
This was fiction, not reality. She proved that with one word.
Cut.
I’ll never be anyone else.
28
I dodge Blade’s pathetic attempt at nailing me in the head. When he pulls back, I grab the back of his neck and throw him to the ground. When he tries to get up, I kick him in the side and watch as he spits blood on the mat.
“Fuck, man! I’m scared to fucking move.”
“You calling it?” I say flatly.
Blade glares at me. “Of course not.”
He hops to his feet before I can stop him and charges me. Blade doesn’t ever quit. The man has infinite lives. He doesn’t let anyone keep him down. It’s his strongest trait.
“You’ve been a psycho since you got back,” Blade yells as he dodges a fist. “What happened with you and the sexy Latin chick?”
I land a fist to his face this time. Blood sprays across the mat. I kick him down and put my foot on his chest.
“I’ll call this one for you.”
Then I shove off him and throw my gloves off. I hear grumbling as Blade tries to get up. When he does, he hovers behind me as I remove my wraps.
“Seriously, man, what happened?”
I don’t say anything.
“Cut?”
Shut the fuck up.
“Cut! Holy shit. What’s up your ass?”
“Leave it, Blade,” I growl. “Nothing happened. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No, come to the club tonight. Get with one of the girls. Loosen up.”
That’s the last fucking thing I want.
Ring! Ring! Saved by the bell.
“Cut,” I snap into the phone.
“Cut, it’s Nix.”
“Nix? Rose’s brother?”
“Yeah, I got your number from Lacey.”
Of course he did.
“What do you need from me?”
“My girl. She needs a few lessons. Before you jump down my throat, she doesn’t need official training or anything. Just a lesson or two, basic self-defense. You’re the best there is and I know she can trust you, which is invaluable.”
