by Bry Ann
No. Just no.
She’ll say yes, too. Damn it, I know she will. For the distraction. To get a clear head. To make peace with what down between us.
“Babe…” Maria groans, but there’s a slight quiver in her voice.
“I’ll answer for her. No, fuck no.”
Frances turns his head, with a slight smile on his face.
“Oh, is that so?”
“Yes,” I answer immediately, fighting the urge to snap his neck. The only thing keeping me from doing it is the fact that something is off. Frances doesn’t look mad, he looks amused, which is not him. He’s possessive to the point of murder.
“Alright, then. Guess my job is done here,” he says with a smirk as he shakes his head and walks off.
“Wait! Hell no.”
Maria runs forward and grabs his collar. I guess she noticed the same thing I did. Something’s definitely fishy. My feet are inches behind them. I won’t watch him hurt her. Not again.
“What the hell was that? You don’t want me now? I’m not your type all of a sudden? You know, insane? Not to mention, you being chill about Cut cock blocking you? No, just no. Why did you do that?”
Frances tilts his head to the side with an evil smile.
“I pissed off the lady of the house and the blondie attached to her hip. I had to pay my dues.”
Lacey helped set this up?!
Frances shrugs roughly out of Maria’s hold, sending her stumbling back a few steps before righting herself. She stares at his retreating form in shock, before losing it. Completely losing her fucking mind.
“They had no right!” She screams, ramming her fist through the air. “Rose, I’m gonna kill you, you bitch! And Lacey, you should know better! Goddamnit. Damn it!”
“Maria…”
“Shut up!”
She throws her fists over her ears and screams through clenched teeth.
“Maria…”
She doesn’t stop. She’s losing it. This isn’t about Rose and Lacey’s annoying interference. It’s something more.
“Maria!”
I charge forward and grip her hips, pinning her back against the back wall.
“Look at me.”
Her head shakes back and forth.
“No, go away. They set me up.”
“They set us up,” I growl under my breath.
The smallest of smiles appears on her lips. “I hate that they used something straight out of my book.”
“This is the kind of shit you’d pull.”
“Completely.”
“Brantley,” she whispers, trying to keep her head off my chest.
“I’m here.”
“Oh god,” her eyes well with tears again. “Don’t say that! Please don’t say that.”
I tilt her chin up with my finger. “Talk to me.”
She shakes her head a small amount. “I didn’t mean to call you Cut. I was being defensive, and it just came out. It’s my instinct to hurt people when they get too close, but I never wanted to hurt you.”
She grips my shirt in a tight hold and lets her head fall to my chest this time.
“I’m so sorry.”
It comes out in a breath.
“Maria, it’s okay.”
I tentatively cup the back of her head and start to rub back there.
“It’s okay. I overreacted.”
She shakes her head, sending her tears flying to the floor.
“No, no you didn’t.”
“I did more wrong on that trip than you ever did. We both know that.”
Her eyes flick up to meet mine. I’m expecting something a little more smug than her teary-eyed, broken expression. The eye contact she initiates doesn’t last long before she places her head back on my chest, hiding her face in the fabric of my t-shirt.
“Hey, Maria, what’s going on?”
“He died,” she whispers, voice quivering. “He… he… he’s gone.”
My blood runs cold. Oh shit. No.
“When, Maria?”
I feel her body tremble hard.
“Maria, when?”
“Twenty-nine days ago.”
Oh shit, Maria. She’s been dealing with this all on her own. I grab her sides and pull her body flush against mine. My arms wrap around her body in a tight hold.
“Does anyone else know?” I whisper. “Rose? Lacey? Anyone?”
She shakes her head, holding on to me tighter, like I might disappear.
“Why, babe? Why?”
“I can handle it. I don’t want their pity.”
Even though my heart feels like it may shatter for her, I give her the answer she needs.
“Okay, I understand.”
Every muscle in her body locks up. “You do?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Thank you, Brantley.” Her fingers dig into my back like I’m a life raft and she’s lost at sea.
“Thank you so much.”
“How about I cancel with Lacey and we go do something?”
She lifts her head off my chest. “Really? Can you do that?”
I snort. “Seeing as she was the mastermind behind all this, I highly doubt she’ll care.”
“That is very true.”
“Go wash your face, get your voice up to par, then go meet Rose and Lacey in the gym, where I’m sure they’re hiding, waiting to hear what went down.”
“Yeah, probably,” she grumbles, voice still hoarse from her break down. “Thanks for getting it.”
“Yep. Meet you in there.”
She winks, and we both head in different directions. When I’m sure she’s out of sight, I lean against the wall with my head in my hands, and think of Mom. I think of Mandi. How much I take them for granted. What I’d do if I lost one of them. What I’d do if I lost one of them and had to handle it all on my own. I force myself to take a deep breath, and not go there. Then I make a vow, to them, to myself. I will do a better job keeping in touch with them. I will visit at least once every six months, call at least once every two weeks. I owe them that much. I owe myself that much. With a nod, I walk back off to find the little meddler.
Sure enough, I find her sitting crisscross on the mat in our usual meet up spot, the boxing gym. Rose is in the corner, fiddling with one of the bags. When I come storming in, they both shoot forward with little grins on their faces.
“Well…”
“You crossed the line, Lacey.”
“I know.” Guilt laces her expression. “But I couldn’t stand by and watch you push everyone away. I love you so much, Cut. So much. You’ve given me my power back. I’m not lost anymore, and a huge part of that is because of you. You’re one of the best men I know, and you… you have a real shot with Maria. I was willing to lose you if it meant I had a small chance at giving you happiness.”
The tears she’d been holding spill over her cheeks.
“But I really don’t want to lose you.”
I look to Rose, who tears her concerned gaze from her friend, and gives it to me. She just shrugs.
“Meddling’s not beyond me, and I owe it to Maria. That girl deserves it.”
She does. I roll my eyes, and crouch down in front of Lacey.
“Don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
Her lower lip wobbles, but she clamps down on it, opting to shiver instead.
“But I told you I’d never leave unless you asked me to.” She looks up at me, desperation pouring from the depths of her irises. “And I meant it, Lacey.”
Her body slumps into the mat.
“Okay.”
I know she wants to thank me, release all the pent up fear of me leaving and gratitude that I’m staying, but she stays strong. Acts like she believes she deserves to have me train her, when honestly, I’m not sure she fully believes that yet.
But she will. One day. She’s already halfway there.
I nod and stand.
“Well, given the circumstances, I’m taking today off.”
Lacey�
��s face brightens and Rose jumps up.
“That little slut!” She yelps. I’m no girl expert, but I have a feeling those words aren’t to be taken literally.
“I knew it! Oh, please go have fun. Maria likes to eat, but pretends she doesn’t. So yeah, feed her and don’t put up with her bullshit. She’s hot enough as it is. Her favorite food is Chinese.”
“Thanks.” I keep my tone purposefully flat. I am not encouraging them.
“Okay!” Lacey jumps to her feet to hold Rose back a bit. “Let’s let him go.”
“Great idea,” I mumble.
“But, uh, Cut?”
“Yes, Lacey?”
I’m ready to freaking go.
“You kept your promise to me, about Maria. I don’t know what she’s been through or what she’s going through, but I think you do, and I think you have her back. So call us good. You have my trust again. Don’t ever worry about what happened with Miguel again, okay?”
Miguel’s the man I led straight to Lacey last year, to save Maria.
“I’ll never not worry about leading you into danger, but I appreciate that, girl.”
“Just think about it. Cut, I was hurt and in shock. I get why you did what you did. You saved Maria’s life.”
A wry little smile appears on her lips.
“You’re her hero, dude,” Rose jumps in.
“You’ve been hanging with your brother too much,” I grumble. Nix is Rose’s brother. Their slang, my goodness.
“I told you!” Lacey yells at a volume I wouldn’t expect from her. My eyebrows raise slightly. Lacey catches herself and looks at me with red cheeks. “I told her. She’s starting to sound like a combination of Maria and Nix.”
I snicker. Yeah, she does. Lacey’s not wrong.
“Well, I’m about done with you two today.”
“Bye, Cut. Go take care of—”
“You better not say Maria, Lacey, because I swear if you do we’re gonna have a catfight,” Maria’s voice echoes from the doorway.
Lacey ducks her dead. “Of course not.”
“Lacey would kick your ass chica,” Rose laughs. “She was referring to you, now let’s see you try and fight her.”
Rose grins at Maria.
“Why do you want to get me killed?” Maria fake whines.
They continue this banter. I watch almost in awe. They are all so light. How is this possible with what I know of them?
Lacey’s quiet, shy, independent, and too strong for her own good. Not to mention, she’s experienced more trauma than anyone I know. Rose is the daughter of a psychopath and has recently been in treatment. Maria just fell apart in the hall a minute ago, and lost her father less than a month ago, without support from anyone.
Yet here they are, teasing and joking like there are no issues whatsoever.
For some reason, a girl with black-green hair comes to mind. Why does she never come here? Why doesn’t Nix bring her? This, what these girls have here, could really help her.
It’s not my place to intervene in this area, but damn, I almost wish it was. I have to trust that Nix knows what he’s doing.
My thoughts are cut off when a hand slides across my chest.
“You ready, big guy?”
I look down at the woman wearing a sexy red dress and vulnerable brown eyes.
Yes, I’m ready.
31
Maria crosses her legs and places a pillow in the middle so she doesn’t flash me. I love that she’s not putting on some grand show, not trying to act sexy. She’s just in her home, getting comfortable.
Yeah, you heard that. I’m at her place. Her. Place. We actually went to a coffee shop first, but Maria kept shifting in her seat and would only give me that false persona of hers, so I grabbed her hand and shoved her back in my car.
Then I ordered her to tell me where she would feel most comfortable, because we need to talk.
She blurted out ‘in a house’. Mine or hers. Since hers is so new, we went there. It’s less personal. She still has shit in boxes. My place is more lived in. It smells of me, screams of me. I’m not ready to take her there. Not yet. No one’s been there. Not my mom. Not Mandi. Not Blade. No one.
It’s mine.
“So,” I pull up a chair, flip it backward, and straddle it. “Talk.”
Maria starts to tug at the end of her blanket.
“This is such an impersonal set up.”
I bury my smirk. “Do you want me to hold your hand?”
She shrugs and blinks up at me. She’s playing me right now.
It’s fuckin’ working.
“Preferably. I could use a little handholding. It’s been a long day.”
I find myself grinning at her before I can stop it. “You’re trouble.”
“The best kind, baby.”
“Get a hold of yourself,” I grumble as I climb onto the bed next to her. I look down at her red sheets, buried under a silk white comforter, and grimace. I don’t feel right being on them. They’re so clean. Beautiful. My scars seem to glisten, reminding me of how I’m soiling her bed.
“Stop it!” Maria snaps. “God, you kill me.”
I glare up at her. She leans forward over her crossed legs, not caring in the least that her breasts are spilling out of her dress.
“Look at me.” She grabs my hands, forcefully. “Now.”
So I do. I look at her.
“What?”
She crawls into my lap and tucks her head into my shoulder.
“I want you here. That’s all that matters. I don’t take men into my bed, let alone just to talk. Let that speak for itself.”
I slide my hand over hers, and stare at the intertwined flesh. “If you say so.”
“I do.” She gives me a hard glare. “So that’s done.”
“I thought this was your vulnerable moment?”
She snickers. “It is, but don’t worry, I love that you needed it first.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you did. You’re not getting out of this.”
“I know.” She curls into me like a kitten. “Please rub my hair.”
“Alright, babe.”
I start to stroke her hair back. She lets out a deep sigh and quietly tucks her head into my t-shirt.
That’s when the tears start to roll.
“I got the call not long after the trip. I wanted to tell you, I did, but I was the one who screwed everything up. I had no right. The whole time, when I was with people at the nursing home and the morgue, when I was at the funeral, all I wanted was this. I just wanted you to hold me. I couldn’t tell anyone else, because they wouldn’t be you. You get it. With everyone else, I have to act, I have to be what they expect. I just didn’t have it in me.”
She grips my pants so tightly, it’s like she’s taking the pain she’s feeling out on this very fabric.
“He’s gone, oh god. What do I do without him? He keeps me in line. I’m gonna go insane. Ugh, I’m so sorry you have to listen to this.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I grit out. Her pain is burying me. I don’t even realize I’ve stopped rubbing her hair until she curls in tighter.
“I know I’m being weak, but please don’t stop holding me. Please, give me what I don’t deserve.”
“Maria,” I pull her back by her hair, making sure to soothe the pain with my hand after. “You are not being weak. You lost your father, your only living family member, and you dealt with it all on your own for three weeks now. You are allowed to cry. You deserve every last ounce of comfort I have to offer you. I messed up on that trip, too, Maria.”
“Yeah, I guess you did.”
“I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I wish I was a nicer man. A softer one. But I’m not. Death is a natural life part of life, Maria. Your father set you free before he left. Confessed his sins.”
“There were no sins!” She screams with twitching fingers. She wants to smack me square across the face.
“Maria, there were. He was too hard on you. You have a g
ood heart.”
I place a hand on the left side of her chest, where her heart beats.
“He gave you false beliefs about it. Yes, he made you stronger. Yes, he loved you, but Maria, he had things to rectify before he left. And he did. Stop waiting for him to punish you, babe. You don’t deserve to be punished for feeling, for loving. Even your old man knew that. He just knew it too late, and it was his biggest regret.”
“No!” She screams, pounding her fists into my chest. “No! My dad had no regrets. Not one. No.”
She falls face first into the mattress and begins to sob. I scoop her up and pull her into me.
“Shh, shh, he used those regrets to give his daughter the greatest gift. I’m sure that gave him peace in the end Maria.”
“Jefe.”
“What?”
“That’s what my dad used to call me,” she says with a reminiscent laugh, “It means boss. He’d say one day I was gonna be his little boss.”
Her laughter turns into a pained choking sound.
“What do I do, Brantley? It feels like someone is ripping me apart from the inside. Drinking isn’t helping. Sex makes me sick. My persona drains me. I’m going under, and my dad isn’t there to catch me this time.”
“Lean on others. Lots of people care about you, Maria. You just have to let them.”
She pauses a moment, then predictably, sparks flare.
“You’re such a hypocrite, Brantley. Mandi and your mom?” She scoffs. “I’d give anything to have them! Anything! My mom was a rotten bitch who left me behind. You think my dad made me hard? Try again. I never knew what it meant to have a woman in my life, and you have two. Two amazing, incredible women who love you with every fiber of their being. And you, you push them away! You don’t let them show you just how worthy of love you are. So take your advice and shove it up your own ass, because it makes me sick that you don’t see what you have.”
“You’re right.”
“Damn right, I’m right… Wait, what?”
“You’re right,” I repeat. “I realize how great they are, always have, but I’ve let my personal issues get in the way of their help. And their love. You’re completely right.”
