She loved her home and she loved her brother and was quite certain no one else could ever take his place.
She could not imagine that any foreign Prince could understand what she felt at this moment.
She had always believed that the woods were magic and that there were fairies in them, who would eventually bring her everything she wished for.
She had always turned to the woods for consolation when she was feeling unhappy – also when she was happy, so that they could share her happiness with her.
‘How can I leave you?’ she implored.
She thought there was a rustle in the trees and soft movements in the undergrowth.
When she returned to the house, she remembered for the first time they had visitors for dinner that night and among them was one of their neighbours.
He was a young gentleman who had been pursuing Latasha ever since she was a schoolgirl.
He was rich with an attractive house, which he had inherited from three generations of his ancestors, but it did not in any way compare with Norlington Park.
Yet Latasha, who had been there often, thought it was reasonably comfortable and pleasant, especially for a man who was not married.
His mother was alive, but spent most of her time in the South of France, as the doctors thought the warmer air was better for her than the cold winter winds which would affect her lungs.
As Latasha dressed herself for dinner that night, she was thinking that it might solve every problem if, instead of saying ‘no’ to Patrick again tonight, she would say ‘yes’.
He had become used to her refusing his proposals of marriage and they could even laugh about it.
The last time they had been together he had said,
“I suppose as usual I have to humiliate myself by asking my darling adorable Latasha if she will marry me.”
“You know the answer,” Latasha had replied.
“I hear what you say,” Patrick answered her, “but I want to know why.”
Latasha spread out her hands in a graceful gesture.
“I like you, Patrick, and I enjoy being with you, but to be frank, I do not love you as I want to love the man I marry.”
“You have said all that before, Latasha, but suppose you never find him?”
“Then I shall just continue thinking of you as my closest and dearest friend and enjoying the times we are together.”
“But that is just not enough – not enough for me. I want you, Latasha, and God knows I have been careful not to rush you or try to force you into accepting me. But we cannot go on like this.”
“Why ever not?”
“Because I want to be married. I want you as my wife and I want a son to inherit my estate when I die.”
“You are not going to die for a long time. I am sure as the years pass by and I grow old and ugly, you will find someone young and beautiful to spring into your arms the moment you hold them out.”
“You are making a mockery of it,” he complained. “I love you, Latasha, with all my heart and, as you know, since you have grown older, I have never looked at anyone else.”
“But I have looked at quite a lot of men and none of them are exactly what I want.”
“What do you really want?” enquired Patrick.
“You know the answer – someone who makes my heart beat quicker. I want someone I will love not only for a short time but for the rest of our lives together.”
“That is exactly what you do to me.”
He held out his arms.
However, Latasha, who had had this conversation with him many times before, managed to evade them.
“Please allow me to kiss you,” he implored, “and I will make you feel as you want to feel about love.”
“I made a vow that I would never let a man kiss me until I was absolutely certain that he was the right one. I have no wish to be disappointed.”
“Why do you think that I would disappoint you?” Patrick persevered.
“Because at the moment you are not the right one for me. I don’t know why, and perhaps it is a mistake to talk about it, but my instinct tells me that what I feel for you, although it is a feeling of deep affection, it is not the love I seek.”
“But I will teach you about the love you are looking for. I swear to you I will do that and, once you understand love, it will grow and grow year by year until it fills our lives and there is nothing else for us but endless love.”
Latasha drew in her breath.
“That is what I want and that is what I am seeking, but it is something you cannot force to happen and that is why, Patrick dear, although I am very very fond of you, I cannot at this moment become your wife.”
Because he had been afraid of losing her, he had not worried her unduly.
Although she and Patrick met frequently, they had not been alone for long enough to engage in deep conversations without being interrupted.
Now, as she was dressing, for the first time Latasha was thinking seriously that perhaps she had been stupid to refuse Patrick.
She would be absolutely certain to stay in England by becoming his wife.
She would be near her home and it would be easy to ride Harry’s horses as well as those Patrick provided for her.
She was very sure that he would keep his word and never love anyone except her.
‘Perhaps I really am a fool,’ she thought, ‘to go on seeking the unobtainable – ’
Perhaps she was reaching for the stars, but would never be able to touch them.
She could well imagine all too clearly the light in Patrick’s eyes if she said that she would marry him and the excitement there would be in his household and among the servants at Norlington Park.
They would be married in the village Church where she had been christened. Her mother and father lay buried in the churchyard with a great number of their ancestors.
Then she would be able to settle down to being the most important lady in the neighbourhood – until of course Harry married and brought home a Duchess.
Yet, as she thought of this prospect, she knew it was not enough.
She still wanted something more, something bigger, something she could not yet put into words.
She sensed it was there if only she could find it.
*
During the dinner party there was no chance at all of talking to Patrick privately.
But the next morning she felt that she could not go abroad without telling him something, so she sent a groom to ask if he was at home that afternoon.
Patrick was waiting for her in his garden.
As he was a keen gardener himself, it was almost as large and as beautiful as the one at Norlington Park.
When he saw Latasha walking towards him through his roses, he threw down his hoe.
He hurried towards her with outstretched hands.
“I somehow knew that you would come and see me this afternoon, Latasha. I told you, I have an instinct where you are concerned.”
“I have really come to say goodbye, Patrick.”
“Goodbye!” he exclaimed. “Where are you going?”
“We are going to London on Monday morning and then I am going to cross the Channel to spend a week or so in Paris with some friends.”
“There will be so many men there telling you how beautiful you are, but I will be waiting for you when you come home.”
Latasha smiled.
“I know, Patrick. And I know too that if ever I was in trouble or difficulty you would always help me.”
“You know as well as I do, Latasha, I am waiting for that to happen. Then I will have a chance to show you how happy we can be together. And how safe you will be from everything that could upset or frighten you.”
“There are not too many of them when I am in the country with Harry.”
“Harry will have to marry one day soon. He cannot go on for ever without an heir for Norlington Park and all his other possessions including his horses.”
Latasha gave a little laugh.
“At present he is completely and happily married to his horses and so determined that he will not take anyone down the aisle.”
“As you are determined as well,” Patrick added in a low voice.
Latasha did not answer. She was merely looking at the flowers.
Then she moved on towards the herb garden.
Patrick’s mother had fully restored the herb garden, because she felt ashamed when she went to see the one at Norlington Park and realised how badly theirs had been neglected over the years.
Patrick had added many new species to his pretty garden that was surrounded by Elizabethan brick walls and there was also a small antique fountain.
It was playing as Latasha had walked in through the ancient gate.
The sunshine on the falling water seemed to dazzle her eyes.
“Have you added any more new plants lately?” she asked Patrick.
“Quite a lot and I want to tell you about them some time. I found something which they say is very good for curing hay fever. Another that gives one long life and one called feverfew which is, I have been assured, marvellous for curing headaches or migraine.”
“They should be very much in demand. People are always complaining in London that they have a headache when they stay up late at glittering parties”
They walked round the garden looking at more of Patrick’s herbs.
Latasha found it all very absorbing.
When she told him that she must return home, he sighed,
“I don’t want to seem a bore, but if you don’t find this mythical lover you are looking for in Paris, come back to me and let us try to be happy as I really know we would be together – for ever and ever.”
He spoke so very sincerely and with an earnestness that made Latasha feel she was being unkind to him.
She gently touched Patrick’s cheek.
“I love you in my own way, Patrick, and I swear, if it changes to your way, I will come and tell you so at once.”
He smiled at her a little wryly.
“I suppose I will have to be content with that.”
“I am afraid so for the moment, but thank you for being so kind to me, which you always are.”
“I want to be a great deal more than kind, but I do know it is something I cannot talk you into. You will have to come to me of your own freewill.”
“Maybe one day I will, Patrick, but for the moment I know it would not be right for either of us.”
“It would be right for me,” Patrick added quickly.
He lifted her onto the saddle of her horse and then he kissed her hand.
“I love you,” he breathed. “Whatever happens in Paris and whatever anyone will say to you, remember that I love you with all my heart and that is the most important thing I can offer you.”
As Latasha rode away, she felt somewhat guilty.
Equally she asked herself what else she could do?
She was very fond of Patrick – he was part of her life just as Harry was.
But she realised that the love she was seeking was bigger and greater in a way she could not explain than anything she had yet felt for anyone.
There had been men in London who had proposed to her and those who she knew she had only to encourage and they would lay their hearts at her feet.
But they were not her dream man.
At the back of her mind she just knew that he was waiting out there somewhere for her if only she could find him.
As she rode over the level fields towards her home, she thought that her visit to Oldessa would be an exciting adventure.
Of course it would.
If danger lurked there, that in a way made it even more desirable.
At the same time she was quite certain that she did not wish to leave the world she knew – not for any foreign parts however beautiful and however attractive.
‘I am definitely English through and through,’ she told herself. ‘If I was a more sensible girl, I would settle down with Patrick and live, if not happily, then contented for ever after.’
Even as she considered the prospect, she knew that was not enough.
She wanted more – very much more!
Where she would find it was indeed a problem that only time could answer.
*
On Monday morning there was the usual fluster and excitement in setting off to London.
In the old days Latasha’s father always drove from Norlington House in Park Lane to Norlington Park in the country and vice versa.
Now there was a train that could carry them all far quicker and with far less strain on the horses.
The Duke’s private coach was hitched on to the fast train which departed from the station at eleven o’clock. As it was new, it was well upholstered and a smart addition to the train.
The stationmaster and his assistant saw Latasha and her brother off with much ceremony and as the train drew out of the station, the stationmaster stood at attention until they were completely out of sight.
“I suppose,” she commented wryly, “I cannot take this comfortable coach with me to Oldessa?”
“You will be much more comfortable on the Orient Express,” Harry counselled. “I have been longing to travel on it myself. Everyone who has travelled on it says it is quite fantastic.”
“I will look forward to the Orient Express, Harry, if not to my arrival.”
“I am sure a band will be playing, flags waving and an escort of the country’s finest Cavalry to take you to the Palace,” teased Harry.
“I wish you were coming with me – ”
“I would enjoy it, except I would forget you were incognito and would undoubtedly give the game away the first time I spoke to you.”
“That would be a big disaster and it would be very embarrassing to say to Prince Stefan that I have only come to look him over to see if he is good enough for me!”
The Duke held up his hands.
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake, Latasha. Remember that Kraus and I are close friends. If you insult the Oldessans, I will doubtless have to fight a duel to save your honour!”
“You must certainly not do so and I swear to you, I am going to be very very careful.”
She paused before she asked,
“You have ordered a courier, I suppose?”
“I had sent my secretary to London on Saturday to make sure I had the best and most reliable man available. I’m quite certain you will not be disappointed or lack any of the comforts.”
“That is just what I want. I will be frightened and worried until I arrive. Then perhaps it may be even worse than we anticipate – ”
“Nonsense Latasha, I am certain that any Palace run by Kraus will be the perfection of comfort. He was always telling me how beautiful Oldessa is and what magnificent horses they own.”
“The horses attract me far more than what the men are going to be like in that particular place!”
The Duke chuckled.
“Well you can hardly marry a horse, therefore make up your mind which would be preferable. Prince Stefan or Her Majesty’s unknown choice of bridegroom.”
Then Latasha blurted out,
“I thought very seriously that instead of going away I might after all marry Patrick.”
“I have often wondered why you keep refusing him. I do like Patrick, but I admit I cannot help feeling that you would find him rather dull.”
As her brother spoke, Latasha realised that this was actually the truth.
Life with Patrick would undoubtedly be extremely comfortable because he was so rich, but one would know exactly what was going to happen from day to day, just as she always knew what he was going to say.
“You are quite right, Harry. I need adventure and excitement in my life and, although I would be safe and comfortable with Patrick, one would not expect him ever to have any innovative ideas such as you and I have.”
“I think the trouble with you,” remarked Harry, “is that you expect too much. I have often thought, since you have been
grown up, that it was a mistake for you always to be with me and my friends who are far older than you.”
“A mistake?”
“They have given you ideas which you should not have at your age. I was thinking when you were arguing the other day with that man who had just come back from India that you understood as much about the problems with Russia as he did.”
Latasha laughed.
“Now you are flattering me, but actually I did think that, considering he had been there for a year, he ought to have known more about Indian religions.”
“In other words you are too well-informed for your age. I think it is something you are going to find wherever you go, whether it is the country, London or Oldessa.”
“Then I will just have to marry an old man,” said Latasha. “So what about that King? The one who was blind and deaf and over eighty – ?”
Harry was laughing as there was no answer to this.
As they had breakfast together, Latasha thought it was lonely to be setting off on a great adventure without someone she could talk to intelligently.
“I do wish you were coming with me, Harry,” she pleaded again.
“You will be all right and if things do go wrong just send me a telegram asking how Aunt Ethel is. I shall know that is a signal for me to reply that she is on her deathbed and you must return at once or perhaps that she is already dead and you must return for her funeral.”
Latasha giggled.
“You are wonderful, Harry, you always understand what I try to say. Most people, when I talk of something like that, have not got a clue as to what I mean.”
“I will really miss you, Latasha. I suppose if you get married I will be lonely and driven to it too. Although, as you know, I have no wish to be tied up to anyone at the moment.”
“Then as soon as I have departed, go and see one of those lovely ladies who are always writing to you and who I gather have complacent husbands who disappear to the country when they are not wanted.”
Harry laughed.
“You know too much and say too much, Latasha. “Young girls should be seen and not heard and they should not know about these complacent husbands and affaires-de-coeur!”
“I would be very stupid if I did not know about them, but they are what I want my husband to avoid when I do have one.”
Wanted a Royal Wife Page 4
