“No.” Ana spun toward her, her eyes blazing with challenge. “I love Elijah more than words can express, and if Sarah is the one responsible for giving him the hope that had brought him out of that awful spiral, then as God is my witness, I’m not going to let her screw it up by being afraid to face things.”
Anger fired up inside Sarah. “I know I made a mistake,” she shot back. “I live with that every minute of my life, the truth that I made the wrong choice and it wound up killing my daughter. Don’t ever accuse me of not facing that—”
“I’m not,” Ana said. “I can see the guilt in your eyes, and I feel your suffering. But what you’re not facing is the fact that there were signs all along that you refused to see because you wanted the fairytale of the man loving you. You wanted to be loved, and I know that because I wanted it, too. We all do!”
Grace set her hand on Ana’s arm. “Ana, I don’t think this is the time—”
“It is the time,” Ana snapped. “Because Sarah is about to go in there and has to make the right choice about who Kane really is. She has to have the courage to see with her heart and not to have her perception distorted by her fears, her desires or her needs.” She faced Sarah. “Lily told us what you’re going to be facing in there, Sarah. You’re the anchor for this whole team, and if you can’t find the truth in your heart and see it, then none of the men will be able to either.” She shook her head, gripping Sarah’s hand fiercely. “We all have so much to lose if the Order goes down,” she said. “Not just the protection of innocents at large and the very foundation of what they represent, but the man I love with every fiber of my being is going into those woods to help you, Sarah, and to end the creation of all these rogue Calydons, and you’re it, Sarah. You’re the glue holding all of them together.”
Sarah stared at her, the responsibility of what she was facing welling up like a great weight. “I don’t have any heart left,” she finally said, her voice raw with the agony of so much loss. “It died so long ago.” It had died that night with Abigail.
“Find it,” Ana said fiercely. “Find it. Open your heart so widely that if it breaks, it will rip you to shreds, because if you don’t, the man I love will die, and that is just not acceptable to me.” Tears gleamed in her eyes. “Don’t be a brave warrior, Sarah. Be a woman, with all the emotions and vulnerability and tears that make us the rock that keeps our men alive.” Then, she spun away, striding across the rubble toward the men.
Elijah looked up, and he held out his arm as she approached. Ana instantly slid into his embrace, tucking herself against him. Sarah saw Elijah’s body visibly shudder and then relax as he wrapped his arms around Ana and rested his chin on her head. Neither of them tried to hide their need for each other, and their vulnerability was evident to anyone watching. But no one seemed to mind the badass warrior needing his woman so badly. The battle discussion didn’t break stride, and none of the men even seemed to notice Ana’s arrival. She had simply become part of Elijah, and they all accepted that.
Sarah hugged herself as she watched Ana and Elijah together, an aching sense of loneliness welling up inside her. “I don’t know how to be like that anymore,” she whispered, unable to keep the tears out of her voice.
“I know.” Grace wrapped her arm around Sarah’s shoulder and squeezed. “I had no idea how to be all soft and vulnerable. I’d been on my own fighting for far too long.”
“Me, too.” Lily moved in close to Sarah’s other shoulder. “And I had reasons not to trust Gideon. Personal, deep reasons that were very real and very true.”
Sarah looked over at Lily. “Really? What were they?”
Lily smiled gently. “No,” she said. “That is Gideon’s past, and it is no longer who he is, so it doesn’t matter anymore. Even though I had no reason to believe that he was a different man than he’d once been, I did believe in him, and that’s why we were able to defeat the sheva destiny that the male will go rogue and destroy everything they both care about, until they both die.” She hugged Sarah. “Who he once was doesn’t define who he is today…not necessarily.”
Not necessarily. Which meant that Kane might or might not be the same man who murdered his family before. And she was supposed to figure it out?
Sarah bit her lip as she watched the men finalize their plans. She already knew the plans, because she had helped Kane and Ryland figure them out before Kane had left. Kane was leading the discussion, and his authority and strength were evident in the way the team listened to him. He had an aura of indomitability about him…one that he hadn’t had when she’d met him.
He had changed.
He was still changing.
Kane looked up at her and caught her gaze. Simmering in those dark eyes were violence and danger, and it was getting more and more turbulent with each passing moment. Her heart tightened for the suffering she saw in his face, for the tension emanating from him. His fear of what he was and what he might do. But she also felt his fierce determination not to succumb to the darkness within him. His steady commitment to protect her and their baby.
His voice filled her mind as he reached out to her. I will not fail you, Sarah. I swear it. The sheer force of his promise, his unyielding focus on who he wanted to be, pulsed through her like the thud of a bass drum, like the slow beat of a massive heart coming to life.
She knew that she was staring into the face of a man more powerful than any she’d ever met, a warrior capable of destroying an entire town…and of saving one. He may have once been the man who did the former, but today? Who was he today?
Sarah set her hand over her belly, and for the first time in seven years, she tried to open her heart again. The moment she did, she felt the anguish of her daughter’s death and Mason’s betrayal consume her, driving into her with such destructive force that she couldn’t breathe. It swept through her mind, ripping away at her shields, stealing from her the hope and faith that was so necessary to keep her alive.
Instinctively, she started to fight it, to shut it down, to shove it back into that locked box where it couldn’t hurt so badly, where it couldn’t tear away at the fabric of who she was…and then she saw Ana look over at her.
And Sarah knew what she had to do.
Instead of fighting the pain, instead of trying to survive it, she dropped her shields and let it destroy her.
*
Sarah’s emotional devastation blew through Kane with brutal force. Before he’d even registered what he was feeling, he was on his feet and sprinting over to her. He caught her in his arms just as her legs gave out, and she started to fall to the ground.
He swept her up against his chest, his soul vibrating with the depth of her anguish. “Sarah. What’s wrong?”
She had no words for him, but she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding desperately to him as the sobs wracked her small frame. He pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair, trying to offer her comfort. Sarah. I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s okay.
She still didn’t answer, but she gripped him tighter, as if he were her only anchor holding her down. Her anguish rolled through him, and he saw flashes of what was going through her mind. A small girl with blond pigtails, smiling with such radiance he felt his own heart stop as he looked into those blue eyes. It was the same girl he’d killed in his dreams, only she was much younger. Not even a year old. But there was no mistaking her impish expression, the radiant blue of her eyes, and the shade of her hair. Sarah. He could barely keep the tension out of his voice. Is that your daughter? Is that Abigail?
Yes. Her grief washed over him, and suddenly the world began to blacken and darken around him. His skin burned. Pain crawled down his legs. And a deep-seeded, brutal violence began to burn inside him.
That’s the girl in my dreams. The girl I murdered.
Sarah sucked in her breath and jerked her head up, her tear-streaked gaze pinned to his face. “That’s impossible. You said the girl in your dreams was five.”
“She is. But it’s the same girl.” Kane�
��s body began to vibrate, violent energy racing though him.
She tightened her grip on him. “I don’t understand. How could you see her in your dreams? You never met her. She was never that old.”
“I don’t know.” But shit, what did it mean? That he was going to kill her daughter? That he’d somehow contributed to Abigail’s death— “Jesus.” He set Sarah down suddenly, stepping backwards. “What if I’m the one who’s causing all the Calydons to go rogue? What if I’m the catalyst? What if I already killed your daughter once, through Mason?”
Sarah’s face was ashen as she stared at him. “That’s impossible,” she whispered. “It can’t be—”
“Why not? We were already assuming Luc was turning the men in this village rogue. What if we were wrong? What if it was me all along, even though I wasn’t actually here at that time?”
Sarah’s mouth opened, but nothing came out, and he felt the true depths of what she’d suffered through the loss of her daughter and Mason’s betrayal. Her pain was so brutal, so extreme, he couldn’t believe she was still standing. Sudden, fierce protectiveness rose inside him, beating away the darkness. “Fuck that, Sarah.” He strode over to her and caught her wrist in his hands. “No more,” he promised. “No more suffering for you. Not ever.” He meant it with every fiber of his being. His oath pulsed past the darkness trying to consume him, as they both battled for dominance within him. “I swear it, Sarah. I won’t let you suffer like that again.”
Sarah stared at him, her eyes red and puffy as she searched his face. He felt her reaching out for him with her mind, and he let her in, allowing her to see every part of who he was. Her warmth wrapped around him, and he closed his eyes at the sensation of being connected with her. It felt so right, so perfect. He knew it was where he was meant to be. Sarah, he whispered into her mind. This has to be right. I’m not meant to destroy the beauty of your soul.
I know.
Kane opened his eyes and saw the warmth and trust glowing in her blue eyes, and he felt his heart stutter at the depth of her love. It was even more powerful than the love his mother had offered him…just before he’d killed her.
He hadn’t been worthy last time.
This time, he wouldn’t make the same mistake.
Sarah had made her decision to trust him, and he wasn’t going to let her down. He didn’t give a shit who he might have once been, or who Luc Acostos wanted him to be. Kane had one mission, and that was to be the man worthy of his mate, and he would accept nothing less. He took her hand and squeezed it. “Are you ready?”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s do it. We have only a few hours until the sun goes down. Not much time.”
“Not much time,” he agreed. And then, because he wanted to and because he didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought, he wrapped his arms around Sarah and kissed her.
It wasn’t a kiss of ownership, to tell his team that she was his. It was the only way he knew of to show her how committed he was to being stronger than whatever curse would try to bind him. And when she threw her arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, he knew that she’d accepted his promise.
Which meant he was bound.
Good. That was exactly how he liked it.
As he drew back, he pressed his lips to the brand on her arm, the one that was almost complete. Only one more stage, and then we’re bound forever.
Sarah’s eyes widened. The death stage, right? At his nod, she shook her head. I really, really hope that I don’t have to kill to save your life, or offer my own to save you.
She didn’t need to explain further. He knew the cost to her of taking a life, and with the river inaccessible, she had no way to restore herself if she did it. And as to offering her own life? He laughed softly and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Sweetheart, there is no chance I’m putting you in that position.” But even as he said the words, his soul vibrated with the need to complete the bond and seal her to him for all eternity.
Which he would never do. There were too many risks and costs associated with that final step, and they had enough to deal with already. Today was about victory, not about succumbing to his ages-old instinct to make her his forever.
He tucked her against him and surveyed his team. “Ready?”
As a unit, the members of the Order of the Blade nodded. They were ready. Luc Acostos was going down before sunset. He wouldn’t even have a chance to come back to life and destroy them.
It ended now, because now they were going right into that pit and pulling the damned plug.
Chapter Nineteen
They were being hunted.
Kane kept Sarah close between him and Ryland as he led his team down the embankment toward the pit that had sucked down Thano. The sun was streaming brightly through the trees, dappling the ground, illuminating even the darkest shadows, and yet Kane’s weapons were burning his arms and his senses were on fire. Beneath the smell of fresh earth and trees was the ever-strengthening scent of death, rot and sulfur. Anyone smell that? He reached out with his mind to his team, able to connect with them all because they were close.
He got a negative from everyone, and he swore under his breath. If no one else could smell it, then it was up to him to track it. It was daytime. Nothing should be out in these woods except nature…unless he was the evil he was scenting.
Oh, man, because that was a good thought.
He took Sarah’s arm, bringing her more tightly against him as they reached the edge of the pit. He hadn’t known what to expect during the day, whether the seething cauldron of hell would still be there, but he hadn’t expected this.
Quinn let out a low whistle as he walked up beside Kane. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
Stretching out below them was a seemingly endless stretch of green grass that seemed to descend into the very depths of the earth itself. It looked almost as if something were sucking the field straight down into the center of the earth.
“Last night it was hell,” Kane said, recalling that Sarah had said her brother and the other males in the town had claimed that the pit was only grass and flowers. Apparently, that’s how it really appeared during the day.
“I bet it still is,” Quinn replied. “I’m not buying the grassy fields for one second.” He gestured to the team, and as a unit, everyone called out their weapons. Everyone except Drew, who called out two swords, a battle axe, a spear and a dagger.
Kane shot a surprised look at the youth. “Five?”
Drew shrugged, giving Kane a cocky grin that showed exactly how little he understood about what he was dealing with in the aftermath of the evil that had tainted him a few months ago. “I still have the ability to call Ezekiel’s twenty-one weapons,” he said.
Kane looked at Quinn, who nodded. Ezekiel was the bastard of pure evil who had given birth to the entire Calydon race two thousand years ago, and he’d tried to take them down a few months ago. Drew had been caught in the cross fire and he’d absorbed a lot of the ancient evil that had bled through Ezekiel, as well as the warrior’s affinity for twenty-one different weapons. It wasn’t a good sign that Drew was still carrying so much of Ezekiel in him, not when he was so young and didn’t have the defenses against taint and temptation that the rest of them had.
I had to bring him, Quinn said. Vaughn went off with Ian.
Let’s hope he uses them for us and not against us, Kane said.
He’s my responsibility. I’ll manage him. Lead on.
Kane gripped his weapon and looked back at his team. Ryland was right next to Sarah. Gideon and Elijah were covering the rear, armed and ready. Zach and Gabe were covering Kane’s right flank, with Quinn and Drew on the left. Lily was back at Nonny’s house doing information management, researching each detail they found and then replying to Gideon with anything she could find on it. Grace and Ana had stayed behind to provide protection for Lily.
Although Ana and Grace’s Illusionist talents made them formidable in battle by being able to crea
te offensive illusions that were so deadly that they could kill people simply because people believed they were real, neither of their soul mates was all that fond of putting them on the front lines. Given that Jacob and the others could teleport directly into houses past the spotlights used to guard them, in this particular situation, even Nonny’s house wasn’t safe, so they’d all seen the wisdom of keeping them back to protect Lily.
But Quinn, Gideon and especially Elijah were on edge about leaving their women behind when they were so close to the action. Kane knew they had to be back before nightfall, or the trio would be too distracted to work. Kane checked his watch. Less than an hour until sunset, and the monsters came to life. In and out in sixty minutes.
“Can you teleport us down there?” Ryland asked. “It’ll save time.”
Kane studied the grassy hills below, the ones that had been a roiling tomb of rot the previous night. He could see a spot at the very bottom, where the valley seemed to disappear into the earth that seemed clear. “Yeah, I can…” he said, not moving to do it yet.
“Kane.” Sarah came up beside him.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He tucked his hand on the back of her neck, searching with all his senses to try to get a lay of the land below them. When he teleported, he had to know where he was going, or he could wind up lodged in a tree with his cells fused with the bark. It looked clear below, but it didn’t feel right. “What do you see, Sarah?”
“I see meadows, but I don’t believe it.”
He glanced over at her. “Yeah, me neither.” He’d had too much experience with illusions lately to automatically assume that what he saw was reality. “I can smell the sulfur.”
Sarah nodded, her hand tight in his. “I feel nauseous, and I can’t breathe. Like last night.”
Kane ground his jaw. “So, we’re standing on the edge of that same damn pit we saw last night. It just looks all pretty during the day.”
“Maybe,” Sarah said, “but we can’t be sure.”
Darkness Reborn (Order of the Blade #5) Page 26
