You’re just a stupid janitor who walks around with a mop and bucket. What do you know about multimillion-dollar deals?
He winced at the memory of their argument.
“I was the one who was stupid,” he whispered, squeezing his father’s hand gently. “You knew the money wouldn’t make me happy, didn’t you, Pops?”
Suddenly the door opened and he quickly wiped his eyes.
“What did the doctor say?” he asked without turning around.
Silence.
He swiveled in his chair.
Natalie.
Despite the combination of emotions he was feeling at the moment, his heart did a somersault at the sight of her.
She’d changed into jeans and a loose-fitting T-shirt, and wore no makeup, yet to him she looked gorgeous.
She stood with a morose expression on her face, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. It was as if she was waiting for him to invite her in, and she was unsure if she was welcome.
And at that moment he knew he loved her. When he’d least expected it, she’d become a part of him. A part of his world.
But more than that, she’d known he would need her, even if he refused to acknowledge it, and she’d come.
He stood, the chair scraping against the tile floor, went to her and engulfed her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head. Her shiny black hair still smelled like apricots and he longed to bury his face in it.
“I’m so sorry, Derek.” Natalie cried against his chest. “If only I’d told you your father was at the game.”
“Shh...” he soothed, wishing she hadn’t even brought it up. They’d had a deal. She’d made a promise to him. A promise she hadn’t kept. He’d started to trust her; now he wasn’t so sure that he could. His heart and his mind was in such a mix of emotions, he didn’t know what to do.
Why did it always seem like heartbreak was the backside of happiness?
Derek shrugged out of their embrace, not because he didn’t enjoy holding her, but he just wanted to get away. From her. From everyone. But Pops needed him.
Derek walked over to the bedside and stared at the motionless figure. At least he hoped he did, even though he couldn’t tell him now.
“What happened?” Natalie asked quietly.
Derek touched his father’s hand. “He collapsed getting into his car. They don’t know how serious his head injuries might be.”
Natalie placed a hand over her mouth. “How long was he lying there?”
He turned toward her. “They don’t know,” he responded. “I was hoping you could tell me.”
Her eyes widened with confusion. “How would I know, Derek? I was with you the entire time.” She paused, and her cheeks were spotted with color. “Don’t you remember?”
He’d never forget. She’d nearly done him in with her lovemaking skills, and he was looking forward to being with her again—both in and out of bed. But at this point, even though he loved her, he didn’t know what the future held for either of them.
“Of course I do. But you saw him at the game, not me. Don’t you remember?”
Her mouth dropped open in shock at his tone, but at that moment he didn’t care if his voice or his words sounded harsh. He needed answers, not secrets, and he needed them now.
He gave her a pointed look. “When was the last time you saw him?”
She fiddled with one of her earrings nervously. “I think he left sometime in the second quarter.” She paused and thought some more. “Yes, I know he wasn’t there at halftime,” she said with a definitive nod.
“Oh, no.” Derek plopped down in the chair next to the bed. Even though he was in great physical condition for an athlete his age, his body felt like it weighed a ton. “That’s longer than I thought.”
She sat in the chair next to him, a worried look on her face. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“So if he left at halftime and that’s when he fell, Pops wasn’t spotted till the game was nearly over. That means he was lying there with no help for a long time. I learned today that he also has epilepsy, which means he may have been having a seizure that caused him to fall.”
Natalie gasped. “That’s terrible.”
Avoiding her eyes, he got up and stared at the heart monitor, although he had no idea how to read it. The blips and beeps were as mysterious as the reasons why Wes had neglected to tell Derek about their father’s medical condition. His brother should have told him right away instead of keeping it a secret.
Derek clenched his jaw to stem his anger.
If only I had known.
“If he did have a seizure, do the doctors know what triggered it?” Natalie asked.
Derek reluctantly turned away from the monitor and shook his head, even though he knew what had caused it.
It was him.
Clearly, Derek’s visit had upset his father. So if anyone was to blame, he was.
“They don’t know if there’s been any damage to his brain,” Derek said, gulping back a sob.
He pulled Natalie to him, not caring now if she saw the tears in his eyes. All he wanted was to feel her warm body cradled in his arms.
“Oh, God, I should have listened to Wes. I never should have gone to his office today.”
Natalie stood back and grasped his shoulders. Her grip was tight, but loving.
“Don’t say that, Derek,” she said sternly. “You did what you thought was right.”
Derek hung his head. “No. He didn’t even want to see me. I should have waited. And now he’ll never know that I—”
Natalie placed her palm against his cheek. “What? That you love him? Care about him? You can still tell him, Derek.”
He shrank away from her touch. “Don’t you understand that I can’t do that?” he snapped. “I just can’t!”
He knew Natalie had the best intentions. She was trying to be efficient and to help reunite the Lansing men. But she still didn’t get it.
He strode over to the window and balled his hands up on the sill. He’d never felt so angry. So lost and alone. And something else he would never admit to anyone—scared.
The truth was that he wasn’t ready to talk to his father. And obviously, his father felt the same. Derek knew he couldn’t handle any more rejection. Maybe his father couldn’t, either.
They were at a stalemate.
But it didn’t matter now.
Not with his father lying in a hospital bed, unable to speak, while his older son stood by, unable to help or to do anything at all.
Besides, Derek knew that his father wouldn’t believe he cared about anything but himself. And back then, he would have been right.
But now? Everything had changed.
He looked down at the street below where nothing moved in the early morning darkness.
He stared at the puddles dotting the glistening sidewalks. When had it rained? He remembered how his dad loved to sit on the porch during a thunderstorm. He’d always say that after a good rain, the world looked and smelled as “new as when the Lord first created it.”
Tears sprung to his eyes again. When this was all over, would his father ever be able to smell the fresh air, feel the raindrops or hear his apologies?
“Derek, it’s okay.”
He felt Natalie’s hand trail down his back. It amazed him how the simplest touch from her inflamed his desires, even now, when he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
“I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice was soft and caring. “I didn’t mean to push you. You don’t have to do or say anything you don’t feel completely comfortable with.”
Her soft voice was the perfect backdrop for a genuine apology, but it rang hollow in his ears. He didn’t want to listen to anything but the sound of his father waking up and speaking.
“He�
�s so medicated that he can’t hear what I say anyway,” he muttered, still facing the window.
“I don’t know,” Natalie said. “He may hear more than we think he can.”
His heart lifted at the hopeful tone in her voice. But then it suddenly occurred to Derek that his father and Natalie had a lot in common. They were both dreamers.
Natalie dreamed of princes and castles and true love.
His father dreamed of moving up in the world and restored love.
Derek, on the other hand, was a realist. He knew life was about dollars and cents, points and popularity. Love just got in the way of things. Even though deep in his heart, he wished that wasn’t true.
Natalie touched his arm, interrupting his thoughts. “Can I give you some advice, as your life coach?”
He turned toward her. “Do I have the right to refuse?” he said, cracking a reluctant smile.
She folded her arms, and he could tell she was annoyed. “No. You’re paying me to give you advice, so I’m going to give it!”
“Let me guess. You’re going to tell me to keep my chin up because everything will work out in the end,” he mocked.
“I wish I could say that it will.” She took a deep breath. “But on the contrary. My advice is to stay in the moment. No matter how difficult or dark it may be.”
Derek stared at her, then narrowed his eyes. “‘Stay in the moment’?” he repeated. “Are you kidding me?”
He pointed to his father, struggling to keep his voice low. “Look at him! Are you saying that you expect me to accept what’s going on here?”
He jabbed his thumb into his chest. “I’m the reason he’s laying there, Natalie! I’m the cause!” he stressed.
Natalie shook her head. “No, I’m not saying you have to accept this, and I refuse to believe that anyone is to blame for what’s happened.
“But staying in the moment can help you stop focusing on the past and pointing fingers, mostly at yourself,” she added calmly.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he insisted. “My past and my mistakes are what got my father here in the first place. No amount of your positive-thinking psychobabble is going to change that.”
At his words her face contorted and she backed away, almost imperceptibly. Although he knew he should apologize, all he could think about was his pain and his guilt.
Still he reached out to touch her, but she took another step back, firmly establishing the imaginary wall between them.
“Feeling sorry for yourself won’t change things, either, Derek,” she said quietly.
His heart seized up in his chest. Her words were true, but he would never admit it. He had too much pride.
But he loved her and wanted to shield her from any further emotional pain. Especially the kind caused by him.
“I just want to be alone,” he said evenly.
Her eyes blinked rapidly and he hoped she wouldn’t cry.
“Fine. I’ll call a cab back to Belle Amour.”
Without another word, she turned and walked to the door, opened it and almost collided with Wes.
“Whoa! Where are you going in such a hurry?” he asked.
Natalie glanced back at Derek, her eyes dark with hurt.
“Home,” she responded icily. “Where I belong.”
Her words splintered through Derek’s brain and panic raced through him. Was she going back to New York? And why did even the possibility that she would go frighten him? It made him want to fight to keep her near, but perhaps it was better this way.
She was right to be cautious about any sort of relationship with him. The pull of the basketball court, the money and everything that went along with being a sports superstar was still very strong. He just wasn’t sure he could give all that up for anything or anyone.
He’d taken a huge risk already. He’d never before had the courage to talk about his feelings, and telling Natalie that he was falling in love with her was a huge step in the right direction for him. But even though their lovemaking was incredible, she’d never told him how she felt about him, and that hurt.
Did Natalie love him? If she did, then why had she broken her promise to tell him if she saw Pops at the game? Although he knew none of this was truly her fault, his burgeoning trust in her had taken a huge hit. Watching her walk out, he hoped it wasn’t the last time he would see her.
Without looking at Wes, he pulled out the visitor’s chair, sat and buried his face in his hands.
Wes shut the door and walked over to him.
“What’s wrong with you, man?”
Derek ran his fingers down his face, the whiskers on his unshaven face were rough. He felt like a bum.
“Nothing, okay?”
Wes crossed over to the other side of the bed, eyeing him skeptically. “Whatever’s going on with Pops, don’t take it out on your woman.”
Derek blew out a harsh breath. “She’s not my woman.” Although he desperately wanted her to be.
Wes raised his eyebrows. “You said she was your girlfriend, and the two of you looked mighty cozy yesterday.”
“You just thought she was,” he replied, shaking his head emphatically and at the same time feeling a little dishonest. Relationship labels aside, his heart knew the truth.
“Who is she then?” Wes asked.
“A life coach. Just as she said. My manager hired her to help me get my life together.”
“What’s wrong with it?” Wes’s eyes crinkled at the corners, as if he was about to laugh, but he didn’t. “Looks to me like you have it all. Money, fame, fortune.”
Derek watched his father’s chest rise and fall with the help of the respirator. “You know, Wes, life’s not all about the Benjamins.”
Wes cocked his eyebrow again. “I’ve always been down with that. But you?” He shook his head. “No offense, bro. But money was all you cared about.”
“Used to care about,” Derek corrected.
Until I met Natalie.
To be fair, he’d been disenchanted with his lifestyle for quite a while. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had triggered his unhappiness, but it was a slow, silent death.
The awareness that he needed to change hadn’t happened overnight, either.
His need for popularity was both a cure for his love-starved heart and poison for his soul. The worst part? Not knowing if people liked you for who you were, rather than what you could do for them.
And the money? Ah...those paper-thin, printed slivers of green presidents and their hard-plastic, colorful cousins were always vying for his attention.
It was a good thing he was a saver, not a spender. His only real vice was his plane and a bottle of Dom or vintage wine every once in a while.
His eyes slid shut and he immediately thought of Natalie. Her jet-black hair, her long legs and the curves that drove him mad with desire. He’d only known her for a little while, yet he’d waited a lifetime for her.
She was the catalyst. The reason he wanted to finally put the effort into changing his image. Manufactured as it was, he was ashamed to admit he’d bought into it, too. It was just easier that way. He avoided the inevitable conflicts with his manager, the owner of the Skylarks and the press. And in a way, he was protected. His image was a shield. No one could get close.
What would his fans think if they found out he was a really nice guy and not the player his manager had made him out to be all these years?
Changing wouldn’t be easy and it would be even harder without Natalie at his side.
It was she who brought to the surface the thoughts he’d been trying to squash for years.
What was he doing with his life?
Who was he helping, besides himself, with all his millions?
He felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, wak
e up!” Wes said, shaking him a little.
With a yawn, he rubbed his eyes open. “I’m up.”
“I know you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep in the past twenty-four hours,” Wes said. “Why don’t you go home and get some rest? I’ll stay with Pops for the rest of the night.”
Derek shook his head stubbornly. “I want to be here when the doctor comes in.”
Wes leaned against the windowsill. “The head nurse told me he had an emergency surgery. It’ll be a while.”
Derek grunted out his frustration. He understood that hospitals were busy places. That everybody’s blood was the same color, no matter how much or how little money you had in your pocket.
Yet he still opened his mouth and almost blurted, “Doesn’t that doctor know who I am?”
But his jaw snapped closed, as shame rushed through him, knowing Pops wouldn’t have liked him to throw his status around. Use it to gain special attention or privileges. No matter how sick he was.
When he and Wes were growing up, Pops had taught them to be humble and thankful because one day they would both realize all they really needed was—
Family.
Derek hitched in a breath and stared at his dad, then at Wes. And his heart swelled with a strange and bittersweet kind of happiness.
Here they were again. Reunited. The three Lansing men.
Could they ever be a family again?
He eyed Pops again with deep concern.
It wasn’t the best of circumstances. In fact, it was the worst possible circumstances. But those were the cards the three men had been dealt.
Still, they were together again. And right now, that was all that mattered.
Wes coughed, interrupting his thoughts. “When is the last time you’ve eaten?”
Derek yawned. “I honestly don’t remember.” Between worrying about his relationship with Natalie and his dad’s precarious health, food was the last thing on his mind.
Wes frowned. “Well, if you won’t go home and sleep, let’s go down to the cafeteria. I don’t know what they’re serving at—” he checked his watch “—3:00 a.m., but I’m betting the coffee is hot.”
Stealing Kisses Page 12
