by Robin Gianna
Rafael looked at the anxiety in his father’s eyes as they walked to his mother’s room, surprised all over again at the intensity of it. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be. Even if his parents didn’t have a particularly close relationship, they’d still been married for over thirty-five years, so that had to mean something.
“The angioplasty went well, and every test so far shows she’s doing very well. I’m sure they told you they’re planning to release her tomorrow for some T.L.C. back at the palace.”
“Yes. But I wanted to make sure you agreed with that.”
Just yesterday, his father’s words would have pleased him. At that moment, though, he didn’t seem able to feel much more than a heavy emptiness. “I agree with it. I’m guessing you’ve scheduled more nursing care than she wants, and she’ll be chafing at the bit about everyone fussing around her.”
His father chuckled. “She’s already chafing. You know your mother.”
They entered the room, and his mother promptly frowned at him. “You’re giving me that disapproving look,” he said. “Never thought I’d miss it, but at least it shows you’re feeling pretty good.”
“I’m wondering what’s happened with your latest scandal. Really, Rafael, it’s unbelievable.”
“Why do you always pick the wrong women, son?” his father chimed in. “It’s like you do it on purpose.”
He stared at his father. Maybe he did. Maybe he’d always chosen women he knew were “inappropriate” as part of keeping his distance from them. But Gabriella? He hadn’t really chosen her.
He’d been irresistibly drawn to her.
“Maybe I’ve done that in the past, Father, but Gabriella Cain is different from any woman I’ve ever known.” He might not be able to be with her again, but he wasn’t about to tolerate anyone saying nasty things about her. “She’s not only beautiful, she’s smart and good at her job and beyond caring to her patients. I don’t know the whole story the media’s been throwing out there, but I do know it has to be sensationalized and maybe even totally wrong. If you met Gabriella, you’d love her.”
His mother’s frown lifted into raised eyebrows, and she cocked her head. “Sounds like maybe you love her.”
He stilled. Pictured Gabriella’s sweet face and fiery hair and the tenderness in her eyes, and knowing he’d never see any of that again physically hurt.
Love her? Maybe he did. What he felt for her was unlike anything he’d felt before. But love was fleeting, he knew.
Both his parents were looking at him expectantly, but he didn’t want to talk about Gabriella unless he had to, and changed the subject. “How does the surgical entry wound feel, Mother? Has the pain lessened?”
“Yes. It’s not too bad.”
“I’ve seen them change the bandages, and it looks bad to me,” his father said. “Your mother’s just tough. Always has been.” As he looked at his wife the man’s eyes were filled with a warmth and softness Rafael had rarely seen.
“Is that a compliment or something else?” His mother reached for his father’s hand and smiled at him.
“A compliment. As though I’d give anything else to my very special wife.” He held her hand tight, leaning to give her forehead a lingering kiss.
Rafael stared at the way his parents looked at one another. At the...the love in his father’s eyes as he gently stroked her skin, bruised from the needle sticks and IV.
His parents did love each other? Even though their marriage had been arranged and the time they spent together seemed to be far less than the time they spent apart? All Rafael had ever noticed had been cordial respect between them, but maybe because they were his own parents he hadn’t really been looking.
All those questions and revelations jumbled around in his head until everything settled into a new order and a clear focus. And with that focus came another vision of Gabriella.
Until this very second, once his mother was completely well, he’d planned to keep living his life the way he always had, moving from place to place and from woman to woman and from job to job. Never dipping his toe deeper than the shallow end of the pool for fear of becoming trapped and emotionally entangled, ending up in a long-term loveless situation like his parents and brother.
Except, apparently, he’d been wrong about that. And could that mean he might be wrong about his sibling’s marriage too?
It didn’t really matter. What mattered was that he’d closed his mind and heart to any possibility of real love. Had shut it tight, not even realizing he’d been doing it. But wanting to see inside Gabriella’s heart and mind for the time he was with her had cracked his heart and brain open instead, just enough to let in a sliver of light. Instead of learning her secrets, she’d gently but directly gotten him to spill his own. To explain that he was the black sheep and always would be. Instead of judging him, she’d believed in him. Believed his parents must, too.
And he was damned if she hadn’t been absolutely right.
He watched his father cup his mother’s cheek in his palm, and their stunning love and deep connection struck him all over again.
At that moment he knew he looked at Gabriella exactly the same way. Looked at her in a way he’d never before looked at a woman, and if he was as lucky as hell, she just might look back at him the same way. He didn’t have to worry about protecting her from him, because she’d turned him into a different man. He didn’t have to worry about exposing her to media rumors, because he was ready to make a commitment to her he’d never dreamed possible until now.
“I’m in love with her.” He actually said the words out loud he was so shocked. And rocked back onto his heels yet again.
“What did you say?”
He blinked to see both his parents looking at him quizzically. “I said I’m in love with her. Gabriella Cain. I’m in love with her, and I’d like to talk to you about it.”
* * *
Normally, on a long flight Rafael could get some sleep in the comfortable bed on his family’s jet. But that had proved impossible. He’d read medical journals he needed to catch up on, checked the stock market, and even worked on some crossword puzzles, which he hadn’t done in years. But no matter what he did, his mind was only partly there. Gabriella occupied most of his thoughts, and all of his heart, and every hour that passed before he could tell her how she’d changed him and ask her to be his wife felt like extended torture.
Finally, the early evening lights of L.A. stretched across the horizon and he found himself wondering which golden light, of the millions of lights switching on at that moment in the city, was the one lighting her cozy living room.
The jet’s wheels had barely touched the runway when he switched on his cellphone to call her. He saw that he had a voice-mail message from James, and, much as he was desperate to talk to Gabriella, figured he should find out what James wanted, in case it had something to do with her. When he pulled it up to listen to it, he stopped smiling and stopped breathing at the same time.
Then listened to it again.
“Rafael, it’s James. Do you happen to know where Gabby went? Give me a call.”
What the hell? What did James mean?
He quickly punched in her number, and a cold dread began to seep through his veins when a recorded message said the number was no longer in service. He stared hard at the phone as if, somehow, he could reach inside to conjure Gabriella straight out of it.
What had he said in his voice-mail message to her? He couldn’t remember exactly, but he didn’t think it was anything that would have made her take off. Was it? Which probably meant, if she’d left L.A., it was because the horrible media story had driven her away.
If she was hurting and gone, the blame lay squarely at his feet and, damn it, he was going to make it right.
As the jet taxied down the runway, Rafael called James, cursing when he didn’t
answer. It seemed forever before the jet had parked and he could leave it to run to his car, which he’d arranged to have dropped off there for him. If Gabriella had been nervous about the speed he’d driven in the mountains, she’d have closed her eyes for sure if she’d been in the car with him now, taking curves like the devil was on his heels. And he could practically feel it nipping, because a deep sense of foreboding had filled his chest. A feeling that this wasn’t going to be as simple as showing up at her door, sweeping her into his arms and telling her that her past didn’t matter and that he would always be there for her.
He skidded to a stop in front of her apartment and banged on her door. But of course there was no answer. Was she in there, or had she gone? He should have called James to see if he’d come here looking for her. He banged some more, until her neighbor’s door opened.
“What’s all the racket out here?” the man asked.
“Do you know if Gabriella Cain is home?”
“Saw her leave yesterday. Had a few suitcases with her.”
Damn it! “Thanks.” Rafael spun on his heel and pushed his car even harder to get to the clinic, parking it practically sideways before he ran inside.
Desperately hoping that somehow she’d shown back up after James had left his message, he checked her office first but it was quiet and empty. Now it was just a room, with all the life and energy gone from it. He put his hands on her desk and leaned on it, needing that support when he saw that her usual tidy stacks of papers were gone, and so were the few personal items he’d noticed there before.
“She handed in her resignation.”
Rafael swung around at the sound of James’s voice. His friend stood there looking grim and angry, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm.
“When?”
“Yesterday. That’s why I’m here so late, trying to find a replacement. Not that it’ll be easy to replace someone like Gabby. I’ve been trying like hell to figure out where she went so I could talk her into coming back, but no luck so far.”
“Why did she leave?”
“Because the damned news outlets were splashing photos of the two of you everywhere, and along with that some people were running their mouths about her past making her unfit to work here as a midwife. I’m tempted to call the news outlets who’ve run this damned story, but since they’re always looking for a way to throw the media spotlight on me, too, I’m afraid it would just make it worse. Did you warn her this could happen if the two of you spent time together?”
“Not enough, obviously.” Damn it, this was what he’d wanted to avoid all along, and he should have told her about the grainy photos from that first night together, when she’d fallen asleep at his house. Maybe she’d have been more prepared for this if she’d known they’d been dogging both of them from the start.
But things were different now. She wasn’t just another fling, she was the woman he loved. He’d be more than happy to have that be headline news, if she loved him back.
The thought that she might not made it hard to breathe.
“I’m going to get with some of my people from the palace. See if they can find out where she’s from, where her family is, or who her old friends are. I’ll start there.”
“All I know is that she’s from Seattle. I’ll keep working on it and let you know. I want her back too. Good luck.”
James gave Rafael a quick, hard hug, then left and Rafael sat in Gabriella’s chair to get started on the most important hunt of his life.
* * *
Gabby sat on the dock near her childhood home and stared out at the Pacific Ocean, pulling her jacket closer around her to keep away the penetrating evening chill. Always, whenever she’d had problems in her life, she’d felt soothed by the sound of the surf. By watching the rhythmic waves slide up and down the sand. By seeing the orange sun gleaming lower in the sky to finally dip below the horizon. All of it usually left her feeling like she was ready to take on whatever challenge she had to face.
Her current challenge, forgetting about Rafael Moreno, felt pretty impossible. Taking the positive step to begin sending out applications for jobs had helped a little. Maybe once she moved somewhere to start afresh, met new people and didn’t hide away like she had the two years she’d been at The Hollywood Hills Clinic, it would get better. Maybe forgetting him would be easier than she expected.
And maybe the seagulls would start swimming and fish would fly across the sky.
A sigh filled her chest. Surprised by a movement next to her, she looked up, and her heart ground to a complete halt.
“So, querida, you are here.” Rafael dropped down next to her, and in his quiet voice was a note she hadn’t heard before. “Should you ever become a felon, be glad to know you’re very hard to find.”
“Rafael. How...? Why...? Is your mother okay?” Her heart started up again in lurching thuds against her ribs, and she just stared in disbelief that he was actually there. And why, when he’d given her the brush-off and basically said goodbye, have a nice life?
“My mother is fine. Tell me why you left L.A.” He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. Somehow he couldn’t have seen what was on TV.
She licked her lips, and her gut churned with dread, but she had to tell him. “The media ran a story. About me, and...and how I gave birth to my stillborn son. Talked about how I should have done things differently. Why I shouldn’t be a midwife and...it’s all true. Except that it wasn’t my fault. I realize that now, and I know I’m still good at what I do.”
“I know. I heard the story.” He reached for her again, and this time she let his warm hand engulf her frozen one. “Of course you’re still good at what you do. Better than good. I’m so sorry this difficult part of your life has been thrown out there for all the world to see. It’s all my fault, and I feel very badly about that.”
So that was why he was here. To apologize for the media, which wasn’t really his fault at all.
She stared back at the horizon because she couldn’t bear to look at his face. “I don’t think it’s your fault any more than my losing the baby was mine. Don’t worry, I’ll cope.”
“I know that too. You’re a strong woman, not to mention talented and caring and so beautiful you make me ache.” He took her face in his hands, the green eyes meeting hers filled with tenderness as he turned her toward him. “Tell me about your baby. Tell me what happened.”
God, she didn’t want to talk about it. But maybe telling the story would be part of the process to continue to heal. To truly put it in the past. “I was working late. Had finished a long shift, and my patient had been in labor a long time. She was very upset and exhausted, and even though I’d been feeling odd pains all evening I really felt I should stay with her, be there for her until her baby was born. She developed complications and ended up having surgery, and I couldn’t just leave her with an OB she’d never met before. So I stayed, and her baby was born healthy.”
She closed her eyes, not wanting to remember the rest of it. Rafael’s hands slipped to her shoulders as he rested his cheek against hers. “And then what happened?”
“By then I was feeling really bad. I went to my office, and the pain was so overwhelming I collapsed. By the time someone found me I was in premature labor.” She pulled her cheek from his and opened her eyes, barely able to squeeze out the rest of the story. “I’ll never forget the moment when they listened for his heartbeat, but there wasn’t one. They attached the monitor to be sure, but nothing. My baby was dead. I had to deliver him, knowing he was gone. And never, as long as I live, will I forget how it felt to hold his small, motionless body in my arms, eyes closed, an incredibly peaceful look on his tiny, perfect face. The face of an angel.”
Her voice broke as the memories flooded her. Rafael had said she was strong. Now he knew otherwise.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, folding her clo
se against him. She let herself cling to him for a long moment. Pressed her face to his neck. Let herself soak in his warmth one last time. “I’ve delivered stillborn babies, and I’ve seen the parents’ pain. I can’t imagine it. But I’m glad to hear you know it wasn’t your fault. That probably your baby wasn’t growing normally. Most likely, your pains came after he had passed away inside you, and whether or not you’d gone to see someone earlier about it wouldn’t have made any difference.”
His hand stroking slowly up and down her back felt even more soothing than watching the ocean. “I know. I do. But it’s hard not to feel like somehow, if I’d done things differently, he’d be here now.”
She could feel his face move against her hair in what she took to be a nod before he pulled back. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Now I’d like to share with you the second reason I’m here.”
His face was so serious she readied herself for some other thing even worse than the first media blitz, though surely that wasn’t possible. “What is it?”
“I’d decided I should stay at home for a while. Figured I’d been running from there for too long and hurting others in the process.” His wide palms cupped her face again. “Hurting you, both with the media focus and because I knew I couldn’t give you the kind of love you deserve.”
Oh, God. And here he was, hurting her now by stating the obvious. She tried to turn away from him, but he held her gaze.
“Then I found I was wrong. Again. I’ve been wrong about so damn many things, but the biggest was believing that there’s no such thing as real love. Lasting love. I know I was wrong because I’m very much in love with you, Gabriella. And I know that I’ll love you forever.”
“Rafael.” Her heart thundered in her ears so loudly it drowned out the sound of the ocean waves. What was he saying, exactly?
“I love you. Like I’ve never loved anyone before.” This time he whispered the words. “And I hope and pray that, even though I sure as hell don’t deserve it, you might love me back.”
