Void

by Cassy Roop

  I pulled her closer, feeling the warmth of her body absorb into mine and lightly pressed my lips to hers. I didn’t take it any further, instead feeling like this small, innocent looking kiss was much more than it perceived to be. It was a promise, not only to her, but to myself. I would go to any lengths to protect her, especially from Cardinelli.

  “So I take that as you are okay with it?” I asked her as I stroked the smooth skin of her cheek as my fingers threaded into the hair at her nape.

  “I don’t like it, but—,” she said leaning in to whisper in my ear. “If it means that I get to finally see you naked? Then I’m all for it.”

  Damn. My dick hardened in my pants. I couldn’t wait to have her, no blindfolds, and no darkness between us. The thought made me both pleased and anxious at the same time. My arrangements with Link had always seen me through my sexual desires. Sometimes he would have the girls, and other times I would have them. Never once had either one of us fallen for one of the women until now. Link seemed to be different with her just as I was, and it made me wonder if I was up for a big fight.

  Link wasn’t the only thing that gave me anxiety. I’ve never really been with a woman on a normal level. Sure, I’d fucked girls in high school and college, but this was different. This was a woman that I could imagine spending most of my time with. When she wasn’t consuming all of my thoughts, she was at least in a vast majority of them.

  We walked from the deli hand in hand and snuggled up close to each other to combat against the wind that threatened to carry us away. It felt nice to live normally for once. I allowed all the bad shit to slip away and just enjoyed the moment with her. I was fucking giddy like a schoolgirl as we walked down the busy sidewalk back towards the clinic. The entire way men stared at her, women turned their heads and wished they could be her.

  That’s right. She’s mine.

  And I wasn’t going to let anyone, or anything get in the way of that.

  I COULDN’T WIPE the smile off my face as I left the clinic after lunch with Andris. We went back into his office after we made it back to the clinic and he barely had enough time to shut the door before he spun me around and pinned me against it. When his mouth seared over mine, it was intense. I could feel the need for him to have me and it matched my own. I kissed him back with equal fervor until we were both left breathless, yet panting for more. We probably would have fucked right there on his desk if it weren’t for his secretary buzzing the intercom and announcing that his next patient was waiting in reception.

  As happy as I was about the idea of developing a relationship with Andris, because seriously, who wouldn’t want a relationship with a fucking sexy as hell doctor who knew how to guide a woman to ecstasy without even touching her? I was also apprehensive because of Link. It wasn’t just that I had feelings for Andris, feelings I have never had for anyone until now, but I also had feelings for Link. Even though I had only spoken to him once in the darkness of the room I had spent one night in, I felt this overwhelming connection to him. He knew how to mold and manipulate my body to feel things and experience them like never before. In my heart, I felt that it was he who ignited the fuse of my vacant emotions so that I was able to open up to the idea of maybe falling in love with someone. No matter how scary it was to do so.

  I left the clinic building and relished in the cool air as it hit my overheated face. Andris had warmed my body to all new heights and I was more than giddy for our first actual date tonight. He told me to dress nicely and be ready for a good time.

  The only good time I wanted was to feel him inside of me all night.

  I walked towards the end of the sidewalk to hail a cab, to go to Fifth Avenue. I wanted to invest in something to wear tonight and maybe also pick up something that I could guarantee Andris would enjoy taking off later.

  I had nearly made it to the end of the sidewalk when I crashed into a very large body. I made my apologies without looking up, but decided to go ahead and offer my eyes to the stranger in which I had offended, when I froze in place.

  Antonio Cardinelli.

  “Hello, Nicola,” he drawled in his thick accent. His voice was dripping with something. Disdain? Desire? I didn’t know what it was, but it made me shiver, losing any of the remaining warmth that had been left there by Andris.

  “Um, hello, Antonio,” I stammered, trying to walk away from him. I was in a good mood and I didn’t want to talk to the creepy man who always gave me an unsettling feeling.

  “Just finished seeing the good doctor, eh?” He asked as I raised my hand in the air to signal a cab. The quicker I could get away from him, the better.

  “Yes, if it’s any of your concern. Excuse me, but I really must be going.”

  “Why such a rush, my dear? You know, I’ve been meaning to get in touch with you. I am still very much interested in your services.”

  I turned to face him, standing up to my full height that didn’t even manage to bring the top of my head to the level of his chin. Two large, younger men stood off behind him, ogling me and him as we stared at each other. My eyes flicked back toward the two men, and then I lifted my head to look at Antonio.

  “I told you Mr.Cardinelli, that I am under a contract. I cannot provide any services for at least another four weeks. Like I said before, if you would give the agency a call, I’m sure Lexie can put you in touch with someone who can accommodate you.”

  I started to walk away in the other direction, ignoring the cabs and choosing to walk instead. I had a bad feeling of dread in my stomach and I tried to quicken my pace, weaving in and out of the people who were also walking on the sidewalk. I was stopped in my tracks when a hand clamped over my arm and pulled me backward. If we were in any other city other than New York, people maybe would have noticed, but not in this city. I could be lying on the ground bleeding to death and people would just step over me and be on their way. So when a big crime boss grabs you by the arm and pulls you backward, no one gives a fuck about that either.

  “I think that the terms of your contract will be negotiated,” he spoke in my ear and the smoky smell of his cigar breath made me nauseous. I tried to pull away from him, but didn’t have any strength and my attempt at escape was unfruitful. A black car pulled up to the curb and the two men standing behind him rushed over to it as one of them opened the passenger side back door.

  “Get in the car, Nicola. We have business to discuss.”

  “I’m not discussing anything with you. Let. Me. Go.”

  I was ignored as I was pulled and then practically shoved into the back seat of the car. Although the warmth of the heated leather seats was welcome to my body, the uneasy and fearful feeling that threatened to overwhelm me was not. Antonio climbed into the back seat next to me and sat uncomfortably close. The unpleasant smell of tobacco mixed with his cologne filled the back cab of the car, nearly choking the breath from me. The two men that had been with him climbed into the front seat and we soon pulled out into traffic, heading towards God knew where.

  “What do you want?” I asked as I shoved my purse next to me, trying to create some sort of barrier between Antonio and me.

  “You know what I want, Nicola, don’t try to act coy. You just come off being bitchy.” I turned around in my seat so that I could look him in the eyes, showing him that I was not about to back down.

  “You will never have me. You’re pompous and arrogant if you even think that is a possibility.”

  “Trust me, my dear, you’ll change your mind.”

  He ran the tip of his pinky across my jeans, and even though he didn’t touch my actual skin, it was like his touch scorched me. I didn’t want this man’s hands on me. In fact, I’ve never turned down someone who was willing to pay me, yet something about Cardinelli sent warning signals flashing through my mind. I jerked my leg away from him and he smiled with a cocky and sardonic attitude.

  “You and the good doctor have gotten close.”

  My head snapped in his direction. No one knew about my arrangements with
Andris other than Lexie. She was the only person other than Link, Andris, and myself who knew the terms of that contract, and suddenly my warning signals started flashing stronger and brighter.

  “He is my doctor. He treats me and I pay him for his services.”

  “And he in turn pays you for yours.”

  I froze. It scared me that this man, this mob man, knew about my arrangement with Andris and Link. Andris had a reputation to protect. His clinic, his employees, all of them could be devastated by the aftermath of the public finding out about our strange relationship. Although Andris was working to separate our relationship from his business, we did still have the contract, and Antonio knew that.

  “You know nothing about me, or my relationship with Andris,” I spat out. “Besides, you are married. What would your wife say about you propositioning me?”

  “My wife is occupied by your good doctor. It doesn’t bother you that Andris not only fucks you, but her as well?”

  I sat still in the seat for a moment. I knew of one time that Andris had fucked her, but he had never given any indication that he continued to do so. Am I blinded by these strong developing feelings for him? Is he still fucking Barbie?”

  “I can tell by the look on that gorgeous face of yours that you didn’t know.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “My wife sees him twice a week. She comes home happy every time and doesn’t bug me for sex. You do the math.”

  My heart sunk at the possibility that Andris was still fucking Barbie. If he was in fact doing so, then that means that he broke the contract. As much as it hurt me to think that he did, did I also really think I could trust Antonio Cardinelli’s word?

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Believe what you will, doll. I still want my night, and I will have it. That is if you want to make sure that you and your boyfriend stay out of jail. I’d hate for you two to be separated by cell bars.”

  “Andris has nothing to do with any of this. Leave him out of it.”

  Antonio’s chuckle sent a shrill, bone-chilling shiver through my body. I had no doubt in my mind that this man had connections. I had no doubt that he knew people and could get anything he wanted.

  And what he wanted was me.

  “Dr. Gunn has everything to do with this,” he said, gesturing between him and me with a wave of his hands.

  “Oh, my dear, if only you knew how deep your good doctor was. How he could go to jail for things far worse than contracting a hooker to fulfill his fantasies.”

  What in the hell was he talking about? Since I had known Andris, he had never wanted to do anything but good. The only time I had seen him sort of let go was at the place he takes me to be with Link. He even sacrificed himself for another man. He watches while I have sex with him, all the while it probably kills him to see me do so.

  At least I hope it did.

  “Secrets are a funny thing, Nicola. But somehow, they always seek their way out. They never stay hidden for long. The truth will always prevail.”

  “I don’t have to fucking listen to this.”

  “No, you don’t, but I think you will want to.”

  He reached for a compartment just to the side of the door, and opened it, revealing a decanter of liquid. He pulled two small tumblers out of the same compartment and extended one to me and I tightly shook my head, refusing. I waited damn near impatiently as I watched him pour the liquid with a steady hand into his glass before placing the decanter back into the compartment along with the empty glass I had refused. With a painstaking slowness, I watched as he brought the glass to his overly tanned and dry lips and took a long draw from the liquid and then swallowed leisurely as he swirled the amber ale around and sniffed the aromas of it by bringing it to his nose.

  His dark eyes sparkled with mischief, but also held a coldness about them that left me wanting to crawl out of my skin if only to escape it. The dark brown hue of his eyes bore into mine, never breaking contact as if trying to assert his dominance over me. I never felt intimidated by anyone or anything before in my life, but Antonio Cardinelli was a mythical dragon. Something you only ever envisioned seeing, but also hoping at the same time you would never have to come face to face with. I’d never really known fear, but if this was it, I never wanted to feel it again. Putting a hand to my chest, I tried to calm my racing heart and even out my breaths that had become more rapid. I couldn’t show this man that he was getting to me. I had to keep strong not only for me, but also for Andris. Cardinelli knew far more than he was telling me. He could ruin not only my life, but Andris, and even Link’s if word got out about our contract. Andris’s reputation would be tarnished and he would never be able to practice as a doctor again.

  Antonio finished his drink and then rested the glass on the edge of his knee as he massaged the smoothness of it with his fingers. A small squeak filled the cab of the car as his thumb slid back and forth upon the glass. It was worse than having to hear nails on a chalkboard, or an annoying high pitched car alarm.

  “Will you just get to the point, Antonio?” I snapped as my patience began to wear thin.

  “Andris and I have… I guess you can say…an arrangement. One that he inherited so to speak. It is his intentions to break that arrangement and even though I told him it wouldn’t hurt me if he did, it in fact would be rather detrimental to my business.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said, shaking my head, my ponytail sliding along the back side of my jacket.

  “Andris works for me, Nicola. He writes prescriptions for me to gain access to the drugs that I need that I cannot get from my other suppliers. Ever since you became his patient, he keeps trying to cut ties with me. I do not like that.”

  “You’re lying. Andris is too good of a person to be involved with a fucking sleaze ball like you,” I hissed through clenched teeth. My jaw began to ache from the pressure I was putting on it and I could feel an angry flush fill my face as it heated while my temper grew. Antonio reached into his pocket and produced his cell phone, sliding his finger across the screen to awaken it and gesturing it towards me before speaking again.

  “If you don’t believe me, give the good doctor a call.”

  I stared at the phone like it would burn me if I touched it. Part of me told me to ignore the accusations that Antonio was saying about Andris, but a large part of me knew that they were true. A man like Antonio Cardinelli wouldn’t be trying to attack Andris through me if it weren’t true.

  “Ah. I see it in your eyes, Nicola. Deceit is a nasty thing. The fear hits you right in the chest and you become angry and frustrated.” His hand came up and a finger traced along my jaw. I didn’t move. I didn’t flinch. Partially paralyzed by the fact that Andris could keep something as vital as his involvement with Antonio Cardinelli away from me, and partially because I didn’t want to let Antonio see how much it was affecting me.

  “Your beauty astounds me. I could give you anything you want. You wouldn’t have to sell your body and your soul to the highest bidder in order to survive.”

  I held my head high, even though his words sliced through me. I hated this. I hated myself. I was scared, frustrated, and pissed off all at the same time. For someone who until recently didn’t experience any of these emotions, I quickly found myself wanting to go back to that place. Back to the old me who didn’t have to feel anything—didn’t have to care.

  But I did. I did care. I cared about Andris. I cared about Link. I wanted to protect both of them. I have had to do some vile things in my life to survive. This would be no different. I could handle Antonio Cardinelli just like any other shit storm of an event or sick bastard that had crossed my path.

  “What do I need to do?”

  THE LIGHTS WERE LOW and candles bounced, illuminated flickers of light off the walls. The aroma of chicken masala filled the air as I stood looking around my penthouse apartment. I have never had a woman over to my real place before. I have never wanted to. The direction in which I was venturing to take my relations
hip with Nicola was teetering dangerously along a fine line. I wanted her. Needed her in fact. She was my glimpse of sanity in the world of messed up shit I dealt with every day. I faced demons and pasts of others on a daily basis, but never took the time to manage my own or to come to grips with the reality of my own mental struggles.

  I paced up and down the hall, hands clasped firmly behind my back as I wore out the carpet between my room and the space between the living area and the dining room. I was the one who was always asked for help, but tonight, I called upon my friend for help. I knew it could possibly be a mistake to involve him, or to let him know of my newly developed relationship with the woman in which he was fucking, but I couldn’t let another day go by without making her mine.

  I approached the mirror in the hall, pausing to adjust the line of buttons on my shirt until they were perfectly in place above my belt buckle. My hair was tamed with styling gel and my tie matched the color of my eyes. Tilting my head side to side, I tried to relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders. When I next opened my eyes, I was staring straight at him.

  “Are you sure you are ready to take this step, Andris? Are you sure that you can handle the pressure? I won’t be here to help you should she change her mind. I won’t be here to guide or protect you if her rejection hits you full force.”

  I stared at my friend. My confidant. The one person who I could count on to help me get through the shit that swirled in my head on a daily basis. He had always been there for me. Someone who I could trust with my words, thoughts, or my own life if necessary.

  “I can’t keep living my life in fear of him, Link. I can’t keep letting the insecurities my father instilled upon me keep me from living my life. I have never had a desire to want to get past all of the crap I have been through, but she makes me want to. She makes me want to try and defeat him. To finally, once and for all, prove that he was wrong.”