Void

by Cassy Roop

  IT WAS TAKING ALL the control I could find not to pull the truck over on the side of the road and peel the sinful dress from Nicola’s body and ravish her on the spot. Her close proximity to me in the truck wasn’t helping to diminish the rapidly growing desire for her that nearly consumed me. Her scent filled the cab and my nostrils, and on its own it was an aphrodisiac.

  The ride back to my apartment felt like it took forever. I drummed my fingertips on the steering wheel to keep from groping her in the truck. The whole drive over I had to try and convince myself that I was doing the right thing. She was no longer going to be my patient, so ethically I could make her mine. Emotionally, however, I was struggling. My feelings for her grew fast and hard, repercussions be damned. I didn’t have time to slow down or be able to think about how it would affect her if she found out the truth about me. I didn’t want her to find out how weak and insecure I was when it came to women. Link had helped me to conjure some confidence before I went to pick up Nicola, but not enough to shake that flagging niche in the back of my mind that told me I was going to fail at this.

  If I ever wanted anything to work in my life, it would be her.

  I helped her from the truck, enjoying the warmth of her palm as our fingers laced together. I felt the slightest tremble in her hand and it echoed my own. She was nervous too, and in an odd way it was comforting to me to know that.

  When we got to my penthouse, the scent of the chicken masala I had prepared earlier hit us as soon as I opened the door.

  “Wow, something smells wonderful,” she said as she shed her coat and once again revealed the red dress that was doing powerful things to my cock. Nicola was beyond beautiful. She had to do little to her appearance in order for that beauty to reflect her, yet the small touches that she did do only enhanced it. She had a model quality about her, as clichéd as it sounded. She could give any movie actress a run for their money and make even the most committed man want to have a sinful affair with her.

  “I made dinner before I came to get you. I hope you have no food aversions.”

  “Wow. So many talents, doctor. I do believe I hit the jackpot,” she said in a playful tone.

  “Have a seat and I’ll serve it.”

  She walked to where I had an elegantly decorated table in the dining room that was connected to the kitchen. I picked up a lighter from off the bar and lit the tall pillar candles on the table and then dimmed the lights to where the flames danced upon the walls. The tall vase of red roses in the center of the table filled the small space with a sweet, floral aroma that accented the wine from the chicken masala.

  All throughout dinner, I could barely contain myself. Even the way she chewed was turning me on to the point I felt like my body was going to rupture from the growing tension. It needed her. I needed her, but I also wanted to take this slow. When it came to Nicola, fucking up wasn’t an option.

  We retired to the living room where I pressed a button on the remote that instantly lit the fireplace. We sat closely on my oversized couch, enjoying a glass of wine and engaged in conversation.

  “Dinner was wonderful, thank you.”

  “My pleasure. Cooking is something I have always enjoyed.”

  “Lucky for me then, because I suck at it,” she giggled before she took another sip of her wine. I watched her throat bob as she swallowed, my lips begging to be pressed against the smooth, tanned skin of her neck.

  “How could you suck at it?”

  “Well, growing up I had cooks or maids who did it all for me. In school, all of our meals were either cooked for us or catered. I never got the opportunity to learn, really. When my parents died I ate whatever was available to me. Mostly that consisted of gas station junk food or takeout.”

  “Well, maybe a cooking lesson will be in order. Next time we can make our meal together.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  We sat in silence for several moments. I watched the heat from the fire match the heat in her eyes. We were both holding back, afraid of what would happen if either of us made that first move. I had thoroughly enjoyed her company so far, but dammit, if I didn’t have her soon I was going to go crazy.

  I sat my glass on the coffee table in front of me before I reached for her, pulling her mouth to mine. The sweet taste of wine mixed with the normal taste of her mouth was incredible. She had quickly become something that I craved constantly. She lit me up. I was a stick of dynamite and she was the fuse that ignited something inside of me that only she could. She made me burn with need, and I would gladly go up in flames just to be with her.

  “Nicola.”

  “Hmmm?” She replied as I pressed hot kisses to her throat just like I had daydreamed about only moments before.

  “I want you.”

  “Oh thank God,” she breathed as if she had found the relief that she desperately needed. I sought her mouth once again, allowing our tongues to mingle and dance together in a perfect rhythm. Her hands came up to loosen my tie as I reached behind her and slid down the zipper of her dress. Removing her arms from the top, she allowed it to pool at her waist, exposing her sheer black lace bra to me. It was a sharp contrast to the fire-lit creaminess of her skin. I shed my shirt and tie leaving both of our upper torsos exposed to one another. This time when we embraced, our flesh touched and it was a glorious burning sensation that reached deep down into my chest.

  You’re mediocre.

  No. Fuck no.

  You don’t deserve her, you worthless piece of shit.

  I tensed as my father’s words echoed in the back of my mind. I had worked so hard not to allow him to invade my thoughts. Nicola had been a wonderful distraction and helped me keep him at bay all evening, but now that we were so close to intimacy, he came barreling in full force.

  Nicola looked at me for a moment, recognizing something. Did she see my fear? My anxiety?

  You’ve never had a woman that wasn’t blindfolded. You know she will run the moment you even try with her, so why even bother?

  I closed my eyes tightly before opening them and finding Nicola looking right into them.

  “Is everything okay?” She asked as her thumb stroked my cheekbone in a tender caress. I swallowed almost audibly, trying to rid the heavy lump that had developed in my throat. I wish Link were here. He would tell me what to do. He would tell me that my bastard father wasn’t actually here to hurt me. He would tell me that I deserved someone like Nicola. He would tell me that I deserved to be loved.

  As if sensing something were wrong, Nicola pushed me back and stood up. This is what I feared. My lack of confidence to be able to make love to a woman like a normal human being was quickly becoming a reality. She was going to walk out, not wanting to be with a fucked up head case like me. I was prepared for her to retreat when instead, she pushed her dress down her hips, exposing her matching lace panties and garter belt. Briefly, my father’s thoughts escaped me and my mouth watered at the enormity of her beauty.

  I was surprised even further when she dropped to her knees in front of me and caressed my thighs with the palms of her hands before she reached for my belt buckle and released it.

  “You know, I may still be new at this whole emotions thing. I am now better able to understand and recognize things in others. I have you to thank for that, Andris. You have done something to me that has flipped a switch that was long hidden within me.”

  She undid the button of my pants and I lifted my hips, allowing her to remove them, and leaving me exposed in my boxer briefs.

  “You saved me. You brought me out from a dormant and vacant life, Andris. You have woken up my soul. I feel so many different things with you. Everyone always wanted to know what I was feeling or what I saw. I see a fear in you right now. I don’t know what it is, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just let me help you get past it, like you helped me.”

  With tentative fingers she pulled down the waistband of my boxer briefs, completely exposing my ridged cock to her. Nudging my knees apart
, she steeled between my legs, tracing her delicate fingers across my thighs. I shivered with delight. Nearly bounced on the spot with anticipation. Sweat formed on my brows and my balls ached to the point I could barely stand it.

  Gripping me in her hand, I grew even harder, and when her head descended down and she took the tip of my cock into her mouth, I nearly died. The warm, moist confines of her mouth nearly had me coming as she swirled the tip of her tongue around the tip. My head rested back on the sofa as she took me deeper with expertly practiced movements. She went slowly, painfully so.

  “Oh fuck, Nicola.”

  “Mmmm.” She moaned against my dick and the vibrations she sent through me nearly made me come undone. She continued in an unrelenting rhythm until I was forced to stop her, or explode in her mouth.

  “I wasn’t finished,” she protested as she wiped at the corner of her mouth. Damn, she was fucking perfect. She didn’t ask any questions nor seek any answers when I began to behave differently, she just took the reins and made me forget my torment.

  “Well, you have had your dessert, now I want mine.”

  “Well, who am I to deprive you of that?” She teased before rising from the floor. Unhooking the clasps of her garter, she seductively slid her panties down the smooth skin of her thighs, before allowing them to pool at her feet. She teased me in delightful ways. Knew exactly how to drive me to the brink of insanity, to where there was no room for my father’s ghostly torment, only thoughts of burying myself inside of her remained.

  Taking her hand, I gently pulled her down onto the couch and guided her to where she was lying on her back facing me. I placed my hands on her knees, guiding her legs apart before coming to settle between them. Through the flames that flickered around the room, I could see her desire. I was exposed to the glistening evidence of her desire as I traced a single finger through her wet core.

  “That feels amazing,” she breathed as her back gently arched off the back of the couch. Not wanting to waste any more time or allow my father’s voice to gain access to my thoughts, I concentrated solely on her as I spread open her lips and traced my tongue around her sensitive clit. Her body jerked with the first touch and continued to make small acknowledgements of my presence as I began to pick up the pace until I was at a rhythm that had her writhing beneath me in only a matter of moments. I drew my power from her. The pleasure that she was experiencing from my tongue drove me further. I relished in her taste, claiming her as mine with my tongue before I would claim her as mine with my body.

  The look on her face was enough to satisfy me. Her eyes were closed and her perfect mouth hung open slightly. I focused on her breath, synchronizing swipes of my tongue to match her pants, creating a pleasure within her as well as myself like neither of us has ever known. I gripped her thighs more firmly when she tried to close them, and when her hands fisted in my hair, the prickly sting at my scalp was a welcoming feeling.

  “Andris…” she moaned, my name sounding erotic coming from her lips. Knowing that her thoughts were filled with me drove me to the brink of madness. So many times I had to witness her sessions with Link. So many times I had to experience the chemistry and heat between them, and so many times it left me feeling inadequate…second hand.

  But to have her before me, writhing and on the brink of climax gave me all the power and courage I needed. She made me feel like I was enough. She gave me the ability to see past my own fears and to overcome any obstacle I faced.

  “Andris, please…” she begged.

  I inserted a fingertip, gesturing in a “come hither” motion as I began to stroke the sweet spot inside of her that made her even wetter. I felt her thighs tremble and her breathing begin to hitch.

  “That’s it, Nicola. Feel it. Feel me.”

  “I…oh God…I’m going to cum.”

  And she did. Gloriously. Fully. Like her body had just been granted pure and unadulterated ecstasy. Pressure having given way to release.

  When she opened her eyes, they were clouded as if she had just had an out of body experience. I could still taste her on my tongue and leaned in so that she could taste herself on me.

  “You are so beautiful when you cum.” I said between kisses and I lapped at her tongue and gently bit on her bottom lip. She reached to rid me of my boxers and I stopped her.

  “Not here.”

  I picked her up bridal style, the smooth creaminess of the backs of her thighs resting on my forearms and her arms snaked around my neck, pressing her breasts towards my face. As I made my way down the hall to my bedroom, I leaned down and captured one already hardened nipple and playfully teased it to where it puckered even more.

  Gently, I placed her down on the bed before joining her and laying my body on top of her to absorb the warmth. She looked around as if searching for something.

  “What are you looking for?”

  “There aren’t any restraints in here.”

  “No, there isn’t.”

  “No blindfolds?”

  “Nope.”

  “Any kinky sex toys?” She slightly giggled.

  “No,” I asserted with seriousness even though she was being playful. Her amusement was cute, but right now my mission was to prove to her that there was just me and her. No toys, restraints, or barriers to come between us.

  “None of that here, Nicola. Tonight it is about you and me. It is about seeing your eyes when I make you cum. To watch the glistening flecks of your irises as you fall over the edge. To see the pleasure written on your face as I bury myself deeper and deeper inside of you. I want skin on skin. Breath to breath. I want you to touch me. See me, and only me. I want your full attention, your trust. Mostly I want you to know that you belong to me. With me.”

  “Okay. You know, doctor, a girl could get used to this kind of flattery. I like it when you get all bossy and tell me what to do.”

  “Get used to it. Because I plan on making you cum so hard, you will forget who you are.”

  “Bring on the amnesia, doc.”

  I reached over to the bedside drawer and produced a foil packet. She once again reached between us and this time, I allowed her to slide my boxers down and expose myself to her. For a brief moment I stilled, poising the condom over the head of my dick as fear once again threatened to overwhelm me. This will be the first time in my life to make love to a woman no holds barred, literally. There were no holds, no restraints. Only the woman that I was falling deeper and deeper for every day. She was my only chance to break free. I had forgotten what it was like to feel okay before her, but I also knew she could be my downfall.

  As if sensing my hesitation, she took the condom from me and rolled it onto my cock, her fingers massaging my shaft on the way down. I shook away the darkness, no longer content with living among the grey of my shitty life and instead embraced her light instead of fighting it.

  I lined myself up to her entrance and in one slow push, I was inside of her and it felt like breathing for the first time. It felt like I had been reborn from the hollow and sorry man I had become and was now birthed into someone who wants to be better than that.

  “Oh God,” she breathed. My arms trembled as I poised myself over her, beginning an easy rhythm and enjoying the feel of her pussy as it clamped around me, pulling me deeper inside of her, like she was greedy for our bodies to connect.

  “You feel even better than I remembered,” I admitted in a whisper as I pressed my lips to the spot on her neck that flirted with her jawline. She tilted her head to the side, allowing better access as her hands roamed my skin, reaching and searching for something that I’m sure she herself wasn’t even aware of.

  “Open your eyes,” I commanded and was met with desire, want, and need all at the same time when she complied. I cupped her face with my hands, forcing her to keep her eyes on me as I continued to rock in and out of her.

  It was like heaven to finally be with a woman without any restraints or barriers between us, but not just any woman. It was a privilege to be with her. She w
as something I never envisioned happening to me, but everything I ever wanted.

  Our lips met as we made love to each other with our bodies and our mouths. It was a high like no other that I had ever experienced, and I never wanted to come back down.

  When we finally both climaxed in a rush of hot breaths and sweaty skin, it was together. Both finding our release in each other. Two broken souls made complete by being with one another.

  ChapteMY NIGHT WITH ANDRIS was beyond anything that I could ever imagine. Never having felt or truly experienced love, it was something that I now craved more than my next breath. I yielded to the comfort of his arms and I counted each and every lazy breath he made while he slept beside me.

  Light filtered in through the window and cast shadows on the walls. It was almost peaceful and serene if it weren’t for the looming sense of dread I felt hanging on my shoulders. I felt a cataclysmic unbalance as I sat and relished about my night with Andris, mixed with sad and painful thoughts of how our relationship was going to survive what we were aiming for.

  I felt Andris hold back a little last night before he finally let go of whatever demons were plaguing him when we finally made love. I’ve never made love with a man before. I was built to fuck, built to not care about my sinful acts, but being with Andris was earth shattering, soul embracing.

  “Someone is deep in thought,” he said in a sleepy, yet husky voice. His baritone radiated through me and made me tremble.

  “How long have you been awake?” I asked as I stroked the skin of his forearms with the tip of my nails.

  “Long enough to hear those wheels in your head turn faster than the huge ass wheels of my truck.”

  I chuckled.

  “Just reliving last night in my head.”

  From the floor, a cell phone alarm sounded annoyingly loud into the silence of the room and Andris reached down to retrieve it.