Void

by Cassy Roop

  Well, I’m not letting that happen. I love Nicola enough to tell her the truth. To show her not only the real Link, but the real Andris as well.

  I walked into the bathroom in my office and turned the tap on cold, cupping my hands to catch the icy water before splashing it on my face. After drying off the water, I took one last look in the mirror and conjured up as much determination as I could.

  It was now or never.

  “THIS IS ALL YOU GOT?” Antonio Cardinelli asked me as I handed him the notepad I found in Andris’s office drawer.

  “There has got to be less than twenty sheets on this pad. He writes more prescriptions than that in two days.

  “It was all I could get. Another one of the doctors walked in, so I didn’t have time to find more.

  And I didn’t want to.

  “Well, then you will just have to get more.”

  “No fucking way, Cardinelli. You agreed. I supply the prescription pads so you can get your drugs easier, and in exchange, you leave Andris, Link, and me alone.”

  Anger radiated off of me to the point I felt like I was vibrating like a nervous Chihuahua. Somehow, deep in the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy Cardinelli, and certainly not enough for him to leave us alone for good. He was right, Andris wrote quite a few prescriptions daily. The thing I was most afraid of was that the medications that Cardinelli was seeking, were monitored drugs. Meaning once he started forging Andris’s signature, I knew it would set off a red flag in the system.

  “Well, then the only form of payment I will accept in return, is with you,” he said, wagging his bushy, caterpillar eyebrows at me.

  “You are out of your ever-loving fucking mind if you think I am going to sleep with you. You disgust me. You take advantage of people. Your wife hates you, so she seeks the pleasure of other men. How does that help you sleep at night?”

  He gripped my chin painfully in his grasp, his fingernails digging into my skin.

  “Listen, you fucking bitch. I don’t take shit from anyone, especially some fucking whore. You forget that I could end you and your boyfriend. You will get me more tablets.”

  He shoved me away and I stumbled backwards, nearly falling on my ass. I watched Cardinelli get into his car with his two fucking idiots that followed him around everywhere as he left me standing in the cold. I wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods and could feel the stares of all the people in the area. No doubt the majority of them were on his payroll, or worse, under his thumb when it came to the drugs they wanted.

  I climbed into a cab and got out of there as quickly as I could. I hated the fact that I had to steal from Andris again.

  But first, I had to get home and change. I always prided myself on having nerves of steel, but right now my stomach fluttered with what felt like a million butterflies alternating with cramping knots.

  It wasn’t every day that a woman met the second man in her life that she loved.

  ANDRIS’S HAND FELT clammy in mine as we rode together in silence. Most of the snow had melted which allowed him to drive the black car. The one Sinclaire used to pick me up in. It was strange riding in the front of the car that carried me to the anonymous meeting place every time I was with Link. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the minds of both of the men in my life as we approached this pivotal moment in our relationship. The way Andris spoke about Link and the way that Dr. Chambers told me to “go easy on Andris” had my shackles raised. Did Andris think I was going to hate him if Link wasn’t what I had imagined him to be? Or is he worried that I could possibly fall deeper in love with Link as soon as I laid eyes on him?

  My heart was beating loudly in my chest and I wondered if Andris could hear it. I tried to distract myself by taking in the surroundings as we passed through the late New York streets. I noticed that Andris was taking me to a part of town that was traditionally wealthy or celebrity. Was Link some celebrity singer or music star? Was he someone else entirely?

  It was strange that I had only spoken to him once, but had repeatedly allowed him to control and satisfy my body on a routinely basis. Yes, I was being paid for it, but the emotions that Link brought out in me would have let me do it for free.

  Andris squeezed my hand before bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back. I couldn’t suppress the ache that came from deep inside me, knowing that this meeting with Link was somehow going to change the relationship between Andris and me irrevocably.

  There was fear in his eyes, and worry between his brows. The youthful, sexy man that I had come to love looked like he had aged in the last few hours. The breath caught in my chest when I realized something.

  Andris told me he loved me, and I never said it back.

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Andris?”

  He looked at me and then back to the road as he weaved through traffic, never letting go of my hand.

  “Yes,” he managed to say, his voice slightly croaking with unease.

  “I…”

  “What?” He asked as the back of his thumb slid back and forth on the back of my hand. It was almost as if he was giving me comfort and in return, comforting himself.

  “I love you.”

  Andris pulled into a parking garage and soon into a space that held a sign with A.S. Gunn on it. At first, I found it strange that he would have his own personal parking space at Link’s place, but then when I thought about the amount of time he spent there, it really wasn’t so strange after all.

  Cutting off the engine, Andris turned to look at me. Leaning in, he cupped the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair as he brought our mouths together. My scalp prickled and my lips tingled as he slowly kissed me. It was different, slow, passionate, and filled with heaps of promise.

  “You have no idea how fucking happy it make me to hear you say that. God, Nicola. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. My heart races every time I touch you. I’ve grown stronger because of you. And if it were any other person, the possibility of what is going to happen tonight would never happen. I want you to know, that no matter what happens after tonight, I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything or anybody I have ever had in my life.”

  “You act as if I’m going to run away from you,” I admitted with a smile, trying to liven up his mood.

  “There’s a damn good possibility that you will.”

  “I doubt it. Why don’t you let me prove you wrong?”

  He took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for what was to come before turning to me.

  “Just remember, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Andris got out from the car and walked around to my side to help me. I took in the cleanliness of the garage as we walked towards the elevators. In New York, finding anything in a public space clean was a rarity. It felt strange to come to this place without the blindfold. Even though all the smells were familiar, it felt as if I were truly visiting the building for the first time.

  Andris’s nervousness was more apparent than ever as he leaned back against the mirrored walls of the elevator and closed his eyes. As the door closed, I looked up at the floor numbers.

  Forty-Eight.

  “What floor are we going to?”

  He opened his eyes and looked straight ahead, but never at me. I wanted to do something to help him ease into what was going to happen tonight. I wanted him to know that no matter what happened, my feelings for him wouldn’t change. I had already confessed my feelings to him in the car, and I didn’t have anything that I knew would help him relax.

  Except for one thing.

  “All the way to the top.”

  “Good.”

  I stood in front of him and pulled the tails of his crisply pressed dress shirt free from his pants before placing my hands on the buckle of his belt and proceeding to undo it.

  “Nicola—”

  “Shhh.” I said as I placed my fingers on his lips to keep him from protesting. I dr
opped my purse to the elevator floor, allowing it to land with a thud before I dropped to my knees in front of him. Knowing I didn’t have much time, I quickly unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers only enough to expose his enlarged cock to me. Cupping his balls, I placed my mouth over the head and sucked on it slowly, only once. From there I began a steady rhythm as I hollowed out my cheeks and opened my throat up to take him in deeper.

  “Fucking hell, Nicola,” he managed to say between panting breaths. I enjoyed the salty taste of him and the velvety smoothness of his skin. He grew even more in my mouth and my jaw ached from the intensity of my actions, but I didn’t care. This wasn’t for me, it was for him. This was to show him that I’d do anything for him, even take his mind off his demons, if only for a brief moment.

  His hands fisted in my hair as he held onto my head and I continued my swift strokes of my mouth. Saliva dropped out of the corner of my mouth and my eyes watered as I gagged a few times. I was turned on by the red lipstick that now coated his dick from my mouth. I continued to play with his balls, feeling them start to tighten as his orgasm quickly approached.

  “Oh fuck—” he repeated over and over, I glanced up briefly.

  Only ten more floors to go. Thank God that the elevator car hadn’t stopped to let anyone on because they would have gotten one hell of a show.

  I tasted it the second it hit the back of my throat and I worked furiously to swallow the warm salty liquid, lapping up every drop before finally releasing him from my mouth and pulling his pants back up just in time for the car to arrive at the forty-eighth floor.

  I didn’t get off easy as Andris attacked my mouth, pulling me closer to him and squeezing me tightly against his chest. His tongue dipped inside my mouth and I knew he could taste himself on my lips.

  It was fucking sexy as hell.

  The doors opened and an elderly woman stared at us in disgust as she paused before stepping into the car. Andris and I quickly broke apart and I retrieved my purse off the elevator floor before exiting the car. The old lady mumbled something along the lines of “kids these days will do anything in public” just as the elevator doors closed and she was gone.

  “That was fucking priceless. Old lady Foster is probably one of the most uptight people I know. Her husband died several years back, and now she takes her solace in the ten cats she keeps in her penthouse.

  “Penthouse?” I asked, arching my brows.

  “Yes. There are two up here. One belongs to old lady Foster, and the other belongs to m…Link and me.”

  “Oh. I never knew there were two up here. Of course I never knew you brought me to a Penthouse either.”

  “No one knew, Nicola. You are the first person to set foot in the building with me without a blindfold on.”

  I guess if he was aiming to make me feel special, then I guess I was. As heart wrenching as it felt to know that I wasn’t the first woman to enter here, I was certainly hoping I would be the last.

  The entryway to the penthouse was beautiful. Gold plated furnishings and plush carpet laid out on dark hardwood floors. As we approached the front door, the familiar smells that I had become used to, began to assault my senses, taking me back to all the times I was with both Andris and Link. It was a smell that I would never grow tired of. Rich, deep leather mixed with sandalwood and oak—an aphrodisiac that would always be a turn on for me.

  I took in every sound differently. The way he inserted the key into the lock, and the way it clicked as he turned. The creak of the door as he opened it. Only this time, I got to see all of it.

  Closing the door behind us, Andris flipped a switch on the wall that illuminated the room we were in. What I saw was nothing like I had imagined it, yet it was. The leather smell was more potent now, and I knew why. Various bondage apparatuses and other things were spread out in the open-plan room. Every cuff or buckle was made of the leather that smelled so wonderful to me. A huge four-poster bed with a canopy was in the center of the room and a giant stereo system was positioned not too far away.

  “This is it,” Andris said with a wave of his hand, so nonchalantly that it was like he were bringing me home to his personal apartment for the first time, only this place would put any BDSM club or association to shame. There were St. Andrew’s crosses on the walls as well as different varieties of benches and swings. I wasn’t embarrassed by the scene in the room. Many of the devices seen before me were used by other clients. Most of those clients, though, preferred to be in the device with me taking charge.

  I wandered over to a specific bench and ran my hands across the cool leather padding.

  “This was the bench I was on the other night, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes.”

  One word. His voice taking on a new octave—one lower than I had heard from his mouth before. It was vaguely familiar, but I shook it off and told myself that it was probably due to his nervousness.

  “This—this is where I would come to escape. Everyone thinks that being a doctor is so easy. I get to hear about other people’s problems and issues on a daily basis. Some of the shit I’ve heard would make you vomit. Some of the experiences that my patients have had are things no one should have to experience. Most days, it is hard to shut that shit off at the end of the day. Know what I mean?”

  “I can imagine. But you help those people, Andris. You have to remember that. You are good at what you do. Look at me. Look how far I have come.”

  “Nicola, eventually someone or something would have brought you out of your shell. Something would have happened to trigger your emotions. There is no way to guarantee that it was me.”

  I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head into his chest as his arms folded around me. I could hear the heavy beat of his heart and his labored breath slow down as we embraced each other.

  “I came alive when I met you and Link. I know you don’t like the idea of sharing me. It is something I have thought about as well. I won’t lie when I say that I have feelings for Link. I love him, but I also love you. Both of you are different. Both of you turn me on in many different ways, not just sexually. Thank you for allowing me to meet him. Thank you for sharing that part of you with me.”

  I leaned up and on my toes and pressed a slow, sensual kiss upon his lips.

  “I guess now is as good as ever.”

  “What? He’s here already?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Yes. He’s always here. He doesn’t leave often,” he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

  “Wait here and I’ll go get him.”

  Nervous anticipation filled my stomach as I watched Andris walk out of the room. I was bathed in silence, the only thing present was the sound of my breaths. I felt a sudden pang of unease filter through me as I paced the floors waiting for Andris to return. There were so many times when all three of us have been together, but this felt completely different. Link was practically a stranger to me, yet one I had feelings for.

  It seemed like hours that I was left alone in the room, waiting for Andris to return. Left alone to reminisce as I looked around the room taking in everything. I walked over to the bed and ran my hands across the satin sheets, feeling the coolness of the fabric between my fingers. I was lost in my own world for several minutes, that I didn’t even hear Andris return.

  “Hello, Nicola.”

  My back was to the door, so I didn’t see the person who had called my name. The voice was so different yet so familiar at the same time.

  When I turned around, my heart seized in my chest. The air rushed out of my lungs and for several moments, I swear I forgot to breathe.

  Whatever I had imagined Link to look like when I met him, the man standing before me was not him.

  “I THOUGHT YOU WERE going to get Link?” I asked with a small tremor in my voice.

  He only nodded as he slowly approached me. There was something different in his gaze, a slight swagger in his steps, as if he had all the confidence in the world.

&
nbsp; I stood up from where I was seated on the bed and walked on unsteady legs toward him, nearly tripping over my feet in the process. He was there instantly, catching me with his strong hands. Hands that I have felt on my body many, many times over, yet these hands were a strangers.

  As he helped me steady myself, a strong, but gentle hand was placed on my jaw, tilting it to where I was staring directly at him. It was then that I knew I was no longer talking to the man I loved who had walked out of the room only moments before. Now, I was talking to the man I loved, who I had never met before.

  “Link?” I questioned with a whisper. His only answer was a nod as he stroked my cheek back and forth with the pad of his thumb. I felt my knees tremble as if I could fall to the floor any moment if it weren’t for him holding on to me.

  All this time. The entire fucking time I thought I was with Link, it had been Andris all along. It had been Andris who took control of my body, invaded my thoughts and set off the nuclear reaction that had severed my old life from my new one. It was he who ignited my vacant soul and who had manipulated my body in so many ways as I submitted to him. It was also him who paid me.

  It was him the whole time.

  Anger grew within me, and for some odd reason, I felt betrayed. Lied to. Deceived. Stupid, and just about every other fucking negative adjective I could think of.

  “I know you are angry. I see it in the sparkle of your eyes.”

  His own softened, and it was like he was flashing back and forth between two different personalities.

  Oh, my, God, I thought as I brought my hands up to cover my gasp. And that’s when it happened. I started laughing. Hysterical, uncontrollable laughter to the point that my stomach hurt. Tears were forced from my eyes and streamed down my cheeks, but no matter what happened, I couldn’t stop. Then, those laughs turned to sobs and before I knew it, my eyes were burning and my chest heaved as anger once again returned.