by Samie Sands
• Drugs - I don’t know, I think I’m done guessing.
To Jon,
Michell found me today.
I don’t think she’s ever stopped looking for me, ever since I first left, and today she found me. She told me that the group has found somewhere new to live and that everything is back on track. She wants me to see reason, to really understand where the world is headed, and to go back with her.
I hate to admit it, I really do, but I think she might be right. When I take a step back and I really look around, I can see that this is the only positive choice for me. I don’t like it one bit, but I’m tired of fighting. You have no idea how weary I am, how rundown this has made me. If I had even an ounce of energy left in my body, then I wouldn’t cave, but all I’ve done for weeks is battle and I’m no better off. I’m still just here, alone.
I hate to have to say goodbye to you, even if it’s only temporary, you have no idea how much it’s killing me inside, but I can’t keep holding on to a dream that’s never going to come true. I’ve tried it out here by myself, I’ve attempted to search for a way home, but there isn’t one. I can’t keep fighting a losing battle, especially when I don’t know if you’ll even be on the other side when I get there. Anything could’ve happened to you, much as I’m scared to feel that way.
For now, while the world is like this, I need to be realistic, I have to be smart.
Michell can help take care of me in a way that I really can’t do by myself. I need to go with her, to help with the new camp, to start being sensible and making the best of this again. Yes, I’ll lose more people, and yes it’ll hurt, but it’s that or...or...well, I don’t even know what.
So for now, with regret, it’s time to say goodbye.
Just know that I’ll always love you. Forever.
You are my one true love, you changed my life for the better, and one day I’m certain we’ll be together again, but for now, I just need to stay alive.
I love you,
I really do love you,
Jen.
perth
“Aw hell,” I mutter angrily to myself as another undead pus-bag takes a swing at me. What sort of hellish nightmare is this, and more importantly why hasn’t it come to an end yet? One might assume that an island, such as Australia, might be able to escape a virus such as this, but clearly not. One might also assume that with such a large expanse of the place being scarcely populated, there’d be somewhere to get away.
Clearly, that assumption is an incorrect one. I’ve been everywhere I can think of to get away, and they seem to keep on following me. Or maybe they’re just everywhere, like horse flies, or something equally as annoying. I’ve been in the city, and out of it, and actually, it’s better to be in. At least there’s stuff to eat that I don’t need to kill first!
I smash my lead piping through the dead guy’s head, cold blood splattering all over my face as I do. I hate this part, the cleaning up after a kill, mostly because the lenses on my glasses are starting to have bits of grime, coagulated blood, and very dead flesh caked right into them, and there isn’t anything I can do about that. I can’t exactly head to the nearest opticians for a replacement now, can I? I tried, but my usual place was utterly destroyed, presumably collateral damage in the initial outbreak, so that’s the end of that.
“Idiot,” I shake my head at the dead guy lying at my feet, wondering how he managed to get himself infected. If I’ve been smart enough to keep myself alive, then I didn’t see why everyone else shouldn’t too. There wasn’t anything particularly special about me. Sure I was a ‘jack of all trades’ in life, which made had helped me a little, and I was a massive reader too which means I know a lot, but still. I think common sense is key.
Maybe Australia doesn’t have much of it after all.
I don’t really know where I’m going to go next, I’m getting thoroughly sick of wandering around, trying to find somewhere safe to stay, just for something to happen which forces me to move on. It’s exhausting, and somewhere along the line, everything started to feel a little...pointless. I guess what I really want to do is go to another country, to get away from here. I suppose if I consider it rationally, judging by the fact that no one has come to rescue Australia, this isn’t the only place in the world that’s been affected, but surely there must be somewhere safe? There must be somewhere on the planet that I can go? I can’t keep on doing this forever.
I slump down on a tree stump, blinking my eyes into the intense bright sunshine, wondering what direction I force my weary body in next. The sun rays are sizzling my skin too ferociously to continue worrying about monsters coming at me from every angle, my stomach’s growling too loudly and my parched throat screams are too loud to keep going aimlessly, I feel too weary for all of it now. The whole apocalyptic nightmare is a young man’s game, not for someone like me who just wants to curl up in the evenings with a good book. I would love to find a way to just stop the fighting...
“Help!”
That voice jolts through my system, scaring the living hell out of me, making me jump up quickly like a lunatic. Am I going insane? Have I finally cracked? Has my desperation for human contact sent me around the bend? I move my head rapidly from left-to-right, trying to locate the source of the sound, just in case it is real, but by the time my heart has stopped pounding noisily in my chest I become convinced that I must’ve made it up.
“Help me, please.”
Nope, there it is again!
“Who’s there?”
Oops, I didn’t mean to sound quite so gruff and aggressive then, but it’s been so long since I’ve had to include any politeness in my tone, there haven’t been any humans to require it. That’s suggesting there is one now, of course. I’m not ready to totally rule out insanity just yet.
“Help me, I need help.”
I swing my body around and move my eyes as far as I can see, trying to spot the mirage I’m sure I’ll eventually find. But nothing transpires, there’s no incredible hallucination to keep me amused for a while, just the same trees, buildings, and streets that I look at every day.
“Well, thank you for that!” I scream out to the universe, throwing my hands above my head like a madman. “That was a whole lot of fun.”
“I’m here, please!”
Oh my goodness, there actually is someone. A young girl, trapped in a car, I can see her now. Her face is red and sticky, spots of sweat pour down her cheeks, clearly at some point, she’s gotten herself into something of a pickle, and I’m the only one who can save her.
That makes me feel ridiculously excited, and absolutely petrified all at once.
I don’t like living alone, I don’t think humans are particularly suited to being completely solo, but that’s also the only way I’ve survived this. I haven’t had anyone need me since the end of the world rolled around, and the reality of it is a little strange, to say the least.
Still, I cannot just stand here and stare at her like a fool!
“I’ll smash the back window in,” I declare with gusto. If I can plaster a fake smile on my lips, then maybe she won’t sense the fear that hides behind it. “You duck down so none of the glass hits you.”
Relief crosses her expression for a split second, before she vanishes from view, giving me just one more tiny moment to compose myself. I twirl the lead piping between my hands while I check the perimeter in the way I always do before undertaking a noisy activity, then I crash it into the back window on the left-hand side, causing shards to shatter and cascade everywhere.
“Are you alright?” I call, maybe a little too loudly into the car. “I didn’t get you, did I?”
“No, no, I think I’m okay.” She sits up straighter to glance at me, before pulling a few strands of her straggly blonde hair down over her cheeks. “Is it safe for me to get out of here?”
“Yes, I think so. Do you need a hand?”
She shakes her head and slides towards the window where there’s a space for her to now get out, and it isn’
t until she’s clambering through, very ungracefully, that I notice something I didn’t spot before. Something that highlights the terror I’m experiencing and dulls the excitement. Maybe finding someone else to share this experience with isn’t such a good idea after all...
She has a big ball of a belly, a large, hard swollen stomach, which can only contain one thing; the most horrific thing a zombie apocalypse can suffer. A baby; a noisy, screaming, desperate, needy being who will surely get everyone around it killed.
“Yes, I’m pregnant, okay?” she snaps angrily as she spots my wide-eyes staring. “Trust me, it wasn’t exactly in my life plan either. No more than the whole world ending.” As her feet crash to the boiling hot ground beneath her, she folds her arms defensively across her chest. “I suppose you’re gonna run off now, like they all do? See a woman sporting a big ol’ belly and you run away like a cry baby, unable to stand the idea of a baby in this mess? Well, that’s just wonderful, you just worry about yourself, I’ll take care of my baby all by myself.”
“Oh, okay, well I didn’t have any intention of doing that...” I hadn’t even really thought it through, never mind made any real plans. Yes, I’m freaked out, but I’m certainly not cruel. “I was actually thinking that you look very thirsty. Would you like some water?”
I hold out the plastic bottle as a peace offering, and after only a few seconds of staring me down like I’ve been sent to test her, she snatches it from me. From the way she sucks on the bottle like there’s no tomorrow, I can tell it’s been a while.
“So...what happened to you?”
“You mean how did I get pregnant, or during all of this mess?”
“Both, I suppose.”
I can’t help but chuckle at her blunt attitude. She isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met before, all of my friends have always been more like me; my age, my calm temperament, interested in similar things...this young, heavily pregnant girl is my total opposite. There’s no way we ever would’ve communicated if this situation hadn’t arisen.
“Well, I don’t totally know if I got pregnant just before, or just after it all went nuts. There’s no real way to tell, me and Tex were still at it like rabbits in the campsite, living each day like it was our last, and I guess we weren’t really thinking about protection...” She shakes her head, suddenly realizing that this is a little bit too much information. “Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, does it? End result is the same.”
“Where’s Tex now?” And why did I never hear about this camp? I thought I’d explored most of this area. Clearly, my assumption was incorrect.
“Dead.” She shrugs as if she doesn’t feel much about this, but I can see the sting in her eye. “They all are. Whole place caught on fire.”
“How did you escape?” That’s a terrible question to ask, but it fell out of my mouth before I could really think about it.
“I ran, obviously. What the hell was I supposed to do? Stick around and burn? I got out, not because I’m a coward but ‘coz I’ve got someone else to look out for.”
Her hands flutter down to her belly, and as I watch her eyes glaze over, an unexpected protectiveness comes out inside of me. Up until now, this has all been about me. Not intentionally, of course, but because of the situation I’ve been in, that’s just the way I’ve become. I can almost feel my chest expanding as I find room for this young girl and her unborn baby. It’s going to be dangerous, in fact, this is possibly the worst thing I could take on board, but if there’s one thing I’m not going to do it’s turn my back on this situation.
“What’s your name?”
“Why do you care?” The speed her answer flies back at me is full of defensiveness. She has a massive wall surrounding her, which I’m going to have to tear down if I want to look after her. And I do. Up until this point, I’ve been existing. Protecting someone else, preserving the circle of life, that’s the sort of thing I need to be focusing on during the end of the world. At least it proves that there’s some magic left in hell.
“Well, I’m Luke Yates.” I extend my hand to her and she tentatively takes it. “I’m...well, middle-aged. I used to live nearby, but now I exist here, there, and everywhere. Wherever’s safest. When the world turned to hell, I was in my garage, fixing my old bike. I saw one of those monsters staggering towards me so I raced inside to flick on the news, to try and figure out what was going on, but as I’m sure you’re aware from your own experience, in typical Aussie-style, no one seemed to recognise that the end was here until it was too late. The young, blonde female reporter was talking about a forest fire in the outback. I thought I must have imagined it all.”
“Wow.” She nods slowly, her expression turning to one of bemusement as she drinks all of this in. “That’s pretty insane.”
That’s all she offers, no explanation of her own story, so I shake my head and turn to walk. “Are you coming with me then?”
“Why would I?”
“Well, because you’re on you own, because I haven’t seen another living human being for as long as I can remember. And because at some time in the near future, you’re going to be giving birth. I don’t suppose that’s something you want to do by yourself.”
I don’t bother turning back, I keep my feet moving forwards because I know I’ve put my argument forth and that she’ll soon see reason. She doesn’t have much choice, not if she doesn’t want to end up trapped in another damn car.
“Jemma Williams.” I eventually hear her voice shrilly bursting out from behind me. “My name, I mean.”
“Come on then. Jemma. Let’s go and find somewhere safe for you to have your baby.”
She bursts out laughing, a booming sound that comes deep from the pit of her stomach. I turn to glare at her as if she’s gone insane, the sound is the loudest thing I’ve heard in a very long time rear-car-window smashing aside, but then I realize that she’s simply blowing off some steam. Her situation is a crazy one, one that she probably shouldn’t be in, so there really are only two options. Laugh or cry.
I join in, without even really thinking about it, and it actually feels quite good.
***
“Holy strewth, are you insane? A shopping outlet? Forrest Chase? Doesn’t that, like, spell trouble?” Jemma glances erratically from side-to-side as if she’s looking for an out. “Wouldn’t a campsite be better?”
“Oh right, because that worked out so well for you before.” There’s a wryness to my tone, but it doesn’t land. Jemma genuinely looks freaked out. “Look, it’s perfect. There aren’t any other people hanging about, I honestly haven’t seen anyone for months, and this is well protected. We can keep the doors locked tightly shut, so none of the monsters can get in, we have space here to roam free. Plus, and most importantly, there will be supplies. It may have been pretty ransacked in the beginning, but I bet there’s still some stuff left.”
Jemma’s eyes travel up the building, and I can see a spark of hope arising. This is the sort place I always told myself I’d end up living, but I didn’t get around to it before. There wasn’t ever any reason to, it was easier to keep on moving. But now I have someone else to take care of so the time is upon me.
“Do you know what would be amazing? Electricity and running water.”
“Well, I know how to do a lot of things. Maybe, if there’s some sort of generator I might be able to sort it for you. I’m not making any promises, but we’ll see. I have a lot of knowledge about electrical and chemical stuff.”
“Oh right, was that your job?”
“More just a hobby...but if the equipment is there, I’ll be able to do it.”
“Okay, fair enough. Sold. Let’s go.”
Jemma cowers behind me as we step inside, and it doesn’t escape my notice that she’s got her hands wrapped tightly around her stomach again She might try and act like nothing bothers her, but that life growing inside of her is of utmost importance. And that’s what makes this so essential. I don’t matter, not now, but she does. Jemma is the future.
&nbs
p; I swing my bar above my head, and I push on forwards. I don’t even feel afraid of the monsters, not anymore, I’m just determined to make this work.
“Okay, shut the doors,” I hiss behind me.
“But what if...” Jemma starts to argue but thinks better of it at the last moment as I hear the door clunk behind me.
“I’m going to shout now, to draw and lurkers out. It might be a good idea if you hide.”
“Erm, right, okay.”
I feel the heat of her body vanish as she follows my orders. She trusts me, which is a wondrous thing. Now I just need to prove myself worthy.
“Hello?” My voice echoes around the building, bouncing off all the walls, hopefully traveling into each and every nook and cranny. “If anyone’s in here, it’s best if you come out now.”
Nothing.
A resounding silence tears through the place, but I’m not about to drop my weapon, not yet. I’ve been caught out once before by trusting things too quickly. Sometimes the lazier monsters take a few moments to react, and when they do I’ll be ready.
And then it happens.
I twist my body around as I hear a slight wispy sound emanating from behind me. My eyes dart everywhere, trying to locate where it’s coming from. Half the battle is knowing where they are before they descend upon you.
There he is.
He used to be a child, I hate it when that’s the case, it makes it so much sadder. I watch him slide towards me, hungry for my flesh, desperate to consume me, driven by the demon inside of him, and all I feel is sorrow. This child had his whole life ahead of him, he had a future, friends, parents, everything...and now he has nothing. He couldn’t have been more than ten-years-old, and now I’m left to murder him in cold blood. What could be sadder than that?
I can’t let this continue. I can’t this happen to Jemma’s baby. It isn’t right. The country didn’t react quick enough to this virus, things spiraled out of control way too quickly, but maybe I can’t solely blame the people in charge for that. Maybe the rest of the world is in the same boat.
