by Jeannie Watt
Liar. He felt he didn’t deserve people in his life.
Ty walked out the wide equipment door, sliding one half-closed and then the other. And then he stood facing the padlocked shed.
He waded through the snow to the door and lifted the lock with one finger. The key was in his house.
MADELINE HAD JUST finished straightening her hair when Ty knocked on her door. She considered ignoring him, but after the past two days of voluntary mutual avoidance…well, he probably wouldn’t be knocking unless it was important.
Ty stood for a moment on the snowy steps before entering the trailer. He carried something in one hand, but Madeline couldn’t see what it was until she closed the door. He held out two pieces of curved metal.“I don’t know if you want them, but these are the spurs Skip was working on before he died.”
Madeline’s mouth opened, but she couldn’t find words. “I put the rowels on them this morning. Other than that, it’s all Skip. He cut the metal, forged the spurs and put the silver on one of them. The other one…didn’t quite get finished.”
“Did he do the engraving?” Madeline asked, taking the spur with the silver, her fingers brushing against the cool skin of Ty’s hand. She ran her thumb over the polished surface of the spur.
“Yeah,” Ty said. “He showed promise. Most beginners don’t get cuts that deep using hand tools.” He swallowed and glanced away.
Madeline reached out for the other spur, the plain one with no silver attached. “What part is the rowel?”
“The thing that spins on the end.”
She nodded, pressing her lips together. The spurs were heavy, the metal smooth. And she was so damned torn and uncertain about…everything. She looked up at Ty at the exact same moment he brought his eyes back to her. This time she swallowed and then, less than a second later, her arms were wound around his neck and she was pressing her face into the warm hollow of his shoulder. His arms closed around her tightly. Almost too tightly, but Madeline didn’t care.
“I want them,” she said against his warm skin. “The spurs.” She raised her head so she could see his face. “Thank you.”
He cleared his throat. “No problem.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” she said.
“Madeline…” He gently brushed the hair away from her face. “I’ve got stuff to work through. We both know that.”
For a moment they stared at each other and then Madeline said, “I’m leaving in a couple days.”
“I know.”
She teetered for a moment at the edge of the precipice, then took the leap. “Can you stay here with me? For a while?”
She could see that he understood her meaning perfectly. “What would that solve?”
“I think we should find out,” she said, a little surprised at the husky note in her voice. “I think it will help both of us.”
He moved closer, still not touching her. “Both of us.”
“Yes.” He was so close that she barely had to move to kiss the underside of his jaw, where she’d kissed him before, in the doorway. “Please?”
Ty pushed her hair back over her shoulders, then took her face in his hands and kissed her in turn, gently at first. But the heat grew so rapidly that Madeline wasn’t quite sure how she ended up with her back against the door.
She loved kissing Ty Hopewell, and she wanted to do a sight more than kissing.
When she pushed his jacket over his shoulders, he let it fall to the floor. When she took off his hat, surprised at the weight of the heavy felt, he didn’t protest. And when she started undoing buttons, half afraid that he was going to stop her, he instead returned the favor.
Madeline bit her lip as his rough fingers undid the first button on her white blouse, and then another, feeling the heat build inside her.
She pushed her hands up through his crisp dark hair, pulling his lips down to her level and kissing him, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t let himself think too much, wouldn’t withdraw. She had no doubts about what she was doing. She needed to help this man she’d come to care about. Help him back to the land of the living.
Ty didn’t say a word as he undressed her, but she could see that he liked what he saw. The feeling was more than mutual. His stomach was incredible, his thighs lean and strong. When she knelt to peel his boxers down and let his erection spring free, she couldn’t help running her tongue around the end of it. Ty looked both shocked and pleased at her boldness, but he pulled her back up to her feet before swinging her up into his arms and carrying her the rest of the way to her sofa bed.
It wasn’t difficult to deduce that Ty hadn’t been with a woman in a while and that he wanted the full Monty rather than a quick release.
He laid her down, then stretched out beside her, running his hands over her almost reverently, kissing her. Exploring. Madeline did the same. She’d never touched such a solidly muscled man before, couldn’t seem to get enough of him. But Ty needed more and so did she. When he rolled her onto her back she wrapped her legs around him, welcoming him without words.
His body shook as he entered her, from restraint or reaction, she didn’t know, didn’t care. Both were good, as long as he didn’t overdo the restraint. The only reality was him filling her, pushing slowly into her, deeper and deeper. She gasped against his shoulder and then he kissed her, tenderly, before he started to move.
It had been months since she’d been with anyone, but she didn’t think that was the reason she came before she was ready, bucking uncontrollably against him. Her entire body throbbed; her lips felt numb. She’d never reacted like this in her life and she really, really wanted to react like this again.
Ty’s rhythm increased after she came, and he plunged into her almost desperately, as if this was his one and only shot at making love to her. If that was his intention, then Madeline was going to have to explain to him that he would have to change plans.
Just as she was building up again, he let out a low groan and poured himself into her. Madeline took his face between her hands and gently kissed his lips. His eyes were closed and sweat beaded his brow. He was gorgeous.
“I hope you’re on the pill,” he said, “and if you’re not, then—”
“I’m on contraceptives.”
He nodded against her shoulder and then collapsed on the mattress next to her, still half covering her, his penis still half hard inside her.
She loved the feeling of still being joined with him, didn’t want it to end, but of course it did. Way too soon. After he slipped free, he put a heavy arm over her and shifted her body so her butt was pressed up against his groin. Then he pulled her even more tightly against him and promptly fell asleep.
WHEN TY WOKE he was hungry and horny. Two of his favorite feelings—when he had the means to do something about them.
Madeline made him feel alive again. Knowing that Skip had called her that night, that she’d been aware of the circumstances and had been able to forgive him… It humbled him.She stirred against him and he moved his hand down to run a single finger over the junction of her thighs. She sighed.
“Mmm,” she protested sleepily, although her legs moved apart, allowing his finger access to her slick center.
“Maddie,” he whispered against her ear.
“I don’t let people call me that,” she murmured, her body tensing as his finger slipped inside. She let out a tiny moan, then drew air into her lungs from between her teeth. It seemed that she was now fully awake. “Can I call you Maddie?”
She sucked in another sharp breath, her body jerking as he stroked her clit.
“Please?” he whispered.
“Ty…” She moved against his hand. “I don’t…like nicknames…. Oh. My.”
“Oh, my,” he echoed, smiling against her shoulder, withdrawing his hand far enough to slide another finger in. Madeline gasped and tried to turn to face him, but he gently held her where she was. “Don’t move, Maddie.”
But she was moving. Against his fingers. He continued to stroke, glad
he could give her pleasure, loving the feel of her butt grinding against his erection. Much more of this and he’d come before she did.
He was wrong. She came first, her entire body arching back against his before she gave in to a shuddering release.
This time when she tried to turn, he didn’t stop her.
Instead he smiled into her beautiful eyes and ruffled the silky curls on either side of her face. “Let me call you Maddie, let your hair go natural.”
She drew back, shocked.
“No.”
“Why?”
“No one takes a short person with curly hair seriously.”
“I will.”
She didn’t look convinced. He grasped her waist and gently lifted her, and she reached down to guide him as he slowly impaled her. Ty smiled and then groaned as she started to ride him. Seconds later he didn’t care what she let him call her or how she wore her hair.
Ty managed, for the first time in two years, to let himself exist in the here and now.
TY DID LITTLE BUT SPEND time with Madeline over the next three days. They moved hay, and he set mousetraps in the grain shed so she wasn’t afraid to go inside. He took her into the workshop and showed her the silver-working tools.
Yeah, he still felt guilty, but it was falling into perspective. It was only a fluke that he was alive, but what right did he have to throw away the gift he’d been given? As Madeline had pointed out, it didn’t make Skip any more alive.But deep down, Ty knew it wasn’t logic or arguments that helped him get a tenuous grip on his grief and guilt. It was Maddie’s ability to love him in spite of what had happened. If she could forgive him, how could he not at least try to forgive himself?
Their lovemaking increased in intensity, and oddly, as it did, Madeline seemed to pull away. Nothing blatant, just a feeling he got. As if she needed a certain distance. And here he’d thought that was his role.
It was on their third night of sharing a bed—Madeline’s sofa bed—that Ty broached the subject of the ranch.
“I’m not going to put it on the market,” she said. “I can’t do that to you.”
Again, there was a distance between them. Maybe she was thinking about leaving. He knew he was thinking about her leaving, about the emptiness. Funny, but living alone, being alone, had seemed so necessary up until Madeline.
“I want you to do it because being partners with me is beneficial to you,” Ty said. He’d thought all evidence pointed to them making a rather decent team now that they understood each other.
“I’m sure it will be.” Madeline shifted and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. More distance.
“How are we going to handle this?” he asked point-blank. He’d thought about it, but figured the subject would come up before she flew back home.
“I guess if you make a profit, you’ll send me a check.”
“Us.”
Madeline’s expression shifted and, being a master at barriers, he recognized the instant hers went up. “Not to be obtuse, but there’s not much to handle. I’m going home. You’re running the ranch.”
“And we never make love again?”
“Ty…this is what it is. Two people making love because they care for one another. I value your friendship and if—when—we get together again, yes, we’ll probably make love. It isn’t like we don’t have chemistry.”
“You value my friendship?”
She reached over to touch his face. “You know I do.”
He pulled back. “We’re friends.”
Her expression grew shuttered. “Yes.”
“Bullshit. Friends don’t make love like we do.”
“They do if they’re friends with benefits,” she muttered, not meeting his eyes.
“You’re delusional, Maddie. We are not just friends.”
“We can’t be anything else,” she said stubbornly, looking up at him. He was stunned at the conviction in her voice. He got out of bed and stood naked in the cold, staring down at her. “And there’s nothing wrong with a deep abiding friendship!” she added.
“Why can’t we be anything else?”
Madeline sat up, the sheet pooling around her waist, her nipples hardening in the cold air. “Reality, Ty.”
She’d shoved him, kicking and fighting, into facing the fact that he had a problem, and now that he was dealing with reality, she was generating a new reality?
“Care to expand on that answer, Professor?” he asked sardonically.
Her chin lifted. “Would you move to the East Coast? New York, to be exact?”
He stared at her as if she was crazy. “How would I earn a living there?”
“Exactly. And how would I earn a living here?”
“So you did this to snap me out of depression?” He was getting pissed. Talk about living in fantasyland during the past few days.
“I did it because I care for you, Ty. I’m glad we connected and I want to stay in contact, but…my place is back in New York and yours is at the ranch. All we can do is enjoy the here and now. Learn from it. Be friends.” She held his gaze as she said softly, “I thought you understood.”
“Screw being friends. I’m falling in love with you, Maddie.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I’m not ready to hear it. And I don’t know if you’re ready to say it.”
Okay, maybe they hadn’t been together that long. But he knew what he was feeling. He’d felt it before—just not this strongly.
“Don’t mistake love with gratitude,” she said in that academic tone.
He drilled her with a dark look. “I know what gratitude feels like and I know what friendship feels like. You, on the other hand, may have some brushing up to do.”
He needed to get out of there before he said some thing he would later regret—something he wasn’t “ready to say.”
He grabbed his clothes off the floor, considered walking back home naked, then decided not to be any stupider than he’d already been.
Madeline didn’t say a word as he dressed, or as he let himself out of the trailer. He slammed the door. It bounced open and he had to shut it again, before stalking off down the path to his house, which looked even lonelier than it had when he’d left it that morning.
What now?
His life had been one hell of a lot easier when he’d spent it going through the motions.
AFTER THE DOOR CLOSED, Madeline fell back onto the sheet and tried to hold in tears that for once didn’t concern her brother. This was no longer about Skip. It was about Ty. And her.
Okay, she’d gotten her wish. Ty had eased up on himself. He was starting the journey to self-forgiveness.But she hadn’t wanted him to fall in love. They lived on opposite sides of the country, in practically opposite existences. Her life wouldn’t transplant well to the ranch, and his to New York…? Even he’d had to admit that was out of the question. Not much call for his line of work back there.
So had she helped or hindered?
She pulled the sheet up under her chin and turned her head to the side as hot tears ran over her cheeks onto the pillow that still smelled like Ty.
What had she done?
And how could she undo it?
CHAPTER NINETEEN
WHEN TY GOT UP TO feed the next morning, there was a folded note tucked in his door, and Madeline’s car was gone.
The note fluttered down to the snowy steps when he stepped out. He picked up the paper and shook it off.
Dear Ty—
“Dear, my ass,” he muttered. He gritted his teeth and read on.
I’ll be in contact about the ranch within the next few months. Until then, take care.
Yours,
Madeline
Ty set the paper on the counter, stared at it for a few minutes, then snatched his jacket off the hook and left the house, Alvin at his heels.Stand-and-face-the-music, meet-reality-head-on Madeline was on the run. So who was the coward now?
At least she hadn’t put anything abou
t not wanting to hurt him into the letter. He was sure she didn’t want to hurt him. He was equally certain that she’d failed in that regard.
He stopped short.
He wasn’t done with this situation between them. Not by a long shot.
Ty turned on his heel and started back toward the house, much to Alvin’s obvious confusion. The dog kept bumping Ty’s leg with his nose, as if to remind him that he was going in the wrong direction.
“I know, bud. We’ll start in a minute.”
Madeline’s scheduled flight didn’t leave until the next day, but there was always standby. Was she waiting in the airport right now for a plane?
No, she couldn’t have gotten to the airport yet, unless she’d left just after he’d stalked back to the house. He hadn’t fallen asleep until after 3:00 a.m., so she had to be on the road.
It was close to Christmas, too, and flights had to be packed. So what was her plan?
He tried to think like Madeline, but he wasn’t that confident in his abilities.
She would take her scheduled flight back home. All she was doing was leaving early and avoiding another scene with him. Hell, for all he knew, he’d hurt her feelings, too.
The sane thing would be to wait the few months until she felt like contacting him. Much to Alvin’s relief, Ty turned back around and headed to the barn, glad he didn’t have any neighbors to watch him walk in circles.
He pulled open the barn doors and started the tractor, determined to make this just another day. However, feeding didn’t bring the peaceful satisfaction it usually did.
He was pissed.
Madeline had been good for him. The ranch had been good for her. When he thought about the uptight, brittle woman who’d showed up at the gate four weeks before and compared her to the woman he’d made love to, the woman who’d made love to him, well, friendship might be a wonderful bond, but they had more than that. Whether she wanted to admit it or not.
And she’d accused him of living in denial.
If she didn’t want a relationship, then she didn’t. He couldn’t force her, and her points about where they lived were valid. But Maddie hadn’t even tried to discuss the matter.
