by Julie Adams
“No. I figured I would eventually date again, I just wasn’t sure when…” I never put a timeline on it. But time wasn’t slowing down.
“It’s been over a year. If you’re having fun with Nathan then go for it. The man’s past is all over the internet if you need reassurance about anything.”
“No. I want to trust him at his word. And I figure you already searched him up and would tell me if there’s anything I should know.”
“The moment he showed up looking for you I was googling him.” She raises her glass in salute. “Lots about him and his stepfather, not much about his mom. He has lived a full life up until the last few years. And that’s all I’m going to say.”
“Just one of the many reasons I love you. If you and Brent ever split, I’m keeping you and tossing him.” We both laugh. The chances of those two splitting are slim to none, some people just know when they’re meant to be.
That night I'm lying in bed reading a book, anything to keep from replaying the last 24 hours again.
My phone vibrates.
Nathan: My label loves your band. I owe you big.
Me: I was promised a lifetime of lattes.
Nathan: I'm adding a bonus
Me: Oh really?
Nathan: Orgasms on call.
Me: Sounds great…
Nathan: Can I come over?
Me: I’m not alone.
Nathan: It better not be how it sounds
Me: Oh? Are we exclusive?
We had been firing texts back and forth so rapidly that when a minute passes, then two, I feel myself wiggle anxiously.
Three whole minutes later he replies.
Nathan: Damn right. You’re the only one I want in my bed and sitting across from me eating breakfast. If you don’t want the same from me then you need to tell me now.
Just for payback, I make him wait. Four whole minutes.
Me: I want you all the time. Only you.
Nathan: Good. Now, can I come over?
Me: Brent and Beth are home.
Nathan: Call me after they’re asleep. I’ll sneak in.
I couldn’t help but smile. High school, high school, high school. Not that I was ever this daring as a teenager.
I knew that Brent and Beth wouldn’t really care if Nathan came over but I was a little self-conscious about it all.
I wanted to see him. So sneaking in would have to work.
I waited an hour after I heard them go to bed before I texted Nathan my address.
I threw on a little tinted moisturizer and lip stain and livened up my eyes with some mascara. I glance down at what I’m wearing an oversized sweater with a black lace bralette and the most hideous but comfortable underwear I own. I quickly change out of them for a pair of black lace panties that haven’t seen the light of day in quite some time.
It is well after midnight and the apartment building is mostly quiet. I know our neighbors are fast asleep. Making sure my bottom is covered by my sweater, I pad out the front door to wait in the hall.
I haven’t even shut the door when Nathan makes his way up the steps. My stomach flips at the sight of him.
His hair looks like he has just run his fingers through it after a long day. But it’s the smirk on his full lips that makes me instantly want to grab him. His tongue licks his lower lip as he looks me over.
How can he turn me on in ten-seconds flat?
He closes the space between us and kisses me. Sweet and soft, his hand brushing my thigh. “You look cute,”
I raise a brow, “Not sexy? Not gorgeous? Or your personal favorite, amazing?”
“Yes, all of those things, but mostly cute.” He says with a smile. His hand grabbing my ass through the lace. “I have a feeling there’s something very sexy underneath this…”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out, Monsieur.”
I turn and open the door to the apartment, nodding him inside. He follows me, quiet as a burglar into my room.
Closing the bedroom door he walks around the space. It is still mostly the same way it was when I moved in, I hadn’t really added any personal touches. My laptop sits on the little white desk and next to it a photo of my mom, Brent, Beth, and me. It was taken nearly a year ago, we’re sitting on the back deck of my mom’s house and the scar on my face was still an angry red slash just starting to heal.
It was the first day I felt like I was going to be okay.
Nathan is looking at it. I’m holding my breath for the questions. But he says nothing and sits the frame back down. Looking at the rest of the room.
Matching mirrored nightstands next to the queen bed with its cream sheets and comforter. My cell phone and book neatly on top of one night stand.
“I was thinking your room would hold all your secrets.” He whispers coming to stand in front of me, his arms wrapping around my waist.
“This is just a temporary place. Eventually, I’ll either get my own place or move back home.”
He says nothing for a moment then nods. His hand cups my cheek and he kisses me softly. His fingers trailing along the faded scar. I turn my head. His fingers hold me in place. “No,” He says. It’s firm but not demanding. I still. “I want to know about this. When you’re ready to tell me,”
I look into his eyes. My heart aching in my chest, would I ever be ready? Would I ever be able to give all of myself to someone again?
“It doesn’t have to be tonight.” He whispers leaning down and trailing his lips where his fingers had just traced. His lips moving lower down my throat and to my collarbones. His tongue dotting little lines along the way.
His hands catch the hem of my sweater and in one fluid motion he pulls it up over my head, revealing my lacy lingerie beneath.
He just stares, his hands holding me by my ribs. “Belle. Ma belle.” He breathes leaning down and kissing along the lace neckline of my bra.
His kisses delve lower and lower as he sinks to his knees. Would I ever tire of this sight? No, I don’t think any sane woman could.
The sex is languid, not as crazed and mad as the night before. We got acquainted with one another, learning every cue the other makes. And it is so quiet, silent and intense, as he gazes into my eyes watching for the moans I can’t make.
We lay wrapped up in messed sheets. The comforter half off the bed. Gray-blue light of spring dawn lighting the room. He holds me close and strokes my hair. I can feel myself relaxing, finding the comfort I had been needing this past year and haven’t gotten anywhere else, not in a therapist’s office, not in the coddling of my mother, or the protectiveness of my brother, not even in the pills they prescribed for the pain, anxiety, and sleep when the nightmares come.
I must have fallen asleep because the hand that was threading its way through my hair is now resting lightly on my arm. I open my eyes and Nathan’s standing there, dressed and smiling down at me.
“Good morning, love,” the endearment just rolls off his tongue.“I should go before your family wakes up.” I nod and he pulls my hand to his lips, kissing the back. “Tonight, come to my place. I want to sleep in with you.” I smile. “I’ll make sure you get the gourmet breakfast you were promised this time.”
“Alright, deal.”
“Will I ever not have to bribe you?”
I shrug. “I prefer to think of it as bartering and it seems to be working out well for both of us. You get sex, I get food.”
He chuckles, then leans down and brushes his lips against mine. “Get some sleep.” He pulls back from the bed but I hold fast to his hand. He turns and looks at me, his eyes sparkling above his grin. I purse my lips and he leans down giving me another peck.
He shakes his head and opens the door leaving me to get a few precious hours of sleep.
Twelve
Nathan
Work was wonderful. It was one of those perfect days in my career and I'm more relaxed and happy than I've been in months.
I was able to sign the band Lily discov
ered, the executives absolutely loved them. Even more, they loved that if the band broke up they would still have a hot artist in the lead singer.
It all comes down to money for the suits.
I sit down and begin working on a melody something that would be remixed and put into the background for some pop song. I can't seem to be stopped when it comes to writing music. It flows easier than ever. It’s therapeutic for me when it’s this way.
That thought stills my fingers. Lily, it has to be because of her. She is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a muse. She’s broken up the dam on my creativity.
I'm getting in deep. This could all implode if she finds out the truth about that night in the theater. I don't believe in keeping secrets from someone you are getting serious with. But this one secret could destroy us before we even start. I shouldn’t have let it get this far but I have been stupid, a man possessed.
A knock at the door stops me from thinking about it any further. It’s Pierre one of our big investors and he’s tenacious about everything. I’ll have to stay on my toes, I can’t let my mind wander from the task at hand.
After our meeting I take Pierre to lunch, it helps keep them in good humor when you take them to a steak lunch after talking shop. Another good lesson I learned from my stepfather.
He taught me the business. I renamed it and made it an empire.
After lunch, we part ways. I feel good about the day. The label is going strong and it's only going to skyrocket after we invest some time and money into Siren's Song.
The weather has taken a turn into spring at last. The wind has abated with the biting cold, even the sun has decided to be social. The first tightly closed buds are dotting the trees threatening to burst open at any moment. I love that, the way one day the branches are barren and then suddenly alive with color, seemingly overnight.
I decide to walk and enjoy it all. Paris in the spring. Paris on a day where everything seems right. How few of these I get.
I end up on Rue Cambon. A mannequin in a shop window catches my eye. She's wearing blush pink and lace. I don't even question it. I go inside and buy it. I'm sure I've made a fool out of myself trying to describe Lily to the shop assistant to get the right size. I've never bought clothing for a woman before. I've never bought a woman anything more than dinner and drinks come to think of it.
It's a little alarming that I am now. But the sight of the lace keeps me from turning around and leaving.
I watch as she wraps the package in a bow and attaches the note I've written.
“It'll be delivered tomorrow at your request. Your wife is a very lucky lady.” She says sliding my credit card back across the counter.
I feel my throat close. “I-I'm not married,” I stammer.
When was the last time I fucking stammered?
I clear my throat.
“Very sorry, sir.” The assistant hastily apologizes.
I wave it away. “I'll call when it's to be sent.” I leave quickly. After the wife comment I need a drink.
Thirteen
Lily
It's been a few days since Nathan snuck into my room. It's funny how you can go so long without sex then once you break the dry spell you want it like crazy.
It's only the sex I'm missing. Or so I tell myself. We've talked every day about anything and everything, from my favorite color to my childhood and my favorite things to see and do in France.
I'm a little shocked when I realize I haven't had anxiety once in the past few days, too high on the feelings Nathan gives me. It's all amplified by the romance of Paris. I know eventually it'll wear off and the anxiety will return, maybe it won't be as bad when it does. I'm putting more and more distance between myself and my past and it feels good. I guess what I really needed was an orgasm.
And as much as I like Nathan I'm not stumbling through this blindly and naively, I've got my eyes wide open. I'm more cautious than ever when it comes to my relationships.
My phone vibrates and I look at the screen. I'm not surprised it's Nathan. Everyone else I know calls.
Nathan: Meet me at the four seasons, 9 o’clock?
My mouth drops. It's one of the most famous hotels in Paris. I've always wanted to go but the price for a room matches its prestige, and I can only afford it in my dreams.
I tap out a quick reply agreeing to meet and try to control my giddiness.
I watch the clock all day, it's been moving so slowly. It's nearly eight and I figure I'll call a car to get me soon. I've curled my hair into submission and pulled it up into a Bardot-style and applied my makeup, a smokey eye and nude lip. Thank you internet tutorials.
A knock at my bedroom door breaks me from my blank staring at my computer screen.
Beth pushes open door with a huge grin. She's holding a plain brown box wrapped in pink satin ribbon. “Special delivery,” she hands me the box.
I stare at her confused. I hadn't placed any orders lately.
“A carrier brought it, he was in a black suit straight from some upscale boutique.”
I didn't need any more detail, obviously this was a gift from Nathan. I have never been romanced like this. And as much as I enjoy it, it's pretty intimidating.
“I'll leave you to it, in case it's a life-size nudey poster of Mister Moneybags.” I laugh. Beth could be Cousin Moneybags with her family's wealth.
Once the door is closed I leap from my chair and set the box on my bed. I lift the brown flap and inside is another box, sleek and the prettiest shade of pink with flourished black writing on top.
The lingerie store of my fantasies. Had Nathan read my mind? Or was this every woman's fantasy?
I open the lid and run my fingers over the delicate pink lace. I pick up the bra and hold it up, it’s sheer with heavy flower embroidery that gives me a sliver of modesty. The panties match. It's sweetly sexy. A notecard lays on the bottom of the box:
Pink is my favorite color on you.
N.E.
I grin. Feeling a little bit like a modern princess in a fairytale. I had never had a man buy me lingerie, I’ve never had a man buy me anything more expensive than a grocery store bouquet.
I slide off the lingerie I had planned on wearing and slide into the sinfully soft panties and bra. It’s amazing what good lingerie can do for a woman’s confidence, I instantly feel like a sexpot.
I pull on my simple black wrap dress and a pair of sky-high, black patent Louboutin’s on loan from Beth. I give myself one last look in the mirror before I send for a car. Not too shabby. I’m looking more and more like myself with each passing day in Paris. As opposed to the mess of a woman I was back home, I wore nothing but pajamas for an entire month.
I wave bye to Brent and Beth who are sitting on the couch in sweats, watching television with a bowl of half eaten popcorn between them. They look adorable in their worn in, comfortable relationship. Someday I might be able to see myself having what they do.
I walk into the apartment’s little black and white tiled lobby with its gorgeous wrought iron and glass door. I peek outside hoping my car is already here.
No such luck.
I go out into the chilly night and stand under the awning, tucking my hands into my coat. The hair on my neck raises. There's that uncomfortable prickling again. I had almost gotten over that feeling.
I tell myself it's just jitters brought on by my anticipation of tonight. Still, I glance down the street.
Just a couple walking a tiny dog in a sweater and the usual evening traffic. I don’t see anything, but the feeling won’t go away.
My car pulls up and I hurry into the backseat. I need to be in an enclosed space where I can see everything around me. I look out the windows and the driver glances at me in the rearview mirror. I must look crazy, but he says nothing.
There, is that someone ducked into that building alcove? I squint against the dark night and the glaring lights of cars and lamps.
“Everything alright, mademoisell
e?” The driver asks drawing my attention to his concerned gaze in the mirror.
“Yes, just thought I saw someone…” I explain, feeling my heart pound and my throat grow tight.
I glance towards the building again, we are too far for me to see the alcove anymore. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. You’re safe, You’re safe, I repeat mentally.
The car slows to a stop in front of The Four Seasons and I’ve got my nerves somewhat under control.
I tip the driver and get out. A doorman holds the door open for me and when I enter the beautifully lit lobby I feel safe enough. Like walking into another world where everything is perfect and nothing bad can touch me.
My red-soled shoes tap against the marble with each step. There’s something about that sound that makes a woman stand up straighter and walk with confidence. Like a modern war drum.
When I tell the clerk who I am he slides me a card. Penthouse is written on it.
I slide it into the slot in the elevator and hold on tight as reality slips away for a few hours.
Fourteen
Nathan
I open the door. Lily is standing there her cheeks pink from the night air. And maybe something more.
She looks at me and smiles, glancing around the suite. She stands at the threshold not moving to enter. She seems… a little overwhelmed, like she might take a step back and leave.
Maybe this is too much. I know Lily isn’t after me because of my money but I’ve never had anyone react this way to my display of it.
Before she can think a moment longer I pull her inside and close the door. I wrap my arm around her and kiss her. Her lips part for me and I dip my tongue inside. I feel her smile against my lips and relax into me. She scared me for a moment. To think of her turning from me now is more than I care to imagine.
“How was your ride over?” I ask pulling back to look at her.
The corners of her mouth falter just slightly. “Fine.” She says. “ This place is beautiful. I’m afraid to touch anything,” She laughs.
