by Jack Parker
A small gasp echoed off the tile, and I barely registered that it had come from my mouth. Dark circles beneath my eyes combined with my black hair framing my face made my pale skin look sickly, and yet complimented the purple bruise on my cheek in an odd way. I gingerly touched the gauze on my neck and then peeled it away slowly, afraid of causing more damage than actually seeing it; that's what I told myself, anyway. I reminded my weakening resolve that it couldn't be that terrible and forced my eyes to the reflection of my neck. Black boney fingers continued to squeeze my throat, and eight angry red scratches valiantly pried at them in vain. I flinched and closed my eyes, gripping the marble counter painfully. The images of that night flashing behind my eyes stole my breath and my strength.
Why hadn't he killed me, put me out of my misery like a farmer would a sick and dying animal? Why couldn't I be finished? My eyes flew open as bile erupted in my throat and plopped into the sink. My throat protested against the acid and offered a small, choking whimper as its only defense against the dry heaves that followed the miniscule contents of my stomach. Tears dripped onto my hands and fingers, and I forced my eyes back to the mirror. You're not finished yet. You have a purpose. I tried to believe the philosophical reasoning behind my continued survival, but I didn't. How could I believe it when I didn't even recognize my own voice inside my mind, my own dark and haunted eyes in the mirror?
I slapped my hands against the marble and glanced around the room for something to help me understand. I wanted to be finished. What good was a purpose when I couldn't identify it? I grabbed the razor from the corner of the tub and returned my gaze to the mirror across the room. Four blades against my sensitive skin left no room for error. We were forty-five minutes from the nearest hospital in Ellie Hill, twenty from the nearest county clinic. I held the metal against my wrist and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the pain.
It never came; I couldn't do it.
I threw the razor at the mirror in anger at my cowardice. It clanked into the sink, into my filth. My steps were uncertain and labored as I crossed to the mirror again. I turned both water taps at full blast and watched the evidence of my weakness wash down the drain. I brought a handful of water to my mouth and rinsed away the acidic aftertaste of vomit and then grabbed the razor. The splash of the water soothed me, even as my anger swelled more with each second I studied myself in the mirror. Suddenly, a chunk of my black hair fell into the water stream, and then another and another until it no longer touched my waist but fell just below my shoulders. The hack job was uneven, and I tossed the razor into the sink and then searched Luci's cabinets.
I pulled a towel around my shoulders when I found them and returned to the mirror when I located a pair of small scissors and a comb. I wet the comb and evened my hair a snip at a time, and then stepped back when I finished. It wasn't right. I combed the front of my hair over my eyes and cut the hunk at my nose and then leveled the new bangs with my eyebrows. I dropped my tools onto the counter and pulled my shoulder length hair over my shoulders, curling it around my neck. It didn't hide the bruises completely, so I tossed it down my back again and stared at my reflection. I liked the cut, maybe I could get Luci to check that it was even in the back, but for now, it suited my destructive purposes and covered the gaping wound in my forehead.
I cleaned up the bathroom as best I could without a broom or dustpan and returned all of the items where I found them except the towel. I folded and hung it on the side of the tub, unsure where the dirty laundry went, and then went in search of Luci. The mansion looked different in the light morning sun of late spring, not dark and intimidating like the first time I'd seen the inside, or sporadically lit during my evening meetings with Luci. Each mood presented a different type of splendor, and I loved them all. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I stopped looking at the woodwork and turned towards Luci's office, figuring it'd be the best place to start in my search for Luci. I was right. She and David were bent over her desk and quietly discussed whatever they were pointing at and measuring. She paused as if she sensed my entrance and glanced at the door and then grinned.
"I like your hair." I ran my fingers over the newly cut strands and ignored the burning in my cheeks.
"Thanks."
"Me too." David smiled and then grabbed a wooden chair from Luci's desk. He positioned it beside the map they were discussing and then patted the back. "Let me take a look?"
"Oh David, she's only just awoken. Let her be a while. Would you prefer coffee or tea, Darling?" Luci asked as she rounded the desk and sat opposite me. Her blue silk was kind and considerate as always, but her eyes were glued to the map on her desk.
"Coffee. I'll go get it if you just point me towards the kitchen." I stood, but Luci waved her hand in dismissal.
"Don't be silly. David would be happy to fetch it for you. Please tell Berta to bring some of her marvelous blueberry scones as well." David nodded and immediately thumped towards the door. "Thank you, David."
"Just let me know if I can help with anything else, Miss Luci." He nodded towards me. "Miss Lauren." And then he disappeared.
"He's sweet." I smiled at the spot he'd just occupied for a moment and then turned back to Luci. I gasped and pulled my hand into a fist involuntarily when I found her face a few inches from mine. How had she moved so silently in her heels? "Jesus!"
"David is very sweet and very loyal." Luci agreed and then kneeled before me. "May I?" She pointed towards my face, and I nodded. I flinched reflexively when she placed a warm hand on my thigh, and she hesitated. Why did I keep doing that? Luci only meant to help me.
"How do you feel this morning? You were fairly distraught yesterday." She pulled my bangs to the side and inspected the wound on my forehead first, recovering seamlessly from the slight pause.
"I'm fine. It's still uncomfortable to talk."
I held my breath when she pulled the hair from my shoulders and inspected my neck with the same observant eyes as she had my head. I felt her breath against my damaged and sensitive skin, and slowly released the air in my lungs as my suddenly wildly beating heart demanded more oxygen. That same scent of spice and earth and Luci filled my nostrils as it had yesterday, and I wished I'd breathed through my mouth. Luci slowly lowered the hair to my shoulder and then traced the bruises with a single fingertip.
"Do they hurt much?" Her bright blue eyes searched mine as she continued her gentle caress upon my damaged neck.
"A little. I'm good with pain." I shivered. I'm also good with pleasure. Her eyes widened, and I swore she heard my thoughts but I'd spoken nothing.
"Yes, you are." Her eyes returned to my neck. "Have you changed your mind now that you've rested and recovered from the shock of your ordeal?" She pulled away abruptly, and I almost whimpered at the loss of her warmth.
"About what?" My thoughts fought to keep up with the odd experience that was Luci Pravitas. "You mean working for you?" She responded with half a nod and then waited. "N-no. I'm in if you still want me." Please want me. She smiled as she stood.
"Come. I have a surprise for you." She swept her arm towards the map on her desk, and I pushed out of the chair with shaking hands. She must stop touching me.
I glanced over the map, immediately recognizing the town and Carver Manor. Red squiggles marked a large area that ran next to the town and then swooped back towards the river, property lines of the Carver Estate. A tiny red circle marked an area near Carver within the property lines, and I waited for her explanation of its importance. She smirked and directed her eyes towards the map, teasing me with her silence, and watched my mind try and piece together her discovery. I calculated and recalculated the distance of the circle in regards to town and Carver, and my eyes widened with understanding.
"My spot?" I asked incredulously.
"Your spot," she confirmed, clearly pleased at my delight. "I had wondered about its proximity to Carver, so I had a map of the entire area delivered from the county surveyor's office marking my property lines clearly. The origin
al estate encompassed your spot, which means I currently possess it."
The revelation shocked me into silence, and I stared at the little red circle. I felt her eyes on me, soaking up my pleasure. When I recovered a few minutes later, I looked into her glowing blue eyes. They hid another piece of vital information and glinted delightedly when she heard my silent question. Slowly, she circled her desk and lowered her body into her mesh-backed chair, the only modern piece of furniture in her office. She retrieved a pen and bit the tip as she leaned back and watched my anticipation grow.
"David and I have begun plans to create a walking path between Carver and the cove. I would like you to be involved with the specific details as well as the labor if you'd like. Please waste no thought on cost. I would have eventually designed one myself after the restoration is complete, but given your sentimental attachment to the area, I want you to think of this as my first gift to you for your service." Her flippancy towards money endured her to me, but her offer as a whole ignited the sincerest gratitude I'd ever felt. No one had offered me anything so genuinely sincere that served no other ultimatum besides my happiness, not until Luci. I'd sought solace at that little cove for years, and it'd be nothing less than an honor to create something beautiful to acknowledge its existence.
"Luci, I…" My shock overcame my giddiness as my eyes turned towards the little red circle once more. I stared for a pregnant pause before the excitement in my chest built all over again. "I don't know what to say," I admitted breathily.
"Acquiesce to my request, and that shall be enough." I had no idea what she'd just said, but I nodded anyway. She smirked knowingly and stood.
Her fingers only grazed the edge of the map when I launched myself into her arms. If I hung around for a while to complete this project, this gift, she'd given me, then I should do this honestly. If I worked honestly, I had no reason to hate her, no reason to distance myself. Her body stiffened at the abrupt embrace but relaxed a few moments later, much like most physical contact that I initiated. I stood on the tips of my toes and hooked my chin over her shoulder when I felt the tentative pressure of her hands on my back. Her hands slid further around my back with each passing second until the fingertips on each of her hands rested on my ribs.
What had begun as a spontaneous display of my excitement quickly transformed into something serious, emotional. I settled against her tense body, unsurprised by the toned muscles I felt against mine. The warmth of her hands soothed away my superficial giddiness and replaced it with a slow burn of genuine affection and respect for the woman in my arms. She leaned her face towards me and rested her forehead against my shoulder and jaw bone, which allowed my feet to lower to the floor once more. I needed this. I needed comfort, and Luci sensed it. She sensed it yesterday when I'd shown up at her door and controlled her anger long enough to give me what she could. I trailed my fingers through her long blonde hair, the strands gliding through my fingers as easily as her voice slid over my body, and soaked up her warmth and strength for as long as she offered it.
She pulled back abruptly with no warning and straightened her shirt. My mind scrambled to reconcile the sudden loss of warmth, and I watched her jerking movements as she snatched the map and vigorously rolled it, revealing the papers and books on her desk. The only sound of the room was the rattle and scratch of the map disappearing around itself, and Luci's shallow breaths.
"Have you thought upon your bedroom choices? You are familiar with the rooms, but I shall give you another tour if you'd like." She asked once she'd reached the end of the map and eased it gently into a brown cardboard tube that had leaned against her desk before handing it to me.
"I haven't, but I'll go look at them again this afternoon. It's not like I have anything to put in it, so there's no rush. I just need a place to sleep for tonight."
She lifted one thin eyebrow in amusement as she clicked around the desk and lowered herself into the mesh-backed chair. I watched her graceful hands as they poured a cup of tea from the same white porcelain pot she'd used the day of our first meeting in this very room. I waved off the offered cup and slouched into the chair in search of a comfortable position. Her eyebrow lifted again as her eyes followed my movements over the cup.
"David has graciously agreed to meet with a security company out of Ellie Hill later this morning. We were merely awaiting your confirmation. Now that you've agreed to work for me, sound of mind, we're going to take care of you. Everything will be installed by the end of the week. I haven't thoroughly researched all of the specific details, but David assures me that I shall not be disappointed with the results."
"Thank you." The entire moment felt surreal. For the first time in my life, someone believed me when I said that my father was evil, and she cared enough to fight for me. "Luci, if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to go see Barb this morning."
"Of course, Darling."
She never glanced up from the ledger book and scratched another number in the column and bit the tip of her pen pensively. Her unoccupied right hand reached for her tea, and she sipped it as she replaced the pen in the crease of the book, apparently satisfied with her calculation. The entries at the left edge of the ledger neatly and thoroughly indicated the purpose of each number, ranging from broad entries such as roof repair to anal-retentive micromanagements like bedspreads and the names specific cleaning supplies. She leaned back easily in her chair and crossed one leg over the other and sipped her tea. I felt no need to speak as she worked through whatever thought had demanded her attention, content to observe her unguarded gestures.
Her distant eyes flickered to something behind me a few seconds later, and her body immediately coiled with her usual tension. I glanced over my shoulder to find a fierce-looking woman with gray hair pulled tightly into a bun and covered with a hair net watching us silently. She sat down a tray on the small round table in the center of the room and then folded her hands in front of her stomach. Her dress was a plain dark blue frock that buttoned from the neck to the end of the fabric which fell below her knees and left only a few inches of exposed skin between the dress and her plain black loafers. The expression on her face seemed to match her outfit, strict but neutral.
"Berta, please come in." Luci's words were polite, but her tone had hardened. I no longer stood in front of my friend but a stringent employer, and I began to understand the difference between my position here compared to the others under Luci's employ. While her demeanor with David had not been so cold and austere, it lacked the natural warmth and genuine connection Luci shared with me. As Luci's face dissolved any hint of emotion, I knew that Berta ranked even lower than David on Luci's list of people with whom she had emotionally connected.
"Lauren, this is Berta, our cook. She has been with my family since my mother was about your age. I believe I spoke of her once," Luci introduced the woman to me, and I searched for a sliver of that loving cook who raised the enamoring woman who now employed me.
My palms spat a layer of sweat at the fierce look of the older woman and Luci's continued chill. I brushed my right hand on my thigh and gripped the map nervously in the left as I stood and offered the woman my hand as she came to a stop beside me in front of Luci's desk. She merely looked at the offered appendage before setting her eyes on Luci.
"Berta, Lauren is joining us as my personal companion. Please let the staff know that her wishes are to be obeyed as my own."
I flinched as Luci's voice slipped from the hardened neutral of a few moments ago to threatening in the few seconds it took Berta to spurn my friendliness. I wasn't incredibly offended because I'd become accustomed to many of the older folks in Carver reacting in a similar manner, but the interaction had obviously struck a nerve in Luci. That alone sealed my mouth as I watched the two older women silently converse with their eyes. Finally, some agreement was met, and Berta nodded, clearly the losing party in the battle of wills.
"I shall let the staff know. If you require nothing else, I will be planting the herb garden for the res
t of the afternoon. I have prepared a cold lunch." Berta's voice was deeper than I had expected, and her accent was definitely European, German if I assumed correctly. I would have to hear more and perhaps find a movie with a similar accent before I confirmed.
"Of course. Ask David to assist you once he returns from Ellie Hill. The mulch beds may wait another day." Luci's tone was a quiet dismissal, and Berta took her cue perfectly with a nod and silent retreat to the door.
"Oh, and Berta, will you please set dinner back until eight o'clock this evening? Lauren and I shall be preparing her room. Let everyone know that we are to be undisturbed unless they are assisting or informing me of an emergency situation."
My jaw clenched at Luci's coldness, her condescendence as she refilled her cool cup of tea during her instructions, not bothering to look in Berta's direction once. The lack of respect was intentional and clearly meant to remind Berta who signed her paycheck. The cook bowed her head and continued into the Great Hall.
"Old cantankerous bitch," Luci muttered as she leaned back once more. The vulgar language surprised me momentarily, but I relaxed as Luci's eyes slipped shut when she sipped her tea with a quiet hum.
"Why keep her here if she bugs you so much?" I ventured cautiously. The comfort I'd felt with Luci had disappeared with Berta's arrival and had not yet returned. So, I stood still with my sweaty palm pressed against my thigh and a death grip on the cardboard tube. Luci looked up at me and hummed into her cup again. Her throat easily worked the warm liquid as she considered my question.
"She worked for my mother in the same capacity that you will serve me." She started, her eyes distant, nostalgic. "They shared a connection deeper than any I've seen or experienced since my mother's passing."
The words were soft and devoid of emotion, almost like Luci had forgotten I stood in front of her. Her eyes darkened slightly and the skin around them tightened in what I assumed was grief. The moment passed quickly, however, and she waved her hand dismissively as she returned the cup to its saucer on the silver tray.
