DEADLY HOPE a gripping detective mystery full of twists and turns

by Jack Parker

  She spun me suddenly, and I decided that I didn't care as everything came rushing back to me. The song was ending soon, and panic railed against the thought of letting her out of my grasp. She dipped me expertly on the last beat of the song, and I clung tightly to her neck at the new experience of being held upright by another person. Trust, I realized in a withering moment of terrifying truth. I trusted her, despite her secrets and her games and her ability to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up with her sudden mood shifts.

  I stared at her full pink lips, so close, only a few inches. I scrambled out of her arms as desire and fear pulled adrenaline through my stomach and found my equilibrium a few feet away. Our chests heaved, eyes locked. I'd often wondered when I was with Ashley on the back steps of the diner what being with a woman would feel like, but until that when Mattison's lithe body rubbed against me, I had never been aroused by a woman. I'd never truly desired a woman, then there was her. Sure, I'd wanted Ashley, but my fingertips never ached with the need to touch her, not like they ached for Luci. These new urges scared me, confused me, and I stared at Luci, trying to figure out what exactly she'd done to me to make these desires surface.

  I jumped when Mattie clapped enthusiastically to break the tension, but Luci's eyebrows knitted together, creating that endearing crease between her eyes. She knew that something had just changed between us, but the confusion in her eyes confessed that she could not set her finger on it anymore than I could. Mattie remained seemingly oblivious.

  "I did not know you could dance that way, Luci!" Mattie's glee pulled Luci's eyes from mine, and she smiled at the girl.

  "I always enjoyed a structured dance more than the gyrating of sweaty bodies that you prefer." She placed a friendly hand on Mattie's shoulder and turned to me. "If you don't mind terribly, Mattison, I must steal Lauren away from you. Her things have arrived, and I must get her settled."

  Mattie took a breath as if to offer help or protest but clamped it shut and nodded. The tension of the room had finally washed over her, and her eyes glanced between mine and Luci's before she verbally responded. "Of course. Thank you, Lauren, for showing me the bell tower and dancing with me." She hugged me, nodded at Luci, and then retreated to the computer. We weren't two steps out of the room before a thumping hip hop beat rattled the walls.

  "This is the reason she is condemned to live on an entire floor alone." Luci commented idly. Her hands clasped behind her back, restrained. I stared down the dark hallway, avoiding her eyes.

  A faint bass vibrated the door when it shut out the music as we left the West Wing. Another small corridor and heavy wooden door separated us from the balcony overlooking the Great Hall. I longed to see the bright room and forced my nervous steps to remain calm and controlled despite my urge to sprint away from Luci. My fears were actualized when she placed her warm hand on my forearm and stilled my momentum towards the door.

  "Lauren, are you alright, Darling?" Her concerned words washed over me, pulled me towards her once again.

  I turned slightly and pressed myself into the wall as far from her touch as I could physically be in the narrow hall. The urge to run warred with my desire to be nearer to the woman studying me with hazy blue eyes. I needed to be away from her, to run until my chest hurt and my legs turned into rubber. Maybe then would I make sense of this sudden sexual attraction for the women of Carver Manor. When I had first set eyes on Luci, I appreciated her beauty immediately, noticed the curve of her hips and the swell of her breasts. I'd noticed many women before, Ashley among them: a woman I had shared a deep emotional connection with for years. None elicited such a violent ache in my chest as Luci Pravitas. As I pressed my shoulder blades painfully into the wall, I recalled Old Pete's year's old warning about Carver releasing hidden and sinful desires.

  Had the desire always been there? Had it been suppressed by the strict moral code of my small town, begging to be released by the freedom this house granted? What other darkness would my very presence in this house unleash? What other desires had I hidden over the years that begged just below the surface to be released? My eyes fluttered with the thought of Luci's hand on my face, my arm, everywhere. Her blue silk voice slid up my spine and pooled arousal in my belly. I clenched my jaw against the desires playing behind my eyes

  A slight pounding in my shoulders pulled me back to reality, and I realized that I had not been fantasizing. One of Luci's warm hands rested on my cheek and the other shook my shoulder roughly. Concerned blue eyes searched my slack face. My mouth parted slightly and allowed heated shallow breaths to pass freely. Her hand slipped down the skin of my arm, and chill bumps erupted. My nipples harden painfully as the electricity spread throughout my body, and I finally returned completely to reality. I gripped Luci's wrists and pushed away from the wall abruptly. Her back collided with the opposite wall with an echoing thud that rattled the door a few feet from us from the force of my momentum.

  "Stop touching me, damn you!" Her eyes widened in shock momentarily and then filled with a haziness that I could not define. Her hands were pinned beside her shoulders, and the longer I pressed them into the wall, the lower her mouth dropped and the more erratic her breathing became. My violent outburst aroused her. Luci begged me to control her, dominate her. It'd be so easy. She'd be mine, but I agreed on her terms, not mine, if I acted now.

  The realization sobered me, and I slowly backed from her. All I wanted to do was press my lips against any part of her skin I could access, become lost in her blonde hair and heightened breathing. If I kissed her, she would let me. I had her. She could be mine, but my warning from ten years ago bounced around in my head; control the sex, control the person. I was not in control, despite her submissive demeanor. She stayed pressed against the wall, hands suspended in the air near her shoulders, like she still felt the pressure of mine. Her wide eyes followed me, begged me to return to her. I wouldn't. If I gave in, we both would be destroyed. If I gave into my temptation and discarded her like all the others, I'd lost my chance to escape this place.

  My hands ached with the desire to touch her, and I ran.

  I ran and did not look back.

  Sharp taps of her heels followed me to the balcony in the Great Hall and then stopped as I bounded down the stairs. "Lauren, wait," She called over the balcony.

  David and another man I assumed was Cal, the stable hand, parted as they entered the front door before I barreled over them. Boxes and bags rattled when I blew by them. I crossed the yard quickly and didn't stop. I didn't stop until my chest burned too painfully for breath and my side clenched and cramped. I wiped a sweaty cheek on my shoulder and bent at the waist, supporting my upper body with hands on my knees. As my breathing slowed, I recognized my surroundings. I had nearly made it to Barb's. Perhaps it was a sign. I'd grown too close, too emotionally involved with Luci. It hadn't taken much on her part, a few kind words and one violent act that had protected me from another assault by my father. I was a sucker, a sap. She was playing me at my own game.

  And she's winning. The voice in my head challenged, warning me to wait before I ran back to Barb.

  I huffed in frustration and stood up straight. How had I allowed this to happen? Was I truly attracted to Luci or had I conditioned my mind so well that any person who fell into my sights as a target immediately became a sexual interest? I kicked at the gravel beside the road in frustration when I failed to answer my own questions and then pulled my cigarettes form my pocket. Everything had been controlled and planned perfectly, and I hesitated. I had her but ran when I should have seized the opportunity with both hands, and my mouth and my body. I glanced towards Barb's diner and then back towards Carver, torn between both places and a part of neither. I scratched my forehead around my itchy, healing wound and then disappeared into the woods.

  I decided that my chances with the bears and coyotes seemed better and less confusing than my chances of figuring out my complicated situation. I'd never run such a long con before, and the overwhelming logistics frigh
tened me, especially when I factored in my genuine feelings towards Luci and the high stakes of failure. I lost everything, Luci and the diner and my freedom, if I failed completely. I sacrificed Luci, Barb, and Ashley if I found the strength to go through with my scheme, but I won my freedom. If I chose Luci over escaping, I'd lose Barb and Ashley forever. They would forgive me for my outburst if I apologized now, but if I continued to work for Luci after the things she'd said, forgiveness would be a dream that I'd never see to fruition. No matter how I turned and twisted the situation, I stood empty-handed in some way in every possible scenario. The forest frightened me the least compared to the emotional disasters I'd created in the past two days.

  I hiked until I came to the stream. If I followed the downstream current, it led me back to town and upstream led to my secret spot. I stepped onto the tree that had fallen across this spot nearly two years ago and wobbled to the middle, straddling the decaying Pine and picked at its rough bark and sticky sap. The only sounds for at least two miles were chirping birds and gushing streams. I wondered why human life could not be so simple. Everything in the forest served a purpose, harvesting or covering or scavenging, and then they all died and became part of the forest floor, fuel for the new life that would take its place. It was simple, easy. It was peace and always had been for me since I was a little girl. It was home.

  I glanced at the sky and calculated how long until darkness fell, an hour, maybe two if I was lucky. Even I knew better than to be caught wandering around the woods in darkness without a weapon or supplies, especially since the early June nights were still so cool. I sighed, if only there were more time in the day. My stomach grumbled and protested my reluctance to return to civilization. I'd only eaten that sandwich today. Had that only been a few hours ago? Had everything that happened only taken place within a few hours? This morning I awoke in Luci's large, soft bed, completely unaware that I'd lose my family and myself in the span of one day. I mourned my identity, but only one short hike and an apology stood between me and my family. Barb and Ashley would forgive me. They loved me, and would love me after I left Carver forever. I needed them; even as I decided to see my plot with Luci to fruition and leave this town, I knew I needed them, to guide my moral compass and my heart like they'd done for the past seven years.

  After I found my footing on the soft bank, I bowed my head in reverence to the river and the wisdom and strength I always found in its presence. Nothing offered clarity like the gentle peace of nature, and I loathed leaving it with every step towards town. The urgency of the situation grew with each second I allowed it to go unresolved, and I refused to allow my last interaction with Barb and Ashley to be in anger. They were my family, and I needed them to know that I hadn't left because of them but because I loved them and feared for their safety if I continued as I was. They understood that I'd been on the brink for years and knew that I would eventually snap under the pressure, but they failed to recognize that I was breaking now and fled in order to spare them the aftermath.

  Dusk claimed the sky before I reached the diner, and I reveled in the anonymity of darkness. The familiar crunch and pop of gravels beneath the big rig tires soothed me, and I leaned against the porch with my eyes closed. When the heat receded from my cheeks and my breath returned to some semblance of normal from my frenzied hike to find my way through the woods before dark, I confidently opened the front door. The smell of grease and the easy rumble of mingling voices felt like home, and I held back tears. Ashley poked her head through the saloon doors and shrieked in delight. I met her halfway across the dining room and happily enveloped her in my arms.

  "Ashley, I'm so sorry for what I said earlier." I whispered into her hair. My voice oozed thickly from my lips, like molasses churned by emotion.

  "Shh, it's okay." She pulled back and tucked my hair behind my ears. "I'm sorry, too. I know you ain't selfish, like I said. You just caught me off guard." She wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me through the crowded dining room. People stared and whispered, probably about my bruises, but I wasn't certain what new thing could be said about them. I'd practically worn bruises and cuts my entire life.

  "Barb!" She yelled over her shoulder as she guided me to sit on a stool at the bar. "She gonna give you a hard time, but don't let her fool ya. She's been half out of her head with worry since this morning." The broken English and bad grammar scratched inside my skull after hearing Luci's perfectly formed sentences for an entire day, but I found it comforting in an odd way. I was, after all, one of these people, whether they wanted me or not; I fit in here.

  Barb's chubby hand slapped open one side of her saloon doors. When her eyes fell onto me and Ashley, they lit up like a Christmas tree. The dining room hushed, and I knew that rumor of our earlier argument had found its way into the general populace. Barb set a stern face in place and slapped me on the shoulder with the back of her hand. I could have cried at the familiar and affectionate gesture and stood, pulling her into a three way hug with Ashley. She gave in for a moment before she slapped our hands away in a fake show of frustration.

  "Where the hell you been, girl? You don't call. Don't let an old woman know that you're not dead in a ditch somewhere with that woman?" Her fists settled onto her wide hips and bore into me with her disappointed mother eyes.

  "You knew where I was!" I exclaimed playfully, slipping easily into the banter of the moment. Barb's patrons returned to their conversations, obviously disappointed that there would be no big showdown between us.

  "Yeah, 'cause we're all trippin' over each other to get to that castle." Ashley interjected. Barb nodded firmly and pushed me back onto the barstool.

  "Eat some supper. Get some real food on your ribs! Whatever you want is on me!" Barb called as she pushed through her swinging doors. I rolled my eyes and smiled up at Ashley.

  "She's only been gone two days, Barb. She don't look no different!" She called after her before turning back to me. She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "It's really good to see you. I was afraid you'd stay away for good after the things I said this morning. Did you change your mind about working for Luci?" Her hands twitched nervously, but I was too exhausted to read into the telling gesture.

  "Depends." I shrugged. I wasn't ready to tell her that I was leaving for good. "Just tell Barb I'll have one of her burgers and some fries."

  "Sure thing." She poured a cup of coffee and sat it in front of me and then disappeared behind the saloon doors.

  Finally left alone with my thoughts, I doctored the black liquid until it turned a sweet milky white. The first sip soothed my tense body, and the second calmed my racing thoughts. The roar of mingled voices and clinking forks faded until I found myself alone with my thoughts and my coffee. I felt a little silly at my reaction towards Luci and knew that I'd eventually have to return to Carver and apologize. Maybe I should stay away from her. If my overreaction to a simple dance was an emerging pattern, then I would only hurt her in the end, both physically and emotionally. We'd both be safer if I kept my distance, but I'd have resigned myself to this town forever.

  I jerked when Ashley refilled my cup and sat a giant plate of food under my nose silently, and the noise of Barb's rushed back to me. Beside the plate, she slid Luci's book into my line of sight, and tears sprang into my eyes, blurring my vision. I barely knew the woman, but her pull on my heart was undeniable and confusing. I sniffed and popped a fry into my mouth. Ashley watched as confused as I was by my reaction to the book.

  "Forgot that the other day." I snorted at the expression. Around here, "the other day" could indicate any span of time ranging from yesterday to six months ago.

  "Lauren?" My eyes turned to hers against my will. I hated and longed for the concern there. I didn't want to be comforted. I didn't want her sympathy or understanding. I wanted her to yell at me and tell me that I was being ridiculous, to forget Luci and the mansion and come back to the diner, but she didn't.

  "Wanna talk about it?" Her voice grated against my ears
again, reminding me that she wasn't Luci.

  "I'm just working out some things." I hoped my flat tone and feigned interest in the fries would end the conversation, but Ashley just waited patiently for me to return her gaze. Despite what I liked to believe, Ashley knew me better than anyone else in the world. She knew I caved if she waited long enough.

  "Things? You mean with your dad?" She prodded, and I tossed the fry between my fingers onto the plate and sighed.

  "No, there's nothing to work out with him. I'm done taking his shit." The words dripped with unnecessary venom, and she waited until I calmed again. I bit into the juicy burger and rolled my eyes at the flavor explosion in my mouth. Barb's would never go out of business.

  "Then what? Luci not everything you thought she was?" She prodded, and I swallowed my burger.

  "Something like that," I murmured and covered my face with my hands as tears threatened to fall again. I failed to understand their presence. I'm certain that no one had ever seen me cry with the exception of Luci three days ago; injured animals preferred to lick their wounds in private. When I felt I had beaten them behind my eyes once more, I lowered my hands and crossed my arms on the counter.

  "Have you ever, I don't know…" I lowered my chin to my arms and looked up at her. My heart pounded in my chest, reminding me that once I'd finished the question I could not take it back.

  "Eveeeeer what?" I popped a fry in my mouth and stalled as I formulated the proper answer. Ashley already suspected my attraction for the same sex, and she never cared, never judged me for anything. Why should this be different?

  "You know, thought about being with a woman." Different emotions danced across her face as she glanced around the dining room to see who had been in earshot of the question. No one talked about openly about same sex relations in this town, and I'd brazenly broached the topic in the middle of Carver's gossip hub. I straightened my back and prepared to brush off the situation with my usual stoicism, but she anticipated the wall I was preparing to build and grabbed my hand.