by Jack Parker
"Nope! I'm just as surprised as you are!" He leaned down so that I could hear him and pointed to the tree line. "Miss Luci left early this morning and came back with the crew and equipment!"
Luci stood with a large piece of carbon paper in her hands and spoke with an older man as he traced a line in the middle of the paper. Her hair was pulled into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck to accommodate the yellow hard hat that sat upon her head. Slowly my eyes traveled down her slim body, and nearly giggled when I noticed that she wore a plaid shirt with long sleeves, light blue jeans and tan work boots. The humidity of the July morning must have baked her from the inside out, but I knew that she'd never have removed the shirt.
"What are they looking at?" I yelled at David and tipped coffee into my mouth, my eyes never leaving Luci. She looked so comfortable and in control, and all of the men on the work crew knew it if their hurried movements were any indication.
"It's the lay out for the trail that me and you made last week!" He answered and pushed me towards Luci. "Go on! She said to send you over when you got up!" My gratuitous smile was lost on him as he set his direction towards the work crew, and I turned it towards Luci as I picked my way through the brush and debris in the yard.
"What are you doing?" I yelled as I reached her and the familiar-looking man when I reached the tree line. I squinted at him for a moment before I realized that he was one of the supervisors for the sawmill.
"Helping you!" She answered immediately and then offered me a corner of the paper to hold. "This is the route you have highlighted here, correct?" She traced her manicured fingernail down the darkened lined, and I nodded. She looked to the supervisor, and he nodded and then ambled away, presumably to speak with his crew.
"How did you get a crew out here so fast?"
"While I have absolutely no clue as to the meaning of the numerous and colorful euphemisms these men are fond of, money is a language everyone understands, Darling." She smirked coyly and gazed over the work crew. I gazed at her.
"You're incredible. Do you know that?" She grinned and rolled the plan into a tight coil. She caught David's attention and beckoned him. He quickly crossed the short distance and took the proffered map.
"Hold the line, David. We have another matter to attend presently." David nodded wordlessly and set his kind brown eyes to the work. Luci clasped her hands behind her back and turned towards the house. I followed, confused as to her purpose of dragging me from the house only to return me to it without explanation. She paused at the front door and tossed her hardhat on the gravel near the stoop. I set mine beside hers and hurried into the house, following her to the study.
She closed the thick door and leaned against the wood heavily. Red heat flushed her cheeks and neck, brought on by the humid July morning and her outfit. Her nimble fingers made quick work of the buttons, and she shrugged her shoulders out of the shirt as she pushed away from the door, relief immediate in her eyes. Sweat dampened the light blue camisole beneath the heavy shirt, the light sheen on her chest glistening against the scars on her chest. My eyes ventured across her stomach, wondering exactly what marks she concealed. Thus far I'd seen the three mirroring jagged lines on both arms and the multiple, thinner marks upon her chest and shoulders, but Berta disclosed the existence of more, peeking my insatiable curiosity. What the hell had been done to this elusive creature.
I fell into my new office chair and twisted back and forth as I watched her dab at the sweat on her face and neck with the shirt. It was the first time I had ever seen her truly flustered.
"The humidity surprised me, I'm afraid. I should have been better prepared," she explained and pulled her own chair from behind her desk, rolling it next to mine before sitting.
"You could have just taken off the shirt. You're the one signing the check. So, what's up with the sudden closed-door meeting?" A part of me wished that Luci would uncover her scars and expose them to the world so that it could see her resilient beauty, and the other half yearned to take them away from her so that she may see her beauty.
"Absolutely not. I will not have sweaty apes gawking as if I were no better than a slave in a sideshow circus." She amazed me. Even when speaking about her most vulnerable aspect, her voice retained that silky, confident texture, creating an odd mixture of her weakest and strongest features simultaneously.
"Luci, you're not a freak. Your scars don't make you a monster. They don't make you this hideous creature that should be hidden away from the world. They're just a part of you, and you as a whole are an incredibly beautiful woman, inside and out."
The words slipped from my mouth easily, and I wondered how long I'd been subconsciously keeping them inside for this exact moment. A maelstrom of emotions swirled in Luci's eyes as she studied me intently for any hint of false compliment. These were the moments I had come to live for, the brief instances where Luci became so very human, so reachable, touchable. More often than not, Luci held the upper hand and used her strength and control to keep me at arm's length, but sometimes I slipped into a crack of vulnerability and glimpsed the secret pain and insecurity that hid behind her gracefully confident exterior.
She cleared her throat and turned back towards her desk. Papers slipped and shuffled across each other as she searched for something, or at the very least pretended to search. She sighed and finally uncovered whatever she had been looking for on the desk. I'd never seen it so messy before that day, and never glimpsed such chaos ever again. Everyone, it seemed, was affected by the tension between us.
"I thought perhaps we could begin the arrangements for your father," she explained, still facing her desk, but I ignored the suggestion. I had Luci on the emotional ropes, and I wanted to crack her open before she ran from me again.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" I wondered aloud as the thought came to me in the silence. "Didn't Emily tell you how beautiful you are, unique scars included?"
She sighed and looked towards the ceiling as she answered. "Emily failed to notice them at all during her first eight months of service." She turned with a tight and forced smile and lowered herself into the office chair beside me. She slipped the papers onto my new desk and rested her arm on them.
"How could it take her that long to see you? I mean, was she blind or that self-centered?" An irrational anger knitted my eyebrows as the urge to smack Luci's former lover ached in my fingers. The older woman steeled her features, preparing for the onslaught of invasive questions I'd become known for.
"Like you, she never had much financial security as a child, but unlike you, she lacked the experience of true trauma that is required to fully appreciate or even recognize the strength of a survivor in another person. I mistakenly believed I could make her understand my reservations and reticence. When she didn't, she became unhappy and turned to other comfort. She'd taken other lovers outside our relationship, and I allowed it for the sake of her contentment. Monogamy never really suited either of us, but I shouldn't have turned a blind eye. I knew she stayed because it was comfortable. I spoiled her with anything she desired and hoped it would be enough to retain her loyalty and devotion because of her destitute childhood. I was wrong."
Her eyes dropped as she spoke about her former lover and traced the white lines on her arm resting on my desk with her eyes. Mine followed as did my hand. My fingers grazed the top of her knuckles, the back of her hand but hesitated centimeters from her scars. She stared at my fingers, but I couldn't determine if she wanted them to pull away or trace the jagged lines she spent so much energy hiding from the world. Everything melted away, the roar and hum of the machines outside, the warm sun filtering through the huge windows behind her desk, even my own body. Only Luci's terror-filled eyes, the pounding of my heart, and my fingertips remained.
It made perfect sense. A person as giving and caring as Luci needed someone to notice her, all of her. Though she would never tell me, that was the underlying cause of her pursuit of me. I was observant enough to see her and noble enough to walk away
when I feared causing her more pain. She never openly admitted it, but she longed for someone to expose her to the world, to herself. She required an equal in every aspect; someone who wasn't afraid to show his or her weaknesses to Luci and strong enough to carry her through the pain of facing her own. She was right; skills like accounting and etiquette could be taught and learned, but what Luci needed reached far deeper than that. The darkness within her required an equally dark soul to find the cracks and illuminate the deadened parts of her soul.
I brushed my fingertips against the base of the scar.
Adrenaline dropped into the pit of my stomach, and I quickly pushed away the accompanying thoughts. This wasn't about control or power or sex despite the habitual response of my body. For the first time in my life, I genuinely cradled the responsibility of having an advantage over another human being close to my heart and prayed that I cherished the trust as I should. I wanted nothing except to see her smile, to feel her warmth when she realized her own beauty through my eyes. I wanted her happiness for her sake, not mine. Perhaps I was right that day I decided to work for Luci. We were saved each other a little every day, and it felt good, natural. I didn't desire her touch because of a pressing sexual need or because of a developing attraction to women. The moment I felt Luci's scars beneath my fingers, I realized that I didn't want the touch of just any woman, not even Mattison and definitely not Ashley. I wanted Luci because she was Luci. I wanted her darkness, the diseased and decaying parts of her soul, and my fear of that connection manifested in a brief delusion of attraction for Mattie. Never again would I betray that by touching another person because I was simply afraid to care about the one person who could be my salvation.
A tear slipped from one of Luci's closed eyes, and I tracked its path down her smooth cheek. I wanted more to follow, wanted my touch to heal this broken woman. I pressed my palm to her arm when I reached her elbow and continued the ascent towards her shoulder. Her chin quivered as she released a shaky breath. The muscles beneath my hand bunched and smoothed as if she fought the urge to pull away from me like she had for the past month, but she didn't move, didn't budge, didn't run. I pressed my palm to her chest just above her heart with my fingers splayed across her collarbone. The skin of her chest had cooled, slightly clammy from sweat, but the scars there were so thin that I barely felt them.
"You're beautiful, Luci Pravitas." My whisper was barely heard over the hum of the machines outside, but I knew she heard it. Shining azure eyes met my green as more tears spilled onto flushed cheeks.
"Lauren, I need to confess something to you. I've done things for which I need forgiveness, and since I cannot ask those I've wronged, I wish you to act in their stead. Can you do that for me?" I almost laughed at the overdramatic segue, but Luci's hopefully serious blue eyes killed the sound in my chest.
"Of course, Luci. I would do anything for you." And I knew it was the truth. As much power as I had over her, she held just as much over me. Her eyes slipped shut at my admission, in relief perhaps. She half-smiled at me, but the expression felt wrong given her tears.
"Emily didn't simply leave that night." She spoke with her eyes closed, remembering each moment perfectly. Her heart thumped harder and faster beneath my palm, but I stayed still. If I moved or spoke, this moment would have ended, and Luci would became guarded again. The hum of the backhoe ceased, and my ears rang in the newfound silence.
"She was never meant to become what she had. She was only meant to be a travel companion at first and then my live-in companion, but she was so intelligent and amusing and so incredibly charming. She became my apprentice, my protégé, and then, because of my attachment, more." Luci opened her eyes. The clarity of hindsight replaced her tears, and my heart lurched at the pain that Emily's betrayal must have caused.
"I was overconfident when I should have been cautious in regards to her intentions and her loyalty to me. I suppose I had just been too lonely for too long, and I allowed my passion to rule my judgment. She has been my only regret. With the work that I do, that is quite an accomplishment." She bit her lip in nostalgia, her eyes distant and unseeing. My chest ached for her. If Luci's treatment of Emily was similar to mine, then she deserved to be tossed onto her ear into the cold for her betrayal.
The huge Oak doors creaked open, warning us of someone's entrance, probably in search of Luci. She squirmed, lost in her memories, and I changed the subject, hoping to help her regain her composure before the invader came knocking. I'm not certain Luci heard the faint footsteps in the Great Hall, and I wanted to spare her the embarrassment of being caught in such a compromisingly emotional state.
"What exactly is it that you do, anyway? I know you have companies overseas, but I have no idea what they are." David's heavy feet thumped towards the door, and I searched Luci's eyes. They told me that she had not finished her tale. She remained within reach even as her body tensed and coiled from the stress that rushed back, but she made no move to pull away from my hand. My breathing labored from the effort, but I reluctantly removed my hand from her chest when a sharp tap resonated through the study.
She shook out the plaid shirt and slipped her arms through. If I hadn't seen her tears only a few minutes earlier, I never could have guessed she'd been crying and talking about her partner's betrayal so openly. Her effortless grace returned as she buttoned the shirt, and I stared at the scars I'd been touching on her chest until the shirt obstructed my view. She breathed deeply and nodded at me. I smiled my encouragement.
"Come in," she called. Her silky blue voice did not waiver, did not crack, despite our emotional and prematurely ended moment. It was not David's head that poked through the door first.
"Sheriff Armentrout, what can we do for you today?" Luci's eyes widened in surprise, and I rolled mine and slumped into my chair. Luci's eyes narrowed at me for a moment and then brightened as she looked towards the intruder.
"Please, come in, Sheriff. May I send to the kitchen for coffee?" Luci stood and graciously swept her arm towards the high backed chairs in front of the fireplace. She looked expectantly at David as he lingered in the doorway, and he nodded at the underlying command.
"That's really not necessary, Ma'am. I only have a few questions if I could talk with you alone." He fingered the wide rim of his dark green hat nervously, the only indication of his anxiety.
"Certainly. Although, I must insist that Lauren be present if your visit pertains to her father." A silent moment passed between Luci and Sheriff Armentrout before he nodded his approval of Luci's wish.
"If you insist." His tone was cold and sarcastic, and adrenaline zapped my heart into a frantic rhythm. I swallowed the bile creeping up my throat and sat straighter, my feet firmly on the floor.
"I've been on the phone the better part of the morning with a consultant from the state police about the circumstances of Mr. Danes' death. He's coming down today to open an official investigation."
"Investigation?" I stood and gravitated to Luci's side. I felt her body heat though we were inches away from physically touching.
"Yep. A murder investigation. That's why I wanted to talk with Ms. Pravitas alone. Lauren, I want you to come with me. Just until we get this all sorted." I understood his words, but his tone didn't match them. He thought I killed him.
"Derrick, you can't be serious. I didn't kill the bastard." My voice rose in pitch with my panic that Luci would let him take me.
"It's Sheriff or Sir, Lauren. I'm not your friend right now. I got a job to do. You understand?" His eyes were sympathetic, but his voice was stern and distant. He had fought the investigation, but his hands were as tied as mine.
"Sheriff, has Lauren been officially charged?" Luci interjected, and his eyes turned to her. I swallowed roughly and leaned towards Luci.
"No, not yet. It's gonna take a little bit for the body to be examined and tested. They're pretty backed up. Until then, I need to speak with your staff, Ms. Pravitas, and you might be asked to come to the courthouse for further questioning.
You understand?" He looked between the two of us, and I looked at the floor. The town was too small for a proper police station. They functioned out of the courthouse with four small holding cells in the basement. We toured the entire courthouse once for a school field trip when I was in fourth grade, and they locked us all in the cells as they told us about the "booking" process.
I'd nearly had a panic attack then, and I felt that same uncontrollable quaking climb up from my stomach and spread through my arms. It was musty and damp and cold. Everything had echoed off the cinderblock walls and overwhelmed me. The most frightening aspect had been the lack of natural light. There were no windows, no sun. The trees and flowers were taken away, and the beautiful songs of the birds could not penetrate the thick walls. I could survive anything if I had nature to soothe me, but I doubted my ability to survive even one night in those cells.
"Sheriff, I am sorry that you've made a trip needlessly. If you have no warrant and no probable cause for arresting Lauren, then I do believe the decision is entirely Lauren's." Her warm arm around my shoulders settled my swirling stomach slightly. My legs wavered and I leaned into Luci's side. She wasn't giving up on me. She believed in me. Her eyes never left the sheriff's.
"And I suppose she has made it. Now, if you would remove yourself from my property, I very much wish to return to work. You may interview my staff as requested, but you will call and properly schedule the day and time." Luci's blue silk melted into purple before the steamy red hot anger emerged. Luci's grip on my shoulder tightened with each word, almost painfully, as the anger at his unjust accusation grew.
"Of course, Ma'am." Sheriff Armentrout had the decency to graciously accept the reprimand for his inappropriate actions and ducked his head.
David ambled back into the office with a tray of coffee and leftover scones from breakfast but froze as the tension in the room surrounded him.
"Berta sent them." He looked to Luci who pointed her chin towards her desk without moving her eyes from the sheriff. David nearly dropped the tray as he sprung forward, and my heart lightened at his natural oafishness. The tray looked odd and awkward in his large hands, but he managed to deliver the coffee and scones to the desk without incident.
