by Jack Parker
"I'm sorry, Luci." A giggle pulled from my throat, and I closed my eyes and bit my lip until it subsided. "I'm so paranoid sometimes that I freak myself out over nothing. I'm fine." I waved my hand dismissively in the air and crossed the room to my dresser, lingering bursts of chuckles slipping out of my chest.
"Are you certain you are all right?" Luci's silky blue concern inspired another hysterical giggle, but I held it inside and held my breath until the urge disappeared.
"I'm fine. Just laughing at myself." I snatched a bra out of the top drawer of the dresser and ripped the tiny tank top off my body. A sharp intake of breath from Luci startled me, but I blatantly ignored the reaction.
"What is that, Lauren?"
"What is what?" I snapped the bra and adjusted it over my shoulders, rearranging my breasts until they fell comfortably into the material and then pulled a shirt from the next drawer.
"This." Soft, warm fingertips traced a line from my right shoulder blade to the left side of my ribs, and I shivered. How had she crossed the room so quietly?
"You're not the only person in the world with scars," I whispered. The words were meant to be harsh and sardonic but sounded more like a confession than an accusation.
"What did this?" Luci's blue silk comforted the sting of memory, and I released heavy breath that shook my chest.
I should have been angry at the invasion of my privacy, but I knew that seeing my scars would set Luci's mind at ease about her own. I shouldn't have cared. I had been plotting my escape since I woke up, and now, I only wished to help ease her pain. I decided that my conflicting emotions were too complex to think about, so I settled with simply answering her questions truthfully and leaving my thoughts and feelings out of the situation.
"It's amazing how much a green Birch switch can tear skin like a whip if you use enough force," I said with a tiny shrug. It happened so long ago that I'd actually forgotten of their existence until that moment.
"Your father?" Her husky breath brushed the back of my neck, and goose bumps erupted across the skin of my arms. I ignored them as her fingers retraced the marred flesh. Heat from her body beamed across my exposed skin; she was so close now.
"Like I said when I showed up on your step all busted up, it wasn't the first time," I explained. I felt too exposed, too vulnerable, and I clamped my eyes shut against the urge to pull away from her touch.
I couldn't have cared less if she wanted to examine the old wound, but the gentle touch of her fingertips and warm words on my skin conflicted too much with the pain of the memory. The two opposing reactions should never happen at the same second. Pain and pleasure should never be that intertwined, not like that, but it felt so natural when Luci combined the two. I was powerless to stop it. I bowed my head and forced slow, silent breaths from my mouth. Luci's other hand settled on my hip as she traced the scar again, and I bit my lip as the shirt in my hand fell to the floor. Control. Luci said I needed to learn control, and I used that advice to frustrate her at her own game.
"What happened to cause this whipping?" Her breath danced across my bare shoulders, and my hips jerked in response. She knew exactly what she was doing, but I misunderstood if it was a genuine pass at me or a test of some kind.
"I jumped on top of my sister," I whispered, and flashes of my terrified little sister broke the spell Luci weaved.
"You have a sister?" She felt the shift of the room's energy and stepped away from me.
"I used to." I snatched the shirt from the floor and pulled it over my head. I wondered where Lilly was and what she was doing that exact moment. She'd be surprised and proud if she ever came back and discovered that I had finally moved up in the world, and then she would talk to Barb and realize that I'd made quite a mess of myself and this town. I shook the thoughts from my mind. I doubted Lilly ever returned to Carver, and if she did, then she would certainly not be returning for me, not after the way we parted.
"She passed away, then? I'm so very sorry, Lauren. I imagine losing a sibling is as painful as losing a child." Luci voiced her condolences and laid a warm hand on my shoulder.
"She's not dead, at least I don't think she is. Lilly's just… gone. She ran away five years ago. Haven't heard from her since," I explained and shrugged away from her hand under the cover of replacing my boots with tennis shoes. She watched me move about the room but stayed rooted to the spot near the dresser.
"Her absence is still a loss acutely felt." I hummed noncommittally and used the bed post for balance as I changed shoes.
"What about you? Any brothers or sisters? Children?" I looked up when a few moments of silence passed and squinted at the conflicting emotions in Luci's distant eyes. "Luci?"
"Hmm? Oh, no siblings. I always longed for a sister, however. There was one classmate who filled that void for quite some time, but as youth fades with the passing of time, so do bonds struck in adolescence." A genuine smile parted Luci's lips, and I took a few seconds to simply stare at her beauty once more. How could I ever leave such a woman?
"Mattalyn?" I asked, and she nodded.
"Mattalyn."
"She must have been a good friend if she still makes you smile like that, you know, after everything that happened." I thought of Ashley and Barb. My heart hurt at our prolonged absence, but it also knew that they would fare better if I kept my distance, loved them from afar.
"She was. Our paths crossed when we were nine. She was the first friend I ever made.
Luci stomped into the massive library and didn't stop until she'd hidden behind the last stack of books. Hot tears ran down her cheeks and she wiped at them furiously with her sleeve. Even when she wore a jacket and high-necked shirt, the other girls taunted her about her scars. She didn't mind being teased, had almost grown used to the sneers of her classmates about the unsightly abrasions that were still healed on her arms and chest, until one of the bullies suggested that they were the reason Luci's mother had sent her away to boarding school. Luci had considered this already, but hearing the words made her fears real. If her own mother could not bear the sight of her hideous wounds, then who could ever love her?
"Hello?" A tiny girl with light brown hair and large round glasses poked her head around the stack and smiled at Luci.
"Go away!" Luci burrowed further into the corner, and fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks.
"I heard what Jessica said. She used to say that about my glasses." The girl explained, undeterred by Luci's outburst.
"R-really?" Luci hiccupped and looked up at the other girl.
"Uh-huh." The girl with mousey brown hair sat down a few feet from Luci and folded her legs in front of her.
"How did you get her to stop?" Luci asked, intrigued by the kindness of another of Jessica's victims.
"You came," she answered honestly and shrugged. The motion shifted her glasses down her nose, and she pushed them into place with a single finger on the bridge
"Oh." Luci sat up and mirrored the cross-legged position. "I'm Luci."
"I know. Everyone knows the new girl." She held out her hand for a shake. "I'm Mattalyn with two T's not D's." Luci shook the girl's hand and grinned.
"That's a funny spelling." Luci wrinkled her nose in thought. "I like it."
"My parents wanted a boy, and the doctors told them that I was a boy. When I turned out to be a girl, they changed Matthew to Mattalyn. I think they just wanted to still call me Matt." Mattalyn giggled and pretended to gag at the nickname, but her demeanor said that she didn't really mind it.
"Here!" Mattalyn nearly shrieked and dug in her backpack for something. "This always makes me feel better." She pulled a worn book from the bag and shoved it at Luci.
"Treasure Island? What's it about?" Luci asked, intrigued by this other girl's excitement and spontaneous gestures.
"Pirates!" Mattalyn offered in a hushed but excited whisper. "The adventure of a lifetime!" She jumped to her feet and struck a heroic pose that looked like a beginning position for fencing. "I always pretend that I'm Jim," sh
e confided conspiratorially, and Luci giggled.
"It sounds exciting." Luci conceded and watched her new friend pretend to fight unseen attackers.
"It is. You can keep it for now until you feel better. I could read some of it to you if you want." She fell to the floor but continued to bounce excitedly.
"If you want to." Luci didn't want to scare away the girl, but she desperately needed the kindness of another human being. She wanted nothing more than to sit and listen to her new friend read her favorite book aloud.
"Give it here." Matt held out her hand, and Luci returned the book. She opened it and scooted on the floor until she was sitting beside Luci with her back leaning against the wall. Luci leaned her head on Matt's shoulder under the pretense of following along as the girl read, but really she just wanted to be physically close to Matt.
"Chapter 1!" Matt announced excitedly and leaned her temple against Luci's.
"Squire Trelawney, Dr. Livesey, and the rest of these gentlemen having asked me to write down the whole particulars about Treasure Island, from the beginning to the end, keeping nothing back but the bearings of the island, and that only because there is still treasure not yet lifted, I take up my pen in the year of grace 17 - and go back to the time when my father kept the Admiral Benbow Inn and the brown old seaman with the sabre cut first took up his lodging under our roof."
"From that day forward, we were not to be parted under any circumstance until… Well, you've become acquainted with the rest," Luci finished with a wave of her hand. Sadness filled her voice, and I fought the urge to hug her.
"Why don't you look her up? Go visit? She sounds great." I smiled encouragingly.
"We did keep in touch sporadically, a few letters a year mostly. We visited a few times if we were near each other for business or pleasure, but she died a few years ago." The words weren't filled with sadness. Luci had obviously accepted the death of her friend graciously and moved past the grief. Her eyes appeared hopeful and happy with the memories she held so vividly in her mind.
"Well, I'm glad she was there for you when you needed a friend." I crossed the room and hugged Luci briefly but pulled back before she could properly return he gesture. She cleared her throat and nodded.
"So," she started and clicked towards the door. "I have been desperately attempting to muddle through your computer software, unsuccessfully of course." She opened the door and nodded towards the balcony. "Care to struggle at my side?"
I chuckled and shook my head at our helplessness in the face of technology and moved towards the door. Luci offered her trademark half smile and looped her arm through mine as we crossed the balcony and descended the steps. The woman amazed me. Only a few hours ago, she had terrified me with her violent reaction to Sheriff Armentrout's visit so acutely that I had spent the entire day plotting blackmail against her. Now, I couldn't imagine a life where I woke up every morning with the knowledge that Luci's smile was somewhere in the world, and I wasn't there to see it.
I knew that living with me wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but she met the task as gracefully as she possibly could. Of course there would be set backs and challenges, but she hadn't given up on me yet. If she willingly accepted the risks and destruction that followed me everywhere I went, then I should have made a better effort to understand her turbulent emotions when they appeared. She wasn't perfect; she was human. So was I. Maybe we could find some peace and comfort in knowing that, no matter how severely we reacted to a situation, we would always be there in the end to protect one another. Ashley bailed when the road got bumpy, too afraid to face the consequences, but Luci stayed the course. She had protected me even though she'd had her own doubts of my innocence that day. If that wasn't friendship, maybe even love, I didn't know what was.
CHAPTER 16
A light rain filled the rest of the afternoon, and I found myself gazing over Luci's head to stare at the falling droplets through the gigantic windows behind her desk. Up until the rain began, Luci had been gentle and generous, very much her normal self. She'd helped me write an obituary for my father, using her own mother's as a guide. It was short, to the point and factual, not sentimental and heartfelt as I imagined it should have been, but I was satisfied with the outcome. She supported my conflicting emotions about the man, and I actually felt a tear slipping down my cheek at one point as I wrote about his passing from this world.
When the gentle patter of rain set in, however, her mood darkened, and she retreated behind her desk and buried her mind in paperwork of an unknown nature. I opened my mouth several times to ask about her work or why the rain had upset her so quickly, but I held my tongue still and discreetly stared at the beautiful woman. Every ten minutes or so, guilt dumped a heavy weight on my chest when I thought about what I had almost done to her. How could I have even entertained the idea of intentionally harming her? At the beginning before I cared for her, I could have justified it, but after everything she'd done for me, I owed her the decency of earning my money honestly. At least that way offered the chance of remaining Luci's friend after I left Carver. I sighed.
"Luci?" I twisted my chair back and forth nervously.
"Yes?" She glanced up briefly and then returned her eyes to the paper she corrected, a contract maybe.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to tell you something. It can't wait." I wanted to tell her about the police file and my argument with Ashley as quickly as possible before I lost the nerve.
"And what is so life-altering that five minutes more may strain your patience to the point of breaking?" Her eyes danced across the lines of the paper as she spoke, and relief crept into my chest that she had not looked at me. Perhaps if I didn't see the hurt in her eyes, I wouldn't feel so terrible about nearly betraying her.
"The reason Ashley and I fought yesterday was because she brought a police file on you." Her pen froze, and her eyes widened but never met mine. I pushed forward, having received her full attention despite the lack of eye contact.
"Her brother is a cop, and he ran a background check on you when he found out that you bought the manor." A slight hysteria raised in my chest as her silence filled the room, and I felt compelled to babble nervously until she interrupted me. I fought the urge and remained quiet as she processed the information.
"What information exactly did this file offer?" She hesitantly glanced up as she set the pen on her desk. To anyone else, she could have been asking about the weather, but her strained jaw muscles and slow, controlled movements told me that she was anxious and worried about the file's contents. She leaned back in her chair and offered her full attention; I wished she would look away again.
"I don't know. I haven't read it. That's why I sent Ashley home. I didn't feel right about invading your privacy like that." My words were hurried, and I took a deep breath as I waited for Luci's response.
"Haven't, not didn't. I assume this to mean the file is still in your possession." It was a statement, not a question. A strained silence crept around me, and I bit my lip.
"It is, but I don't plan on reading it. I just wanted you to know about it. Something Ashley read in there spooked her, and she told me some things that didn't seem quite right to me, so I told her to get out. I just feel guilt for even thinking about hurting you." Sweat sprang up on my palms and I wiped them on my thighs. Luci raised an eyebrow and poured a cup of tea. The liquid steamed and sent a spicy cinnamon aroma through the room, like sweet apple pie. I thought about Barb and wondered if I'd ever taste her apple pie again. She had promised to teach me her recipe one day, and a heavy weight pulled my heart into my stomach with the realization that I would never know how she made it.
"We've all done things we regret, Darling." Her eyes went distant with memories I couldn't see.
"And what do you regret?"
"Emily."
"Emily, Darling." Luci sang as she entered the room excitedly. She'd just received word from her lawyer that the house in the United States had definitely been secured. It required months
of preparation before all of Luci's financial and legal obligations were properly sorted, but she still wanted to celebrate with her lover.
She wasn't surprised to find Emily's bedroom empty as Luci had returned nearly an hour earlier than expected. She turned on the toe of her shiny red high heel; her excitement at the news she wished to share not at all hindered by the small hiccup. A shuffling behind the door that connected the individual rooms of their Paris apartment stilled her movements, and she turned her direction towards the door. Her heels clicked in time with her excited heartbeat, but the door opened before she reached the handle. Emily burst through the door wearing only her slacks and bra, and Luci quirked an amused eyebrow.
"Hello Sweetheart! I've been waiting." She flung her arms around Luci's neck and pressed her lips up to the older woman's. Luci returned the kiss hesitantly and pulled Emily's hips into her own. The excitement of the day had left her aching for her lover's touch, but a slight tang on Emily's lips caused her to pull back.
"Come Darling." She popped the top button of Luci's black dress shirt and started for the next one, but Luci's soft hands stilled her movements. "Luci, why won't you ever let me make love to you without these frustrating shirts? I don't think your breasts have ever had the pleasure of my hand directly atop it."
Luci pulled Emily's hands from her chest and pushed them downward until they hung limply near her thighs. Emily sighed and accepted the rejection graciously.
"Do you have news from Katherine?" Emily asked expectantly. Her eyes glazed over with fear, and Luci shoved her aside roughly and charged for the door. Mattison stood in the middle of Luci's bedroom, shirt in her hands. She stepped away slowly, eyes never leaving Luci's, and pressed her back to the door. Luci's blue eyes flared and flashed like a thunderstorm as she strung together the puzzle pieces before her. Emily squeezed past Luci and positioned herself between them.
