by Jack Parker
"Luci! Look at me! You had no reason to do that!"
"I was protecting you!" She slapped my arms away from her and shoved my shoulders. I tripped on my own feet and fell backwards into the soft grass. I wasn't injured but frozen from shock. Luci covered her mouth and searched my body up and down, looking for any sign of apparent injury, I supposed.
"Me? Luci, this isn't about… oh my god." My eyes widened when I realized what her Freudian slip meant.
"You killed him." It wasn't a question. My chest heaved up and down as I began hyperventilating. She'd killed my father.
"I killed him," she confirmed, but her eyes only looked proud, not remorseful or guilty. I sprang to my feet and poked my finger into her chest.
"You killed him and let everyone think I did it!" Anger controlled my actions.
"Yes, I did. I had to be sure you could be trusted. You had to be tested, Lauren, and you passed with flying colors, Love." I punched her. Her head jerked to the side with the force, but instead of being shocked or hurt by the violent gestured, she smirked at me, even as blood trickled from her split lip. "Flying colors, indeed."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" The front door creaked faintly behind me, and I closed my eyes in frustration. Could we never have a moment of privacy in this house?
"There is nothing wrong with me, Love." She smiled at me, and my muscles coiled.
"Don't call me that." My voice had dropped dangerously low. I had to get out of here. I had the fuel I needed to escape this town, and Luci had freely given it.
"I want money." Her eyes widened in shock. "Lots of it. At least a two hundred thousand. I want it in my bank account before I leave after the funeral. I owe Lilly that much, and then I'm taking her and leaving. I'll keep your secret. Like I said, back at the river, I'll never betray you, but I'm not staying here."
"Lauren?" She reached for my face, but I jerked away and backpedaled, nearly tripping over my own feet again.
"Two hundred thousand, and you will never hear from me again. You told me that if I ever wanted to leave, all I had to do was ask you for the money. Consider this my last request." I spun on my heel and looked towards the house. Mattison, Lilly and Berta stood on the stoop by the front door and David lingered at the edge of the yard on the gravel driveway.
"Tell me you don't feel it, and I shall honor your request with no further question or comment." Her voice had slipped into black silk and danced down my spine. I stopped and half turned to face her.
"Feel what?" She smirked and took a step closer, an indefinable glint in her eyes.
"Nothing, Love. When you think about your father, tell me you feel something, anything. Or do you feel only relief that he is no longer a threat to anyone else in this world?" I froze. How could she possibly know that?
"Are you genuinely enraged that his life was taken by my hand or are you reacting so irrationally because your mind has been warped by society into believing that every human life is sacred? Tell me you feel nothing." I gritted my teeth and turned my back to her again.
"I feel sad." It wasn't a lie. I wasn't sad about the nature of his death. I was sad because I'd never actually known who Luci was. I prided myself on being a grand manipulator and judge of character, but I had lived with this woman for months and pegged her as a saint, not as a murderer.
Four sets of eyes watched keenly as I walked away from the person who knew me better than anyone else in this world. Mattison brushed passed me as I reached the door and bolted to Luci's side. I watched her trim figure sprint across the yard to the spot where I'd left Luci; David followed her after a long, hard look at me. Berta nodded and rubbed my back as I passed; she and my sister followed me into the house.
"Lover's quarrel?" Lilly quipped, and I shot her a dangerous look that instantly clamped her mouth shut. She lowered her head.
"Let's get you some ice for that hand, Girl," Berta scratched, and I allowed her to lead me towards the kitchen.
"Lilly, get your things and go to my room and pack me a bag. It's the fifth door down from the stairs." My voice sounded confident and in control, but my heart was breaking. Thankfully, Lilly didn't ask any questions and followed my command.
I remained silent as Berta gestured for me to sit on the stainless steel island in the center of the kitchen. I barely felt anything as I levered myself onto the counter. I wanted to cry or get angry, but I only felt empty. I could forgive her, couldn't I? I was relieved when I found out he was dead. No, that wasn't possible. She hadn't only killed him but let everyone believe I had done it. I sat in a jail cell, willing to take the fall if she had been implicated. I gave up the only people I'd ever really cared about to be with her and now I would never be able to go back. I'd never be able to look Bobby in the eyes again. She'd taken everything. Barb and Ashley. Tears sprang to my eyes as I thought of my beloved diner family. Ashley had tried to warn me, and I had refused to believe her. I'd been living in a fantasy world for the past two months. Luci didn't love me, didn't want me because I was me. She wanted me because I was damaged enough to manipulate and control. I wouldn't stand for it any longer, and yet I honestly still believed she would never harm me.
"She told you, then?" My eyes jerked to Berta's when she stepped in front of me with a plastic bag full of ice.
"You knew?" I recoiled from her touch when she reached for my right hand and slid off the counter. I pressed my back into the edge and stepped away from her, determined to be as far from her as possible.
"How do you think she got her fake story about the inventory meeting, Girl?" I was going to puke. Everything about Berta and Luci's relationship made sense suddenly. Luci didn't keep Berta around out of an obligation to her mother. She kept her close to make sure that her secret never got out and to have an accomplice if she needed one.
"You're sick." I didn't believe the statement, and neither did Berta. Everything about this incredibly twisted situation made perfect sense to me, and I was terrified. I was living proof that the justice system was ineffective. Why not eliminate those who did more harm than good? I shook my head. "Stay away from me."
I bolted from the kitchen and skidded to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. Lilly had two bags in her hands and tossed one to me when she stepped onto the floor beside me. I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door, but Luci's irate voice froze me in place. She wouldn't harm me, but I wasn't sure she'd leave Lilly alone. I changed direction and bolted for the closet on the main floor. I closed the door as I heard the creek of the front door opening as I pulled open the secret panel I'd discovered my first day at Carver.
"Go through this tunnel. It will take you to the pantry in the kitchen. Go out the left kitchen door as you come out of the pantry. There's a back door. Meet me around front at the black car, okay."
"Lauren, what the hell is going on?" I thought about my promise to Luci.
"It's just not safe for you here, okay. Now go. Take these with you." She wanted to ask more questions, but fear had stolen her voice.
I closed the panel behind her and waited until I heard the clicks of Luci's heels fade as she went up the stairs before I cracked the closet door. I saw no one. I crept to the front door and snagged Luci's keys from basket on the side table. She rarely drove anywhere, and her keys were always easily accessible. I winced when the front door creaked and looked around the room. I nearly had a panic attack when I caught Luci's gaze boring into me from the balcony.
"Please don't leave, Lauren. I promise no harm shall befall you or your sister while you are under this roof." I paused. Luci had never broken her word to me before, so I seriously doubted she would offer me false promises now.
"How am I supposed to trust that?" I responded and squinted up at her. She looked tired, defeated. She fingered the cut on her lip and lifted one shoulder in a shrug.
"I suppose you will simply be required to trust me one last time." She clicked towards the stairs, and my body tensed to run as she descended them. "Please." She held out her hand. "You are w
elcome to go if you wish. I will even allow you the use of my vehicle or gladly drive you wherever you wish to go, no matter the distance." She stopped a few feet from me, arm outstretched, allowing me to make the decision to come back to her.
"Please don't leave in fear. I will not harm you, Darling." I stared at her hand, those long pianist fingers that I had longed for so long, so desperately to feel against my skin. I jerked my eyes to the floor.
"I was willing to go to prison for you," I whispered and leaned my head against the door as tears threatened to spill over the rims of my eyes.
"That's why you didn't." Her response startled me, but it made perfect sense. From the very first day I'd met Luci, she'd emphasized how important trust and loyalty were to her. My loyalty to her had saved me from being put on trial for my father's death.
"Was any of it real? Do you even care about me? Do you even know how to love someone?" Grief stung the back of my throat, and tears tumbled onto my cheeks. I allowed them to flow unhindered, paralyzed by my pain.
"Lauren," She stepped forward and reached for me but stopped herself. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest and bowed her head. The gesture was oddly sincere, genuine. She cared, and the thought of my leaving pained her as much as my finding out I lived with a house of murderers.
"Not in such conventional terms, no, I don't think I know how to love someone, but I do feel loneliness and pain and anger and satisfaction. Do I love you? I don't know, but I do know that I feel the ache of loneliness when you are not at my side, Darling, and I certainly felt satisfaction last night. You are the perfect apprentice. So smart, so observant." She raised her head, eyes glistening with unshed tears, not of pain but of pride. The emotions I read in her eyes surprised me, scared, aroused me. I was something to this woman. I meant more to her than anyone who had ever before dared to love me. Barb saw me as a daughter, Ashley a sister, Bobby his future wife, and that single look in Luci's eyes trumped them all. She saw me, as I was not as I could be, not as she wanted me to be.
"I'll stay, Luci, just until after the funeral, but I want one more thing." She nodded, eager to satisfy my every wish. "I want you to help me disappear. You changed your name once before without going through the legal system; otherwise, it would have shown it in your file. It didn't. Make that happen for me. My first name is fine, just change everything else."
"Of course. I'll have Mattison set up an email account for me. When you are ready for your new identity, send word." She held her hand out to me again, and I took it instinctively. Her warmth burned me, but I dared not let go. Maybe I could forgive her. So what if she'd bent the law for the betterment of humankind?
"Oh, I need to go get Lilly." I pulled towards the door, but she tightened her grip on my hand.
"It's quite all right, Darling. I've sent Mattison and David to greet her by the back door. They should be arriving any moment now." I tried to stop the small smile that spread on my lips.
"You have always been one step ahead, haven't you?" She smirked and nodded. I allowed her to pull me up the stairs.
"Let us change into dry clothes and prepare for dinner. I believe we shall dine alone tonight in my study." She paused in front of my room door and turned to me. "All unasked questions shall be answered tonight. I offer you my word."
"You'll tell me everything?" I wanted so badly to believe her, but she'd bent and omitted so much truth that I doubted what I could and couldn't trust. I doubted myself.
"I shall answer your questions as fully and honestly as I can." I studied her eyes. They seemed sincere, but I'd been fooled before by those crystalline orbs. I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face. This was madness. I was dreaming. This was only a long, vivid dream, and I would wake up in Barb's store room with a fresh cut on my forehead any minute now. I opened my eyes, but she was still there. It hadn't been a dream. I'd fallen in love with a psychopath who wanted to make me her apprentice.
"Lauren?" Her warm hand settled onto my shoulder, and heat seeped into my chest.
I knew what she had done, and I didn't care. I should have been repulsed by her touch, but my body leaned into it slightly without my permission. I felt nothing for her victims because she was right; some people don't deserve to live if all they bring to the world is pain and grief to other people. I pressed my body into hers and ran my hands up her sides. Ours lips were pressed together before I could stop the kiss with my common sense. Arousal dropped into my belly, and I jerked away suddenly as reality crashed into me once more. What the hell was wrong with me?
"I don't think so, Luci." My voice strained against my conflicting emotions. My heart told me to stay here, safe and protected in Luci's arms. If I had taken a deeper look at my thoughts in that moment, I knew that I would have forgiven Luci for her transgressions, but my conscience told me to run as quickly as possible, that everything about this situation was wrong, our passionate physical relationship included.
"Just give me the money. Tell Mattie to bring Lilly to my room when they return. We'll have dinner up here tonight. You can send my new driver's license and birth certificate to an address I will email you when I get a P.O. Box set up wherever Lilly and I go."
My heart broke as her face dropped, and hope seeped from her eyes. She had wanted me to stay, to pretend that nothing had changed. Though I saw logic in what she'd done with her life, I refused to condone it. That was a place too dark for me to consider. I was terrified but not of her. She would never have harmed me, and I believed her when she said that she wouldn't hurt Lilly, either. Luci had tried to be a good person, but life had hindered that. She was right about one thing, though; I was exactly like her, and if I stayed, her darkness would consume me. I trusted her implicitly despite what she had done. I didn't trust myself.
"Lauren, please let me explain myself to you." I shook my head and opened my room door.
"I'm sorry, Luci." Tears burned the back of my throat because I knew that I'd meant to tell her that I loved her instead of apologize. My heart shattered into tiny pieces because I did love her and so much more. For months, she'd been my sole purpose for living. Everything I had done, I did only for her sake or approval. She'd captured me… mind, body and soul. They belonged to her, and if she'd told me she loved me, that she felt the same, I might have stayed. I might have pretended the words were true, but Luci hadn't lied to me. She hadn't spoken false words of affection, but the truth.
I knew this. Still, if she had told me she loved me, I'd have stayed.
CHAPTER 22
For the next two days, I stayed in my room and packed. The only person who was permitted near me was Mattison, and Lilly of course. I hadn't gone to the funeral, but Luci kept her word and sent David and Mattison with Lilly. The two younger girls had taken to each other like sisters. My sisters. Luci had hidden in her office or at the stables, I'm not sure which. I'm not certain she'd even slept, but she handed me the keys to her car and a signed title when I began hefting my luggage outside. I was shocked to say the least. The slight lines around her eyes and mouth had deepened, like they had been the first time I'd met her, nearly five months ago. I wanted to see her smile one last time before I left forever, but I knew I wouldn't.
Silently, she helped me pack my boxes and bags into the car. Every time I glanced at her, she turned her gaze from me and walked away under the guise of retrieving another item to shove into the car. It frustrated me immensely, but I understood her reticence. Perhaps her heart had been broken, too, in her own way but at the very least, she'd lost what she had hoped would be her partner in crime that she'd wasted months grooming in her image. I snagged her arm as she attempted to turn from me again; there were no more boxes, no more excuses. All that remained was the goodbye.
"Luci, I…" My mind faltered when I saw the emptiness in those blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I just can't. This," I gestured to the house. "This makes too much sense to me. Please understand that I have to go. It's what is best for me."
She took my hands in her own, and I sighed into
the contact. Her hands were always so warm, so gentle with me. Her eyes stayed glued to our joined hands, and I ducked my head to meet them.
"Having you here is what is best for me. I need you, Lauren," she admitted quietly, and I winced. It was the first time she'd spoken to me since I'd sent her away from my room two nights ago. Her silky smooth voice had roughened and scratched against my skull like those itchy red polo shirts Barb made us wear at the diner. It was best for her that I leave, too. I'd only wanted to use her for money after all. I had never meant to love her, to destroy her like everyone else. Luci was supposed to be different. She was supposed to save me, to help me, and after I realized how much I cared, I'd only wanted to help her escape her own depression and loneliness. Instead, I obliterated her soul. Did she have a soul? Of course, she had a soul; I'd seen it. I was a curse and was destined to live with what I'd done to her for the rest of my life.
"I'll bring your car back when I buy one of my own, okay?" I changed the subject. If she continued to spew such sentiments, I would never be able to leave her. She shook her head.
"Keep it. I'm not certain I ever liked it," she said in a soft, broken voice. She sounded sincerely tortured, but the incredible control with which she'd manipulated me for months gave me pause. She clasped her beautiful hands in front of her hips protectively. She was good, I gave her that.
"I'll bring it back. Thanks for letting me use it." She raised her red sleep-deprived eyes, and I fought the urge to back away from the ire I saw burning there.
"Do not return to this house unless you intend to remain here. I'll only let you go once. The next time, should there be one, I will fight for you and shall not tire until every obstacle between us lies in ruin at my feet." Hot red silk slipped down my spine, and I welcomed the goose flesh it left in its wake. Fire still burned in Luci's soul, and the knowledge comforted me. She may yet recover from my abandonment.
"I'll expect nothing less." I wanted her to fight now, to dip me in her arms like at the end of a movie and kiss me until I submitted or chase after the car as I pulled out of the drive way, but she stood stoically and watched me leave her. She never waved, never cried. I'm not certain she even blinked until I was out of sight. I watched her in the rearview mirror until she disappeared behind the tree line.
