by Jack Parker
I almost turned around and begged her to forgive me, but I mechanically drove, trusting my knowledge of the town to lead me to the funeral home. I drummed my fingers across the steering wheel as I waited for Lilly. Luci may not have been emotional, but Mattison always wore her feelings unashamedly for the world to see. I adored her innocence and hoped that she wouldn't have her heart broken too many times, but I knew Luci would watch over her, protect her. A sinkhole caved inside my chest when the image of Luci and Mattison smiling together as we danced in Mattison's room filled my mind. I bowed my head as tears threatened to fall.
Leaving Barb and Ashley didn't compare to leaving Luci. My hands never shook so violently that I had to painfully grip the steering wheel when I thought about never seeing them again. My heart never pounded so heavily and quickly that I felt as though my chest would explode. My chest never felt so hollow and full at the same time that I felt like I needed to scream in order to release the pressure. Even when I had discovered that Lilly had run away, it had hurt, but I never doubted for a second that life would go on and I would recover in time. How would I recover from loosing Luci's smile, that devious smirk when she felt facetious? I clawed at my chest when the thought stole my breath, but it failed to alleviate the growing hole left by her absence. I needed to go back.
I started the car and moved the shifter to first gear but stopped when the doors of the funeral home opened. Barb led the pack. Mattison and Lilly followed. My sister had been crying, and Mattie had thrown a protective arm around her. Ashley and Bobby followed and David brought up the rear. I felt sick. I was happy that hardly a soul bothered to pay their respects to the man who had made my life miserable for 22 years, a worthless life. I jerked the door open, stumbled onto the pavement, and puked.
There was nothing but coffee in my stomach, and I dry heaved for a few minutes until a warm hand rubbed my back. I jerked away from it, fearing Luci had followed me after all. Mattison froze when she saw the fear in my eyes and held her hands up in placation. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked around at the six people watching me with intent and concerned eyes. Mattison stepped forward and set her hand on my arm. I would truly miss her vivacious energy.
"Are you okay, Lauren?" Her heightened emotions thickened her accent and words. I nodded, not trusting my voice to remain steady. Barb stepped up beside her but held her hands at her sides. I was grateful that she refrained from touching me. I needed to leave this place. Their concern overwhelmed me, and I hated all of them. They weren't her. I didn't want their affection or their pity or a kind, warm hand on my arm that felt so much like the warmth of her.
"Lilly, let's go," I scratched around the bile rising in my throat again. Mattie and David reached for me, and I dodged their hands. Barb wrapped an arm around Ashley's shoulders and stepped back. After being estranged for months, the saucy line cook still knew when to leave me alone. I rinsed my mouth with bottled water in the cup holder and spat it onto the pavement beside the car as I waited for Lilly to hug everyone in an emotional goodbye. That should have been my goodbye, should have been how my last moment with Luci felt. I closed my eyes and waited until the passenger door closed before opening them. Why hadn't Luci stopped me?
I told myself that if I kept moving, I would forget her. Over and over I told myself I would survive, that I would move on. I turned onto the exit ramp for Interstate 81 before I realized that we'd been driving for nearly two and a half hours. Lilly's body was rigid in the seat next to mine. I glanced at her tension-filled eyes and sighed. My poor sister had no clue what I was thinking or feeling. Life had continued without me, but I hadn't missed it until I lost Luci, my Luci, not the real Luci. The real Luci was a stranger to me, and I loved her. Tears stung my eyes, and Lilly squeaked when I drifted onto the rumble strips on the side of the interstate.
"Wanna take a break?" Her voice strained with her rising anxiety, and I sighed again before nodding.
"Hungry?" I grunted and watched for the next exit sign advertising fast food.
"Not really, but I do need to pee." Her lack of appetite concerned me, but I held my tongue. She'd barely eaten anything since arriving at the mansion two days ago, but I imagined her nerves had spoiled any thoughts of food, which was a shame because Berta's cooking really surpassed all expectation in taste and variety. The woman was a culinary master.
"Okay." I flipped my blinker on and removed my foot from the accelerator, downshifting as my speed dropped. We were somewhere in Virginia, but I hadn't been paying attention to many signs, relying on the touch screen GPS in the dash to warn me when I needed to turn. I'd been too busy not thinking about Luci and what I'd left behind to focus on road signs.
I pulled into the parking lot of a gas station and leaned my head against the leather seat. Mid afternoon had passed in a blur, and now the pinks and oranges of sunset floated across the sky. Though there were mountains in the distance, I felt homesick. Where was the chirping of the evening birds and crickets? They'd been replaced with honking horns and the ever humming highway sounds filtering from the interstate. I pulled myself upright and shoved the door open. Keep moving. Don't think.
I trolled the aisles of chips and snack cakes several times before I grabbed a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a bottle of sweet tea. Lilly floated out of the bathroom and gravitated to my side. I stared at her. Something had changed, only slightly, but enough. I swiped my debit card and punched the appropriate numbers. It was such a simple, mundane action, but Lilly's presence at my side filled me with a nagging sense of dread, making my hands sweat and shake. Perhaps I was safer with the murderers.
"Are you okay?" I asked when we were outside once more. Lilly stumbled off the curb, and I grabbed her jacket just in time to right her before she face planted into the pavement.
"I'm good. I'm good." She giggled and leaned against the backdoor of Luci's car while I unlocked the passenger side and opened it for her. I tossed my chips and tea onto my seat and looked at her expectantly, my dread growing with every second.
"Lilly?" She stared into the sky, and I grabbed her shoulders and shoved her into the car. "Lilly, are you high?" I whispered harshly, and she shied away from my hands.
"Don't be a party pooper, Lauren." She poked me on the nose and giggled.
"What the hell did you take, Lil?" I patted her jacket pockets but jerked my hand away when I felt a syringe beneath the fabric. "Damn it, Lilly." I kneeled on the pavement beside the car and cautiously lifted the fabric of the pocket and pulled the needle out with my forefinger and thumb. I set it on the ground beside me and reached in for the empty pill bottle and lighter at the bottom of the pocket.
"Lilly?" I grabbed her face and pointed it towards the orange pill bottle. It had a residue inside but nothing else. Whatever had been in here had not been prescription and had been used completely. "What was in this bottle?"
"Lorn, stop being a Debbie Downer. It's just fun in a cup." She leaned the seat back and turned on her side away from me. "Don't worry. Andre will have some for you when we get to Baltimore."
"Who is Andre?" I picked the needle up and looked around to see if anyone had witnessed our interaction. I reached over Lilly and grabbed the empty water bottle from the cup holder, put the used syringe into it, and tossed it into the back seat. I'd dispose of it once we were inside her apartment.
"Andre is my boyfriend," Lilly whispered with a grin on her face when I slid into the driver's seat.
"And how often does Andre give you whatever in the hell that is?" I gripped the steering wheel, afraid to know the answer. What had become of that innocent little girl who used to follow me around and cry into my shoulder night after night?
"Lorn?" My chin quivered at her broken child-like voice, and silent tears rolled down my face.
"Yeah, Lilly?" I brushed her thin bottle blonde hair from her face and forced a silent sob from my chest.
"I'm hot." I bowed my head and clenched my teeth as tears dripped from my chin and nose.
&nbs
p; "Here." I pulled her upright and unzipped her jacket. She shrugged in an attempt to help as I slid it off her shoulders. I gasped when I saw the bruises from multiple needle marks on her arms, but she only cracked an eyelid at the noise and slumped into the seat again. I covered my mouth and leaned my head onto the steering wheel.
Quiet sobs shook my shoulders as the reality of my sister's life crashed into me. I should have been there to protect her. I'd made a mistake five years ago when I didn't follow her after she'd run away and I swore right there in that dimly lit parking lot that I would not abandon her to face this ugly world alone ever again. I wanted Luci. I wanted her to put her warm hands on my shoulders and tell me everything worked out as it should. I pretended the hard steering wheel was her collarbone where my head rested so comfortably when she embraced me. She'd understand; after all, she'd watched her best friend from childhood go through this exact situation. I cried and hugged the steering wheel until my chest wheezed from the congestion.
How had I not seen this? She'd been with me practically every second for the past forty-eight hours, and I hadn't even noticed that something was off. Everything made perfect sense to me now, the thin hair, the weight loss, the lack of appetite. I recognized nothing of my little sister in the woman sitting next to me. I was utterly alone in this world. I couldn't go back, so my only option still remained to go forward. Once we reached Baltimore and I found a place to live, I'd figure out what to do about Lilly's addiction. I'd lost her once, and I wasn't going to lose the only thing I had left in this world.
When I lifted my head, total darkness had descended upon the parking lot. Bright florescent safety lights blinded me, and I leaned into the cool leather. Lilly stared out the window into the sky at something I didn't see. I cracked the plastic seal on my tea and washed away the tears lingering in my throat. I barely tasted it. I tossed it into the cup holder and started the car, thankful that Lilly had programmed the GPS to take us to her address before she'd injected herself with whatever was in the bottle.
Nearly three hours later, I pulled up in front of our destination. To say the least, it wasn't what I expected. The tall brick building looked like it should be condemned, not an apartment complex. I shook Lilly and stared up at the broken windows with boards and cardboard over them. Maybe she hadn't programmed the right address. She sat up slowly and looked around, a glimmer of recognition in her eyes.
"I have to call Andre." She scratched and fished her cell phone out of her pocket. She tossed some keys at me. "Second floor. 213. Go on in. I'll be up in a minute."
"Lilly, I'll be damned if I'm staying in your crack shack." I threw the keys into the back seat in frustration and punched at the GPS. I followed the commands to find a hotel and started the car once I found one miles from Lilly's apartment building.
"Lauren, he's going to be pissed. Just leave me here." I stared at her incredulously, mouth slack and eyes wide.
"Seriously?" The word sounded harsher than I'd intended, but I couldn't stop it. "Fine. Get out. I'll be back tomorrow morning." She opened her mouth to protest and then closed it. I stretched into the backseat and retrieved her keys. She snatched them and slammed the door. I blew my black bangs out of my eyes and pulled onto the street. I had no idea what I was going to do about Lilly's situation, but I didn't have to figure it out tonight. She needed me; that's all I knew. And I had a purpose again.
The boy behind the desk smiled up at me. "Hi," he said with a stupid boyish grin, and I glanced down at the form-fitting tank top and tight designer jeans that I'd poured my body into, the body toned under Luci's firm guidance during our Kenpo lessons.
"Hello," I squinted at his nametag, leaning over the counter to push my modest breasts up beneath the fabric. "Jason, have you any availabilities tonight, preferably one open for the next few days. I'm new in town."
"Uh, we do," he stuttered and smiled. He was handsome. Soft blonde hair, kind blue eyes and a boyish jaw with a light layer of thin peach fuzz stubble.
"Wonderful. I'll take it." I smiled prettily up at him, slipping so easily into the role I'd allowed Luci to vanquish. I set my driver's license and debit card onto the counter with two tiny snaps and folded my arms on the cool marble.
"So, you're new in town?" He asked and tapped my information into the computer.
"Yep. You're my first experience with Baltimore. Are you going to disappoint me?" I asked huskily, and the taps faltered. I smiled innocently as though the comment hadn't practically been an invitation to my bed.
He met my gaze a moment before his eyes flicked to my smirking lips and back to the computer screen, unsure of my intentions. "Where are you from? Is your apartment being furnished or something?"
"I haven't found one yet. My sister got herself into some trouble. I came to help," I answered honestly. I shrugged at his surprised look and signed the paper he slid onto the counter. "So, do you manage the expense audit or can you help me with my bags?"
"Just a minute," he said and ducked his head into a small office to the right of the desk. Eager to help, he informed his supervisor of the situation and then nodded at something murmured from inside the office. I tucked my cards away and waited.
He smiled again and rounded the counter, holding the door open for me as we stepped into the muggy night. He grabbed the suitcase, laptop carrier, and hygiene bag from the backseat and eyed the expensive luxury car. I allowed him and silently thanked Luci for the vehicle. I followed him back to the elevator and leaned against the wall, exposing myself to him once more.
"Tell me, Jason, what's the best cell phone service provider in the area? I lived in rural West Virginia most of my life, no need for a cell phone in a place that doesn't get service." I fidgeted nervously, or what he perceived as nervously. Everyone loved a damsel.
"Oh, there's actually an AT&T store a few blocks from here. It's easier to walk than drive such a short distance," he answered professionally, eyes locked on the numbers of the elevator. It dinged on the third floor and opened into a lush hallway. Well, lush to me anyway.
"Oh, that's great!" I touched his bicep beneath, gushingly, playing the part. "Could you possibly write the directions down for me? I've never actually been to a big city before, and I get turned around really easily without my GPS." I keyed into the room and held the door open for him. He respectfully deposited my luggage and grabbed the notepad and pen from the desk.
"Sure," he said, relaxing now that he actually performed a familiar task.
"Thank you," I purred. His hand paused when I stepped beside him and wrung my fingers anxiously. "It's safe, right. To walk there, I mean?" I almost gagged at the helplessness in my voice. It was a necessary evil, unfortunately, to gauge his sincerity.
"Umm yeah, I guess so. I've never really thought about it before," he answered honestly and straightened with kind, compassionate eyes now on my face instead of my tits. "Look, this may sound weird, but I could walk with you if wanted. I get off work at eight and don't have class until 10, so…" he shrugged, directions forgotten as insecurity filled his eyes. Fear of rejection, I realized.
"Oh that would be amazing," I gushed and grabbed his arm again. "Just meet you in the lobby?" He smiled and nodded. "Thank you so much, Jason. I really appreciate this. This place is so big. I don't know how my sister stands it."
"You'll get used to it after a while." He smiled and ducked his head bashfully. Moving towards the door, he stole another discreet peek, and I feigned ignorance.
"Oh!" I pulled a 20 from my pocket and shoved it into his hand with lingering fingertips on his knuckles. "Thanks, for being my pack mule." Blush tinged his cheeks.
"That's too much, Ms. Danes," he graciously refused my offer of cash and extended his hand towards me.
I trailed one finger over the length of his and pushed the appendage into his stomach when I reached the tip. "How about you use it to buy me a cup of coffee tomorrow so you can show me the best place for my caffeine fix?"
He smiled, finally catching onto my gam
e, or perhaps he'd only been too polite to say anything before then. "Only if you let me use the rest of it towards a dinner this Friday."
"Anywhere with a decent cheeseburger," I agreed instantly. "Now get the hell out of my room, and give me a wake up call at seven." I opened the door and shoved him into the hallway with a clawed hand on his firm chest, catching a glimpse of his amused and self-satisfied smile before I slammed the door in his face.
"Everyone loves a damsel," I muttered and flopped onto the bed.
CHAPTER 23
I stayed at the hotel for three nights before I found a suitable place to live. Luckily, desk clerk Jason was friendly enough, and he responded to my flirtatious advances without pause. His uncle owned a condo that he rented out through the fall and winter months while he traveled and vacationed in warmer climates. I kissed Jason across the clerk counter the night he told me that he'd convinced his uncle to rent it to me. When his shift ended at eight the next morning, I checked out and followed him to the condo to take a peek at my future home for the next few months. He showed me how to work the universal controller, and I showed him how it felt to be ridden until his knees buckled and broke and took his senses with them.
He shot his load off too soon, like all the rest, and fell back onto the sofa panting. A stupid grin spread on his face when I rolled off of him and snagged my clothes from the floor. He tucked an arm behind his head and watched me dress. Perhaps I wasn't being fair to the poor guy. He was very talented in the pelvic region, and his body was wonderfully sculpted. I should be cuddling into his chest right now, satisfied. I'd been with enough men to know when I was with an experienced and talented partner. He wasn't her.
