by Leslie Gould
Leon stopped. “Want me to take a turn with Robbie?”
I nodded. It was worth a try.
“You lead the horses,” he said. As I transferred Robbie into his arms, my hands brushed against Leon’s forearms and a shiver shot up my spine. He leaned back a little, trying to settle Robbie against his chest, but the little boy began to scream and dropped his toy horse. I retrieved the horse in a hurry and gave it back while Leon patted his back, but Robbie became more unsettled.
“Get up on Lightning,” Leon whispered. “Let’s just give it a try.”
“What about my dress?”
He turned around as he spoke. “I won’t watch. Get all situated and then let me know. Chances are we won’t see anyone along the way.”
I grabbed the saddle horn and pulled myself up. Once I yanked my dress down as well as I could, I told Leon and he stepped to the side of the horse and handed Robbie up to me. He continued to cry, but as I pulled him close, his head on my shoulder, and leaned back against the saddle, he stopped fussing, wedging the toy between us. Leon led Lightning, along with Storm, and soon the rocking of the horse’s steps seemed to lull Robbie back to sleep. My back and arms still hurt, but not like they had.
Leon turned toward us, walking backward. “You look really nice up there.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
As the horse ambled along, I found myself lulled into a quiet state. Had I never taken the time to just hold a little one and enjoy it?
Above, the breeze played with the leaves of the treetops high above the trail. A bird called out. A dog barked—and I cringed, braced for the horse to rear—but Lightning didn’t react. I closed my eyes, moving with the sway of the horse, my heart beating along with Robbie’s, listening to Leon’s soft footsteps on the trail and his occasional murmurs to the horses.
A half hour later, he stopped and reached up for Robbie. Then I slid off the horse, as modestly as I could, and a minute later I led the way off the trail to the road near the Paradise Stables sign.
I grew more anxious as I walked beside Leon. My opportunity to talk with him was quickly vanishing. As we neared the house, he said, “You know I told you I’m not very good at talking about things. And asking questions.”
I nodded. I remembered.
“But there’s something I need to ask you. . . .” He took a deep breath. “That’s the real reason I came over on Saturday to the market—to talk.”
“But then you left with Hannah . . .”
“Jah, I was worried about her. She’s been having a hard time lately.”
“Do you care for her?” I asked.
“Of course. She’s a friend. Besides being my boss’s daughter.” He stopped and turned toward me, his face reddening. “Molly, what are you asking?”
I shrugged.
“She’s a friend. That’s all,” he said. “Mervin cares for her, right? You’re hoping they get back together.”
“That’s what I’d hoped,” I said. “I guess now I just want to leave it up to God.”
“Gut,” he answered. “That’s what I’ve been thinking. My friend Hank’s favorite Bible verse was from Psalm 139.”
I knew that passage. It was all about being fearfully and wonderfully made.
Leon quoted, “‘For thou hast possessed my reins.’” He stopped.
“That was his favorite verse?” I nearly burst out laughing.
He nodded, a smile spreading across his face as he jiggled both pairs of reins in his hands.
“That figures—for a horse person,” I added.
“But it’s so true. God does hold our reins.”
I couldn’t disagree. “What were you going to ask me?” We only had a couple of more minutes. Perhaps we could still talk things through, although to what outcome now I couldn’t imagine.
“Does our relationship depend on me staying in Lancaster? Or would you be willing to go with me to Montana?”
I nearly choked on my words. “Are you going back soon?”
He nodded. “I’ve had an offer on a job. Training horses, not too far from my folks’ place. It turns out Owen isn’t going to buy the third horse he hoped for me to train after all. So I’ll be out of a job here soon.”
The screen on the front door banged, and Cate appeared before I could answer. “Molly!” She’d parked the church wagon in front of the house. “Ready to go?”
Leon groaned.
I answered, “Jah.”
Leon brightened. “Were you talking to me?”
“No, to Cate.” My heart lurched as I walked. In a daze I climbed into the church wagon, sliding up against the chairs, balancing Robbie as I did.
Cate climbed up next and then said to Leon, “Thank you so much for your help with Robbie and Molly.” She took the reins up and then almost as an afterthought asked, “Will we see you tomorrow?”
“I’m not sure,” he said.
A burst of panic sent my heart racing. Did he plan to go back to Montana soon? For a moment, I wished I’d told him I would be willing to go with him. But by the time Cate turned onto the highway, I came to my senses.
I couldn’t leave Mamm and Bea.
Chapter
22
Once I got home, I headed straight for the greenhouse office and retrieved the folder Bob had given me.
As long as I was there, I checked for messages. I had one, from Mervin, saying he wouldn’t be coming to work in the morning before the wedding. “Bob called—Betsy had her baby, everything is fine. Another girl. But he asked me to help set up in the morning. He’s worried about Cate doing too much. So Martin and I are going to go over there and help out. We figured you and Beatrice could get the flowers cut. I knew you’d understand. See you tomorrow.”
I shook my head as I hung up the phone. He left a message on the landline instead of calling my cell because he didn’t want to talk with me in person. But the truth was Bob and Nan and Pete and Cate really could use the help. If I didn’t have the flower order to fill, I’d go too.
I grabbed the file and headed toward the house. There was no use lighting the lamp in the office when Beatrice would have already lit the one in the kitchen.
But when I walked in the back door, all was dark and quiet.
Mamm called for me from the sewing room.
I stepped into the hall. The door was open and a lamp lit. She sat in the chair at the sewing table, one of Dat’s shirts in her lap.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She held up a blue diamond. “Beatrice said you’re making a quilt from these,” she said. “I think that’s a great idea. I’ll help.”
“We could make two,” I said. I hoped there was enough fabric for two. “One for Bea and one for you.”
“Oh no. If there’s enough, I want them both to be for you girls.”
“Well, good night, then,” I said, but then remembered the birds. “Oh, I forgot. The mockingbirds are back.”
Mamm’s face brightened.
“I saw them before I left with Cate.”
“Oh, I’m so glad,” she said.
I headed toward the door.
“Molly.”
I turned back toward her.
“I want to apologize for snapping at you about looking at the notebook before I went to the hospital.”
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have.”
“You may look at it if you’d like.” She folded her small hands in her lap. “Your Dat and I started it the day we were married. The mockingbirds were the first birds we saw together that day. He drew them.”
I smiled. I hadn’t even known Dat could draw, but it made sense considering how creative he was.
“And then I’d write the name. We kept lots of notebooks over the years. That was the first.”
“But I never saw any of the notebooks around the house.”
“We kept them in our room. We wanted something to share, just between us.”
“That’s so sweet, Mamm,” I said.
She
smiled.
“The mockingbirds are the reason your Dat named the dog Love.”
I shook my head in confusion.
“He named our first puppy Love too, but she got hit by a car when you were a baby.”
I still didn’t get it and my face must have shown it.
“Your Dat would yell for the dog, and then the mockingbirds would mimic him, calling out, ‘Love! Love!’ He wanted to try it again with this dog. It worked.”
I laughed. “I never picked up on that.”
She nodded. “It was our secret.”
I walked across the room and hugged her. “Denki,” I said, ready to go to bed.
“Sit down for a moment, Molly,” she said, nodding toward the bed. “There’s something I wasn’t completely honest about.”
I obeyed her, alarm rising inside of me. I’d never known my mother not to be honest.
“I told you I didn’t love your Dat when we first married, but that wasn’t true. I did love him. I loved him the first time I set eyes on him, when he was still married to Donna. But I felt so guilty about it, so ashamed, that the story I told myself was that I didn’t love him when I married him—that I grew to love him. And then that’s what I told you.”
“Oh, Mamm.”
“Even though I felt as if I’d done something wrong, I wasn’t going to let that shame keep me from the only man I’d ever loved.”
“But you didn’t do anything wrong.” I leaned forward. “Did you? Like telling him how you felt when he was married to Donna.”
“Of course not. The exact opposite, in fact—I focused on her, cared for her as best I could.”
“Edna told me how good you were to her Mamm. How good you were to all of them.”
Mamm blushed.
“And she told me how much Dat loved you, which I saw too. What a great relationship you had. Edna was so thankful for that.”
Mamm put her hand to her face as she inhaled.
“And she told me something else. Do you remember when Donna handed you her apron?”
Mamm tilted her head. “I’d spilled something on mine . . .”
“That’s what Edna said. She thinks her Mamm chose you—wanted you to be Dat’s next wife. That’s why she invited you out. It probably was a comfort to her to think he might want to marry you, that you would be a stepmother to her children.”
“Oh goodness, Molly. Do you think so?”
“It makes sense to me.” I stood.
“Wait,” she said. “There’s one more thing I want to talk with you about.”
I couldn’t help but yawn. I had to get up by four in the morning. “Mamm, we both need to get to sleep.”
She shook her head. “I’ll be fast. When I woke up after the biopsy, the first thing I thought of was you. And what I’d asked of you, as far as marrying Mervin. That was wrong of me.”
“Denki,” I whispered. Even though the whole sorry mess was over, it still helped to have her apologize.
“If you love this Leon, you—”
“He’s going back to Montana.”
“Then go with him,” she said.
I sank back on the bed as if the wind had been knocked out of me. “It’s over between us.”
Her face fell.
“Besides, what about the farm?”
Mamm inhaled deeply. “That’s it. Sure your Dat and I worked together and shared everything, but he carried the burden of the business side of all of this. I panicked when I realized how bad things were and that I was responsible for all of it. I didn’t have your Dat to trust, so you’d think I would have trusted God, but I did the exact opposite. I tried to solve it on my own, and the easiest way seemed for you to marry Mervin, which was ridiculous of me and even more so when it was obvious you were interested in Leon.”
I stood again. “It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t want to go to Montana, even if Leon and I were courting . . . until we know how you are.”
“But that’s just it,” Mamm said. “If you love him, you should be willing to do that no matter what. I moved here from Ohio.”
I narrowed my eyes. “But you didn’t like Ohio.”
“True.” She smiled. “At least be willing to do what God wants of you. Love is full of challenges—that’s why you need God’s guidance.”
I nodded. “I think God has been teaching me the same thing he’s been teaching you.” I kissed the top of her Kapp. “I forgive you. Now go to sleep. We want you rested enough to go to the wedding.”
As I headed through the dark living room to the staircase, I saw the front door was open. Thinking someone had forgotten to shut it, I stepped toward it, only to find Ivan sitting on the porch.
“You’re up late,” I said.
He nodded toward the chair. “Want to join me?”
“I can’t,” I answered, tucking the folder from Bob under my arm. “I have an early morning tomorrow.”
He spoke, as if he hadn’t heard me, “Don’t do like I did.”
“What’s that?”
“Let marriage pass you by.” He sighed. “I was busy building my business. And I was a perfectionist. And I was afraid of emotions. There were several women I could have married, but I always found something wrong with them.”
My face grew warm.
“Don’t you do that too. You don’t want to end up a lonely old person like me.”
“You’re not old,” I said.
“Jah, I am.”
“Well, God still might come up with something for you.”
Ivan chuckled a little.
“Do you want to move back home?” I asked, my face growing warmer as I spoke. “Not because we’re going to sell you the farm. We’re still going to try to make it work.”
“So you’ve come to your senses.” He leaned forward.
“What do you mean?”
“That it’s not right for you three to be living alone.”
“We’re fine living alone.”
He shook his head. “I worry about you. Living in town would be safer.”
Had I misjudged him again? “Is that why you wanted to buy the farm?”
He nodded.
“Not to make money off of it?”
He frowned. “How coldhearted do you think I am?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Then, in a normal voice, I said, “Really, the three of us are fine. Hopefully we can turn things around. If not, you’ll be the first to know.” I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “But if you wanted to move in with us, we’d be pleased.”
Now he smiled. “You don’t need an old bachelor set in his ways around.”
He was probably right. Still, I would have been willing to give it a try. I gave him a quick hug and I told him good-night.
As I turned to go he said, “Hopefully you’ll have a man in the house again soon.”
I chose to ignore his comment. I didn’t want to tell him I’d ruined everything on the camping trip.
I tiptoed up the stairs. Jah, I had forgiven Mamm, but I couldn’t help but wonder how things would be with Leon if she hadn’t interfered. Maybe not any different.
After lighting the lamp in my room, I leafed through Bob’s proposal. He commented on several things we were doing right, including the farmers’ market, the cut flowers, and supplying contractors. Among his suggestions were to add more early crops next year—sunflowers, zinnias, and more lilies—and to offer them to other local markets to expand our sales. He also suggested adding more deciduous shrubs to meet the expanding landscaping market and growing more woody branches, such as dogwoods and bittersweet, and marketing those to floral suppliers, along with berried branches too. He had a section on time management, saying that more seasonal workers would pay off in the long run.
At the end of his notes, he wrote that we needed a solid business plan—and he’d be willing to help us draft one at no cost. He believed with our continued hard work, the growing need for landscaping plants, and clear direction, our business should turn around in two to three y
ears.
I closed the folder. I’d definitely be around to make it happen—I just hoped Mamm would be too.
After changing into my nightgown, I extinguished the lamp and crawled into bed. I tossed and turned. I know I slept, because I dreamt about the fireflies in the forest. Instead of watching them, Leon and I flew with them, something I absolutely believed possible in my dream state. I awoke feeling cheated.
At three forty-five I slipped into a work dress and sweatshirt, stepped into Beatrice’s room, and tried to wake her, but she only snapped at me and rolled over. She wouldn’t be any use out in the field anyway. Next I checked on Mamm in the sewing room, where she was sleeping peacefully.
Love greeted me as I headed to the work shed to collect buckets for the flowers, my gloves, and two knives, in case the first one became dull, trying to imagine what the Englischer wedding would look like with so many flowers. Then I lit a lantern. Sunrise was well over an hour away.
I walked to the row we hadn’t cut, setting down the lantern and buckets. Love waited at the edge of the field for me as I began cutting, quickly and efficiently, pulling off the anthers when needed so Jennifer wouldn’t have yellow pollen blowing through her wedding.
I’d worked for about a half hour when I heard the clippity-clop of hooves on the pavement, reverberating in the quiet of the morning. Of course in my dreams it would have been Leon coming to confess his love to me. But he’d had the chance last night. Why would he come out now? Someone else was out for an early morning ride.
Regardless, I straightened my back to look but couldn’t see who it was. I returned to cutting the lilies, losing myself in my work.
A few minutes later, Leon’s deep voice interrupted me. “Howdy, Miss Molly.”
Startled, I looked up. Love hadn’t barked. Instead she was licking his hand.
He stood at the end of the row wearing his cowboy hat. “Would you like some help?”
I straightened my back again, placing my hand on my hip. “This is farm work. I thought you only did ranch work.”
