``Your money will be refunded to you, as your invitation to the rest of the lecture has been revoked,'' the man hissed in my ear, and before I could say ``boo,'' we were outside the hall doors and I was pitched roughly forward with a shove as the man brusquely disappeared back into the hall, slamming the double doors behind him and leaving me to look blankly about.
For a minute I thought about pounding on the doors and making a ruckus, but after counting to ten--twice--I de- cided to walk away with my head held high. I turned on my heel and harrumphed my way down the narrow corridor, thumbing my nose at most of the vendors waiting hungrily for intermission and the chance to sell their crystals, charms, and snake oil to any gullible attendee.
When I got to the end of the corridor, I stopped and waited for Cat to come barreling out of the hall after me. I pictured her giving Deirdre and her people a little what- for at my less than courteous removal and stomping out of the hall to join me in support, but as I stood at the end of the hall, tapping my foot impatiently, she failed to appear.
I thought about just heading up to our room, but the BLIND SIGHTED 279 card key was in my purse, which was still back in the dining hall, so I had no choice but to wait for my sister. The longer I waited, the angrier I became, so, to distract myself, I looked around for something to do. It was then that I no- ticed a display just off to my right that seemed to be slightly removed from the rest of the vendors. Curiously, I read the sign tagging the display that read: TEST YOUR PSYCHIC IQ!
Behind a table sat a woman with carrot-red hair and freckled skin who ogled me with interest behind enormous horn-rimmed glasses as I surveyed her exhibit, which was mostly comprised of three computer monitors hooked up to a central P.C. and accompanying chairs. What can I say? Curiosity got the best of me, so I moseyed over. Nodding to Carrot Top as I sat down in front of one of the terminals, I put my hand on the mouse, and clicked the button that read ``start.''
The screen flashed from black to blue, and across the monitor five cards aligned themselves up in a neat little row at the top of the screen. The caption at the bottom read, Find the picture behind the card! After pausing with the cursor for a moment I clicked on the fourth card over from the left. I was instantly rewarded with a picture of a chocolate fudge sundae loaded with sprinkles and a big fat cherry accompanied by the words, A perfect hit! Great job! Please try again!
``Okay,'' I said aloud, as I smiled and waited for the cards to line up once more. I played this little game for a few minutes and made it through two trials of twenty-five, missing twice the first trial and only once the second. Mid- way through the second trial the redhead came up behind me and watched curiously as I clicked my way to the end.
When I was finished with the second trial I looked back at her and was taken aback by the woman's expression. Her mouth was hanging open, and her eyes had grown even bigger behind the glasses.
``You're amazing!'' she whispered breathlessly.
I flushed slightly, a little embarrassed by the way she was looking at me, and smiled sheepishly in return. ``This? Aww, this is nothing. Just luck, really.''
``No,'' she said shaking her head vigorously. ``It's nearly impossible for it to be luck. That's why I've designed this test this way. According to your results,'' she said, taking 280 Victoria Laurie the mouse from me and clicking at the bottom where the button for ``results'' was, ``it's nearly mathematically impos- sible for you to have done so well based solely on chance.''
I looked to where she had clicked and saw that the odds against my performing so well were right around four bazil- lion to one. ``Well, it's not that hard once you get the hang of it,'' I offered.
``Try this one,'' Carrot Top said, and made a few clicks with the mouse to another test. This one displayed a small blue square, and the instructions indicated that I was sup- posed to click on the place where a little red dot would appear. I focused for a moment, swirling the mouse in a circular motion before choosing a spot and clicking in the bottom left corner. Instantly a little red bull's-eye appeared just a fraction to the right of my blue dot. I cleared the screen and tried again, this time clicking in the upper right- hand corner, and was rewarded with an almost perfect hit. I played this game through twenty-odd more trials, and allowed Carrot Top to click on the results again. I was surprised to see that I'd performed even better on this test, the odds against chance being in the six-bazillion-to-one range.
``What's your name?'' Carrot Top asked in a voice grow- ing bolder with excitement.
``Abby Cooper,'' I said, extending my hand by way of introduction.
``Zo Schmitt,'' she said, grasping my hand and holding on tightly. ``Listen, you're the best I've ever had take these tests. I would love to study you. Do you think we could set up a time this weekend for a little more testing?''
My response was less than enthusiastic. As a rule, I try to avoid being a human guinea pig. ``Well, I really came here to avoid work, if you can believe it . . .''
``What kind of work do you do?'' she persisted, sitting down next to me, her interest piqued.
Her intensity was starting to give me the creeps, and nervously I looked to the hall door again, silently cursing Cat for taking so long. ``Uh . . . I'm a psychic.''
``Really? That's wonderful! Listen, I know it's a huge imposition, but I've spent the past ten years researching and cataloging psychic phenomena, and, to put it bluntly, I've been waiting for someone just like you to come along. BLIND SIGHTED 281 If you could just spare me an hour or two, it would really help my research--''
Just then the double doors of the hall opened and out stormed Fish Lips, her giant boobs dribbling like basket- balls as she stormed by us, her clothing torn, dirty, and disarrayed, and her platinum locks tossed and frenzied, while her son hurried to catch up to her as he pleaded, ``Mother, please! I had no idea she would attack you like that! Really! I'm sorry!''
Zoe and I stood transfixed by the scene as the two brushed
� past us, followed by a massive wave of seminar attendees streaming out the door, chattering excitedly as they exited the dining hall. Somehow, in all the confusion, I still managed to spy Cat, and while Zoe attention was turned to the crowd
�'s I sneaked off and made my way over to her.
``What the heck's going on, and where have you been?'' I demanded as I took my sister by the arm and tugged her to one side, out of the flood of people.
``Oh! Abby, there you are!'' Cat said brightly, her eyes merry with excitement. ``I was hoping you'd be close by.''
``Why didn't you come out after me?'' I said, the hurt ringing slightly in my voice.
``I was about to, but as I got up to follow you I noticed that my diamond tennis bracelet had fallen off my wrist again, and while I was looking around the table for it, Ce- leste Ballentine--you know, that woman we saw in the ele- vator on the way down--took advantage of the situation you created and jumped right up onstage! And, Abby, that's when the show really began!''
``Ohhh, tell me,'' I said excitedly, finding a sofa in the lobby for Cat and me to sit down on.
``Well!'' Cat began, ``it's a shame you left so quickly, be- cause things really got good the moment you disappeared.''
``It wasn't exactly like I had a choice in the matter,'' I reminded her.
``Yes, yes.'' She waved at me, wanting to get to the juicy part. ``After you left, the audience was just stunned. They were all looking around wondering what had just happened, and Deirdre was simply standing there looking at her man- ager and the audience, trying to decide what to do. Mean- while, I couldn't find my bracelet, so I was just about to duck under the table to see if it had fallen there--remind 282 Victoria Laurie me to report it to hotel security by the way; I couldn't find it anywhere--when Celeste Ballentine walks out onstage like she owns it, and a spotlight turns on her as she intro- duces herself and starts telling the audience all about Deir- dre and her checkered past!''
``No way!'' I exclaimed, and for just a moment I felt sorry for Deirdre Pendleton. ``Go on,'' I
encouraged.
``Well, Celeste started talking about what a fraud Deirdre is. She had a long list of affidavits from people who had gone to Deirdre for a reading and swore that nothing Deir- dre had predicted had come true--and one woman even claimed to be suing her! I guess Deirdre told this woman that she absolutely had to quit her job of twenty years, mortgage her house to the hilt, and start her own dot-com, where she'd be very successful within a matter of months. So the woman follows Deirdre's advice, and right around the time the woman gets her name on the NASDAQ, the entire bottom fell out of the dot-com industry and she ends up in foreclosure and bankruptcy!''
``Get out!'' I said, a chill spreading to my neck. As a psychic, I am extremely conscious of boundaries that are never appropriate to cross. Telling someone to mortgage their house, quit a steady job, and throw caution to the wind to become an entrepreneur was just so careless and stupid that, if it were true, Deirdre deserved to get the pants sued off her.
``Yes, and there were several other stones just like it, Abby,'' Cat said shaking her head back and forth.
``So what did Deirdre do?'' I asked.
``Well, for the most part she just stood there mutely with her eyes lowered and her cheeks flushed, and then when Celeste talked about the lawsuit, she started to cry a little. And then I guess she got so angry that she jumped up onstage and threw herself on top of Celeste!''
``You're kidding!'' I said, slapping my knee, chagrined that I'd missed it. Although I'd never admit it to anyone, at heart I'm a true-blue WWF fan.
``No, really! The two of them were rolling around ons- tage, punching and pulling hair and hitting each other! It was wild!''
``You're talking about the catfight?'' a feathery voice off to our right asked. BLIND SIGHTED 283
Cat and I turned at the sound of the voice and saw Milli- cent Satchel standing close by, looking at us with interest.
I beamed a smile at Millicent and moved over on the couch, patting the cushion next to me and offering her a spot. After Millicent shuffled over and sat down she turned to us and asked, ``You were talking about Deirdre and Celeste?''
``Yeah, I can't believe I missed it!'' I said.
``Well, it's a shame that two grown women have to settle their differences that way, but if you ask me it's just too bad that Deirdre didn't get her ass kicked after all the harm she's caused!''
Cat and I both gasped at Millicent's outburst. It seemed Millicent wasn't quite as sweet as we had assumed.
``Excuse my French,'' Millicent said sheepishly, noting our expressions, which made both Cat and I burst into a fit of giggles.
``Millicent, you are too funny!'' I said companionably, giggling some more.
``Well, it burns my toast that I've been so gullible all these years, buying her books and telling all my friends what a wonderful person she is, when all this time she's been pulling the wool over my eyes. I feel like such a fool.''
Cat and I quickly stopped smirking, concerned by the sudden change in Millicent. ``Don't be so hard on yourself,'' Cat offered. ``We were all taken in. I mean, the woman does a great job of marketing herself. And I think we all really want to believe in things that give us comfort, like angels and spirit guides. In fact, if it weren't for Abby, here, I doubt I'd be as spiritual as I am, and that would mean that something very important would be missing from my life.''
I beamed at my sister. Sometimes Cat said absolutely the right thing. ``Yes,'' Millicent agreed, ``I suppose you're right. That's a good perspective, Catherine.''
``Thank you,'' Cat said, and squeezed Millicent lightly on the shoulder. ``You know what, ladies?'' she asked us, jumping up from the couch. ``All this excitement has made me hungry. That dinner they served was pathetic. Why don't we all go up to my suite and order room service?''
``Music to my ears,'' I said, jumping up too and helping Millicent to her feet.
``Oh, but before we go I need to report my missing pock- etbook to the hotel's lost and found,'' Millicent said. 284 Victoria Laurie
``You lost your pocketbook?'' I asked, something tickling the hairs on the back of my neck.
``Yes,'' Millicent said, bobbing her head. ``I had a small antique pocketbook in the shape of a seashell that I use on special occasions like tonight. There wasn't really anything in it, but when I stood up to leave I noticed it wasn't where I thought I'd left it on the table next to me. It was my mother's from a very long time ago, and I'd be crushed if I never got it back,'' Millicent said sadly.
``That's weird,'' I said. ``Cat lost her bracelet tonight too.''
``Oh? It must be something in the air then,'' Millicent said gravely. ``Come on, Catherine; we can report our miss- ing things together.''
After Cat and Millicent had reported their lost items, we made our way over to the elevators, and Cat depressed the ``up'' button. While we were waiting, someone came up behind us, and we all turned to look. My eyes became slits when I realized it was Tweed Jacket, Deirdre's manager, looking rather disheveled himself, as if he'd been caught in the middle of a windstorm.
As we stared pointedly at him, he avoided eye contact for a moment, then sneaked a quick glance in our direction. He must have recognized me, because in the next moment he turned with a scowl and stomped off.
The way he stormed away made the three of us laugh in spite of ourselves, which caused Tweed Jacket to quicken his step as he paused only slightly before ducking into the hotel bar.
A few minutes later we were in Cat's suite with the room service menu out and the blender whirring another round of my sister's famous margaritas. As I wrote down every- one's food orders, preparing to call room service, it dawned on me that the weekend wasn't going to be a total wash after all--now that there were no more seminars to attend, I could look forward to two days of sun, surf, and relax- ation. When my left side felt thick and heavy, my sign for ``no,'' I barely noticed, mostly because I wouldn't know how wrong that assumption would be for several more hours yet. Chapter 3
By two in the morning I was exhausted. Cat had thrown in the towel around one A.M., but Millicent showed no signs of slowing down, and out of sheer politeness I stayed up with her, listening to her unfold her seventy-three years from start to finish. The three rounds of margaritas had gone right to my head, but seemed only to make Millicent more lucid. Through her colorful stories, Cat and I had learned all about Millicent and found her to be an extraor- dinary woman with an interesting past and an intelligence that belied her rather old-fashioned appearance.
When my head began bobbing forward and my drooping eyelids made it apparent that it might be polite for Milli- cent to stop talking, she patted my arm gently and got to her feet. ``Listen to me, going on and on about myself when it's well past your bedtime, young lady,'' she said kindly.
Acknowledging her point I rubbed my tired eyes and stood up with her, stretching as I said, ``No, really, I've enjoyed getting to know you.'' A yawn escaped from my tired frame.
``You're a kind, woman Abigail Cooper, and, if I might add, an extraordinary psychic.''
``Thanks,'' I said, smiling broadly. It suddenly meant a lot to have Millicent's approval. ``Can I walk you back to your room?''
``Oh, no, dear, I couldn't impose. Besides, I'm in the mood to go for a walk along the beach before I turn in.''
My face turned down in a small frown. I didn't like the idea of Millicent walking along the beach by herself. It was dark outside, and who knew what nefarious type could be
285 286 Victoria Laurie wandering around out there just waiting for someone vul- nerable to come along?
I stood up straight and popped my eyes wide open, shak- ing the sleep out of them as I announced, ``You know, a walk on the beach sounds like just the ticket! Mind if I join you?''
Millicent chuckled softly and replied, ``Abby, you're ex- hausted, and I've spent a lot of years taking good care of myself. I'll be fine. You go on to bed now . . . I insist.''
My shoulders slumped; I really was tired, but felt duty- bound to take care of Millic
ent, so I pushed back and said, ``No, no, I'm fine, really. I'll take a short walk with you--''
``Oh, you'll do no such thing,'' Millicent said firmly. ``Now go on. Go to bed. You look exhausted, and I've kept you up far too late. I'll be fine; don't you worry.''
I looked at her skeptically, my responsible side pushing me to do the right thing and make sure she got back to her room safely. But my entire body was yawning for sleep. In the end, Millicent gave me a look that said she meant business, and the fear of offending her by insisting I come along won out, so I settled for walking her to the door with the promise that she wouldn't walk off hotel property, and she promised to be careful.
As the door closed behind me I limped my way to the bedroom and dove headfirst into the pillows, kicking off my sandals and not bothering to change into pajamas as I sighed deeply and curled into a fetal position.
Elaine Viets & Victoria Laurie, Nancy Martin, Denise Swanson - Drop-Dead Blonde (v5.0) (pdf) Page 30
