by Tamie Dearen
Her eyes closed, and a tear rolled down her cheek leaving a salty, wet track. She whispered, “Only if it was Brad. But it would be hard... really, really hard.”
He took her hands and lifted her to her feet. “You can do it, Grace. I believe in you.”
His breath whooshed out as she lunged into his arms and hugged him. “Thanks Josh. You’re pretty good at this.”
He chuckled, patting the top of her head. “Wow, I forget how short you are.”
Grace straightened and pulled her shoulders back. “I may be short, but I’m action-packed. I’m gonna go fight for my man. Kara Dickson won’t know what hit her!”
*****
She followed him back down the hall toward Brad’s room. The closer she got, the faster her heart was beating. She wasn’t afraid of facing Kara. She was terrified of expressing her feelings to Brad. After all, only a short time ago she broke up with him because he told her he loved her. And now she’d decided she felt the same way. Could she really say the words? Should she? Did he still feel the same way? She wanted to talk to him in private, and she didn’t want to talk to him in front of Kara Dickson. Maybe she would sock that woman in the stomach when she saw her. Though she knew she’d never do it, the thought gave her extreme pleasure.
A man in a white coat came hurrying from Brad’s room. “Dr. Branson. I got the lab results on that lumbar puncture.”
Josh scanned the report with a pained expression. “Grace, we need to postpone your confrontation. Brad needs another test right away.”
“Is something wrong? Did he get a bad report?”
“It’s not what I hoped for. But I don’t have time to explain it. I’m sorry, Grace.”
“Dr. Branson? Isn’t it possible the blood is from trauma from the puncture?”
“That’s why we took four vials. With consistent levels even in the last vial, we lessen the chance of a false positive.”
He nodded. “Okay, so what’s our next step? Find the blood source?”
“That’s right. And can you tell me the test of choice?”
“CT angiography?”
“Right. Can you set that up right away? I’ll talk to Dr. Gates.”
“But Dr. Branson? Doesn’t this indicate a much higher morbidity rate, no matter what the source of the blood?”
“Not as long as his Glasgow score is over twelve. And it’s currently fifteen.”
“But I was just in there, and he’s getting confused again.”
Only the sudden pallor of Josh’s face gave away his concern. “Then let’s hurry up with that angiogram.” He disappeared into Brad’s room while the other doctor scurried through a set of double doors.
Grace found herself alone in the cold, hard hallway, with tears threatening once again. She pulled out her cell phone and punched a number, her tight control slipping at the familiar sound of her sister’s voice. “Grace? Grace, are you there?”
“Olivia... I need you.”
*****
Ben’s heart was in his throat. Josh sent him away while he sedated Brad, who was moaning in agony. He walked out of the room like a blind man, not even noticing Grace until she tugged on his arm.
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know.” His voice rasped, and he realized his mouth was dry. “Everything was just fine and then all of a sudden he started groaning and holding his head. And then he started saying over and over, ‘No feeding tube. No feeding tube.’”
“Is Dr. Dickson still in there?”
“No, she’s gone. And Grace... He didn’t sleep with her.”
“We can’t really know that, Ben, but I already decided it didn’t matter to me. Well, it matters, but I won’t break up with him over it.”
“No, I mean he really didn’t sleep with her. I tricked her into a confession of sorts. That’s why she’s gone already.”
She might have looked relieved if she hadn’t been so upset. Her eyes were watery, and he could tell she was hanging by a thread. He put an arm around her shoulder, and she melted into him.
“I love him,” she said.
“I know. I do too.” Had he ever actually told his brother? When this was over, he’d make sure Brad knew.
A man entered the room and emerged with Josh, pushing Brad’s bed toward the double doors. Ben was rooted in place, but Grace moved to intercept them. “Can I see him?”
Josh nodded. “Just for a second.”
She held his hand between hers and squeezed it. “Brad?”
He opened his eyes and, after a moment, focused on her. “Grace... I didn’t...” His speech was slurred and weak.
“I know you didn’t sleep with her. It’s okay. I didn’t even care.”
“So sorry... No tube... I...”
She leaned over to place a kiss on his lips, her tears falling to wet his face.
“Goodbye... Grace... So sorry...”
“Grace,” Josh interrupted. “We need to hurry.”
She pulled away and dropped his hand, wiping her face with her sleeve. Josh spoke in soft tones to the man, and he continued on with Brad while Josh remained behind. He rubbed his forehead before he spoke.
“I have to be honest, I’m really worried.”
“I don’t understand what happened,” said Ben. “He was fine one second, and then in terrible pain the next.”
“It doesn’t make sense, really. The first CT looked fine—we couldn’t see any intracranial hemorrhage. But after he had continuing symptoms and vomiting, we did a lumbar puncture to look for blood we might have missed. It’s not a hundred percent accurate before the twelve-hour mark, but we couldn’t afford to wait. He seemed to be improving significantly and cognitive functions were good. But the test result showed blood, which could still possibly be from spinal tap trauma even though the levels were consistent over four vials. But also, his headache came back with a vengeance.”
Ben said, “He was talking crazy. He kept saying, ‘No feeding tube.’ Why would he say that?”
Josh’s forehead creased with tension. “That’s not crazy. If it’s a subarachnoid hemorrhage, the outcome can deteriorate rapidly. He was saying he didn’t want to be kept alive if that happened. He told me that as well.”
Grace choked. “What are you saying? Are you saying he could die?”
The double doors opened and a woman called out, “Dr. Branson? They’re ready for you.”
“I’ve got to go,” Josh said, giving Grace a quick hug. “I’m not doing the procedure, but I want to be there. I’ll come out to the waiting room and talk to you as soon as we know something.”
Ben grabbed his arm before he left. “Should I call our parents?”
Josh shook his head. “I’ll be out in less than an hour.”
Ben tried to swallow, but his cottony mouth made the act impossible.
Chapter Thirteen
Grace sat on the waiting room couch, surrounded by all three of her sisters while Ben paced before them. She was so nervous she almost wished she could take another of those pills she’d taken before her procedure.
“Ben, you should sit down. It’s going to take a while,” said Olivia. “And your shoes are squeaking.”
He picked up a foot and examined the bottom of his tennis shoe, as if expecting to find some artificial noisemaker on its sole. He flopped into a chair and dropped his head in his hands.
“I can’t believe I made such a big fuss over a little biopsy. Right now, I’d be willing to have a hundred needles stuck in my body if I knew Brad would be okay.”
“Perspective,” said Olivia. “It’s all about perspective.”
Grace felt her chin tremble. “What if I never get to tell him I love him? What if he never wakes up?”
“The important thing is you’ve finally admitted you’re in love with him,” said Hannah.
Claire frowned at Grace. “What a hypocrite. Aren’t you the one who broke up with him for saying those words?”
“That’s different—I wasn’t dying at the time.”
“Stop being negative,” said Olivia. “He’s not going to die. And we’re all going to pray for him right now.”
The group fell into silence. Grace tried to pray, but it felt so desperate—more like begging.
Finally she spoke into the quiet. “I feel responsible. If I’d talked to him before the surgery, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Ben stood and began to pace again. “If you feel responsible, think how I feel. It was my story that made him think he needed to carry you out of the hospital.”
“Ben... Sit,” Olivia ordered. “Squeaky shoes, remember? It was a crazy set of circumstances, and it won’t do any good to mete out blame.”
Spencer trotted into the waiting room, obviously out of breath, with Emily close behind. “We got here as soon as we could. What’s going on?”
“Ohmygosh! We wouldn’t have even left if we’d known he was getting worse. I thought it was just a concussion.” Emily’s face was red from running.
“He was improving—in fact he seemed to be a lot better. But then his headache spiked and they found blood in his spinal tap.” Ben was tapping his feet and patting his hands on his legs in a random pattern.
“So what does that mean?” asked Spencer. “Like his skull cracked open or something?”
Olivia fielded the question. “Josh said they were worried it might be subarachnoid hemorrhage. Right, Grace? I had to look it up. But if I understand correctly, the danger is blood can build up pressure and damage the brain.”
“But he’s going to be okay, right?” Emily asked Grace.
Only the reassurance of her sisters’ hands squeezing hers kept Grace from crying at the question.
Ben answered for her, “He’s going to be fine. He’s way too stubborn to die.”
No one refuted his claim. Grace prayed the humorless jest would prove true.
And then they waited. And waited. No one seemed to feel like talking.
“Hasn’t it been an hour?” asked Grace.
Every minute felt like an eternity. As the words left her mouth, the door opened and Josh came out. He was surrounded before he made it three feet. Grace tried to read his expression. He didn’t seem too upset, but then again, he didn’t look happy either. Her stomach was in knots.
He pulled off a scrub cap and rubbed his head. “So we didn’t find anything.”
Ben frowned, “That’s good news, isn’t it?”
“Well, it’s good we didn’t find an aneurism or a big bleed, but we still don’t know the source of the blood in the tap.”
“But he’s going to be okay, right?” said Spencer.
“We can’t know until we do another spinal tap at the twelve hour mark. That’s the only way we can be absolutely positive whether the blood came from trauma from the lumbar puncture or another source. I don’t want to be too optimistic because we can’t explain his symptoms apart from a slow bleed somewhere. If we get another positive tap, we’ll probably do an MRI.”
“Can I talk to him?” Grace asked.
“I don’t know. We have to keep him from getting too excited.” Josh winked at her.
She felt her face flushing. “Josh, don’t tease me. I need to talk to him—he still doesn’t know.”
“He knows he didn’t sleep with Kara,” said Ben. “That conversation happened before his head started hurting.”
Grace saw Emily’s eyes bugging out at Ben’s words. “It’s a long story, Emily. We’ll tell you later.”
As Josh turned to go back into the surgical area, she put a hand on his arm. “Wait, Josh. He doesn’t know I love him yet. Everyone else knows, but I haven’t told him.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners and he chuckled. “Yes, you did. Well, it took some interpretation, but I’m pretty sure he figured it out, anyway.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Check your messages.” He grinned before he disappeared again.
She frowned as she pulled out her cell phone and opened the messages. Olivia and Emily peered over her shoulder.
“Open the messages to Brad,” Olivia ordered.
She complied and was astonished to see the nonsensical message she had sent to Brad, evidently while under the influence of her premedication.
“Ohmygosh!” cried Emily. “At the end of that message you told him you loved him.”
“No she didn’t,” chuckled Olivia. “She said she lived him.”
Grace wished the floor would swallow her whole.
*****
“Hi.” Brad spoke in a soft voice as he blinked his eyes open.
He’d appeared to be sleeping when she’d entered the room and slipped to his bedside on silent feet. She’d watched him breathing for a while and thought to leave and let him sleep. But his eyes opened and he reached out to take her hand, his grasp firmer than she expected for having been sedated.
“Hi back.” She felt heat radiating from her cheeks. Why was she suddenly feeling awkward? “How do you feel?”
“Great, since you’re here.” His forehead wrinkled and he closed his eyes for a moment, drawing a deep breath. “Grace, I’m sorry about Kara.”
“It’s okay. Ben already told me you didn’t sleep with her. And I’d already decided I didn’t care. You can ask Josh.”
“You didn’t care?” He grinned. “So does that mean you’re into open relationships?”
“No, it doesn’t. And you’re not funny.”
“But you’re smiling.”
“No, this is a grimace of distaste.”
The smile dropped off his face. “Seriously Grace, I’m sorry about her. I’m sorry I ever agreed to go to that stupid Yankees game with her.”
“Hey... Don’t insult the Yankees.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. Let me restate that. I’m sorry I was stupid enough to agree to go to a Yankees game with that stupid woman.”
“Much better.” She bobbed her head. “And I’m sorry I ever broke up with you.”
“And I’m sorry I told you I loved you.” His eyes twinkled. “Because it’s too soon to say that. Right?”
“That’s right.” She bit her lips as her cheeks reddened.
“So I won’t say it again. But Grace...” He caressed her hand with his thumb, causing tingles to race up her arm. He spoke in a voice so soft she had to lean in to hear him. “I live you, too.”
*****
Brad had sent Ben, Grace, and the rest of the Marshall clan home, promising someone would call as soon as there was new information. Grace was still acting pretty awkward. He couldn’t tell if she was unsure about her feelings or simply concerned about his injury. That part of his memory was still a blank, but he’d been told the details of his actions leading up to the fall. It sounded like the script in a bad movie, and he couldn’t believe he’d been so reckless.
He was waiting for the pinch in his back, but that wasn’t what worried him. He knew too much. Josh was trying to keep up a cheery banter, but Brad could tell he was uptight, too.
“You don’t have to pretend,” Brad said. “I know it could be bad news.” He tried not to flinch as he felt the needle pierce his skin.
Josh was quiet as he drew the fluid out and handed it to the doctor at his side. When she had departed to the lab with the crucial tubes, he took off his gloves and sank into a chair next to him with a groan. It was one a.m. and the toll of the incredibly long and stressful day showed on his face.
“The fact you know it could be bad news is good news. At least we aren’t seeing any further deterioration in your cognitive abilities.”
“Any further deterioration?”
Josh chuckled. “Sorry. I should have said continuing evidence of deterioration. You were certainly not the brightest crayon in the box yesterday. But your stupidity started before you hit your head.”
Brad wanted to object, but he knew Josh was right. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m usually so sensible—Ben is the impulsive brother.”
“I think you two are more alik
e than you admit.”
“You’re probably right. Maybe that’s why he gets under my skin.”
“Your problem is you have an Achilles’ heel where Grace is concerned. Who was teasing me about acting crazy over Charlie?”
Brad smiled as he thought about Josh’s complete infatuation with Emily’s younger sister, Charlie Best. “Yes, but Charlie changed your entire personality. It’s like you’re a different guy, now.”
He pressed his lips together until they whitened. “I wish you’d tell Grace to tell Charlie that.”
“She still won’t talk to you?”
“She still maintains we’re too different and I’m only infatuated with her because she’s a challenge.”
“Are you sure she’s wrong? No offense, but she’s probably the first girl who hasn’t fallen into your arms when she was given the opportunity.”
A scowl spread over his face. “If I can’t even convince you, how can I convince Charlie? I wish I could undo my past, but I can only change what I do from here on out.”
“I’ll admit so far the change has been fairly impressive. I just wonder if you’ll keep it up if Charlie keeps resisting you.”
His voice was bitter. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”
“Josh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it that way. I’m really only worried you’ll get hurt if this keeps up.”
“It hurts already, but I’m committed. And you know if I commit, I stick with it to the end.”
Brad thought the end might be rather painful for Josh, but he kept that idea to himself. “So was it clear or cloudy?” he asked, referring to the appearance of the spinal fluid Josh had drawn.
“Actually, it was clear. I’ve been thinking... Could the headache escalation be solely a result of the spinal tap?”
“I don’t know—it was incredibly painful.”
“But it’s subsided now, and that’s consistent with a spinal tap headache.”
“True.” He considered the idea. This diagnosis had a much better prognosis than SAH.
“And to be honest, your cognitive function seems perfectly normal right now, except perhaps where Grace is concerned.” Josh winked at him.
“So go home and get some sleep. If the tap is positive, they can do an MRI without you.”
