by J.M. Downey
Katie stood, and walked out of the bathroom - the white nightgown she wore contrasted with the dark circles under her eyes. Her beauty was fading right before him. Keith wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her to him and ignoring the wetness of her cheeks. The sense of guilt assaulted him.
“We’re going to give you something to calm you down,” Keith said.
Katie shook her head as Sullivan walked towards them. “No,” she screamed and moved to turn her body.
“Katie, stay still,” he shouted. Her small fists pounded his chest.
“Keith, please don’t,” she cried. “I love you.” Tears poured down her face. “I love you, don’t hurt me.”
Keith loosened his grip. She still loved him? The words sliced right through him. Katie buried her face into his chest, her white fingers gripping his shirt. “My love….” His voice broke. He wanted to calm her, to take the fear from her, to even prevent what was going to happen. But his father’s wrath would be fierce.
Sullivan put the needle on the dresser, shaking his head. He walked up to her and yanked her from Keith. She screamed as her fingers ripped at his shirt. It happened too quickly to remember the steps, but in a second she was on Sullivan’s lap, her arms and legs pinned behind his, and her mouth covered. Her eyes wide.
“Give her the shot.”
Keith picked up the needle, amazed at the calmness of his nerves. He had become calloused.
He knelt in front of her. The needle pierced her pale flesh as a couple tears slipped from her eyes. “Don’t worry. You’re not going to remember this.”
Placing his fingers on her eyelids, he pushed them down. In a second, she would be out. “Go to sleep.”
Her body slumped; her head fell to the side. Keith pulled her from Sullivan’s lap onto the floor with him. He wrapped his arms around Katie, and kissed her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Katie,” he whispered into her ear. “I won’t let you be hurt again, but you won’t remember.”
Sullivan stood from the bed. “Stay in your room for the rest of the night.” He left the room, closing the door behind him.
Keith cradled her in his arms, her body limp like the night he’d first held her. “My love,” he whispered above her pale face.
Katie’s eyes flew wide open as she grasped her stomach. She tried to catch her breath, but she couldn’t as a sharpness grew in her. What was happening? “Keith,” she pushed out when the pain subsided just a little.
“Katie.” Keith leaned over her. “What’s wrong?” He placed his hand on her stomach.
Katie rolled over on her side pressing the gown in between her legs. Another pain ripped through her. “The baby,” she shouted.
“What baby?” Keith rolled her back over and grabbed her hand. He pulled his hand away from her, a darkness covered it. “You’re pregnant.”
Keith sprang from the bed and ran to the living room coming back in a couple minutes.
He swept her into his arms, running down the stairs of the apartment to the bottom floor. Katie clenched his shirt, digging her fingers into his skin each time she felt a cramp. Once in the car, he drove through the streets to the nearest hospital. The fading lights of the street sped past them in the opposite direction. The baby she’d never wanted was leaving them. An ache spread through her. Her child was dying. She clutched onto her stomach as the pain grew. If she could only hold the baby in. But there was no way to save him once this started. How many times had she heard her mother say that over the phone while she counseled a grieving mother? Keith muttered to her but she couldn’t understand what he said. She glanced at him. Tears poured down his face. The confidence in his eyes completely gone.
“Katie, I’m sorry. You should have told me, but we’ll save him.”
At the hospital, Keith swooped her into his arms and ran to the opening of the emergency room to the front desk. People focused on them. A full-term mother held onto her stomach. She must realize what was happening.
“She’s having a miscarriage,” Keith said.
The woman at the reception desk focused on Katie’s lump covered nightgown with dark blood smoothed all over the bottom. “She’s had a miscarriage,” the woman said.
“What?” Keith shouted out.
The woman didn’t respond, but helped another nurse place Katie on a rolling bed and wheel her into a hospital room.
Before she knew it, she was lying on a table and an ultrasound wand was being moved over her belly. A blackness filled the screen. Her womb was empty.
“How far was she?” the woman asked.
“I don’t know.” Keith spun to a wall and banged his fist on it.
“Sir,” the woman said, fierceness in her eyes. “Calm down.”
Keith brought his fist to his mouth and bit down on his knuckles – his teeth piercing his skin, but he didn’t seem to notice as blood seeped from the wound, “Is it gone?” he whispered.
The woman ran a sonar over Katie’s belly. “There’s no more baby. She must not have been far.”
Keith broke down, pushed his hands through his hair and squeezed his head as he screamed out.
“Sir, sit down,” the woman shouted.
“Why did this happen?” he demanded.
The woman shook her head, furrowing her brows. “Women have miscarriages a lot. Especially when there is a lot of stress put on them.”
“I’m sorry, Katie.” Keith rushed to her, taking her hand. Never, had she seen him so distraught. Had a child meant so much to him? His dark blue eyes wavered as if someone pointed a gun at him. She should have told him. No matter how cruel he was, he deserved to celebrate his child’s life, not just mourn it. Tears brimmed in her eyes while one trickled down her cheek - pain crashed all over her. She looked back at the black image on the monitor. Nothing was left in her. Bye baby, she whispered. May you rest in God’s hands.
Only the slight rise of her chest showed she still lived. But not the life she’d once carried. If he had only known, he would have made a different decision last night and faced his father’s wrath. The man couldn’t have hurt him more than this.
She lay under layers of blankets, lost in a sedated sleep awaiting more tests before being sent home. Keith ran two fingers down her pale cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never let you be hurt again.” Tears brimmed in his eyes. “My love.”
He buried his head in her chest, letting the tears pour forth. What would his child have looked like? Who would he have become? One decision. One poorly made decision had cost him so much. He gazed at her white face. And her.
Amanda ran her hands through his hair. “It wasn’t your fault but hers for not telling you.”
Keith clenched the sheets. He hadn’t given her a chance. What must she have thought as he slipped the needle through her skin? Did she think he was going to kill her? One decision. One poorly made decision.
The door to the hospital room opened and Arther and his father walked in. Keith couldn’t stand to look at either of them. This was their fault. It was their plans that had led to this moment.
“Keith, get a hold of yourself,” Mr. Wilkerson said. He stood in the middle of the room, stoic. Did he not care that it was his grandchild who had died? How could he be so cold?
“It was my baby and I killed it.”
Arther ran a hand through Keith’s hair, but the once familiar childhood comfort brought no peace. In a calm voice he said, “women have miscarriages all the time. Do you know how many Mary had before we had Ellie?”
Heat burned through him, making his hands tremble. “She didn’t kill them.”
“Keith…I.”
Mr. Wilkerson raised his hand and everyone stilled, focusing on him. He strode to Keith, grabbing his arm. “Stand up.”
Keith jumped to his feet, and crossed his hands in front of his waist. He looked at the floor as a chill passed through him. What would he do?
“Listen to me. This is the game we play. Hear me. It was nothing. Now, look at me, boy.”
Keith fixed hi
s eyes on his father, cringing back at the deep glare.
“Treason is punishable by death, and we’ve all done it. Want to make your wife a widow, keep shouting.”
Keith shook his head.
Arther broke in. “It’s okay, Keith. You can have more. There will be more children. She’s a young girl. I talked to McMillian and he said that it won’t harm her body.”
“I did this to her,” he said as he looked at Katie’s ghostly form. She looked dead.
“Did you know?” His father asked.
Keith shook his head.
“Then it’s her fault.”
Maybe it was. He lowered his gaze to the floor. But she had been so scared of him.
“They won’t be able to detect it in her blood, will they?” Arther asked.
“No, McMilliam is surprised it made her miscarry,” his father said.
“Maybe it didn’t,” Amanda said, looking down at Katie. “Maybe it was the stress of almost being killed.”
“Yeah,” Arther said as a smile crossed his face. “That was probably it.”
Keith looked to the side. He didn’t believe it. It was that vile thing. But there was nothing he could do. There was no way to escape this life that had been designed for him. All he could do was keep trying to protect her. And he would.
Shelly opened the hospital door and stopped dead in her tracks. Keith’s usually tan face had ashen; the confident eyes shaken, and he sobbed over Katie. He seemed so broken. Katie was awake, but she had her face turned from Keith - even though he kept speaking to her; mostly telling her he was sorry and that he loved her.
Shelly took a deep breath and clenched her fingers together. This was not going to be easy. But maybe this would be a turning point. She prayed it would.
“How are you, Katie?” Shelly said. She walked to her sister and bent down so she could wrap her arms around her. Katie didn’t say anything, but turned her gaze to Shelly.
“Did you know?” Keith asked.
Shelly sat down on a chair, and took Katie’s other hand. “Mom and Dad will be here soon.” Her voice cracked.
Keith reached across the bed and took Shelly’s hand. “Answer me.”
There was a redness in his eyes as a darkness grew in them. She turned to her sister. “She was going to tell you this weekend.”
“How far?”
“I don’t know.” Shelly shook her head, and ran some fingers down her sister’s face. “But I don’t think she was far. She wanted it to be a big surprise.” Though it made her cringe to say it, hopefully, her lie would deflect any future anger from her sister.
Keith nodded. Katie seemed out of it. She stared at the hospital wall, as if she didn’t realize there were two people in the room. What had happened to her? She looked like a shell. Could this have been caused by the miscarriage or was there more?
“Katie, are you alright?” she asked.
Her sister didn’t answer, but closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She was ignoring them.
Shelly stood. “We should let her rest.”
“I must be here for her,” Keith mumbled out. Shelly pushed her eyes closed. Love your enemies. She walked over to him, and laid a hand on his shoulder.
Please Lord, let him feel comfort and not stiffness. “I know my sister better than anyone. Maybe I can help you comfort her.”
He looked at her with hope in his eyes. He nodded and followed her out the door. Closing the door, he stood in front of her peering down into her eyes. He loomed over her, making her feel every inch of her five-feet-two-inches.
“What do I do?” His voice held a sense of eagerness. Maybe he was afraid he was going to lose her.
Shelly raised her hands to the side. “Let her grieve.”
His brows knit. “Grieve. Are you serious?” He pointed to the door. “She needs to be happy. Back to the way she was in college.”
“You can’t force your will on her.”
Keith’s eyes grew fierce, glaring down as he took a step closer to her. Shelly stumbled a step back.
“Little girl.” His voice was tight as if he talked to a child. “You speak foolishly.”
Shelly planted her feet on the floor. “I speak what I see.”
“Do you?” He bent his head to the side. “And what do you see?”
Please God let me say the right thing. She took his hand. “Loosen up and she’ll cling to you. She loves you so much.”
Keith’s eyes softened as his face relaxed. He nodded, and turned for the door. What just happened? Shelly placed a hand to her mouth. Did he believe her?
Keith carried a half-dazed Katie into the apartment with her family behind him. Taking her to their bedroom, he lay down next to her and caressed the hair out of her face. She still hadn’t said a word to him. Not one. He kissed her cheek and wrapped her into his arms. She rolled over and faced the wall. A deep ache grew in him. What had he done to her? Loosen up. That was what he needed to do.
“Please roll back over,” he said as he placed a firm hand on her hip.
She shook her head.
“We’ll have more.”
“Please leave me,” she whispered.
“Do you want Shelly?”
“No one.”
Keith kissed her cheek before he got up and left. He walked out the door and inched it closed. He could not look at her family, so he concentrated on the floor. “She wants to be alone.”
No one responded so he locked himself in the guest room, burying his face into the pillow as he let his tears fall. All he wanted was Katie back; to love him as she had done in college. He wanted to see the innocence in her eyes again.
He stared at the mirror in front of him. There was no confidence in his eyes; just a look of longing, a longing to return to Yale when she’d loved him, and he had done nothing to her. But those moments were a distant memory to him, and he didn’t even recognize himself; nor did he recognize the girl he had fallen in love with. This was the path his father was taking him down. Every day his father pushed him into actions he had only heard whispers about as a child. He should tell her to leave. He got up, but then planted himself back on the bed. The ache was too much. The thought too painful. He couldn’t let her go; he needed her, even if she no longer needed him.
Katie listened to the mumble of voices outside the door. Her family was here. She wanted to be immersed in their arms, to feel the love and close connection she had given up for Keith. If she emerged, he would want her in his arms, to be the one comforting her, when she longed for something else. If she rejected him for her family, he would be jealous and where could that lead? But? She sat up, and looked at the door. She needed her family. She would play his game for a little bit and then find her way to her mother. She opened the door and peeked through. He wasn’t with them. Tension released from her body.
Katie walked through the door and all eyes turned to her.
“Hey,” she said as her voice choked. Her family stood and surrounded her, embracing her as one. Her father picked her up and carried her to the couch as she let the tears pour down her face. His strong arms felt comforting and protecting.
He sat on the couch, and Katie buried her face into his chest, as her family each placed a hand on her and prayed.
She stiffened as another door creaked open. She looked up just in time to see Keith shut himself back in the guest room. Her breath escaped from her. What was he thinking? She would have to lie if he asked why she hadn’t come to him.
“His heart’s broken,” Mr. Morris said. He placed her on the couch and walked over to the door, leaning his ear against it.
Katie bit on the tips of her fingers. Please, God. Please. Let nothing bad happen.
“Son, please open up. We’re here for you.”
There was no response.
He tapped on the door. “Son.”
“Go away,” Keith shouted. Mr. Morris flinched, and then laid his head back on the door. He stood there for a couple seconds, with his e
yes closed probably saying a prayer for Keith. When he was done, he turned to look at his family.
“He should be out here with us.”
Katie buried her head into her mother’s shoulder, and cried harder. He had no idea. They shouldn’t be here, but someone had called them. Who? Keith must have.
Mr. Morris knocked on the door. “Keith, please. We love-”
Something hard crashed against the door making Mr. Morris step back. “What the.…”
“Daddy, leave him alone,” Shelly said.
Mr. Morris stared at the door, his eyes wide. “Poor boy.” He walked back to his family.
Her mother softly sang into her ear the soft lullabies from her childhood. She closed her eyes and listened to the sweet voice, letting herself step back in time to when she was a baby, and there was nothing more comforting than her mother’s arms. What a sweet time. She rocked her and caressed her hair. Tears brimmed in her eyes. She had not wanted to rock her child, but she did now. Her arms began to ache. How precious would that child have been? Maybe it was for the best. The child was in Heaven being rocked by Jesus.
The guest bedroom door opened, and images of her babe fled from her mind. She heard footsteps. Where did they lead? She pushed herself from her mother’s arms and watched her husband walk to the kitchen. The fridge door opened.
“I bet that sandwich will be delicious, but you don’t need the beer,” her father spoke.
Oh no. Her body trembled.
Keith sidestepped her father and made his way back to the guest room, with just the beer.
Her father stepped in front of Keith. “Son.” Her father reached for Keith. “Come join us. But leave the beer. It will only hurt you.”
Keith glared, and tried to walk past him, but Mr. Morris stepped in his way.
“Get out of my way,” Keith said through clenched teeth.
Mr. Morris crossed his arms. “No.”
Keith threw the bottle on the floor at Mr. Morris’s feet. “What?” he shouted. “What?”
Her father didn’t even flinch. He just looked down at the smashed bottle and then looked back up at Keith. Mr. Morris took a step closer to Keith and peered up into his eyes. “You’re only scaring yourself.”
