by Portia Moore
“So that’s not what yours and Helen’s marriage is based on?” I laugh and he scoffs almost as if he’s offended.
“Of course not. We have tons and secrets between us but they are not ours, only other peoples,” he says, squeezing my shoulder before walking away from me and back into the crowd.
I let out a deep groan. I don’t drink but I’ve never wanted one more than right now. I glance at my watch, this is fucking boring. My life almost just fell apart and I need something to distract me, I need something to intoxicate me but it won’t be anything in a bottle, but a little slinky grey dress. I work my way through the crowd avoiding meaningless conversations with people I don’t even like. It takes me about twenty minutes before I bump into Angela who's wobbling a bit having had a few too many drinks herself. She grabs my arm and pulls me into a dance.
“You and I need to talk mister,” she says, her words a bit slurred.
“How can I help you?” I joke back. Angela’s one of the few people I like. She’s smart, funny and straight forward and I know she’d go to war for Lauren which makes her okay in my book.
“L really loves you,” she says sternly.
“Well I’d hope she does,” I kid with her.
“No. I’m serious,” she pouts. “She’s never loved a guy how she loves you. You’ve changed her.” She says the last part off handedly.
“What do you mean?” I ask as she pulls my arm for me to spin her around.
“She’s grown up. Not the same naïve girl who got off the bus from Michigan,” she says, stopping her dance and motioning for me to follow her from the dance floor. Once we are we sit down at an empty table.
“You know we didn’t know what to think of you and her at first. I will admit I didn’t think you could give her what she wanted,” she continues and I wonder if this girl is a mind reader.
“I want to give her everything she wants,” I say simply.
“Good. Because she deserves it,” she says, the slur almost gone from her voice.
“A guy like you could break a girl’s heart,” she says, standing from the table. She then pats my chest.
“But you wouldn’t do that, right?” she says in my ear before gliding back on the dance floor.
I wouldn’t do that. I can’t do that.
I maneuver throughout the hall and spot Lauren grabbing a glass of champagne and heading up the stairs to the second level. I quicken my pace to catch up with her but to stay as far as I can behind her. The second floor is virtually empty, everyone being on the main floor so I know she must be as over this as I am. She walks to the end of the hall where it’s dimly lit and sits at a table alone. I take a deep breath and walk toward her.
“Drinking alone isn’t good,” I wink at her.
“Well it’s a good thing you’re here then,” she says sarcastically.
“To you,” she says, lifting her glass briefly downing the champagne. She stands as I near the table and starts to walk past me. I grab her wrist and she lets out a deep sigh.
“Really Lauren? You’re going to act like this at our engagement party?” I ask.
“How should I be acting Cal?” she asks, wryly. I step closer to her and whisper in her ear
“Like the sight of me makes you wet.”
“You are disgusting,” she says but I can hear the slightest amusement in her voice.
“I have to know if I’m right,” I tell her pulling pressing her up against the wall. She stops my hand as it starts to creep under her dress.
“Am I really enough for you Cal? Just me, one woman, for the rest of your life?” she asks me, sincerity pouring from her voice, those eyes revealing everything, and it hits me. She thinks that Gwen could have been another woman. I have to lean down so we’re face to face. She’s in her come fuck me pumps, they’re tall but she still only comes to my chest.
“You’re it for me. Right now, tomorrow, always.” I tell her and her smile is back, the distance is gone and she’s mine again. She kisses me like she missed me. She moans in my ear as I push her underwear to the side and slip my finger inside of her.
“We’re going to get caught,” she pants.
“You want to be more discreet I take it?” I ask her sarcastically and she nods her head while licking her lips. I grab her hand and pull her to the table she was sitting at before and her eyebrow raises.
“Have a seat Mrs. Brooks,” I say, gesturing to the chair she was sitting in. She eyes me suspiciously with a smirk but sits down. I walk behind her and push her chair underneath the table.
“What are you up to?” she laughs. I wink at her and take off my jacket and hand it to her before lifting the thick grey table cloth up and climbing underneath it.
“Uhm, should I climb under there with you?” she giggles.
“Nope, just sit back and relax,” I tell her as I find her legs underneath and part them.
“Cal no!” she says trying to shut them.
“Have a drink Lauren. I’m about to,” I tell her as my tongue slides up her thigh.
“Oh my God,” she says nervously. I see her hands making sure the table cloth covers her lap as I tug her underwear down.
“Cal this is so bad,” she purrs as my tongue finds its way inside her.
“What i-ff someone,” she says tightly as she melts around me. She doesn’t finish her sentence as her hands grip my hair.
“I start to go faster,” and glance at my watch. I can usually get her off in about five minutes tops if I really wanted to, it only takes longer if I want to tease her, but since I know she’s scared as hell of getting caught I won’t do that right now.
“Cal,” she pants out, trying to be quiet. The little whimpering sounds she’s making has me thinking that pulling her under the table might not be such a bad idea.
“Shiit,” she says as her legs start to get tighter around my neck and I know she’s not far from it.
I hear her phone vibrating on the table.
“It’s Helen. They’re probably looking for us,” she cries.
“They’re probably-c-coming,” she says digging into my shoulder, her legs start to shake and her body goes limp. I climb from under the table and take a seat next to her. Her eyes are closed but the smile on her face is priceless.
“I owe you,” she says, leaning her head on my shoulder.
“You’ve got time to pay me back,” I tell her, running my hand through her hair.
“How much time?” she asks with a giggle.
“Forever.”
Chris
I’m going to Chicago. When the words came out of my mouth, I heard them, they felt right to say but really what the hell am I thinking? Chicago? Chicago isn’t me. I don’t know anyone there, I don’t have a job there, and Cal has home field advantage. But Helen is there since I have to start seeing her again and Dex can keep an eye on me if Cal comes back. More important than anything, I’ll be with my family. Lauren and Caylen and that’s how it should be, that’s the most important thing right?
A new start.
It could be good. It’s going to be good. It’s all going to be great.
I’m excited, big city, new relationship, sort of. If I can push out of my mind the fact that Cal is potentially a murderer hell bent on killing my biological father, it would be a lot easier, but since I can’t then we’ll just have to deal with it. The fact that Cal remembers things from my childhood and I don’t isn’t comforting either. To know my dad, the person who brought me into this world could be a cold blooded killer and Cal wants us to follow right in his footsteps.
“Hey!” Aidan knocks on the door to my bedroom twice.
“What’s the occasion? Since when do you knock?” I laugh at him. He shrugs.
“What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the bags and boxes I have scattered around the room.
“Lauren's going to Chicago and I’m going with her.”
“Dude, you’re taking enough stuff to move,” he chuckles and I grin at him.
“I a
m moving,” I tell him and his eyes widen in disbelief.
“Wait a minute, get the fuck out,” he laughs. I spend the next fifteen minutes catching him up on everything that’s happened between me and Lauren, Dexter and Jenna and my dad. Afterwards he lets out a deep breath.
“Whoa. I think I need a minute to process all of this,” he laughs.
“I-I don’t know where to even start. Just to make sure I got all of this—you’re moving to Chicago because you ended it with Jenna and you can see your doctor whose husband is having people follow you around because your alter ego wants to kill your real dad because he thinks he killed your mom,” he asks, and I nod.
“Yeah you’ve kind of got it all down I think.” He shakes his head in disbelief.
“And your parents are cool with you moving?”
“They’re not thrilled. My mom doesn’t want me to go but she knows we can’t stay here with my dad acting like a jerk,” I say, sitting next to him.
“So as far as your murderous alter ego goes,” he says, covering up a laugh, “Lauren doesn’t know about this, or about you having people follow you?”
“She has enough to deal with,” I say, standing up and starting to pack my things.
“You think it’s better for her not to know?” he asks, frowning. I shrug.
“It’s not that I’m hiding things from her. It’s just…yeah, I think it’s better that she doesn’t know,” I admit.
“If the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want to know?”
“No. Sometimes ignorance is bliss,” I shrug and he begins to laugh.
“What?”
“I’m just surprised, you know, seeing how upset you were about your parents hiding everything from you,” he says sarcastically.
“That was different,” I say defensively.
“How was that different?” he says smugly. I have no defense. He’s right, I should tell her. She has every right to know but it’s all been so much on her. I wish we could get a day, just one day, without a disaster rearing its ugly head. I sit down on my bed and pull a Snickers out my pocket to eat.
“I mean it could even give you an edge up on his thing,” Aidan shrugs.
“What do you mean?”
“I doubt she’d be hoping for Cal to come back if he wants to kill someone,” he laughs.
“I don’t want her to not want him back because of that. I want her to not want him back because she loves me, who I am. I don’t want to win by default.”
“Chris this isn’t a game man,” he lets out a frustrated groan and I’m caught off guard.
“This is your life. You have got to stop looking at this as a competition,” he says, almost in a scolding tone.
“I’m sorry, when did you become my dad?” I ask, trying to hold in a laugh, but the expression on his face is anything but jovial.
“Do you really think Lauren just wants Cal back?”
“I-I don’t know,” I shrug.
“That girl wants all of you. Not just you or him. She wants her daughter to have a father. For her to have a possibility of a normal life. I have to tell you the worst thing in the world is not you having DID. Life comes with a shitload of problems and you really need to get yourself together because whenever something goes bad you guys can’t keep flipping the switch.
“What’s going on?” I ask him suspiciously.
“What do you mean? I’m giving you advice as your friend. As your best friend!” he exclaims. I stand up and look at him.
“What are you not telling me?” I ask him, crossing my arms. He looks caught off guard.
“Nothing. I’m just trying to help you!” he says defensively.
“You’ve never been a good liar, and you rarely take your head out of your butt long enough to care about what’s going on around you. Something’s up, what’s going on?” I demand.
“So that’s what you really think of me? I’m a self-absorbed jerkoff who doesn’t care about the people I love. Real nice Chris,” he says angrily.
“No, don’t flip this. What the hell is going on?” I demand, and he looks down at the floor guiltily.
“When are you leaving for Chicago?” he asks quietly.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask him impatiently.
“It’s not for me to tell you man, but there's some things you need to know before you leave,” he says, crossing his arms.
“What things?” I ask and he just looks down dumbly at the floor.
“Oh, so you can bring it up but not say anything?!”
“I didn’t bring it up. You brought it up!”
“Okay, whatever it is just say it,” I urge him.
“I can’t!” he says throwing up his hands.
“You know what’s worse than knowing there’s a monster under your bed?”
“Knowing there’s one under your bed but not knowing what it looks like,” I laugh angrily.
“It doesn’t involve me. I told her to tell you, she needs time.”
“Who? Lauren?”
“No, Lisa,” he says. I remember her calling me and Lauren mentioning it but so much has happened it’s slipped my mind.
“What would something with Lisa have to do with me?” I say, feeling my anger cool some. There isn’t really anything Lisa can tell me that will knock my world off its axis. Now I’m more worried about her than anything. I grab my cellphone and dial her number.
“She hasn’t been answering, she left town…”
“Hello,” Lisa says.
“Hey?” I ask, and see Aidan’s stunned expression.
“Uhm. Is it something you need?” she asks sheepishly and I look at my phone in disbelief.
“What do you mean is it something I need?” I laugh.
“It’s just been a really, I have a lot going on Chris” she stutters and I glance at Aidan whose gaze won’t leave his feet.
“Look, I’m going to Chicago with Lauren and Aidan thinks there's something important you have to tell me and I don’t want anything hanging over my head before I leave. My mom wants to have dinner tonight but since our record with those haven’t been great I'd rather not,” I chuckle. There’s a long pause.
“When are you leaving?” she asks quietly.
“Why does it matter? Are you home?” I ask, feeling my annoyance grow.
“Yeah, but I have…” she stutters.
“Cool, I’ll see you in about an hour,” I say before hanging up the phone.
“Are you coming with me?” I ask him and he only nods.
“You know what, you’re being really weird, maybe you should stay here,” I laugh, leaving him in my bedroom. I head down stairs and my dad is at the end of them.
“Can I talk to you?” he asks and I let out a sigh.
“Did you think about what I said this morning?”
“I did,” he says quietly.
“I want to speak with both you and Lauren.”
chapter 14
Lauren
He’s coming with me.
Chris and I are going back to Chicago. This time there isn’t a question of his motive. He’s told me that he loves me, that he wants to be with me and raise Caylen together. I should be ecstatic, everything is coming together—but on what type of foundation? Secrets and lies? This doesn’t feel right. I can’t shake Dexter Crestfield's smarmy smile from my thoughts. I keep trying to get Lisa's looming secret out of my mind. Helen’s instructions, which I basically threw out the window, are making me rethink everything. I keep thinking that going back to Chicago may not be the right move, but whenever I think about Chris’ dad I can’t imagine us staying here another day.
If we left we could avoid the entire Lisa ordeal until…I don’t know, until…If things somehow become perfect then she ruins it with whatever she has to tell Chris. It’s selfish and stupid but I really just wish she wouldn’t. If it’s not life and death and it will hurt him, I wish she’d just keep it to herself, but then again, whatever it is Aidan thinks it could be the cause of
Chris creating Cal. What could be so big that it has to do with Lisa, but if she tells him, could that be the key to them integrating? I have to know that Chris is committed to that before doing a re-run of what I did last night with him.
“Hey,” I turn and see him standing there a nervous smile on his face and it instantly makes me feel better.
“How is the packing going?” I ask, letting out a pent up breath.
“It was good until Aidan interrupted me,” he sighs.
“Aidan’s here?”
“He just left,” he says, rubbing the back of his head.
“Did he want anything in particular?”
“Other than to irritate me,” he chuckles and I smile relieved. Aidan didn’t budge on telling me anything about what Lisa told him, but he’s a very straight forward guy and doesn’t seem like the type who’d be able to keep a secret in plain sight.
“We had an argument, sort of, but he’s going to meet me at Lisa’s later,” he shrugs and my heart speeds up.
“Lisa’s,” I can’t help but repeat.
“Yeah. He said she has something important to tell me. I want to get it out the way before we leave,” he says, sitting down on what has been Caylen’s and my bed.
“Are you okay?” he asks concerned. I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Of course, why would you ask that?”
“Well you’ve folded that shirt over almost three times since I’ve been in here,” he chuckles. I toss the stupid shirt on the bed.
“I’ll admit my nerves are a little on edge,” I sigh. He sighs.
“This probably isn’t going to help but my dad wants to talk to us.”
“Really? He hasn’t dished out enough verbal abuse before we leave?” I ask sarcastically, grabbing another shirt of Caylen’s and folding it.
“He says he wants to apologize to you and doesn’t want us to leave on a bad note,” he adds and I can’t help but look at Chris in disbelief.
“I know my dad’s been a real prick lately,” he laughs and I nod. He’s been more than a prick.
“But that’s not the man he usually is. That’s not the dad I know. It’s just I think this Cal thing…”
