He rocked while he held Ava close, not sure how much time had passed until he heard her even breathing. She’d fallen asleep. Pride erupted inside his chest. Now he understood what Chance had meant when he said there was no feeling close to the one of becoming a father.
After a while, he debated whether he should put her back into the crib, but he didn’t want to wake her. He guessed she didn’t like the mini jail with its bars.
Laying his head back, he closed his eyes. It couldn’t hurt anything to stay like this until he was certain she was okay. His thoughts roamed to Lila. What had happened between them earlier hadn’t been planned or expected. They’d had sex, but it was more than that. They shared a history.
Had she gone with Lucas to confess she’d slept with Duke?
One thing he was sure of, she hadn’t been sleeping with anyone while he was in a coma. He knew her well, and if she’d been involved with any man, she wouldn’t have made love with
Duke.
Where did this land the two of them? He wasn’t sure if he should feel better or worse about their relationship? His heart was bursting at the seams and that made him vulnerable. And frightened. As tough as he was, he was scared of emotion.
Duke wasn’t sure what stirred him, but he opened his eyes just as Lila walked into Ava’s bedroom. She stopped in her tracks and was staring at him like he’d grown a set of horns.
“I didn’t believe Margaret when she’d said you were helping with Ava,” she said.
“It’s not that impossible to believe, is it? I’m not a monster.”
“She does look at peace. Her gums have been hurting,” Lila said with a smile.
“She needed her mom,” he said.
Lila’s eyes slanted. “Sorry. I’m taking Ava to bed.” He watched as she took Ava and placed her inside the crib. Once she was tucked in, Lila turned to him. He didn’t say anything.
“Goodnight,” she finally said.
Duke left the nursery and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He wasn’t ready to call it a night—not yet. His mind was an endless tunnel of thoughts, sparked by holding his daughter the first time. He was busting at the seams with love. He took his glass and headed for the stairs, but he heard a knock on the door. Who the hell would be visiting this late?
Opening the door, his muscles tightened at seeing Shaun Lucas standing on the porch. He was exactly as Duke remembered him—tall, athletic and belonged on a billboard selling underwear. “Forget something?” Duke asked, not caring if he sounded impatient.
Lucas shifted in his loafers as he said, “Sorry to bother you. I saw the lights on and I figured Lila was still awake.”
Several responses darted inside Duke’s mind, none were civil. Resentment sawed through him and he had to swallow back the words that would land him in hot water with Lila. His emotions didn’t stem from insecurity, or even fear. He didn’t hate Lucas. Hell, Duke didn’t even dislike the man. What he didn’t appreciate, if it was fact, Lucas believing Duke wouldn’t fight for his family.
“There’s something you need to know, Lucas,” Duke said as he stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind him. He could have sworn he saw fright in the other man’s eyes, but the dim light could have played tricks with the shadows of Lucas’s face. “I may have been gone for eighteen months, but I’m home now. I’m bent, that’s for damned sure, but I’m not broken. I’ve never been a back down gentleman and I’ve never given up on anything I wanted. I have a daughter and I’m her father—”
“I think there’s been a misunderstanding—”
“Not on my part,” Duke said. “What man comes looking for a woman after midnight? If you thought you’d get lucky tonight then you’re not as smart as that Harvard PhD says you are.”
“Your chivalry is admirable, but I assure you sleeping with Lila wasn’t my intention.” Lucas lifted his hand and held out something for Duke. “I came back because I saw she’d forgotten her sweater.”
Duke stared at the clothing. “Her sweater?” He finally took it from Lucas.
The other man turned and started for the stairs, but he stopped and looked back at Duke. “You’re a fortunate man, Duke. I’m glad to see you’re realizing that.”
Duke stood on the porch long after Lucas pulled away in his shiny car. Duke brought the soft material of the sweater to his nose and inhaled deeply. Lila’s scent. He’d almost kicked ol’ Lucas’s ass over clothing. He was losing his mind…and jealous, which was never a good thing.
Damn! Duke needed to reel in his emotions.
He was finally gaining everything back…
CHAPTER NINE
LILA WOKE WITH a start. The sun was bright and a bird chirped outside the window. Rolling, dragging blankets with her, she checked the clock. Ten A.M.. She hadn’t slept past eight-thirty since Ava was born. Jumping up, Lila grabbed her robe from the bottom of the bed, pulled it on and headed for Ava’s room.
The crib was empty. Lila’s stomach turned.
Descending the stairs as fast as her legs would carry her, she made it to the bottom when she heard noise coming from the kitchen. Walking in, Ava was sitting in her highchair, consumed with picking up a piece of cereal. Ava’s giggle made Lila smile and the rich aroma of coffee made her mouth salivate. She found Duke at the sink, coffee cup in one hand and newspaper in the other. He didn’t hear her come in.
Lila stood back and watched. Her heart swelled and her eyes moistened as she looked at the two people who she loved most in life. One could think they were a happy family. She swallowed back a bitter taste of reality. There were many obstacles she couldn’t hurdle, not alone.
Duke appeared to have rolled from bed wearing sex appeal. Tousled hair and five o’clock shadow made her insides turn to mush. Lowering her gaze, his shirt was unbuttoned and she took great pleasure in seeing his chest. He’d put on some weight and his brawny chest and toned abs were back. Her mind wandered to yesterday in his bedroom. She’d missed out on seeing his torso because they hadn’t taken the time to undress fully, like two teenagers suffering from raging hormones. She no longer saw the web of scars on his dark skin that she’d stared at when his accident first occurred.
His magnificence was irresistible and his masculinity was momentous.
A needful ache flowed through her. Her fingers ached to pop the button at the waist of his worn jeans and loosen the zipper. She didn’t want a quick screw, not like before, but take things slow and explore his body with her hand and tongue.
Shaking her head to dislodge her wanton thoughts, she gulped down a dose of modesty. Living under the same roof and resisting the sexual urge would be impossible—not when she craved his touch. Not just anyone would do. She knew Shaun would be willing to remedy her dry spell, he’d made his intentions clear on several occasions, but she just never had the desire to move to an intimate level with him. She wanted one man, and he stood ten feet in front of her.
His crotch bulged. Busted!
“What other woman can give me an instant hard on with a stare?” Duke’s deep voice penetrated her skin and warmed her blood.
Denying she’d been ogling his goods would be a waste of time when she could think of a handful of things she’d rather do with her mouth than spit lies. “It never hurt anyone to look.”
“I agree. How did you sleep?”
“I won’t be running a marathon, but I can’t complain either,” she said.
“I’ve heard tale that sex is the solution to sleepless nights.”
Damn, his smile was contagious. He teased her and she couldn’t help falling for his charm. She moved her attention to Ava, who was still intently scooping up pieces of cereal between her forefinger and thumb. “Don’t worry, I sleep like a baby most nights.” She went to Ava and kissed her on the top of the head. The little girl held up a piece of food for Lila. She took it from Ava’s small fingers. “Mmm. Delicious. Thank you for sharing.”
Lila caught Duke’s gaze on her. She self-consciously swept her fingers thr
ough her hair as a quiver rushed through her.
“I know Lucas isn’t fulfilling your needs.” He saluted her with his cup, holding her gaze with his.
“I’m not discussing Shaun with you.” She moved to the cabinet, took a cup down and poured herself coffee.
“A woman who is satisfied doesn’t stare at another man like he’s breakfast in jeans.”
He fished for details, she knew. She busied herself pouring cream and sugar into her cup, hoping he’d drop the questioning. Taking a long sip, she didn’t care that it burnt all the way into her stomach.
“You really haven’t slept with Lucas, have you?”
Her cheeks warmed. “None of your business.” She kept her eyes in her cup.
He laughed. “It’s true.”
Bringing her gaze up, she tried her best not to allow him to ruffle her emotions. Ignoring the subject would work, she hoped. “The sun is beautiful this morning. You should consider going out and visiting the crew.”
“Why haven’t you slept with him?”
She choked on the warm liquid, coughing and sputtering, she finally said, “Drop it.”
“Sweetheart, why do you hide your secrets from me?”
The throatiness to his tone awakened every cell in her body, even a few she had forgotten existed. “I’m not hiding anything. I don’t know why you care.” Her fingers trembled and coffee sloshed over the rim of her mug.
He leaned closer and her heart thumped against her ribcage. Would he kiss her? He moved past her, brushing his arm against her shoulder, took the carafe from the holder and poured himself another cup. His body heat soaked through her thin robe. “If he planned to be around my child then it’s my business,” he said next to her ear.
“You had one evening in Ava’s life and you got up with her while I slept, now you believe you’re a father?”
“I have a lot of making up to do.” His eyes sparkled like jewels and he smelled of soap and shaving cream.
The close proximity made her nipples tingle and her pelvic muscles tighten. Damn betrayal of her body. She gritted her teeth. “What brought about this change? The other day you wanted nothing to do with our child and now suddenly you’re daddy-do-good? I mean, I’ll tell you, I love the effort, but the long haul is what matters.”
He put his mug down on the counter and his shoulders seemed to slump. “I thought she’d be afraid of me.”
“Afraid? Why, Duke?”
He ran his fingers down the scarring on his face. “I bet this is scary to some people.”
Sadness washed over her. “The scars are barely noticeable. You’ve never been superficial, and neither is Ava.”
He lowered his hand to his side. “I don’t give a damn for myself, Lila.”
She wanted to tell him that when she looked at him all she could see was love. Instead, she said, “The skin will continue to heal. It takes time. You’re viewing yourself with a harsher perception than others. You’re alive and that’s what matters.” Her throat tightened as emotion filled her chest. “For most people, it’d take months, maybe years, to walk after a comatose state. What seems like a turtle pace to you is actually amazingly fast compared to others.”
“Does a part of you wish I’d died in the accident?” he asked. His searching gaze burrowed into her.
“What?” she snapped. “Why would you ask that? Not once had I wished you’d died. I begged God to bring you back. There were moments I couldn’t even breathe because I missed you so much.”
“But I was a human chain, keeping you from moving on. I was dead weight.”
“Don’t say that. Please don’t.” Her eyes blurred.
“You would be married to Lucas. I know you would be. Ava would have him as a father.” His voice was low and full of emotion.
“She has a father. She has you, Duke. You have a purpose for being here and she needs you.”
“Is she the only one that needs me?” he asked.
His words were like claws, sweet and bitter. She took a step to the side. Her mind warned her to run, but her heart begged her to stay. “Chance and Carly had faith. They saved this place for you. Chance was by your side often.”
“Chance said you were by my side. He said you never left me during the first months after the accident, until Ava was born.”
“I couldn’t tear myself away from your bedside. So many nights I’d fall against you and tell you how I hated to see you lying in that hospital room. I had cried until I couldn’t think straight. A part of me had gone numb because I couldn’t take the pain any longer.” She wanted to give him a glimpse inside her heart, at the agony she’d endured.
“Why did you stay? Why hadn’t you moved on?” His voice was soft.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Eighteen months, I laid in that bed. You must have wanted to leave and never come back. A part of you must have hated me.”
His words dug into her like a dull blade. “I never hated you.”
“It would have been a normal emotion.”
“I hated that you were lost to me,” she admitted.
“You stayed because you were guilty.”
Turning away, she couldn’t look at him. She heard him as he moved closer, felt his heat. “No, it wasn’t guilt,” she said. “It was something more. Much more.”
“What? Tell me, Lila.”
When she turned, her shoulder rubbed against his chest. She lifted her eyes upward, meeting his gaze. “Hope. Only the deepest of love can give one so much faith. I clung to it like a lifeline. I found devotion I never knew I had.”
“Don’t you see? I’m twisted and torn inside. My body is weak.” His stare was laser sharp, probing her. “To imagine another man touching you kills me, and yet, I am consumed with guilt because I truly want you to be happy.”
“If the situation was different and I was the one laying in a coma, what would you have done? Forgotten that I’d existed?”
“No Lila, I wouldn’t have. I’d have waited as long as it’d taken for you to wake up.”
“And what if that day never came?”
“Then I’d have died a lonely man.”
She combed his features, hoping to find dishonesty and found nothing but truth. “I realize you believe my relationship with Shaun proves something, maybe disloyalty. I’d say it has to do with pride. Your pride.”
He laughed. “Pride?”
“You think I stuck around because I felt sorry for you. You’re wrong. I stayed because I loved you. Never pity. I feel sorry for you now, though. You refuse to see the miracle—a second chance at life. If you’d look past the scars, the time lost, and see the gift you’ve been given.” With those words, she pushed past him and went to Ava. “Come sweetheart, let’s go get dressed.” She lifted the child into her arms and they left Duke alone.
CHAPTER TEN
DUKE HAD BEEN apprehensive about seeing anyone, but when he saw Chance and Carly he was glad they came. He greeted Chance with a buddy slap and his gaze moved to Carly. A long time ago, he’d had a crush on her. Hell, what man wouldn’t? She was beautiful. Looking back now, the attraction hadn’t been physical, although she was lovely inside and out, her personality had drawn him in. The fascination had turned to friendship.
Chance and Carly were made for one another, and that’d been obvious the moment they’d met. Chance had known of Duke’s fondness and had even joked about it on occasion. When Carly and Chance had lost their first son, Duke had watched as his two best friends suffered.
Once upon a time, Duke had thought Carly and Chance would never find each other again. The pleasure of seeing his friends remarried with a new family made him happy.
Carly grinned as she approached him. Her eyes were bright and she carried a child in her arms.
“Carly, who do you have there?” Duke asked.
“This is Chancelor. He’s about to become a big brother.” Carly patted her rounded stomach. The little boy mimicked her action, patted his own tummy and giggled. He looked jus
t like Chance.
“I see you and Chance have been busy while I was lying around on vacation.” Duke gave her a wink. Carly laughed.
“Why haven’t you been over to visit us yet? Should I have my feelings hurt?” Carly asked.
“I’d heard Thelma wasn’t around to cook,” he said.
“Are you saying the only reason you stuck around was for Thelma’s southwestern cooking?”
“Well, you know I couldn’t resist her chicken.”
“I’d be hurt, but I knew you weren’t at our dinner table every night for mine and Chance’s company.”
“I could barely stand to look at Chance’s mug out on the ranch, but Thelma’s food made it all worthwhile over a dinner plate,” Duke said.
“Hopefully she’ll be back before long,” Chance wrapped his arm around Carly’s shoulder.
Carly looked up at her husband, one corner of her mouth curved downward. “Are you saying something about my cooking?”
“No, sweetheart. I love everything about you.” He kissed her soundly on the cheek. The love between them was outstanding.
Duke smiled. “It’s good to see you two together again. Feels like old times.”
“Only better.” Carly batted long eyelashes.
“What’s this I hear about old times?” Lila came out of the kitchen.
Duke turned and looked at her. His heart raced. She and Ava had been gone most of the day running errands and they’d only been back a short time. Ava was sleeping in her crib. Duke secretly wished she’d wake up so he could see her. It was amazing how a sweet child could wrap a man around her finger.
Lila swept past Duke. He caught her scent—berry and spices. The smell intoxicated his senses. The strapless sundress she wore, with the tempting view of her shoulders and the tops of her breasts, would drive a man into insanity. The dangling earrings touched the parts of her neck he wanted to kiss. His fingers ached to pull the clip out of her hair to let down her long hair. She’d always had an amazing effect over him. Some things would never change.
Second Ride Cowboy (Second Chance Series) Page 7
