“Go ahead,” I said, not bothering to open my eyes.
“There’s a chance that Lily is yours.”
“No, there’s not, Jen,” I said, shaking my head and looking up at her. “You’re due the first week of March. I did the math. It’s not possible.”
She swallowed. “Zack, due dates aren’t always accurate. All I know is that we got together at the end of May, and I missed my period two weeks later. Jay had been home the weekend before, and we’d slept together, but he’d been gone a lot that month. He took some networking trip with his dad to New York, and then he was in Virginia Beach with his family for two weeks. We didn’t sleep together outside of that one weekend.”
“You and I only slept together once,” I reasoned, and she winced again as if my words caused her physical pain.
She looked at me, as if waiting for the light bulb to turn on over my head. “Fifty-fifty shot, Zack,” she said, sounding slightly out of breath.
I shook my head, as if trying to wrap my mind around this bomb she’d dropped on me. No, this was not what I wanted. I couldn’t be a father. No way. I could not have a kid.
“Jen, tell me you’re not serious,” I said, getting angry at her all of a sudden. “Tell me you haven’t been keeping this from me all these months. Tell me you’re wrong!”
She shook her head and bit her lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I wasn’t sure how to. There’s a chance she could be Jay’s, but she might be yours. I figured I’d know when I saw her.”
“Shit, Jen,” I hissed, closing my eyes again and leaning back against the bed pillows. I couldn’t believe she’d played me like that after everything I’d done for her.
“I hope it’s you,” she said quietly, and I felt like I wanted to throw up. “In the beginning, when I first found out, I prayed she was Jay’s, but after everything happened – Zack, you’ve been so amazing these last few months.”
I could see hope in her eyes when I looked in them, and I knew the severity of the pain I was about to inflict on her. We didn’t want the same things.
“Jen, I’m sorry, but I hope she’s not mine,” I said, and she started gasping for air.
I realized she was having a panic attack. I tried to get up to help her, but my whole body protested. Completely freaked out, I hit the call button for the nurse.
“Yes,” the speaker-box attached to my bed squawked.
“I need some help in here,” I said, the panic prevalent in my voice.
“I’ll send your nurse down,” the voice said in a somewhat bored response, but I didn’t have time to dwell on that.
Jen collapsed in a nearby chair and clutched her stomach as she bent over, trying to take in enough air to fill her lungs. I frantically looked toward the door, but the nurse wasn’t coming. No one was coming. Pulling all my strength together and wincing in pain the whole time, I pulled myself out of bed and crossed the small room, wheeling the tower my IV was connected to along with me, so I was standing in front of her.
Not sure what to do, I gripped her chin with my good hand and made her look at me. When her eyes connected with mine, I could see the fear behind them.
“I’m here,” I said. “I’m here, and you’re okay. You’re okay.”
She nodded quickly a few times, and I could tell her breathing was starting to steady as she listened to my voice.
“I’m here, Jen. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you. I’ll always be here for you. I’m just freaked out, but I’m not leaving, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
Over the course of the next few minutes, Jen’s breathing returned to normal, and my heart rate calmed down. Her eyes never left mine. It was as if I was her lifeline in that moment, but I knew, as well as she did, that what we had was longer lasting than just that moment.
“Okay?” I asked, never breaking eye contact with her. “Okay?”
She just nodded before she doubled over in pain. “Ow, fuck. Fuck!” she growled out, and I started to panic again.
Was something wrong with the baby? Had she not gotten enough air in the few minutes Jen had been gasping for it?
Before I could question her, Jen hissed out a defeated response. “Shi-it,” she said, long and slow, and I heard the dripping sound before I felt it on my bare feet.
Looking down, at the puddle forming around and under the chair, I looked back up at Jen realizing what had just happened. Then the nurse, finally, came in the room, and a look of confusion flashed across her face. I was the patient. Why was I out of bed, and why was there a woman in labor sitting in front of me?
“Ow!” Jen cried out again, and she grabbed my hand, squeezing it with everything in her. “Ow, ow, ow. Shit, shit, shit. Ow, shit.”
“Does it hurt?” I asked, feeling stupid for doing so. Of course it hurt. She was squeezing the shit out of my hand.
“How about I knee you in the balls repeatedly, every five minutes, and see how you feel,” she gasped, and I winced before covering my junk with my hand.
“Please don’t,” I said, smiling at her. She just glared at me.
“How far apart are her contractions?” the nurse asked then.
“They were five minutes, now they’re more like two,” Jen said, doing the Lamaze breathing she’d been practicing for the past few weeks.
“Two!” I cried, my head snapping back to her. “What were you thinking?”
The nurse turned and left the room, hopefully getting a doctor or some hot towels or something. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going to happen next.
“I was thinking I wanted to be sure the father of my baby was alive. I wasn’t concerned about anything else! Besides, I’m not due for another few weeks. I thought it was Braxton Hicks!”
She grunted and grabbed my hand, practically squeezing it off again as another contraction hit. I decided not to argue with her in that moment. It was not the time to remind her that there was a fifty percent chance the baby wasn’t mine.
“I don’t think this is Braxton Hicks,” I said instead, trying to make a joke.
Jen just glared at me, and I knew it wasn’t the time to make jokes. Thankfully the nurse returned with a wheelchair then, and Jen removed her narrowed eyes from mine.
“Ma’am, we’re going to take you up to labor and delivery, okay?”
Jen just nodded, as I helped her to stand. Pain shot through my bruised and battered body, but I chose to ignore it. She was about to push a human being out of her body. I could suck up a few cracked ribs and abrasions. I helped Jen sit in the wheelchair and made to follow the nurse out of the room, dragging that stupid IV tower with me, but she stopped me.
“Not so fast, young man,” she said. “Dr. Parker needs to see you before you can go anywhere. You have a concussion.”
I reeled back at this news, and Jen looked at me in a panic. The last thing she wanted was to be alone, and we both knew it.
“Then tell him to come in here fast,” I said, “because I’m going into the delivery room with her whether he likes it or not.”
I don’t quite know where that surge of aggression came from. Maybe it was seeing Jen sitting in that wheelchair, her hairline already soaked in sweat and the way the blood drained from her face as another contraction hit, but I needed to be with her. I couldn’t leave her alone. I’d promised her.
***
Three hours later, with Dr. Parker standing by to ensure I didn’t collapse, I held Jen’s hand as Lily came into the world. I’d just made it in time for Jen to start pushing, and I don’t think she’d ever been happier to see me. And after an hour, with Jen exhausted and pissed off that she wasn’t able to have an epidural, Lily came out looking like the most perfect thing I’d ever seen, and I instantly fell in love with her. I knew right then and there that no matter if I was her father or not, I would always be in her life.
Feeling almost as exhausted as Jen, I collapsed into the wheelchair Dr. Parker had insisted I sit in until the very last seconds. My whole body ached, and I could
have closed my eyes right then and there, but then they placed Lily on Jen’s chest, and she looked at me, and I cried for maybe the second time in my adult life. She was absolutely perfect.
As soon as Jen was settled in her room, Dr. Parker made me say goodbye. He said I needed to go back to my room. Lily was in the nursery, and Jen needed to rest. I could see her eyes closing as she waved me off, so I went without argument. As the nurse started to wheel me back down to the fourth floor, I asked her if we could stop by the nursery, so I could see Lily one more time. I couldn’t seem to stay away from her.
In the fourth bassinet from the right, I saw her – pink cheeks, full lips and long lashes. She took my breath away.
“She looks just like you when you were a baby,” a cold voice said, after I’d been sitting there for five minutes, unable to take my eyes off of Lily’s sleeping form.
I turned around to face my mother, knowing she was going to let me have it. Not only did she know about the accident and the drugs and the alcohol, but she now knew about Jen’s pregnancy, and as we were both realizing, the part I’d played in creating the tiny baby on the other side of the glass. She had my hair and my lips, and from what I’d glimpsed of her eyes, they were mine, as well. There was no doubt that I was her father.
Chapter Fourteen
Emily
“The law states that Freedom of Speech is a parallel to Freedom of the Press, Noah,” Shelby stated firmly, negating Noah’s attempts to tell her that Freedom of Speech was a more heavily protected law and that reporters didn’t garner the same consideration when it came to things they were including in newspaper articles.
“No way,” Noah argued. “The press has an obligation to report the truth. They can still be held libel for publishing non-factual information.”
“This is true, but at the same time, the press is also at the mercy of their sources. Yes, there are times when information is printed that isn’t factual, but at that point, if a retraction is made, the reporter can’t be held libel.”
“You’re wrong,” Noah said emphatically.
“Okay, stop,” I said interjecting myself into the middle of their debate. They’d been going back and forth for ten minutes and not getting anywhere. “Why don’t we take a break?”
“He’s wrong,” Shelby insisted.
“No, she’s wrong,” Noah countered, extending his finger into Shelby’s face.
“Ugh, you’re both being annoying,” Taryn complained, getting up from her seat. “I’m getting a soda. Does anyone else want one?”
“I’ll go with you,” Noah said, hopping up from his chair to follow her out of the study room we were camped out in on the top floor of the library, leaving me alone with Shelby.
So far she’d been perfectly polite to me, but we’d also only talked about our Mass Comm project and research we’d completed. We had yet to have a real conversation, but I was determined to make things right with her and prove to her that I wasn’t the bitch she thought I was.
“Any fun plans for the weekend?” I asked her, taking the first step as she kept her eyes on her notes, no doubt looking for a sticking point that would make Noah see he was wrong. Shelby was a smart girl, and she knew her information.
“Excuse me?” she asked, looking up in surprise.
“I asked if you had anything fun planned for the weekend,” I said, trying to keep my tone even.
“Why are you asking me that?” she asked defensively. Her eyes narrowed as she appraised me, waiting to see what my next move was. I didn’t have one. I was just being friendly.
“Because I’m interested,” I said simply. “My social life is sort of crappy right now, so I wanted to hear what someone who no doubt has a rockin’ social life is doing this weekend. Consider it research.”
“A rockin’ social life?” Her eyes narrowed even further. “Did you really just use the term ‘rockin’ social life’? What are you patronizing me or something?”
“No, not at all,” I said, taken aback by her accusation. I really was trying to be nice. “I would assume you have a great life. I was just trying to make conversation.”
“Are you trying to be my friend or something?” she asked, and the way she said it was as if I’d asked her to make out with Noah. She was completely repulsed by the idea.
“I’m just being friendly. I figure if we’re going to be working on this project all semester we should maybe get to know each other.”
“You don’t want to get to know me,” she huffed, looking down at her book as she pushed a piece of her long black hair behind her ear.
“I do,” I insisted.
She half-rolled her eyes. “Don’t play dumb,” she said, looking up at me. “You think I don’t know who you are, but I do. You’re perfect Emily Cole, the most beloved girl in Gamma Pi, who thinks she can shit all over people just because her friends think she walks on fucking water.”
I recoiled at the anger in her tone. “That is so not true, and quite honestly, I’d appreciate it if you at least got to know me before you make assumptions and accusations about my character, because you don’t know anything about me, including how ‘beloved’ I supposedly am.”
I put quotes around the word, knowing it was far from true. It might have been true six months ago, but now, as I’d been distancing myself from the house and my sorority sisters, and only going out with Rachel and Taryn and testing my limits on being bad, not to mention my perpetual moodiness, opinions about me had definitely changed. I was no longer beloved.
“Huh,” Shelby said, leaning back in her chair, arrogance and confidence enveloping her. “It’s funny you should be offended by someone prejudging you since you did it to me two years ago. It doesn’t feel too good, does it?”
I had to fight the urge to keep my mouth from dropping open in shock. She’d completely called me out on what I’d done to her, and worse than that, she was completely justified in her accusations.
I took a deep breath to center my emotions. I was inclined to defend myself but quite honestly, what would I be defending? She was right.
“No, it doesn’t feel good,” I said genuinely. “And honestly, Shelby, I’m sorry for what I did. I can’t take it back, but I can only hope you’ll give me another shot and let me get to know you. I hope you’ll want to get to know me too.”
She rolled her eyes again. “I have friends – good friends who would never dream of being cruel to me just because I didn’t look like them. I don’t need your pity or you friendship, but thanks for asking.”
With that, she got up, grabbed her messenger bag and left me sitting at the table open-mouthed and full of shame.
Chapter Fifteen
Zack
“How mad are you at me?” Jen asked when I visited her and Lily the day after she was born.
The nurse wheeled me up to the sixth floor since they still wouldn’t let me walk around on my own. Lily was sleeping in Jen’s arms, and she woke up when I came in the room, opening her eyes and stretching her tiny body out.
“Mad,” I said with no conviction in my voice whatsoever. My eyes were on Lily the whole time. I still couldn’t believe she was real.
Most fathers get some notice that they are gaining that title, at least nine months, but I’d gotten three hours. Then suddenly there was this person in the world who would look up to me, depend on me, and I had to wrap my head around that concept. True, if I really thought about it, I was pissed at Jen, but then again, how could I stay mad at her? We’d created this perfect little baby together, and being mad just seemed like an insignificant emotion.
“It could be worse,” I said wheeling up closer to the bed, so I could peer at Lily’s perfect little face.
Jen cocked her head to the side, as if waiting for me to continue. I looked up at her.
“Thank you for telling me. I think it might have been worse if I went through life not knowing there was a chance that I was her father.”
Jen nodded, her gaze shifting down to Lily. “I’m not su
re that would have been possible,” she said, watching our daughter. She smoothed back Lily’s dark curls, and Lily made the cutest little sucking/kissing sound that made Jen smile.
“She looks like me,” I said, stating what I think Jen was afraid to say.
“You see it?” she asked, still not looking at me, almost as if she was afraid to see my reaction.
I nodded and sighed. “It’s pretty obvious whose she is,” I said.
Jen looked up at me. “Are you okay with that?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I actually am. I think I’m pretty enamored with her already.”
“She is pretty amazing. Do you want to hold her?” Jen asked, and I felt my heart swell.
“Yes,” I said definitively.
When my daughter looked up at me for the first time as I held her in my arms, I think that might have been the happiest feeling I never knew I could have had. Before then I was honestly undecided on the whole kid thing and figured I’d decide when I was at least a decade older. But it seemed someone had decided for me, and for some reason, the one thing I’d never planned for was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
“What did your mom say when you told her?” Jen asked.
I didn’t want to think about my mom. It was such a contradictory emotion to what I’d been feeling just seconds before, and I couldn’t tell Jen everything now. I would wait until we got home to tell her my mom’s cancer was back. I was having a hard enough time wrapping my head around that fact, but the night before, after she’d laid into me for not only having unprotected sex and getting Jen pregnant, but also for doing drugs and letting Derrick drive drunk with me in the car, she’d dropped the bomb that she was sick again. It was direct and somewhat cruel, but I’d known her intention. She’d wanted to shock me. She’d wanted me to feel as scared as she had the night before when she’d gotten the call that I was being rushed to the hospital. She’d succeeded.
“She’s angry with me,” I told Jen, “and I’m not sure she’ll forgive me anytime soon for the accident. She really let me have it last night, but I think she’ll come around. She might want to shut me out, but she won’t want to shut out her granddaughter. I saw the way she’d looked at Lily, and even though she didn’t say it, I knew she was just as taken with her as I am.”
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 38
