“Well, then it’s time to go balls-to-the-wall and tell her how you feel. No more ‘let’s be friends’ bullshit. No more dancing around your feelings. Man up and just tell her!”
I almost fell over laughing, clutching my stomach as Leo eyed me speculatively.
“Did you really just use the term ‘balls-to-the-wall’?” I asked, gasping and nearly crying I was laughing so hard.
“Fuck you,” Leo said, shoving me in the shoulder as he got up and walked out of the room. “I don’t give a shit what you do, just do something instead of moping around here writing bad music.”
“Maybe I should just propose,” I sung, playing a few random chords, making up a song as I went. “Prove that one of us has the balls to do it. Too bad you couldn’t take your own advice, man. Balls-to-the-wall might have been a good idea, you chicken-shit fuck-head.”
Leo just shot me the finger before he headed upstairs. “At least I’m with the girl I’m in love with, you dumb-shit. I’m one up on you,” he called down the stairs, getting in one last dig.
Not for long, I thought, as I set my guitar down to formulate a plan.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Emily
I cried the whole way home, rehashing every mistake I’d made that night and how much I’d wished things had turned out differently. I felt like such a stupid girl. Hanging out with Zack had only succeeded in opening up old wounds. Friends. He wanted to be friends. That was some bullshit. We were never friends to begin with. We practically pounced on each other the first night we met. What on earth would make him want to think I’d want to be his friend?
When I got home, I saw the light on in Rachel’s room, so I knocked softly. I needed my best friend, but I got my brother instead.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked as soon as I saw him.
He grinned. “My class got cancelled tomorrow, and I don’t have classes on Tuesdays, so I got on a plane.
I shook my head in amusement. The two of them had racked up some serious frequent flyer miles this semester. Fortunately for Chase, my father flew all the time for work, so he got free tickets constantly. Chase could fly for free whenever he needed. Our dad literally had a stack of flight vouchers sitting on his desk at home.
“Cool,” I said, feeling drained all of a sudden, as I fell against the door jam and leaned my head against the wall.
“Have you been crying?” Chase asked, appraising me.
At his question, my face crumbled, and I started crying all over again. His arms immediately encircled me.
“What happened?” he asked, leading me over to Rachel’s bed.
Bailey was lounging in the center of the bed, half-asleep, but he perked up when I sat down. I settled down next to him and stroked his soft fur, while I rehashed the entire night’s events to my brother.
“Fuck him,” Chase said. “I thought he was a cool guy this summer, but man, now he’s just playing with you. I’ll go kick his ass if you want me to.”
I laughed through my tears at the idea of Chase, with his slight build and complete lack of athletic ability, going after Zack who worked out on a regular basis. Suffice it to say, it wouldn’t be much of a fight, but I appreciated my brother’s offer. Chase maintained his stoic exterior, obviously meaning what he’d said.
“I don’t know what to think,” I said, shaking my head and feeling completely deflated.
Chase put his arm around me again. “Just let it go Em. He’s a jerk. He’s in the past. I hate to say it, but you might be better off with D-bag Ben.”
“Oh, no. Definitely not,” I said, anger welling up inside of me, as I filled Chase in on my news on the Ben front.
Why couldn’t I get anything right in the guy department? I was apparently a perpetual failure when it came to the opposite sex.
“Dick,” Chase said through gritted teeth, and I could tell it was all he could do to stay in the apartment and not go hunt down Ben. “I told you this summer he was cheating on you. Fucking asshole! I will kick his ass the next time I see him.”
“Who’s ass are you going kick baby?” Rachel called, slamming the front door behind her.
She appeared in the doorway to her bedroom holding up a container of Dunkin’ Donuts doughnut holes. Apparently she and Chase were midnight snacking. “What happened?”
She immediately crossed the room and enveloped me on my other side, and Chase filled her in on the latest Zack and Ben news, as she opened the box of doughnuts for me to take some.
I then spent the night tossing and turning before falling into a deep sleep. When I woke up, I didn’t feel any better. I half thought I might hear from Zack, but I didn’t and knew I was stupid to even think that. I’d told him I didn’t want to be friends, so why would he call me?
Chapter Thirty-Five
Zack
“So you’re the one who’s been poisoning my daughter’s mind with pop music,” I said, startling Emily as I walked up behind her and Lily at the park. They were playing in the sandbox, building a castle with Lily’s beach toys. On the edge of the sandbox was Emily’s iPod, and emanating from it was a song I knew was by Taylor Swift, but it wasn’t one that Jen had told me to learn when she’d given me a list of Lily’s favorites. This one was more melancholy than the ones I’d played for her.
“Daddy!” Lily cried, as she looked up and saw me. She scrambled up from where she was playing, stepping directly in the middle of the half-finished castle, and threw herself into my arms.
“What’s up, baby girl?” I asked, kissing her on the cheek a few times, making her smile.
“We’re pwaying,” she said, pointing down to where Emily sat looking uncomfortable.
It had been just over three weeks since we’d seen each other, since she’d stormed out of my house after my asinine offer to be her friend. I hadn’t called her, wanting to give her some space to cool off. I figured she’d be back home in Charlotte for Christmas break, but apparently she’d come back to Chapel Hill early. When I’d heard this, I’d planned to give her a call, but then Jen had asked me if I could pick up Lily from the park since she was dealing with an unexpected issue with her dad, and I figured an in-person meeting would be better than a call. Emily would have a harder time hanging up on me when we were face-to-face.
“Oh yeah?” I said to Lily. “What are you making?”
“A pwincess castle,” she said, pointing to the now ruined castle Next to it lay the bucket she’d been filling with sand.
“Is it for you?” I asked, tickling her tummy. “You’re a princess.”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding her head enthusiastically. “And Emmy. She’s a pwincess too!”
“Is she?” I said, my glance drifting to Emily. I made sure to lock my eyes with hers but didn’t say anything else. I needed to feel her out first.
“And what about the prince?” I asked. “Does he get to live there too?”
“No,” Lily said somberly, and I glanced at Emily to see if she had anything to do with that.
Either her depressing music about break-ups was getting to my daughter or the fact that I didn’t live with her mommy was already affecting her. Emily’s eyes were as wide as mine, but I saw her glance at her iPod before reaching over to change the song. I was thankful when a Beatles song came on next. At least she was varying the music she played for Lily.
“Oh blah blee,” Lily said excitedly, looking back at the iPod, and Emily and I both laughed. I looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back. We were making progress.
“Yeah, baby, you know this song,” I said, rocking her playfully in my arms, making her laugh.
“Life goes on,” Emily muttered matter-of-factly, standing up and brushing the sand off the back of her jeans.
I wasn’t sure what she meant by that comment or if she was just commenting on the song, but I was pretty sure there was a deeper meaning to what she said, and it had something to do with me.
“Do you want to swing, baby girl?” I asked Lily, trying to cha
nge directions before things got more awkward between Emily and me.
“Yea! Swing,” Lily said cheerfully.
“Come on,” I said, looking over my shoulder at Emily who was cleaning up Lily’s toys.
“That’s okay,” she said. “I should go. Jen knows you’re picking Lily up?”
I nodded. “She called me. She’s still dealing with the doctors since her mother is pretty much checked out, and she hasn’t made much headway in finding out how her dad’s doing.”
Jen had gotten the call that her father had had a heart attack on the tennis court that morning and had been trying to get through to his doctors most of the day. I’d been working an afternoon shift at the bar, so I couldn’t take Lily. Thankfully Emily had been available.
“I hope he’s okay,” she said, as she stacked Lily’s sand pails inside of one another.
“He’s stable, but that’s all Jen knows at this point.”
“That’s good,” she said, as Lily tugged on my shirt sleeve.
“Daddy! Swing!” she said, and I knew why Jen had wanted some peace and quiet. Lily was a little ornery as she squirmed in my arms and had no doubt made it hard for Jen to make the phone calls she needed to make. The Terrible Twos just might be on their way.
“Okay, okay,” I said, pulling the fabric of my shirt out of her iron grip. “We’ll go swing. Are you coming?” I turned around and saw the look of hesitation on Emily’s face as she froze in a half-standing position.
“I should get home,” she said. “I actually have plans.”
“A date?” I asked, swallowing the bad taste those words left in my mouth.
She shrugged, and I took that as a yes.
“What time is he picking you up?” I asked, surprising myself with how candidly I could speak about something that made me physically ill when I thought about it. It was New Year’s Eve. I wanted to be the guy taking her out.
She glanced at her watch. “In about an hour and a half.”
Who is he? I wanted to ask, but I held back.
“Hang out for a few minutes,” I said, smiling at her, hoping it would be an invitation in itself.
“Okay,” she said hesitantly.
She started to follow me over to the swings, and I couldn’t help but imagine us like that permanently. Me, her and Lily – a happy little family – and I succeeded in surprising the shit out of myself when I realized the thought had crossed my mind. I’d only been joking when I’d told Leo I should propose to Emily, but apparently my subconscious had other ideas. Was I seriously considering what it would be like to marry this girl?
Over the summer I’d wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship, and even when I’d moved back, I hadn’t been looking for a girlfriend. But come to think of it, I actually hadn’t looked at another girl since I’d met Emily. Maybe what I wanted was what I’d been fighting against for years, and I didn’t just want to date Emily. Maybe I wanted more.
“Did you have a nice Christmas?” Emily asked, pulling me back to the present where she was standing in front of me, bundled in a red puffy coat and hat and sporting pink cheeks that told me she was cold.
I wanted to pull her into my arms and warm her up, and kiss her cheeks until they no longer held the chill from the air.
“Sure,” I said, as I loaded Lily into the swing, buckling the safety belt around her waist.
Christmas had felt strained. I’d gone with Jen and Derrick to their parents’ house in Pasadena since my dad and Sierra were going to the Virgin Islands for two weeks. I knew Christmas would be rough for me, and being somewhere foreign, that didn’t have any reminders of my mom, was what I’d needed. I knew my Aunt Jane was disappointed I hadn’t come home with Leo, but I just couldn’t be around family.
I smiled at Emily knowing I could easily bum her out with my tales of holiday joylessness and focused on what had been good about the trip.
“Lily saw Santa Claus, and she ate her first candy cane, and she loved opening all her gifts, but I think she liked ripping the wrapping paper more than anything. She kept sticking the bows on the dog, which he hated and she loved. It was funny.”
Emily laughed, and I realized how long it had been since I’d heard her laugh. It was a good sound. I desperately wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her, but I knew I had to exercise patience. We were talking. That was step number one. Step number two would come soon enough.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Emily
I was screening my calls when my phone rang, and I almost hit ‘Ignore’ when I realized it was Zack and not Alan, the guy I’d gone out with on New Year’s Eve.
“I almost screened you,” I said candidly when I picked up, forgetting that Zack and I weren’t really in a place where we could joke with each other.
“Oh, I’m glad you didn’t?” he said, and I could tell he wasn’t sure if I’d meant I was considering screening because it was him calling.
“Sorry. I wasn’t screening you,” I said quickly. “I’m screening my date from the other night. He keeps calling, and it’s just not going to happen because he talked non-stop about himself all night, and – I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my dating woes. Sorry.”
Zack laughed. “No, it’s fine. You can pour your heart out to me about the guy who can’t take a hint – not that I can blame him.” His laugher then stopped abruptly, almost as if he’d caught what he’d said and regretted it. Apparently he’d also forgotten the state of our relationship.
“So, what’s up?” I finally asked, wondering why he was calling.
Maybe he thought I’d changed my mind about being friends after we’d spent some time talking in the park the other day. I hadn’t, but I’d been friendly enough that day, so maybe I’d given off that vibe. Truthfully, seeing him and talking with him had been achingly painful, especially knowing there wasn’t a chance we could be together. He didn’t want that.
“I have a proposition for you,” he said cryptically.
“A proposition?”
“Yes. I’m just asking, and you can feel free to say no, but you’d really be helping me out.”
“Okay. What is it?” I asked warily.
He took a deep breath. “I have to go home for a few days to sort through my mom’s things. Every January, my mother and her friends would collect donations – clothes, household items, food – and give them to charity. It was their way of starting the new year fresh. Anyway, my mother left specific orders that I was to donate all of her belongings to charity. I have to take everything over to her friend’s house by this weekend, and I haven’t gone through any of it.”
“Okay,” I said, not sure what he was getting at. Did he want me to help him, because I was not going to be alone with him in his mother’s house. That was not happening.
“I know I probably should have done this before I moved back, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get rid of anything. I honesty still don’t want to, but she’d be pissed if she knew I’d disobeyed her wishes, and knowing her she’ll come back and haunt me, so I don’t want to piss her off.”
He laughed, so I laughed along with him. I knew he was trying to make light of a situation that freaked him out. My heart went out to him, and I wanted to hug him just to be sure he was okay. Maybe I could help him go through her stuff. I could be a friend and do that for him. It would be uncomfortable as hell, but I could do it.
“So how can I help?”
He laughed, and I thought he sounded nervous. “Well, you know Jen’s in California? Well, I have Lily, and there’s no way I can spend the time I need going through my mom’s stuff with her there. She’ll be bored and antsy, and I don’t want to rush through this, so I was hoping maybe I could pay you to come with us and be her nanny for two days.”
He let his statement hang out in the air for a few seconds, so it had time to really sink in. All he needed was a babysitter. Great.
“Please,” he said when I didn’t answer. “I don’t have anyone else to ask. Leo and Kristi
n are still in Pennsylvania, and Derrick and Andrew are with Jen. You’re probably the only other person I’d trust to watch Lily. Please.”
Wow. As much as I wanted to say no, I didn’t think I could.
“I’ll pay you,” he said again.
“Zack, I don’t want your money,” I said, feeling cheap somehow that he was offering. Even though Jen paid me to watch Lily, it felt wrong when it was him offering. Maybe it was because we’d slept together or because I was in love with him, even though I didn’t want to be, but either way, it felt dirty.
“Okay,” he said sighing. “I knew it was a long shot, but I figured I’d ask. Thanks anyway. I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Wait, Zack, no. I’ll do it.”
“You will?” he asked, and I could hear the relief in his voice.
“Yeah. I just don’t feel right taking your money.”
“I have to pay you,” he insisted.
“No you don’t. It’s for a good cause. Consider it my donation to your mom’s charity. I’ll even throw in a few bags of clothes I need to donate. How does that sound?”
“Like you’re a life saver,” he said enthusiastically. “Thank you, Emily. Really. I mean it. You’re the best.”
Yeah, I’m such a good friend.
“When do we leave?” I asked, cutting to the chase. Hearing him wax on about how wonderful I was wasn’t helping my ego like it should have.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine.”
“It’s a date,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut as soon as I heard the words come out of my mouth. Thankfully Zack didn’t comment on my Freudian slip.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Emily
I wasn’t prepared for what being in such close proximity to Zack would actually mean until I spent five hours in the car with him on the way to the Outer Banks. I was nervous the whole time and fidgety, but thankfully he didn’t say much. I could tell he was on edge, and I knew it was because of what he was facing. I already knew that Lily and I would make ourselves scarce so he could take the time he needed to sort through his mom’s things, so I started making a mental list of all the things we could do.
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 53
