Andrew raised an eyebrow at me, and I wasn’t sure what he was trying to communicate with that look.
“Did you?” I asked when he didn’t say anything.
I tried not to pass any judgment through my tone. What he did in the bedroom was his prerogative. It might not have been my first choice, but whatever.
“Yeah, I did,” he said defiantly after a few minutes of us silently staring at each other.
“Okay, and?” I prompted, because I knew there was more. He’d almost challenged me with his response. “Were you dating Jen at the time or something?”
He shook his head. “No, it was before we got back together. See, the thing is, I was all into the whole threesome thing, but then it sort of turned into just me and the guy, and his girlfriend was just watching us. I slept with him, man.”
My eyes got wide. Say what? That I hadn’t been expecting.
“Like, all the way?” I asked, because I sort of needed to have the full picture even though I didn’t really want the visual in my head. To get a blow job from guy was one thing, but to full-on have sex, that was active participation right there.
“Yeah, all the way,” he confirmed resignedly.
I nodded as I processed everything he was telling me. Okay, so he slept with a dude. That was apparent, but I wasn’t sure what it had to do with why he was in a bad mood over a year later and whatever was affecting him and Jen. Had she found out about the threesome or something? Was she upset? I was confused.
“Okay, so what does that have to do with what’s going on with you now?”
“Two weeks ago, when we were in Tampa, I saw him again.”
“The guy?”
He nodded. “Yeah, his name is Cole Stephenson. I thought I noticed him when we were on stage, but then I thought I was seeing things. I mean, it had been over a year, and I could have had the wrong guy. We were completely across the country. But after the show, he approached me. He remembered me.”
“Weird, right?”
Shit, it would be weird if a girl I’d had a one night stand with came back out of nowhere, but it wouldn’t make me all crazy and pissed off. It would just be awkward.
Andrew turned back to face the front and gulped down the rest of his drink. “Yeah, it was weird, but not in the way you think,” he said. Then he turned back to me. “The whole time we were talking, I just kept staring at his lips, thinking how much I wanted to kiss him again.”
I fought the surprised look that wanted to instantly flash across my face, because Andrew’s eyes were closed, and he was shaking his head and had a twisted expression on his face. I couldn’t imagine wanting to kiss a dude, but it wasn’t the time to make that known.
“So, you like guys? Are you gay?”
I seriously did not think that this was the conversation I’d be having when I left the house earlier that night. I was completely thrown by this revelation, but I think Andrew was too. It completely explained why he’d been all out of sorts. If I suddenly started having feelings for a guy, I’d probably be the same way. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen.
Andrew shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You’ve only ever dated girls,” I blurted out, because it was true.
“Yeah, no shit.”
“So, is that why you’ve been all weird for the past two weeks?”
He shook his head and shrugged. “Partly yes, because even though for a year I did what I had to do to push away the feelings that initially sparked when we hooked up, when I saw him again, I realized how much I liked being with him and how it was going to be harder for me to not think about being with him. It was like nothing else I’d ever experienced, and it scared the shit out of me. It’s been kind of eating away at me since then, because I don’t know what to do.”
Then I suddenly understood why he’d run to Jen the year before. He’d been afraid, and she was safe. That sucked.
“So Jen was just a convenient way for you to hide from your feelings,” I said, the coldness in my voice unable to be masked.
“Yes,” he said, not even trying to deny it. “Zack, I’m sorry. I thought if I dated her I’d forget about him, because she’s perfect, but it didn’t work. I never intentionally meant to hurt her.”
I actually believed him.
I sighed, pushing past the need to defend my friend. “So, you like this guy? Have you talked to him since Tampa?”
Andrew nodded. “Yeah. Last week, but then I did something really stupid this weekend.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. I still didn’t know where he’d been all weekend. “What did you do?”
“I went to Tampa. I went to see him”
My eyes got wide. “Tell me you didn’t cheat on Jen,” I said, my fist curling involuntarily.
Andrew sneered at me. “No, I didn’t cheat on her. I wanted to. I was tempted as hell, but I wouldn’t do that.”
“Okay, so what did you do?”
“I blew Cole off. I pushed him away. I panicked.”
“Why?”
He gave me a knowing look. “Because of the fall out.”
“What fall out? From you being gay?”
“I don’t think I’m gay,” he said quickly.
I was pretty sure he was.
“Um, then what are you?”
“Bi?” he questioned, but I had a feeling he really didn’t know for sure.
“Fine, you’re bi. Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”
Andrew hung his head “Fuck,” he sighed. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t run from this. It’s killing me, but I’m so afraid that it will ruin everything, that I’ll hurt too many people.”
I put my arm around him, and he looked at me in surprise.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Fuck you, asshole. I don’t give a shit who you sleep with. You’re my friend.” Then I grinned as a way to break the tension that was pressing down around us. “Just don’t hit on me, and we’re cool.”
I laughed, as his elbow shot out and connected with my ribs. I pulled back and rubbed the spot he’d hit.
“Listen, this isn’t a big deal,” I continued. “You gotta own it. As long as you’re happy, who cares about anything else?”
“But, I’m not happy.”
“Then do what you have to do to be happy. Be gay or bi or whatever. Just be yourself. Be with this guy, if it’s what you want.”
He looked at me in surprise. “You don’t hate me?”
Truthfully, I was pissed at him for stringing Jen along, but I didn’t hate him for liking guys. I felt like he needed to tell Jen, though. He was putting her through hell.
“No, I don’t hate you, Drew.”
“Do you want to kick my ass?”
“Sort of, but only because you used Jen. However, I know you were confused, and because of that I’ll spare you.”
“Are you going to kick me out of the band?” he asked, barely reacting to my admission that I kind of did want to hurt him.
He obviously wasn’t in the mood to joke, so I changed my tone. “No. Why would I do that? You’re an awesome guitar player.”
He shrugged. “Because I – you know – like guys.”
He said it so softly that I barely heard him. I had a feeling he was afraid to say it out loud.
“Because you’re gay?” I repeated, much louder, and he looked around frantically.
“Shut up, man,” he insisted. “I’m not gay.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, bi. Whatever,” I said, just as loud.
He looked at me like he wanted to kill me.
“Andrew, dude, are you seriously going to continue to hide from this? You just said it was killing you.”
“No, I’m not. Not really. I’m just not sure everyone else will be as accepting as you. I don’t exactly want to shout this from the rooftops.”
“Are you going to tell Leo and Derrick?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I don’t really want to tell Derrick, but I will. He’s a bi
t of a bigoted asshole, and he’s already going to be pissed at me for hurting Jen. Once I tell him the reason I’m ending things with her, he’ll really hate me.”
“No, he won’t. You and I both know that deep down, Derrick’s a good guy. He makes gay jokes, but he doesn’t mean them. He’s just an idiot. He’ll probably be upset for his sister, but he’ll get over it.”
“I hope you’re right,” he sighed.
“Listen, all you can do is tell the truth – to him and to Jen. She deserves it more than anyone. And next time you’re going through shit this heavy, clue your friends in. We’re here for you, no matter what. Shit, you guys all stood by me when Lily was born and I quit the band. You could have easily dropped my ass and replaced me, but you didn’t.”
“It’s because you’re like our brother. And we can’t be Liar’s Edge without you.”
I gave him a pointed look. “We feel the same way about you. Liar’s Edge doesn’t work without you either. Hell, Glimpse wouldn’t have ended up being such an awesome song if you hadn’t added the chorus. I had major writers block with that one, you remember?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I do, and I appreciate that. This band is my life, and you guys are my family. I don’t want to lose you. And I’ll talk to Jen tomorrow. I promise. I hate what I’ve been doing to her.”
“Good, now tell me about this guy, Cole, and how you’re going to make up for blowing him off,” I said, signaling to the bartender for another beer.
I needed one if I was going to talk about a dude with one of my best guy friends. It was uncharted territory for me, but I knew it was what Andrew needed.
He nodded, seeming surprised that I’d asked. But if he was having girl trouble, I’d ask, so this shouldn’t be any different.
“You’re sure you want to talk about this?” he asked cautiously.
I nodded. “Yeah, I am. Just don’t give me any graphic details. I’m supportive, but not that supportive.”
He smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. Then he took a deep breath. “Here’s the deal. He’s seeing someone. He told me he has feelings for me, but I’m no home wrecker. If he wants to pursue something free and clear, I’m in. I think.”
“Did anything happen, you know, physically, when you went to see him?”
He shook his head. “No, he came to see me at my hotel, but we only talked for like thirty minutes tops, and then I freaked out on him. I left the next day, and I haven’t talked to him since.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You left the next day? Like Saturday?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I took the first flight out.”
“Then where were you all weekend? I called you like twenty times.”
“I know. I turned my phone off. I was afraid Cole would call and I’d answer and cave. I was trying to get over him, so I stayed home and drank way more than I should have.”
“I didn’t work, did it,” I said, no stranger to trying to drown my sorrows in a bottle.
Andrew almost glared at me. “Yeah, no shit.”
I eyed him speculatively. “Did he call you?”
“No,” he said coldly. “He didn’t.”
I put my hand on his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting way. “I think you should call him. He’s probably waiting for you to make a move.”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head as he looked away, so I dropped my hand. “That would be like admitting I was going to do this, that I was going to be gay or bi or whatever, and that scares me.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but I held back. “I think you and I both know you’re going to do it. I’d use the past year as a basis for how much you need to do it. I think you just have to own who you are.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Not all the way at least. My parents can’t know. My dad would disown me if he found out.”
“No, he won’t,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure that was the case. “You’re twenty-six years old. He’ll get over it. And if he doesn’t, fuck him. I think it’s time you start really living your own life. That’s all I’m saying.”
Andrew sighed. “Yeah, but there’s no way I can come out or whatever I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to make this into a big thing and have it affect the band.”
“It won’t affect the band,” I said, but again I wasn’t fully sure.
Andrew shook his head. “It’s not the right time for me, and I’m not going to do anything that’s going to draw publicity away from the music. We’re riding a high right now, and people seem to love us. Let’s not do anything to fuck that up.”
“I’m not condoning that if it makes you unhappy, Andrew.”
“It won’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I think I can find a way to balance both. I have to try at least. Of course if Cole’s done with me, then I guess it’s a moot point.”
He turned to look at me as the bartender placed my beer in front of me and another drink for Andrew in front of him. Andrew’s phone dinged at that moment, and I saw the name Cole Stephenson flash on the screen. Then I saw the flash of a smile on my friend’s face as he read the text message. It looked like Cole wasn’t even close to being done with him.
“Is he texting you?” I asked, leaning over to see the screen, but Andrew tilted his phone away.
“Yeah, he is,” he said, and I could hear the disbelief in his voice since we’d literally just been talking about Cole.
“What did he say?”
Andrew was still looking at his phone, the corners of his mouth still turned up. “He said I couldn’t get rid of him that easily.”
“He’s persistent.”
“I know.” Then he turned his phone upside down.
“You’re not going to text back?”
He shook his head. “Not tonight. But tomorrow’s a new day.”
Chapter Nine
Zack
Emily was sitting up in bed reading when I got back to my dad’s place later that night. Andrew and I had stayed for a few more hours, talking some things out, and when we parted ways, he seemed to be in a much better place. He’d been drunk, so I’d given him a ride back to the hotel the guys were staying in, but at least he’d been in good spirits.
I crawled into bed next to my fiancée and laid my head on her chest. “Hi princess,” I said, closing my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her.
I never knew coming home to someone could be as wonderful as it was with Emily. Now I looked forward to time with her. We’d already sort of been living together all summer, but when we got off tour in late-November, she’d officially move in with me. And she thought she’d be moving into the townhouse I owned with Leo. She didn’t know that I was building a house for us in Chapel Hill.
She was going to go nuts when she saw it. I’d actually reached out to her brother, Chase, who was in grad school to be an architect. He’d partnered with the guy who owned the firm he worked at part-time to come up with plans for the two-story, four bedroom, open floor plan house with a huge wrap-around porch. Emily had no idea any of this was going on and that construction had started the month before. My contractor sent me photos every few days of the progress they were making, and if all went well, we’d be able to move in by Christmas.
“Hey baby,” Emily said, resting her chin on top of mine. “How was your night?”
I took a deep breath, ready to jump in with both feet. I had to tell her. She was our publicist, and although Andrew wasn’t going to do anything over-the-top like make a formal statement, she still needed to know.
“Andrew’s gay,” I said and then looked up to see her reaction.
Her eyes got wide, and her eyebrows rose. “Seriously?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I guess I’m the first person he’s telling, but he’s going to come out to the other guys.”
“Well, that certainly explains things. I told him the other day that he was being an asshole, and now I feel sort of bad for saying it.”
“Don’t be. He was being an asshole. Regardless of what he was
dealing with, he should have talked to one of us.”
“Zack, he was scared. Coming out is a big deal,” she reasoned, and I knew she was right. “Does Jen know?”
I shook my head. “No, but he told me he’s going to tell her.”
“Does he need me to do anything?”
She was always so caring. It was one of things that I loved most about her, and it was why she was so good at her job. She seriously wanted to protect the four of us, so she fought like hell to make sure we were represented correctly to the media.
“No, and I honestly don’t think it’ll affect anything. Being gay isn’t that big of a deal anymore, especially in the entertainment industry. I don’t think anyone’s going to care.”
“Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” she said, not sounding convinced.
And maybe I was more open-minded than some people, but quite honestly, if anyone decided not to listen to our music because our guitarist was gay, then we didn’t need them as fans.
“How was your night with Rachel?” I asked, changing the subject, since quite honestly I’d had enough talking about Andrew’s sexuality for one night.
“Great,” Emily sighed. “I miss her. She and Chase are doing well, though. She showed me pictures of their apartment in Murray Hill. It’s super-cute, and super-tiny, but she’s loving the city and working at Hit!.”
Emily’s best friend had gotten a job in New York working for a music magazine, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of her connections, but we were going to be on the cover of the November issue. Rachel was in town to interview us, and we were going to shoot the photos for the cover and the article the next day.
“Cool,” I said, my eyes starting to close. I was tired, but I still had my shoes on.
“So, um, I have to ask you something,” Emily said then.
“What’s that,” I murmured, already starting to drift off.
“Hit! wants to know if Rach can come on tour with us for two weeks in November. They want to do a follow-up article, and they thought an in-depth, first-hand view of what it’s like to be on tour with an up-and-coming rock band would be a good angle.”
I was suddenly wide awake.
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 70
