“Where’s Em?” Andrew asked, so I caught his gaze in the rearview mirror.
“Breakfast with Jonathan.
To top off my already stellar day, Emily had left me a note on her pillow letting me know she’d gotten up early to meet Jonathan for coffee and brainstorming, whatever the hell that meant. I was not thrilled with him being alone with her, but it was her job, so I couldn’t exactly tell her no. Besides, she was heading home afterward to watch Lily for the day, so it wasn’t like Jonathan was going to be monopolizing all of her time or anything.
And I trusted her. I was also secure enough in my relationship not to get panicked when a good looking guy showed interest in my girl. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. Emily was gorgeous, and she had a hot little body – of course I was the only one who she let see it – but I knew how guys’ minds worked, and I’d seen Jonathan watching her as she walked away from him a few times the day before at the studio. I knew he wouldn’t have minded getting a view of what I’d seen a few nights ago when she’d bent over the couch for me.
I smiled out the window as I remembered the way she’d felt in my arms and the sounds of pleasure that only I could give her. He wasn’t getting a thing.
“That sucks,” Andrew said. “I’m not sure I’d leave him alone with my girlfriend. The guy’s kind of sleazy.”
“Good thing you don’t have a girlfriend to worry about,” Derrick muttered under his breath.
“Neither do you, fuckhead,” Andrew countered back, just like he would have had he not been epically pissed at Derrick for calling him a fag. Not cool. I planned to have a talk with Derrick later after he calmed down.
Derrick turned in his seat and looked back at Andrew, perplexed that he’d said that. “Don’t you want to call me sweetheart?” he jeered, which wasn’t very becoming since his nose was swollen, kind of purplish in color and was crusted with blood that was also all over his shirt. He looked sort of like one of the zombie’s from The Walking Dead.
“No, I don’t,” Andrew spat back. “I’ve never wanted to call you that. Seriously, Derrick, just because I’m dating a guy does not mean I’m going to start flapping my hands when I talk and speaking in a feminine voice. I did not have a lobotomy overnight. I’m the same goddamn person I was twelve hours ago at dinner when you were telling me to check out the waitress’s tits.”
“Yeah, but you probably thought they were gross, didn’t you?” he said, so obviously not getting what Andrew was trying to tell him.
“No! Of course not. She might have had the nicest pair of tits I’ve ever seen, and had she been kind enough to throw them in my face, I would have sucked on them for hours!”
My eyes went wide as I looked at Andrew in the rearview mirror. I’d never heard him talk like that before, and from the way he was breathing hard, I knew he was forcing himself to be over the top for Derrick’s benefit. He just shrugged when he met my gaze.
“I don’t get it,” Derrick said.
“What don’t you get?” Andrew asked through gritted teeth.
“You suck dick, right?”
I saw Andrew’s face turn red. “Yes, I have,” he said.
“Then how can you like tits? Girls have tits.”
I saw Leo roll his eyes. “Dude, are you retarded? He’s bi-sexual. It means he likes women and men. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is to me,” Derrick said.
“Why?” Andrew demanded. “Why is it a big deal?”
“Because you might hit on me,” he said, shivering as he did.
At that, Andrew threw his hands up in surrender. “I fucking give up. Derrick, just because you hit on everything that moves doesn’t mean everyone else does. I don’t find you the least bit attractive. Now Zack on the other hand,” he said coyly, and I figured he was trying to lighten the mood, “he’s another story.”
I blew him a kiss in the rearview mirror. “Love you, Drewbaby.”
“Uh, you guys are sick,” Derrick complained.
“We’re fucking kidding,” I said, looking at him as if he really was retarded.
“I’m better looking than Zack anyway,” Derrick mumbled.
I laughed out loud, not because I thought I was better looking than Derrick, but because he was a giant walking contradiction of himself.
“So, you want me to want you?” Andrew asked.
“I wa-ant you to wa-ant me,” Leo sang, making Andrew and me laugh.
“Shut up,” Derrick said, and after our laughter died out, we all went silent as we pulled into the parking lot of the studio.
I knew we were a long way from being okay, but I knew we’d get there in time. Derrick would come around.
“Game faces on,” Leo said. “Everyone needs to give a hundred and ten percent today.”
“That’s mathematically impossible,” Derrick said sarcastically, earning himself a slap upside the head from Leo.
“Just stay behind your drum kit, do your thing and do it well. It’s why you’re here,” Leo snapped at him.
“I always do,” Derrick said, sliding out of the truck. “It’s why our songs rock.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Andrew mumbled, but I don’t think Derrick heard him.
“Good thing too or else I’d kick your ass out of the band after the comment you made to Drew this morning,” Leo threatened.
“You can’t kick me out,” Derrick snapped. “It’s Zack’s band.”
My head snapped up at that comment. “No, it isn’t. We’re all equals in this band.”
Derrick scoffed. “Yeah right. Tell that to the label and the media.”
“Ignore him,” Leo said to me while he glared at Derrick.
I looked back to see Andrew watching Derrick with just a touch of pain in his eyes. He’d tried to be tough and play it off, but I knew Derrick’s words had hurt him. Derrick meant a lot to him, and the fact that he hadn’t accepted Andrew’s decision to come out was bothering him. I only hoped I was right, and in time, Derrick would come around.
“You okay, Drew?” I asked once Derrick was out of earshot.
He shrugged. “Not really, but I sort of figured he’d act like this so at least it didn’t catch me off-guard. I was just sort of hoping that he’d be cool with it. I don’t know, like he’d surprise us or something, but I guess I’m an idiot for thinking that.”
“You’re not an idiot. Derrick’s just an ass,” Leo muttered.
Andrew didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure you’re cool with this?” he asked Leo.
“What the hell do I care? It doesn’t change who you are or what you bring to this band,” he said, shrugging.
Andrew breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks man.”
“Any time, you pussies!” Derrick called from outside the truck.
“Shut up, Derrick,” Leo barked at him through the closed window. “I will not hesitate to kick your sorry ass.” Then he turned back to Andrew and stuck his hand out to give him a bro hug. “No thanks necessary. We’re family. We accept each other as is. It’s why we put up with Derrick.”
Andrew laughed a small laugh, but I could tell it was forced.
As soon as Leo climbed out of my truck, he walked over to Derrick and shoved him once before he kept walking into the building.
“Come on,” I said to Andrew, turning off the ignition and sliding out of the cab.
I pulled him into a headlock as we walked just because I couldn’t stand to see the glum look on his face any longer. He was grinning by the time we walked into the building, and he turned to face me.
“You okay?” he asked, giving me a knowing look. He’d remembered what day it was.
The other guys had either forgotten in the midst of everything that was going on or they were giving me space. Either way, I appreciated it since I wasn’t in the mood to talk about my mom.
“Yeah, I’m alright.”
He nodded. “If you want to talk, let me know,” he said, shrugging.
“T
hanks man. I appreciate it.”
“No sweat. I know what it was like for you last year, and I don’t want you to go through that again. We’re here for you, you understand?”
I nodded. “I hear you, but this year’s different. I’m in a much better place. I have you guys, and I have Em. I’ll get through it.”
He clapped me on the back. “I know you will.”
Andrew opened the door to the studio then, and I about lost my shit.
“What the fuck is this?” I hissed as soon as we got through the door.
Derrick was nowhere to be seen, and Leo was still out in the hall. He’d been on his phone when we’d passed him. But in the studio, huddled way to close to my fiancée for comfort, was Jonathan. But the worst part was, Emily was whispering to him and laughing at whatever he said in response to her.
“Calm down, man,” Andrew murmured, knowing me well enough to know that I was about to go off.
“Are we interrupting something?” I asked, and Emily shot away from Jonathan like shrapnel.
She looked up in surprise for a moment, guilt written all over her face, and I was instantly fuming.
“Hey baby,” she said, rising from her rolling chair.
She crossed the small space to me, wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body against mine, but I didn’t hug her back. She pulled back and looked at me in confusion.
“How was your breakfast date?” I asked, the snark in my tone fairly obvious.
She rolled her eyes. She actually fucking rolled her eyes at me after I’d caught her all curled up next to fucking Jonathan. I was over it. He was always near her or he was calling or texting, and she was always laughing at his stupid jokes. I seriously hated it.
“Stop it, Zack. Don’t do this,” she said actually sounding irritated with me.
“Do what?” I asked innocently. “Was my mouth just inches away from another girl’s? No, it wasn’t.”
“Don’t be jealous. Do you actually think I would do that to you? Because if you do, we have a serious problem.”
“I’m not jealous. Trust me. I’m anything but jealous of him.”
“Yeah right,” she said as she pushed past me and out of the studio.
“Where are you going?” I called after her, panicking just a little that I’d overreacted and now she was pissed at me.
She spun around and faced me, daggers shooting from her eyes. “I’m going home, Zack. I can’t even deal with you right now.”
“You can’t deal with me right now?”
She put her hands on her hips. “No, I can’t. I’d rather go home and deal with a two and a half year-old who will probably throw a tantrum at some point today, because honestly, it will be preferable to learning that my fiancé has no trust in me whatsoever.”
“I trust you,” I countered, keeping my voice low so Jonathan couldn’t hear.
“No, you don’t. You don’t like Jonathan, and just because he’s good looking, you’re afraid that he’s going to go make a play for me, and I’m going to reciprocate. That doesn’t sound like trust, or faith, for that matter.”
“You think he’s good looking?” I asked, my emotions completely out of control as I honed in on that one piece of her statement.
She rolled her eyes. “That is so not the point! It doesn’t matter what he looks like, I’m not interested. I’m not going to do anything with him.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you told Ben the same thing right before you slept with me,” I snapped back, instantly regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.
She hadn’t been single the first time we’d hooked up, and I knew her ex was pissed that I’d come along. At the time, I hadn’t thought twice about what we’d been doing, since it wasn’t my relationship. But things were different now. And I guess on some subconscious level, I was afraid that if someone better came along, someone with less baggage, that Emily might find him more attractive.
There, I’d said it. I was apparently insecure after all, and I hated it. I hadn’t been insecure about the opposite sex in years – not since I’d learned the power I could possess with my guitar and a few coy looks. But this was different. I’d already won Emily over with my looks and my music. This was my heart at stake, and the last thing I wanted was for her to come out and say we’d gone too fast, we were too young, she wasn’t ready to be with a guy like me who had an insta-family.
I was kind of freaking out.
Emily gasped in what could only be described as horror, reached out and slapped me across the face. “Fuck you, Zack. I can’t believe you just threw that in my face. You are unbelievable. I can’t even look at you right now.”
She stormed away from me, and I let her go, my face stinging from the slap. But it ran deeper than just my skin, she’d hit my ego, my pride and my heart all in one blow. And with where my head was at that day, I was seriously teetering on the brink, but there wasn’t much I could do. I couldn’t take back what I said. I just had to hope that she’d forgive me for speaking without thinking. But in end, I really hoped my insecurities were just fears and they weren’t my heart preparing itself for what might happen, because if it did, if she left me, it would tear me apart.
* * *
I tried calling Emily when we broke for lunch, but I figured she was either busy or freezing me out since she didn’t answer, which didn’t do much to ease my fears. I’d never wanted to get a recording session over with so badly.
“Hey man, we’re going to that barbecue joint across the street. You good with that?” Leo asked me, Andrew trailing behind him.
“Sure, that’s cool,” I said, sticking my phone back into my pocket.
“Derrick, you good with barbecue?” I asked when he came out of the studio with Jonathan. They were talking through some of the stuff Derrick had recorded that morning, and even though I was pissed at him, he’d played awesome.
Derrick shot a look at Andrew and then brought his gaze back to mine. “No. I’m going somewhere else.”
Andrew’s shoulders sunk. “I’ll just go somewhere else,” he offered.
“No,” I said quickly. “This shit ends now. Go on ahead. We’ll meet you there.”
With that, I took off after Derrick. I caught up to him behind the studio, his back to me as he talked on his cell phone. I couldn’t hear his words since his voice was so low. He ended his conversation fairly quickly. Then he dug something out of his pocket, along with a key, held it up to his nose and sniffed like only someone who’d done that a thousand times could.
He was discreet, but he wasn’t hiding anything. I should have known he was using again. He’d always had a penchant for party drugs, and coke was his go-to, but it had been a while since I’d seen him do it. It actually kind of explained the way he’d been acting and his irrational behavior as of late.
“Coke? Really, man?” I asked, as he jumped in surprise. Then he turned around to face me with a glare.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked and sniffed once, not bothering to answer my question. How he could snort that shit with his nose looking the way it did after Leo’s punch was beyond me.
“I asked you a question,” I demanded.
“I don’t know what you’re taking about,” he said, flat out lying to me as he shoved the key and the small vile back in his pocket.
I took a deep breath. “Fine, then why are you being a dick to Andrew?” I asked, trying the question I’d followed him to ask.
“You know exactly why,” he scoffed. “Andrew’s a fucking fag. I think it’s sick and twisted and fucking disgusting.”
God, I hated when he did coke. It made him overly emotional, and I had no way of knowing if he’d been on it earlier that morning when he’d laid into Andrew the first time. I wanted to believe that what he was saying was the coke talking, but I didn’t know for sure. It usually affected his playing, made him sloppy, but today his playing had been pristine.
“He’s your best friend,” I challenged. “How can you say that about
him?”
He shrugged. “It’s just what I think.”
“But it doesn’t change who he is,” I insisted, not even knowing if my words would get through to him. I could see his pupils starting to dilate.
“Sure it does. He sucks cock now. I don’t want to picture that.”
“Derrick, I don’t want to picture half the shit you do with women, and trust me, from some of the stories you’ve told, I have some pretty clear images that will be burned in my brain for all eternity. I also know for a fact that there are some things you do behind closed doors that I’d never do, but it doesn’t mean I think any less of you. Your sex life is your own deal.”
Derrick looked at me blankly. “It’s not the same thing. Sure, now Drew’s all normal, but what’s he gonna be like in a year or two when he full-on embraces his gayness and gets a rainbow tattooed on his ass, starts dressing all girly and wanting us to write songs about dudes. It’s gonna change everything.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “That was like one giant, completely incorrect stereotype. Have you ever known anyone who was gay, like really known them?”
He shrugged. “My sister’s friend Trent in high school. He was all girly and waved his hands when he talked and had this high voice.”
“You do know there are different types of gay, right?”
Derrick looked over my shoulder through the glass doors into the building. I followed his gaze and saw that a car had pulled up out front.
“Gay is gay as far as I’m concerned,” he said distractedly. “Listen, my ride’s here. I gotta go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Lunch fuck,” he said, as he stretched his arms over his head to reveal part of the tattoo of a bloody piranha on his stomach.
“Is that Keely?” I asked, squinting through the two sets of glass doors to see who the driver of the car was.
“Yeah,” Derrick said, putting his arms down. “Girl can’t get enough of me.”
I rolled my eyes as he started to walk past me. “Just be back by two,” I told him.
“Yes, mother,” he said sarcastically.
Fuck. What the hell was I going to do with him?
* * *
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 77
