I caught her arm before she had a chance to turn away from me. “You’re an amazing mother.”
Now her eyes shined with unshed tears. “My daughter hates me,” she whispered. Raven had been holed up in her room since we got back, which wasn’t unusual. Every time she came downstairs she’d glare at us, grunting and rolling her eyes at each attempt Leah made to talk to her. She’d disappear, slamming the bedroom door before Leah had a chance to finish what she was saying. It wasn’t the lawsuit, the reporters, or even losing her job that would ruin Leah—it was Raven.
That was it. I couldn’t let Leah blame herself for this anymore. All Leah had wanted was someone to see her for the amazing woman she was. To love her back. Beth Barnes didn’t have much to offer, but I wanted all of it. Just so she could feel a fraction of the loss she’d made Leah experience time and time again.
I took the stairs two at a time, knocking on Raven’s door before Leah had a chance to stop me.
She didn’t expect to see me on the other side. “What?”
“I want to talk to you.” I was overstepping my bounds with this one, but this was the only thing I could hope to fix. The way things were going lately, I braced myself for the possibility of it blowing up in my face.
Raven shrugged, opening the door wider and going back to her desk.
I didn’t move. “Downstairs. I’m not coming into your bedroom.” The last thing I needed was to be accused of anything happening in an eighteen-year-old’s room.
She considered her options but decided to follow me. Leah’s mouth dropped when her daughter came downstairs behind me.
“I want you to apologize to your mother,” I said once she sat down. “Unless you can honestly tell me you meant any of the awful things you’ve said to her lately.”
Raven looked between the two of us, wide-eyed and shook her head. “I didn’t.”
“Tell her.”
She knotted her hands in her lap and bowed her faded purple head. “I’m sorry, Ma.” She looked up at Leah after she said it like a weight had been lifted. “Dad said so many awful things about you and Jagger, and I stuck up for you as long as I could. But when this lawsuit came out, and everything went nuts, I thought for a minute they were right—it was you who’d been lying to me all along. Like you’d set out to do this awful thing.”
Leah sat beside Raven and took her hand. “Everything I’ve ever done has been so you know that you can have whatever you want. But Jagger is for me. I won’t apologize for that. People—who I don’t even know—will have their lives ruined because of this. It sucks—for you, for me, and for them. But it sucks more to go through life not having what you want. Don’t let this change any of that for you. It’s not always the easy thing. Sometimes, like now, it’s really frigging hard, but it makes it that much sweeter when it all falls into place. I was scared out of my mind when I moved here, but look what I accomplished. Put this into perspective. There are reporters outside because they think the world cares about something I did. I don’t know what happens next. But I need you, Raven. Now more than ever.”
Raven slipped her arms around her mother, needing her, too. I couldn’t imagine what was going through her head. She’d been raised in a place where deceit and lies were rewarded and happiness was squashed. Raven was more like her mother than she’d ever admit. She couldn’t see what a gift that was.
“Thank you.” Leah gave me a kiss after Raven went back upstairs. “You have no idea how much I needed that.”
“I’d fix it all if I could.”
“We have to get to the production office somehow.” Leah sighed, separating the closed window blinds. A bulb flashed from outside, the storm still on top of us. “If we call into the meeting, the terrorists win. This is ridiculous. We can’t stay trapped in the house forever.”
The police wouldn’t tell the reporters to leave. As long as they stayed on the sidewalk, they were on public property. “They can’t come into the driveway. And they don’t want to get run over. All we have to do is get in and out of both buildings. It will suck, but we can do it.”
I managed to maneuver her car past the crowd. I was tempted to drive as far away from there as possible, to some place no one would care who we were or how we met. If it existed. I’d walked away from every one of my problems in the past. Started over somewhere else.
I’d never been in love before. That was the difference.
Another swarm awaited us at the production office. We were getting better at moving through the crowd—hand in hand, eyes straight ahead, saying nothing.
“How does it feel to take your best friend down with you, Leah?” one of them called out before we got to the door.
The door slammed closed behind us. “Did they just say what I think they said?” She looked like she was about to pass out. “How do they know about Kari?”
“Because the root of all evil is more than willing to tell the media everything they want to know.” I’d quit my job a week too late. Leah had begged me to take Christmas off and spend it with her. If I’d granted her wish, none of this would be happening. “I can’t believe you hadn’t heard from her if it’s true.”
“Or she’s so pissed she’s not talking to me.” Leah’s phone lit up the dim hallway. “Or I had my phone on silent and she’s been blowing it up the whole time.”
“Fuck. I hoped they were trying to bait you. That for once, they were wrong.”
Leah sighed heavily. “First, we have to deal with this. Who knows, maybe we’ll have some good news to tell her.”
From the look on everyone’s faces at the table, I knew that wasn’t the case.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Leah
“Let me guess. The network sees this as a ratings boon, and we’re all getting big fat raises.” My attempt at a joke was met with blank stares. I swallowed hard and tried not to puke. I sunk into my chair, not letting go of Jagger’s hand. Diane didn’t try to hide her glare. “Or not.”
“I wish that were the case.” Diane’s expression changed to something more sympathetic, and something else I’d never seen on her face before—fear. “Believe it or not, the network was willing to go to bat for you. They like you a lot, and natural on-air talent isn’t easy to find. There’s a reason your star rose so fast. And you and Jagger were set for your own empire.”
Were. I knew what was coming.
“This is bigger than just you and Jagger. The media is on a witch hunt now that the client list of the escorting agency has been accessed. Some well-respected women are playing defense today. The network has decided to suspend production on Second Chances, and your segments on Great Start Today have been discontinued, effective immediately.”
Suspend? Discontinued? “So I’m fired.”
“Not exactly. This way the network still has you under contract, Jagger as well.” Diane glanced over at him. I wondered how different this conversation would be if she’d never suggested him coming on air with me, or if he’d stuck to his guns and refused the job. If Beth’s pissing contest would’ve still morphed into the behemoth shitstorm destroying everything. “They’ve declined to report on the story any more than acknowledging it exists. That’s a good sign. Once everyone stops using the word embattled to describe you, they may ease both of you back into the rotation. It’s the standard operating procedure when it comes to scandal.”
“Congratulations, Leah.” One of my interns smirked at me. “You’re full-on famous now.”
I ignored him. No use wasting energy on him when he was most likely unemployed. “What happens to Reno’s project?” I looked around the room. “And everyone here? I’m so sorry, you guys. I never, ever thought this would happen.”
I wished I had something to give them. Until then, a job had been enough.
“You’re free to complete Reno’s project on your own. Everything’s been paid for, and the network wouldn’t leave him with a half-renovated house. They have a big enough public relations nightmare on their hands without adding fuel
to the fire.” Diane was so good at twisting the knife, she didn’t realize when she did it. “As for us, we’re technically employees of the network. They’re working on placing us in new positions.”
Finally, something Beth couldn’t destroy. For the first time since the scandal broke, I relaxed. “That’s wonderful. The worst part of this whole thing is that so many people have to suffer for something they didn’t do.”
“This could open up new doors for you.” Diane didn’t seem to consider any of this a bad thing. She’d reacted much worse to some of my design ideas. “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but this is the best possible outcome of this situation. A lot of people really like you, Leah. That will work in your favor.”
Still, it was over. “I couldn’t have done any of this without all of you.” My voice shook. “Thank you. For everything.”
We said our awkward goodbyes. I held on to my job by a thread, but it didn’t mean I’d get my team back when my name was no longer mud. Without them, I may not be as successful. Shannon hugged me for a long time. At least we had a chance to promote her before the ax fell. “I’ll be in touch,” I whispered. She nodded.
I’d do everything I could to rebuild the lives I’d sent sideways. Just like we’d planned with the abandoned properties. We’d served one purpose, and now we had to figure out how to adapt.
“That went better than I expected. For once. Maybe things are turning around.” I was thankful Jagger had offered to drive. On the way there, I’d been a nervous wreck. I wasn’t sure which reporter had called to me about Kari, but now I had to find out what she meant.
I’m suspended pending further fucking investigation, she texted. I hadn’t called her. On a normal day, she’d be at work, and texting was best. If I treated it like a normal day, maybe things would go back to normal.
Me too. Good thing we’re good at our jobs. I punctuated it with a smiley face.
I work for the government. That means that they’re gathering the evidence to can me legally.
Your personal life has nothing to do with your job. I could understand why Jagger and I got suspended, especially now that everyone knew how we met. But what Kari did in her personal life should be no concern. Let’s think positive.
Right. Now I can concentrate on your case.
Jagger had been quiet since we left the meeting. I poured him a glass of wine and then put my knee between his on the couch. He put his hand behind me to steady me as I knelt before him. “What are you thinking about?”
He took a sip of his wine and tipped his head back. “You.”
I kissed him. Jagger put down his wine glass before committing to it fully. Sometimes, he communicated best through body language. Before he met me, he had a rule to never kiss his clients. After holding back for so many years, his kisses had a lot to say. Our first attempt to separate was unsuccessful. So wasn’t the second. And the third. “I always think about you,” I finally managed, putting my finger on his lips to keep myself away.
He pushed a curl away from my face, then traced the line of my cheekbone, brushing his fingers slowly across my lips. I closed my eyes and purred, opening my mouth so his finger would catch, but my eyes snapped open when he pulled it away.
“You love nothing more than to take care of people. You want to make things better. I’ve been watching you during this whole thing. You’ve kept your faith that everything will work out even as everything crumbles around you.”
“I’ve been through a lot worse than this. And I’ve always pulled myself out of it.” I wasn’t sure I liked where he was going with this. “What crushes me about this time is the collateral damage. After I talked to Kari, I thought about it. That client list could’ve been made public at any time if there are that many well-known people on it. Anyone who got a hint that they could milk it for a scandal. Unfortunately, we were the catalysts for it to actually happen.”
“I worry what will happen to you when things don’t get better.”
Nope, definitely didn’t like where he was going. “I can’t control what other people do. If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that I can only take care of myself, and do the best I can for Raven. It’s time for her to start making her own decisions, and if they’re bad, I hope she learns from them. As long as you wake up in the morning, losing something makes room for new things. We’re lucky—we’re still getting paid through all of this. This is the time to do whatever we wanted to do. For me, that will mean getting back to private clients. For you, I hope that means the gallery.”
He nodded.
I sighed and climbed off his lap. “Just say it, Jagger. Whatever it is. Keeping it to yourself won’t make it better.”
“I go back to Miami tomorrow.” He had a hard time meeting my gaze and didn’t say anything else until he held it. “I think it’s best if we take some time to figure things out.”
“I knew it.” But it didn’t make it hurt any less. My body went numb as I absorbed what he actually meant. “Why? Everything’s already happened. Nothing bad can come of us staying together.”
Jagger stood, coming so close but not touching me. I wasn’t sure which would’ve been crueler. “I’m dragging you down. You need to be with someone who helps you fly.”
“Hey.” I grabbed a fistful of his shirt. I couldn’t let him get any further away from me. “You do. No, don’t shake your head. The only thing you can’t do for me is tell me how you make me feel. This sucks, there’s no way around it. But I don’t regret a single second we’ve spent together.”
I went up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss and he turned his fucking head.
“I don’t either. But people will look at you differently now. You’ll be the one with the scandal. Will that hold you back? I can’t do that to you, Leah.”
I closed my eyes, counting so I didn’t say you already did. “Do you run every time things get hard?” That wasn’t any better.
“I’ve been pushed away too many times.”
So he was playing defense, leaving me before I wrecked his heart. Jagger had been broken for so long he thought he was meant to be that way.
“This time, you’re wrong.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Leah
Jagger had one more night with me, and I was determined to convince him it wouldn’t be his last.
I couldn’t push him. I’d already talked him into quitting the only job he ever had and hounded him to take one he didn’t want. And sent it all raining down around him like sparks from an exploding volcano.
We’d been quiet since he made his wishes known. I figured he wanted to make sure he stuck with his decision, and I wanted to make sure I remembered every little thing about him. I wasn’t the photographer. I only had my memory to rely on. But like an old photograph, eventually that would fade, and get lost or destroyed.
Jagger lay in bed, staring into space before I shut the light off. He’d asked me if I wanted him to sleep on the couch but I refused. It wasn’t even an option. I had this horribly strong sense of déjà vu but pushed it down. Either we’d get through this, or we weren’t meant to.
Try telling that to my heart.
I slipped between the covers, feeling terribly overdressed in my pajamas. Sometimes we started the night fully dressed, but we never woke up that way. Once I settled, I rested my hand on his stomach. I usually used his chest as a pillow.
He didn’t acknowledge me. I moved up, stopping over his pounding heart. He sucked in a sharp breath, like I’d startled him, and he turned into me, cradling my face so he could kiss me.
My hands snaked up into his hair, pulling him down on top of me. This argument, disagreement, whatever the hell it was, was far from over. It didn’t matter that we didn’t have any more words that could make it better.
Maybe this could heal my broken heart.
“You are the world’s best kisser,” I whispered against his lips.
His smile blossomed against mine. “There’s no one in the world I’d rather kiss.”<
br />
Nope, heart still in pieces. “Then why are you doing this to me?”
“Because I hate hurting you.” Jagger went back to kissing me like he wasn’t saying goodbye. Instead, he tried to fill in all the places that had split open over the last few days. I lay down, willing him to follow me. My words may not be enough, but I hoped something would click for him. That he couldn’t possibly get on that plane in twelve hours and never do this again.
His hair framed my face, but his eyes still shone in the shadow. My hands were everywhere—memory wasn’t just visual. It was tactile, and as an artist, Jagger would understand that. I wouldn’t stop touching him until he walked away from me at the airport. If I let him.
Jagger slipped his hand under my tank top, unsure of himself like he’d never done it before. It was a completely different sensation than his usual expert touch. Wriggling underneath him, I gave him permission to take it off. I didn’t waste any time, and I got rid of the bottoms, too, and waited for his next move.
My cards were on the table. Chips in the middle. All in.
He kissed a line down the side of my neck, stopping in the spot that begged him to stay here with me. The light touch tickled my chest on his journey down. He hesitated between my breasts, flicking his gaze up to me.
“Why’d you stop?” I couldn’t give him a chance to change his mind.
“I was thinking.” He licked his lips before elaborating. “What it will be like.”
He didn’t add the rest—without you. Good thing. Staking me in the heart and letting me bleed out underneath him would’ve been kinder.
“You don’t have to.” I could barely get the words out. “You’re the one doing this. Nothing is tearing us apart but you.”
“We both know that’s not true.” He lowered his head, his hair tickling the crook of my neck.
I giggled. It was so inappropriate.
“What’s funny?” he asked. He settled beside me, bringing whatever he was doing to a crashing halt. Damn it.
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