“I’ll just go change, and then we can leave,” he said, and Megan watched as he turned and walked awkwardly toward the restrooms.
Megan and Liam sat in silence for a moment.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Megan,” Liam finally said. He eased his long frame from the picnic-table bench and stood up. “I wish you all the best with Talbot. He’s a good guy. And about what I said earlier…” He shrugged. “It’s obvious that you two have something, and he’s not going to screw that up.”
Megan nodded. “Thanks.”
She watched Liam return to where the other men were grilling burgers and hot dogs. She couldn’t dispel the images she’d had of Matt, stripped down to his skin as he posed for the calendar. She still couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told her about the offer, even if he hadn’t yet made a decision about it. Was it that he didn’t trust her? Or maybe she was making more out of it than necessary. She didn’t begrudge him his newfound fame, but she had a sinking feeling that with all the publicity surrounding him, Matt’s life would never again be the same.
What if Liam was right? What if Matt really was an adrenaline junkie, who thrived on danger and excitement? He wouldn’t stick around a sleepy little town like Swampscott. And when he finally left for bigger and better things, Megan knew her life would never be the same, either.
7
MEGAN WAS UNCHARACTERISTICALLY quiet during the ride home, and Matt found he missed her easy conversation. Instead, she gazed out the window at the darkening landscape, and every so often a frown would furrow her smooth brow.
“Hey,” he finally said, covering her hand with his own. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just tired.” She gave him a swift, apologetic smile, but Matt wasn’t buying it.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But there’s something else you’re not telling me.” A dark thought occurred to him. “If Liam or Alex said or did anything, I swear—”
“No! They were perfect gentlemen. I had a fun time with them.”
Matt brought her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips against her palm. “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry I abandoned you today. I had no idea that the base commander had arranged a media interview, and I definitely hadn’t planned to spend so much time in the dunk tank.”
Megan pulled her hand free and curled it into a ball on her lap. “I guess that’s the price of being a hero,” she said, but her voice was overly bright.
“Listen,” he said, frustrated. “I already told you I’m no hero. I’m just a regular guy.” He watched as Megan bent her head and picked at some imaginary thread on her shorts. She didn’t believe him. “Megan. I didn’t ask for this—this media circus, okay? I’d rather spend my time with you.”
She did look at him then, and when she spoke, her voice held an unmistakable challenge. “Fine. Stay with me tonight at my place. Tomorrow morning, let’s get up early and drive along the coast, just the two of us. We can even check into some cute little B and B for the night instead of driving back.”
They’d reached her street, and Matt pulled up in front of her town house and shut the engine off, turning in his seat to face her. Outside, he could hear the distant pounding of the surf against the seawall. He didn’t know what was going on, but he already sensed it wasn’t going to go well for him.
“Megan…I’d love to do that, I would. But tomorrow’s not good for me. How about midweek, or the weekend after next?”
“Matt…”
She looked quickly away, and he could have sworn she blinked back tears. Then she turned to him and her expression was composed. But even in the dim light, he could see her agitation.
“Come here,” he commanded gruffly, and reached for her, but she put her hands up to hold him off.
“Matt, I know where you’re going tomorrow.”
His hands fell and he sat back, stunned. He hadn’t even told his parents about his plans. He hadn’t wanted anyone to know, in case things didn’t work out. Nothing worse than looking like a failure when the entire community—including the girl you were totally crazy for—believed you were a hero.
“How did you find out?”
She dropped her gaze to where her hands were clasped on her lap. “Liam told me. He overheard you talking to the base commander.”
“Oh.” Matt was floored.
He had told the base commander about his hope to enter the state police academy. Tomorrow he would take the three-hour written exam and then meet with some of the academy staff officers for an interview and a tour of the facility. If things went the way he hoped they would, he’d enter the academy for six months of intensive training. His focus sharpened on Megan. Was that what was bothering her? The enforced separation during the recruit training?
“If this works out, I’d only be gone for six months,” he finally said.
“Only six months?” She gave a disbelieving laugh. “Listen to yourself!” She took a deep breath and leaned forward. “I’m not sure I can do this, Matt. I’ve just found you. I’m not sure I can give you up for another six months.”
Matt felt as if he’d been punched in the solar plexus. “Listen, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to tell you myself, but only after I knew for sure that I’d actually be going. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I want to do it. I need to do it. This is important to me, Megan.”
Important to us.
But he didn’t say the words aloud. If Megan couldn’t support him in this, then there didn’t seem much point in continuing their relationship. Something in his chest clenched hard at the thought of letting her go, but he knew he’d have to. He’d had girlfriends before who hadn’t been able to support what he did for a living. He knew firsthand how that resentment could erode a relationship and turn it into something ugly. He didn’t ever want to reach that point with Megan.
She blinked several times and swallowed hard, and he sensed she was close to tears. “I’d worry about you.”
He blew out a sharp breath of relief. If that was her only reason for not wanting him to become a trooper, he could put her fears to rest.
“You wouldn’t need to worry. I’d be perfectly safe.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Oh, really? So the bullets wouldn’t be real? They’d be rubber bullets, or blanks?”
“Of course not.”
Megan’s entire body seemed to sag. “That’s what I thought.” She turned blindly for the door handle. “Good night, Matt.” What the—?
“Megan.” Leaning across her body, he caught the door handle, preventing her from opening it and effectively trapping her against the seat. “Talk to me, babe, because whatever’s going on, I know we can fix this.”
She stared at him, and this time there was no mistaking the tears that swam in her eyes. “I understand why you want to do this, Matt. Really, I do. I’m just not sure—” She broke off, her face twisting. “I need some time to think.”
He searched her eyes, and for the first time he could recall, he felt real fear. “Megan…” he breathed, “don’t do this.”
“I’m not like you.” Her voice dropped so that he had to strain to hear her. “I’m not brave or strong. I’m a complete coward, and there’s a part of me that would rather say goodbye to you now than watch you get killed later on.”
“Babe, I am not going to get killed.” He framed her face in his hands, searching her eyes. “Not when I’ve just found you.”
She nodded, but didn’t look at him. He understood that she was only barely holding it together.
“Okay,” he finally relented. “I get that you need some time. What are we talking about—a couple of days? Because I’m not sure I can be away from you for any longer than that.”
She hesitated for a fraction of a second, and Matt found himself holding his breath.
“My family is having a Fourth of July get-together next weekend at their house on Small Point Beach,” she finally said. “Maybe you could come up with me?”
Now it was Matt’s turn to hesita
te.
“Forget it,” she said quickly. “It was a stupid idea.”
“No, no,” he protested. When she wouldn’t look at him, he caught her face in his hand. “It’s a great idea, and I’d love to meet your family. It’s just that—”
She pulled her face away, her voice resigned. “You already have plans.”
“Yeah…I’ve been invited to march in the Fourth of July parade down in Bristol, Connecticut. I’ve already committed to going,” he admitted. “In fact, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with me and make a weekend out of it. This parade is the oldest Independence Day parade in the country. I’m told it’s quite an honor to be invited.”
“Then you should go,” she said, but he could see her smile was forced.
“What’s going on, Megan? This has nothing to do with my going to the parade, or even my being away for another six months.”
For a moment, he didn’t think she was going to answer. Then she looked at him, and he saw the sadness and regret in her eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong, Matt. I’m happy for the opportunities you’ve been given, because I think you’re an amazing guy and you deserve them. But I can’t help but wonder…”
“What? Can’t help but wonder what?”
She drew in a deep breath. “I can’t help but wonder what else you haven’t told me. I thought we had something special, yet you’re making all these plans that don’t include me, so what I am I supposed to think?”
He blew out a hard breath. “It’s not like that. We do have something special. You’re special.” He made a sound of frustration. “I didn’t want to tell you about my plans in case they didn’t work out.”
Megan shook her head. “That’s just it—if this is going to work then I need full disclosure. Up front. I shouldn’t have to find out about stuff after the fact. It’s not fair, Matt.”
Matt nodded. “Agreed. Now can we please put all this behind us and move on?” He dipped his head to look at her. “You suggested that I might sleep better if I had company. I’d really like to spend the night with you, Megan.”
She bit her lip, and he could see the conflict on her face. “I need time alone, Matt. I can’t think when you’re near, and I’m feeling so confused right now. I don’t know what I want.”
Matt fell back. He knew that he could overcome her resistance and persuade her to invite him in. He was sure of himself and of her attraction to him. But he also respected her enough to let her have the time she needed.
“Okay, fine,” he said, and retreated to his side of the truck and placed his hands firmly on the steering wheel lest he be tempted to drag her into his arms. “Take whatever time you need. When you figure things out, let me know.”
He sensed her hesitation, and hoped like hell she would reconsider.
“I’ll give you a call,” she said quietly and, leaning across the console, she pressed a kiss against his face. Matt closed his eyes briefly at the sensation, and then watched as she climbed out of the vehicle and ran quickly up the steps to her front door.
Only after Megan had disappeared inside did he acknowledge that there was one very important truth he hadn’t shared with her; he’d fallen for her—hard.
8
MEGAN LEANED on the railing of her parents’ deck and gazed across the dunes to the beach, where her three brothers-in-law and her father were heaping driftwood into a pile in preparation for an evening bonfire. Several of her nieces and nephews ran through the shallow surf, shrieking in delight as they chased each other with strands of seaweed. Reilly, her parents’ ancient golden retriever, plodded along behind them with his tongue lolling out of his mouth. The sun had already sunk below the headland, streaking the sky with warm shades of pink. In a few more minutes, the beach would be completely dark except for the occasional bonfire. Farther down the stretch of sand, several couples strolled arm in arm.
Megan sighed, feeling alone despite the fact she was surrounded by her entire family. Nearly a week had passed since she had last seen Matt, and the time apart that she’d insisted was necessary in order for her to get her head together now felt like an enforced punishment. She missed him more than she would have thought possible, and spent most of her time thinking about him.
Several times, he’d tried to call her on her cell phone, but she hadn’t picked up. Twice, he’d left her voice-mail messages, asking her to call him back. Nothing about either of those messages had indicated he missed her, or that he even wanted to see her. His last message had actually scared her. His voice had been quietly grim as he’d said, “Megan, we need to talk. There’s something I need to tell you. Call me.” She hadn’t.
She’d been too afraid of what he might say. She’d been too afraid that her insistence on having time to think had also provided him with the opportunity to think, and he’d come to the realization that he didn’t really want to be with her, after all. She’d told him she was a coward, and now she knew it was the truth. She’d rather avoid him than hear him tell her that he was no longer interested in her. That he was returning to Iraq and that maybe it was better if they just called it quits.
“Hey, you okay?”
Megan turned to see her sister, Erin, standing beside her, and forced a smile.
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
Erin shrugged. “You just seem a little down.”
Megan gave a rueful laugh and turned to stare blindly at the sea. “No wonder. I’m quite possibly the stupidest woman on the face of the planet.”
Erin pressed a drink into Megan’s hand. “Does this have something to do with your military hero? Mom said you were going to ask him to join us this weekend. I think she’s disappointed that you didn’t.”
“Actually, I did invite him but he had something else going on,” Megan replied, and took a sip of the drink.
“Oh. But you’ll see him again?”
Megan turned to face her sister. “I’m not all that sure he wants to see me again. I found out he’s reenlisting in the marines, and it totally freaked me out. I, um, overreacted.”
“Oh, Meg…”
“I all but gave him an ultimatum. Me or the military.” She gave a bitter laugh. “He’s been trying to call me, but I’ve been too afraid to talk to him.”
“You really like this guy?”
Something broke free in Megan’s chest, something she’d desperately tried to hold in check since the day of the fair, when Liam had told her that not only did Matt have a poor track record with relationships, but that he’d almost certainly leave her to go back to the military.
“I more than like him, Erin.” Her voice broke. “I’m crazy about him, and I think I may have made the biggest mistake of my life in pushing him away.”
“Oh, sweetie…” Erin put her arms around Megan and drew her close, rubbing her back the way Megan had seen her do with her children on countless occasions. “Maybe you should just call him. I’m sure this can still be worked out.”
Megan pulled away, sniffling. “I wish I could be so certain. I told him it would be easier to let him go now than to see him get killed later on.” She swiped a hand across her eyes. “How stupid was that? Here I am, letting my own selfishness get in the way of spending time with him.”
Erin considered her through compassionate eyes. “Would you want to be with him, even knowing he would eventually return to Iraq or Afghanistan? Even knowing he might not come home?”
“Yes.” Megan’s voice was fierce. “I realize now that his determination to go back, in spite of what he’s been through, is just one of the reasons why I love him so much.”
There was an instant of silence as they both absorbed what Megan had just said. Reaching out, Erin removed the drink from Megan’s hand and took a long swallow.
“I think you need to call him,” she said, gesturing with the glass. “Today.”
Megan nodded. “I will. I’m just going to take a walk to clear my head, and figure out what I’m going to say to him.”
“Just be
honest,” Erin said. “Tell him you’re crazy about him.”
Megan made her way down to the steps, aware of Erin’s eyes on her. “And don’t be gone too long,” her sister called. “The guys will be lighting the bonfire soon, and the fireworks begin in a half hour!”
Waving her hand in acknowledgment, Megan followed the path through the dunes to the beach, grateful that her nieces and nephews didn’t notice her. As much as she enjoyed their energetic company, right now she’d rather be alone. She’d spent her childhood on this beach, and now she made her way to one of her favorite spots, a secluded section of dunes where she could sit and watch the waves but couldn’t easily be seen by anyone in the nearby houses.
She sat down, looping her arms around her knees. What was Matt doing at this exact moment? Had he decided to stay in Connecticut for the day or had he returned to Massachusetts to celebrate the Fourth of July with his family? Had he missed her during the past week? Or had he already moved on with his life? Was that why he’d left her the voice-mail messages, saying they needed to talk?
She groaned and dropped her forehead onto her knees, mentally kicking herself. She should have gone to Bristol with him and watched him march in the parade. She should have reserved a room at some romantic little bed-and-breakfast and made it a weekend that he wouldn’t ever forget. Instead, they were hundreds of miles apart. Again.
Pop-pop-pop! Farther down the beach, a group of teens began shooting off some small fireworks, and the noise reverberated across the water. Megan raised her head to watch, then a movement from the opposite direction caught her attention.
A lone figure made his way along the beach, and Megan felt her heart stutter in her chest. Slowly, she pushed to her feet. She could just make out the large deck on her parents’ house, and unless her imagination was playing tricks on her, it seemed that her entire family stood there, watching the man as he walked toward her.
Born on the 4th of July Page 17
