The question seemed to render her momentarily speechless. She rallied a second later. “Yes, of course. Why don’t we take a short walk?”
“Splendid idea.”
*
Huddled inside her coat, Ellie fell into step beside Caleb. They walked in companionable silence for several blocks then retraced their steps at a slower pace. Not quite sure what had motivated his request to speak with her alone, she slid a covert glance his way from beneath lowered lashes.
He appeared lost in thought, and she wondered at that, wondered what was on his mind. But then she feared she knew.
“Is this about the Christmas tree?” she blurted out. “Did I overstep by offering to decorate it with you and the girls?”
“You didn’t overstep.” He drew to a halt and looked at her with an easy smile, prompting her stomach to twist.
She opened her mouth but shut it when she realized he wasn’t through speaking. “In fact, I want to thank you for the offer. The children have never had a Christmas tree, so I’m pleased they’re going to get one this year.”
No Christmas tree? Ever? “But surely your wife—” She cut off the rest of the words. “Never mind, I shouldn’t have brought up Lizzie.”
But now that she had, she realized this would be Caleb’s first Christmas without his wife, and his daughters’ first Christmas without their mother.
“In answer to your unspoken question, no, Lizzie didn’t decorate for Christmas.” Something cheerless came and went in his eyes. “Holidays made her melancholy.”
Ellie sensed there was more to the story, but she didn’t think now was the time to pry. “I’m sorry, Caleb, for you and the girls.”
“Thank you.” He began walking again. She trotted to catch up then slowed her pace to match his.
The tension on his face told her he needed to unburden himself about something. Ellie reminded herself that above all else she was this man’s friend. Friends offered one another support, no judgment, no condemnation, no inquisitions.
“Christmas isn’t solely about the decorations,” she began. “It’s about being with family and…”
She let her words trail off, regretting opening her mouth, fearing he would misunderstand what she’d meant to say.
“I don’t disagree, Ellie. Family is everything. But the girls have never experienced a real Christmas with all the trappings. I want that for them.”
Those poor children.
This poor man.
No wonder Caleb wanted to remarry so quickly after his wife’s death. “At least you have Betsy,” Ellie offered in a small voice. “She’ll make your house a home this Christmas.”
“I’m sure she will.” His response lacked enthusiasm.
In that moment, Ellie felt such longing. I want to be the woman to give the Voss family a happy Christmas, all three of them.
What was stopping her?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing was holding her back, except her own fears. And her selfish worry over what it would do to her if she allowed herself to get too close to this man and his children.
Well, this wasn’t about her. This was about a family in need of something she had the ability and desire to give.
Ellie remembered what it was like to lose a mother, to experience that first holiday with the hole in the home left after her death.
“I have a proposal,” she said when they arrived back at her house.
“I was going to say the same.”
They shared a smile and for that brief moment a spark of hope kindled to life deep within her.
“You first,” he said. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“Well. I was thinking.” She paused at the foot of the porch, gathering her thoughts. “Maybe I could—”
The sound of pounding feet up the walk cut her off. She looked over her shoulder. “Brody? What’s wrong, what’s happened?”
Before the words left her mouth, Caleb was spinning around to face the boy.
“It’s my mama.” He skidded to a stop, slapped his hands on his knees and sucked in several gulping breaths of air. “She fell down and hit her head. There was lots of blood, but she made me promise not to get Doc. I helped her clean up as best I could. When she fell asleep I came here. Aunt Betsy is the only one who can convince Mama to let Doc inside the house.”
“I’ll fetch your aunt for you.” Ellie rushed inside the house.
After a brief explanation, Betsy and Ellie’s father grabbed their coats and hurried outside.
Deciding the others accompanying Brody was enough, Ellie stayed behind with Caleb’s daughters. She did her best to keep Hannah and Grace occupied with a story. Their eyes drooped, a clear indication the excitement of the day was catching up with them.
As Ellie directed them to join her on the couch, she lifted up a silent prayer for Brody and his mother. Lord, heal Clara Driscoll, bring her peace and freedom from pain, and give Brody the courage he’s going to need in the coming days.
When the girls went from tired to cranky and started arguing over who got to hold the book, Ellie settled them on each end. Covering them with a blanket, she began singing a favorite lullaby from her childhood.
Their eyes shut almost immediately. Just about the time their breathing evened out, Caleb reentered the house.
One look at his face and Ellie knew Brody’s mother was in a bad way. She cocked her head toward the sleeping children, then motioned for Caleb to follow her into the dining room.
As soon as the swinging door shut behind them, Ellie broke her silence. “How is Brody’s mother?”
“Better than we feared. Doc didn’t appear too concerned over her injury.”
“Good.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s really good news.”
“I left her with your father and her sister.” Shadows swirled in Caleb’s gaze, dark and worried. Wanting to offer comfort where she could, Ellie touched his arm.
He blessed her with a slight smile.
As a thought occurred to her, she slowly pulled her hand away. “Betsy will want to spend as much time with her sister as possible, day and night.”
“Yes.” Caleb rubbed a hand over his eyes. “As she should.”
“That leaves you in a bind.”
He nodded. A pensive look shaded his face, but he said nothing more.
“I’ll watch the children for you.” The offer came out of her mouth as natural as a breath.
Caleb eyed her speculatively. “Actually, I had a more permanent solution in mind.”
Her heartbeat slammed against her ribs. Hope rose. She shoved it back with a hard swallow. This wasn’t about her. It wasn’t the realization of a dream, or a fairy tale. It was real life and real people in need. A woman was dying, a fractured family in pain.
“You’re a good influence on my daughters, Ellie. I trust you with them completely.”
Ellie sought to still the pounding of her heart. There was no reason to feel alarm. So she’d caught Caleb watching her throughout the day, his brows knit together as if working out a puzzle, or sorting through the particulars of a plan.
“You’re a steady woman, smart and capable. Easygoing, and not prone to outbursts or unnecessary drama.”
Listening to Caleb describe her with such bland words, Ellie didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted. Steady, capable, not prone to outbursts. Was she truly that boring?
That forgettable?
Did he think her lacking in the finer, feminine qualities of kindness, gentleness and, well, prettiness?
“We’ve known each other for years.” He touched her cheek with such tenderness she thought she might cry. “I’ve always liked you, Ellie.”
“I’ve always liked you, too, Caleb.”
A broad range of memories swept across her mind, dragging her back to childhood when this man had been a boy, and she a young girl with stars in her eyes. He’d championed her on more than one occasion, such as the time when Everett had stuck her braid in an inkwell. It was Caleb who’d h
elped her wash out the black goo.
Then, on the worst day of her life, when her mother had died, Caleb had been by Ellie’s side. He’d let her cry on his shoulder, had tenderly dried her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
“…and that, Ellie, is why I’m asking you to marry me.”
What? Had she heard him correctly? Had he just asked her to marry him, while she’d been skipping down memory lane?
Surely she’d misunderstood.
Untangling herself from the past, she forced herself to focus, to recall the precise words he’d uttered. One line came back to her. You’ll make the girls a good mother.
There’d been no mention of love.
“Well?” He touched her arm, looked at her expectantly. “What do you say?”
“Could…could you repeat the question?”
He smiled. “Ellie Wainwright,” he said in a low, soft, affectionate tone. “Will you marry me?”
Chapter Six
As he waited for Ellie’s answer, Caleb choked down an unexpected bout of nerves. Say yes, he silently willed.
Say something, he amended two seconds later. Anything.
Why wasn’t she speaking?
Why was she staring up at him, standing motionless, moving only her eyelashes in a quick, fast flutter?
Perhaps he’d been too abrupt with his words, too quick to get to the point.
At last, Ellie’s lips parted slightly, as if she meant to say something, but then she snapped her mouth shut.
Caleb’s agitation increased.
He couldn’t bear her silence a moment longer. “Before you respond, let me say again—”
“You want to marry me?”
He nodded, not sure why she sounded so confused. The more he worked the idea around in his head, the more he wanted Ellie to mother his daughters.
“Why?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why do you wish to marry me?”
Every muscle in his body tensed. He thought he’d made himself clear. The catch in her voice said differently. “I told you.”
She blinked again, three rapid flutters, then clasped her hands tightly together in front of her. “I… I think I need you to restate your reasons.”
Ah, now he understood her confusion. Apparently he’d spoken too quickly. An oversight easily fixed.
“Ellie.” He took one of her hands again, gently pressing his palms to hers. “You’re good with the girls, patient and kind. They like you. You seem to like them…and you’re frowning.”
“Am I?”
He gently squeezed her hand and immediately felt a sense of calm, as if all was right in the world.
The connection didn’t seem to have the same effect on Ellie. A storm of emotion brewed in her eyes, even a hint of pain.
Caleb hadn’t meant to upset her with his proposal, though it seemed he’d done just that. “Tell me what I said that’s made you so sad.”
“I’m not sad, I’m merely confused.” Her frown dug deeper. “I don’t understand why you want to marry me. Is it only for your daughters’ sake?”
He heard what she was really asking, but chose to bypass the loaded question. “The girls have experienced much uncertainty in their young lives. I’ve provided what stability I can, but they need a mother. A mother like you. You’re the steadiest woman I know.”
“There are other women in town who are equally steady.”
“Perhaps, but you’re also trustworthy, stable and reliable. And—”
“Kate Riley is all those things.” Still frowning, Ellie pulled her hand free of his. “As is the local schoolteacher, Lillian O’Hare. Either woman would make a perfectly acceptable mother for your daughters.”
True, and he’d considered them in the past, had even approached both women. Now he was grateful they’d declined his offer.
Ellie was special. They had a history. They were friends. He cared about her, liked her. “We’d be good together.”
Their home would be free of turmoil.
Sighing, she reached up and fiddled with the top button of her collar. “You don’t really want to be married. You’re simply looking for a woman to mother your daughters.”
“That’s not to say we won’t enjoy a comfortable, peaceful life together. I’ll keep you safe, Ellie. I’ll take care of you. I’ll never leave you, or allow harm to come to you.”
“What about love?”
Caleb’s throat seized at the question. His relationship with Lizzie had been a love match but had become tumultuous quickly, bringing only pain and disillusionment to them both.
“Love isn’t what the songs and poems claim.” He took his time, carefully choosing his words. “Love wanes with time. But friendship, now that, Ellie, lasts forever.”
“Do you really believe friendship is better than love?”
He didn’t just believe it. He knew it in the deepest part of his soul. “Yes.”
The disappointment in her eyes made his shoulders bunch again, the muscles drawing so tightly together a knot formed in the middle of his back.
“The kind of marriage you’re suggesting isn’t for me. I want to build a home, a future and a life on the solid foundation of love. Anything less would be nothing more than existing.”
“Companionship has its advantages.”
“God intended marriage for more.”
Caleb had never heard Ellie speak that passionately before. As he stared into her expressive gaze, he felt a moment of regret.
“As much as I like and admire you, my answer is no. I won’t marry you.”
The sense of defeat that shot through him nearly dropped him to his knees.
“I understand.” He sensed he’d just lost something precious, something that might have been, were he a different man.
His friendship with Ellie was strong. Even Lizzie had noticed their connection. She’d accused him of having tender feelings for Everett’s little sister. Caleb had told his wife any tender feelings he had for Ellie were based on a bond that had been forged in childhood.
He’d meant what he said. They could have a built a good life together.
But she wanted more than he could give.
He’d had his chance at love. Despite dedicating all he had to making his marriage work, it had failed. Love had only complicated matters, not helped. Lizzie’s constant dissatisfaction had thrown their home into chaos and his daughters had suffered. They were still suffering. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—risk their well-being again.
“I’m sorry, Caleb, truly I am.” Ellie’s voice went soft. “I hope we can remain friends.”
“Always.”
“Then in the spirit of friendship, I have a counteroffer. A compromise, if you will.”
The shyness in her voice was downright adorable. Caleb found himself smiling in response. “What did you have in mind?”
“Let me take over for Betsy while she focuses on her sister. I’ll keep your house and watch your daughters until you find another solution, or—” She paused, before continuing, “a woman to marry, whichever comes first.”
Now that he’d allowed himself to think of Ellie as more than Everett’s little sister, Caleb couldn’t imagine anyone else in his home but her. Unfortunately, they wanted different arrangements. “That’s kind of you, but—”
“You need me, Caleb, and I’d really like to provide your daughters with a nice Christmas, one they’ll not soon forget.”
The smile she gave him radiated from the goodness of her heart.
He desperately wanted what she offered. For the girls. “It won’t be an imposition?”
She waved the question away with a flick of her wrist. “Until I find another teaching position, my days are relatively free of obligation.”
Her words caught him up short. “You’re planning to leave town again?”
The thought weighed heavy in his gut. The sensation felt like grief.
“I can’t stay in Thunder Ridge indefinitely, especially since the only teaching position is
already taken. I’ve sent out a half-dozen queries. No replies yet, but I’m sure I’ll hear something soon.”
He thought he heard a note of humiliation in her voice. Not for the first time he wondered why she’d left her job in Colorado Springs.
“You truly want to leave Thunder Ridge?”
“It’s not that I want to go, but once my father marries Betsy I’ll be in the way.”
“Neither would want you leaving town on their account.”
“Perhaps you’re right, but newlyweds deserve time to themselves. I want them to enjoy one another and find their rhythm as a couple without me around. So you see. I’m perfectly available to step in for Betsy, at least temporarily.”
He’d rather her in his home on a permanent basis. It wasn’t meant to be.
“What do you say?” Ellie’s smile shot through him like a sharp knife slicing through gristle. “Will you allow me the honor of watching over your daughters and giving them a Christmas with all the trappings? One they won’t soon forget?”
Under the circumstances, he really didn’t have much of a choice. “We can give it a try.”
What could possibly go wrong?
“Oh, Caleb, I won’t let you down.” She beamed as if he’d given her a treasured gift.
She’d never looked more beautiful. Her pull was strong, more powerful than he’d previously understood.
A crack split open in his heart, giving him all sorts of reasons for regretting his decision. Not a single reservation had to do with his daughters.
“Unless you can think of a reason I shouldn’t start immediately, I’ll arrive at your house first thing tomorrow morning.”
He could think of a hundred things that could go wrong with this plan. Starting with the fact that he and Ellie were at cross-purposes, with no chance of resolving their differences.
Despite his misgivings, he found himself saying, “That’ll be fine.”
*
The night’s chill still clung on the air when Caleb greeted Ellie at his front door the next morning. Despite the early hour and the heavy mist swirling around her feet, she looked eager to begin the day.
As was becoming a regular occurrence, her smile did something to his gut. The sensation wasn’t altogether awful. Just being near Ellie made Caleb think of better days ahead, of endless possibilities, of hope for the future.
Love Inspired Historical October 2015 Box Set Page 50
