by Lynn, JB
“I’ll take you to the emergency vet clinic,” I promised her.
“No vets,” she groaned. She has a hang-up about veterinarians. I think it’s due to the one who called her Piss.
“You still have to save lives,” God reminded me.
“I’m too tired to save anyone else today,” I groaned. “Besides, we don’t have the blue bear.”
“Yes, you do,” Mike cawed.
Looking up, I spotted him balanced on the head of yet another cherub statue. “We do.”
“I hid it.” The crow puffed out his chest proudly.
“Where?”
“This way.” He flew off.
I followed him around the house and, sure enough, there in the middle of a stone path sat the blue bear.
I picked it up. “Whitehat will be happy.”
“Dominic will be, too,” Piss said. “We put back his old bear before those awful men showed up.”
“Dominic’s traumatized,” I muttered.
“Kids are resilient,” God assured me. “He’ll bounce back.”
Once everyone was in the car, I called Zeke.
He answered on the third ring. “Where are you?”
I didn’t answer, thinking it wasn’t a good idea to share I was at the mobster’s house.
“Everyone else is here at the hospital,” he continued.
“On my way there now. Can you meet me in the parking lot? I’ve got it.”
“You’ve got it?” he asked incredulously.
“Call off the attack ninjas,” I told him before disconnecting the call.
I dropped Piss and DeeDee back at the house before heading to the hospital.
Matilda was on the front porch. “That stench,” she complained the moment I’d climbed out of the car to release the cat and dog.
I rolled my eyes, promised DeeDee I’d be back as soon as possible, got into the car, and drove away without addressing the diva pig.
Zeke was pacing in the parking lot when I arrived at the hospital. I drove up to him and handed him the blue bear through my lowered window.
“I can’t believe you did it,” he marveled.
“It was a group effort,” I told him.
“What does that mean?”
Ignoring his question, I asked, “Where is everyone?”
“Emergency Room waiting area. They’re getting ready to discharge Griswald.”
“Wow.”
“He must be a tough old geezer,” Zeke said.
I nodded. He certainly was that.
Zeke examined the bear he held.
“Bring that to Whitehat,” I said.
He nodded and walked away.
By the time I parked and walked into the Emergency Room entrance, they were indeed letting Griswald out.
“Maggie!” Aunt Leslie called, happy to see me.
Armani waved. Templeton nodded. Loretta smiled.
“Better late than never?” Susan asked, arching a disapproving eyebrow.
“Leave the girl be, Susan,” Griswald chastised his wife. “She’s driving me home.”
His face was bruised and he was moving slowly, but he looked surprisingly strong for someone who’d been shot, kidnapped and tortured.
“She’s driving you home?” Shock and outrage warred in Susan’s tone.
“Yes.” Griswald stated it simply, offering no reason. “Come on, Maggie.” He slid his arm through mine.
I shrugged an apology at Susan. She did not look pleased.
Griswald leaned on me heavily by the time we reached my car, the day’s toll on him evident. He lowered himself gingerly into the passenger seat and allowed me to close his door for him.
Before doing so, I warned, “There’s a mouse in the tissue box.”
He glanced at Benny, alarmed.
I closed the door and hurried around to my side of the car.
“How are you?” he asked once I’d climbed behind the steering wheel.
“I’m not the one who was shot,” I reminded him, starting the car.
“But you are the one who shot someone,” he said gently. “Killed a man.”
I froze. For anyone else, that would be pretty distressing. I gulped nervously, realizing I hadn’t acted like a normal person would have.
“It’s okay to be upset,” he murmured, misreading my reaction. He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
I tried to recall how it had felt after my first kill. I’d barely survived an attack by Delveccio’s murderous son-in-law, Dominic’s father. Remembering how I’d felt back then, I said, “I feel numb.”
“Completely normal,” Griswald assured me. “You were very brave.”
I stared out the windshield, unsure of how to respond.
“How’d you find me?”
“I didn’t, DeeDee did.” I repeated the lie Patrick and I had agreed on.
“I’m going to buy that dog the biggest steak she’s ever seen,” Griswald declared.
“Don’t,” I told him. “She stole Susan’s roast earlier this week.”
He chuckled. Then, grew serious. “You were smart to call Mulligan.”
“I know you trust him,” I replied smoothly, putting the car into gear. Then, I stepped on the brake and looked over at him. “When you said I was taking you home, which place did you mean?”
“I imagine my house is a disaster,” Griswald said.
“So I’ve heard,” I murmured.
“I’m sorry Marlene had to see that,” he said.
“Me too.”
“To the compound,” he declared.
Nodding, I drove toward home. “Dad told me what you were doing,” I said, figuring the less chance to ask questions he had, the better off I’d be. “He told me about the video.”
“Your father is an interesting man,” Griswald said thoughtfully. “A career criminal. Not a very good one at that, who usually tries to do the right thing.”
“Sound like anyone you know?” God piped up from my bra.
I ignored the lizard’s dig.
“It was generous of him to offer me the tape,” Griswald continued.
“It almost got you killed,” I told him. “Multiple times.”
“It was worth it,” he declared.
I glanced over at him and saw a half-smile playing at his lips. “Because you can vindicate your father’s memory.”
He nodded.
I turned my attention back to the road. “It’s amazing the tape survived for decades.”
“It’s not the original,” he told me.
I squeezed the steering wheel. I’d known that part of the story didn’t track. “Oh no?”
“It had been transferred to VHS,” he explained.
“By whom?”
“Excellent grammar,” God praised.
Griswald shook his head. “The less you know, the better off you’ll be.”
I frowned, wanting answers.
“It doesn’t really matter anymore,” he said. “Anatov’s dead. In a strange way, justice has been served.”
Neither of us commented on the fact I’d been the one to serve up that justice with a bullet.
The others had beaten us home and were waiting when I pulled in front of the house. I noticed that Matilda was still sulking on the porch, but DeeDee and Piss were nowhere in sight.
There was a lot of laughter and more than a few tears as Griswald made his way into the house.
“A hero’s welcome,” Armani whispered to me.
“He was tortured,” I told her.
She beamed with pride. “Told ya.”
I frowned at her for being pleased he’d been tortured, then nodded.
“Herschel’s got your animals in the barn.”
“Why?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Don’t know, but I’m exhausted. It’s been a heck of a day.”
I bit back a smile. She didn’t know the half of it.
While she limped inside, I headed to the barn.
Herschel met me outside. He looked w
orried.
“What’s wrong?”
He shrugged. “Both Zippy and DeeDee must have eaten something bad. They were both vomiting. And that cat of yours…”
“Where is she?” I asked, alarmed that her injuries were more significant than she’d let on.
“She wouldn’t stop singing.”
I blinked at my grandfather. “What?”
“Singing. Specifically, an endless loop of Home on the Range.” He shuddered. “It was awful.”
I nodded, imagining how bad a singing cat must sound.
“I brought them out here and the fresh air seemed to help.”
“Thank you.”
“Griswald’s back?”
I nodded.
“Good, Susan can fuss over him instead of me.”
I laughed. “She means well.”
“Meaning well and actually doing good can be two very different things. I’m glad her man’s back. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He headed toward the house.
I went to check on my pets. DeeDee, Piss, and Zippy, Herschel’s little white dog, were all sleeping in a mound under Irma’s watchful eye.
“They’re feeling better,” the donkey whispered.
I rubbed the spot between her eyes and headed inside. It had been a long day, and I desperately needed some sleep.
31
I was sound asleep when the phone rang.
Half-asleep, I shoved it under my pillow to make it stop blaring.
It fell silent.
Then, rang again.
“Answer it,” Matilda oinked.
I covered my head with my pillow. She pulled it off of me. “Answer!” she squealed.
“Bacon bits,” I muttered.
Undeterred, she squealed again. “Answer.”
I reached for the phone just so she’d shut up and let me go back to sleep.
“What?” I answered groggily.
“Maggie.”
The connection was bad, and the voice sounded far away.
“Maggie! Wake up!”
Grudgingly, I opened my eyes. “Who is this?” I muttered into the phone, half-asleep.
“You need to get up,” Gino yelled. “Do you hear me, Maggie? Get up! Get up now!”
“No,” I muttered drowsily. “Tired.”
“Get up!” Gino roared. “Get up or your whole family is going to die.”
The desperation in his tone got through to me before his words sunk in. “What?” I struggled into a sitting position.
“Get everyone outside,” Gino urged. “Or at least open the windows.”
“Everyone’s asleep.”
“Everyone’s dying,” Gino shouted. “It’s carbon monoxide. I figured out Armani’s prediction of CO. It’s carbon monoxide.”
“But,” I protested weakly, trying to force my lethargic mind to make sense of what he was saying.
“The silent killer,” God piped up from his enclosure. “Odorless gas.”
“It’s not odorless,” Matilda snuffled.
“Maybe not to a pig,” the lizard agreed. “Then again, the house is equipped with carbon monoxide detectors, so if it was present, they’d be going off.”
“Wire,” I muttered. “Mike’s wire.” Panic jolted me awake. My whole family could die.
“I’m on my way, Maggie,” Gino told me. “But you’ve got to stay awake. Do you understand? Stay awake.”
Dropping the phone on the bed, I forced myself to my feet. I swayed weakly. “Wake them,” I implored Matilda. “Wake them all.”
Matilda ran from the room squealing, “Wake up! Wake up!”
I threw open my bedroom window and left God and Benny on the sill next to the screen.
I stumbled out of the room. Matilda was squealing, but I didn’t hear anyone else stirring.
I went to the girls’ room, first. I burst in and threw on the light. Neither child stirred. “No, no, no,” I yelled. I scooped up both Katie and Alicia from their beds and headed for the front door. “Help!” I yelled as I staggered beneath their weight. “Help!”
I got to the door but had to put Katie down in order to unlock it. My muscles burning with exertion, I fumbled with the door handle, but finally pushed it open. I practically fell out. Putting Alicia down outside, I turned back for Katie.
I would have fallen, but he caught me.
I looked up to see Gino, gaze frantic with worry, staring down at me.
“Can’t wake,” I gasped.
“I’ll get them.” He quickly lowered me to the porch floor and dove into the house.
A moment later, he reappeared, putting Katie down beside me. His expression was grim as he disappeared back inside.
DeeDee and Piss raced up from the barn.
“Poison gas,” I told them. “Get everyone out.”
“Out!” DeeDee barked, running inside. “Out! Out!”
Piss licked my cheeks. “The ninjas are coming. The ninjas are coming.”
I turned as half a dozen masked men converged on the house in stealthy silence.
“Carbon monoxide,” I gasped. “Carbon monoxide poisoning.”
One of the ninjas peeled off, bringing a phone to his ear. The others rushed inside.
I tried to sit up. Instead, I passed out.
32
So many flashing lights.
That was my first thought when I regained consciousness. Then, I remembered what had happened.
“Help!” I yelped weakly.
“They’re out, sugar,” Piss purred. “They got them all out.”
I looked around and realized she was right. There were Marlene and Doc, cradling the girls, who were watching the situation unfold with wide eyes. And there was Loretta, in a barely-there negligee, clinging to Templeton. Susan and Griswald were talking to Leslie and Herschel. Armani was flirting with a fireman.
My family was safe.
“DeeDee?” I asked.
“Here,” she woofed softly.
I turned around and saw her and Matilda standing side-by-side.
“I should have listened to you,” I apologized to the pig.
“You didn’t know,” she said graciously.
I surveyed the area again and realized they were wheeling a gurney with a patient over to an ambulance. I stumbled toward it. “Gino?”
“A firefighter,” Piss corrected gently. “First on scene. Puked and passed out.”
“Where’s Gino?” I asked.
“He opened all the windows and turned on all the fans,” Piss told me. “If it hadn’t been for him…”
“Where is he?” I demanded of the cat.
When she didn’t answer right away, I fell to my knees. “Gino,” I moaned.
“I’m here,” he said from behind me. He stepped around me and knelt down so that we were face-to-face.
“You’re alive.” I began to cry.
“You’re alive,” he replied, wiping away my tears.
“You believed me,” I sniffled. “You believed me about Armani’s predictions.”
“Who’s your cute guy?” Armani asked, limping up to us.
Gino and I exchanged a look.
“I should go,” he murmured, getting to his feet. “I’ll see you soon.”
I watched him disappear into the night.
“Shy guy, huh?” Armani mused, watching him go.
I tried to change the subject. “Everyone’s okay?”
“Firefighters say the carbon monoxide detectors were disabled,” Armani revealed. “Their wiring was stripped.”
I nodded, having figured as much. There had been no building inspector. Daphne the Demented had tried to destroy my family.
“CO, carbon monoxide,” Armani said. “How did we not guess that?”
I didn’t tell her that the man who had just left had figured out the message.
Just like I didn’t tell her I needed to leave town for a little while.
It was like Whitehat had said: Kill or be killed.
I was going to have to kill Dirk’s cousin
Daphne before she hurt my family again.
THE END
Author’s Note
C'mon with that ending you KNOW you want to see how Maggie's going to keep her family safe in the next book. Be sure you're signed up for my newsletter to find out when the next Hitwoman book will be out.
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Hugs and murder,
JB
Psychic Consignment Mystery Series
Sun, sea, and murder…
Escape to the beach town of Sarasota, Florida, visit an inherited consignment shop and meet the Concordia sisters in this cozy mystery series with a twist.
Bea, Winnie and Amanda use their powers to run a store brimming with unusual merchandise and even quirkier clientele while solving mysteries and falling in love.
Check out the Psychic Consignment Mystery Series
Cursed Chicks Club
What do you get when you combine a witch who doesn’t know her own power, a possessed cat and a dragon, all traveling in an RV caravan trying to break a curse?
Chaos and Adventure! Love and Laughter!
Follow Ravena and her friends as they try to right the world of wrongs, one magical moment at a time.
Visit the Cursed Chicks Club!
Also by JB Lynn
HITWOMAN BOOKS IN ORDER
Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman
Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman
The Hitwoman Gets Lucky
The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels
The Hitwoman and the Neurotic Witness
The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost
The Hitwoman and the 7 Cops
The Hitwoman and the Poisoned Apple
The Hitwoman’s Downward Dog
