Chase took several slow breaths, desperate to remain calm, then the sight of Lila on the street that morning flashed into his mind--the pain in her eyes and the panic in her voice--and he couldn’t think straight. His eyes fell to the floor in an attempt to regain focus and caught sight of a tiny black blazer crumbled at their feet, recognizing it immediately.
Jack followed Chase’s gaze and cursed under his breath before leaning down and sweeping up Lila’s blazer.
Chase stared at the fabric in Jack’s hand in a daze, struggling with the knowledge of who it belonged to and why it was on the floor and not on her body. Looking up and catching the eyes of his older brother, Chase went blind. The bag dropped from his shoulder and before he could stop himself he’d lunged at Jack, grabbing the collar of his suit and yanking him violently forward until they were nose to nose.
“Son of a bitch,” Chase growled through gritted teeth.
Jack held his head high, his breathing labored at the sudden negative contact. Jack didn’t want to fight, but he could feel his own anger rapidly seizing his heart. “This is where I work, Chase. This is my job.” He didn’t know what else to say. Seeing the look on Chase’s face left him nearly breathless. “This is my job,” he said, again, his eyes widening. He suddenly understood why Lila was so adamant that Chase never know about them. Just the sight of her jacket on Jack’s floor had made him come undone. It had never been more apparent to Jack than it was right then, and he suddenly had the suffocating need to protect Chase from everything that was plaguing him.
Jack’s eyes glazed over, and he opened his mouth to tell Chase how much he loved him, how he only wanted the best for him, but all that left his lips was an air of stunned silence. Once again his words had betrayed him, leaving him swimming in soundlessness and laying him bare. He stumbled back when Chase suddenly released him.
Jack watched him snatch up his book bag and charge out of the office, the entire building staring after him before moving their eyes back to Jack, expressions ranging from concerned to amused. He took a heaving breath, thankful that the worst was over, and reached up to cover his neck with his hand. In five minutes, including the minute and a half he’d spent trying to kill his older brother, Chase had said more words to Jack than he had in the last six months combined. Jack clenched his neck a little tighter.
He could feel his heart in his throat.
Chapter 3
Two Years Earlier
Chase sat alone on the couch in the living room of his Manhattan estate, leaning forward on his knees with his fists clasped in front of his lips. His eyes slowly closed and a single tear fell down his cheek as he shook his head slowly, unaffected when a violent clap of thunder made the floor beneath his bare feet vibrate. A gold chain hung down between his clasped fingers, and he gripped it tighter as memories overwhelmed him.
A knock echoed through the empty halls, and he leapt from the couch, his long limbs sprinting for the door and opening it in seconds. The moment he saw Lila, standing at the door in a red rain coat, curls dripping wet from the rain, he stepped out into the unforgiving showers and took her in his arms, nearly lifting her off of her feet.
“Chase.” Lila stood on the very tips of her toes, laughing. He was sixteen, and he already had a good foot on her. If he were even an inch taller he would have lifted her clear off the ground. Where the hell had the time gone? “Hey, I could have come inside, you know. You don’t even have shoes on,” she whispered, her smile falling when she realized he was shaking. “Okay, okay…” She rubbed his back gently. “Let’s get you inside. Come on, it’s freezing out here.”
With hesitation, Chase released her, searched her eyes, and then made his way back into the brownstone, followed closely by Lila. She closed the door behind her.
Once inside the dark house, she removed her coat while taking in Chase’s bare back. He had grown wider and stronger over the years. It had never been more apparent to Lila than it was right then. He wore a tattered pair of sweatpants, and nothing else. The strong muscles of his back and arms contracted softly in the dark shadows of the house as he ran his fingers through his newly damp hair.
He turned to her, keeping his hands on top of his head as he took her in. His arms flexed beautifully and made him look strong and powerful. Lila wasn’t sure if the moisture on his face was from his eyes or the rain outside, but she had a pretty good idea.
“Thanks for coming so quick.”
“Of course, Chase.” She quickly turned to hang her coat, running her hands up and down the arms of her sweater. She’d heard the potent distress in his voice when he’d called her earlier that night. There was no way in hell she could leave him alone. She wouldn’t have been able to sleep worrying about him. “You know that I’m always here for you.”
Chase dropped his hands to his sides, sighed heavily, and held up the gold necklace he’d been clutching all evening. “I was going through some stuff in my room and… I found this.”
Lila nodded, taking in what looked to be a small gold locket.
Chase’s face grew pained. “She bought it for me when I was… I don’t know… ten? Eleven?” He looked down at the locket, opened it, and took in the photo of he and his mother when he was just a baby. “Do you know what I said to her when she gave it to me, Lila? Do you know what I said?”
Lila’s eyes grew pained and she shook her head.
“I said ‘guys don’t wear lockets, and you know I hate gold jewelry’.” A look of disgust crossed his face, before it collapsed with sadness. “Every day she would look at my neck to see if I was wearing it. I never did. Not once.”
A sob escaped his lips and Lila crossed the foyer, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her. His body quaked as he silently cried. “Chase, please don’t do this to yourself. Please. She knew that you loved her.”
“Why did I have to be such an asshole?”
“You were just a kid. Kids are assholes.”
Chase encircled Lila in his arms, still clasping the locket as he clawed at her sweater. “I tried to call Jack, but…”
“Shhh…” Lila reached up and massaged the back of his hair. “It’s okay, Chase. I’m here.”
“Please don’t go.”
“Never.”
Chase watched white clouds breeze past outside of his classroom window, taking steady breaths. It had been a week since he’d attacked Jack in his office and he hadn’t seen him since. He figured that his older brother was doing everything he could to avoid another confrontation, and was now working the latest hours possible as an excuse. It wasn’t Jack’s absence in his life that had plagued him for the entire week--Chase was used to that--but Lila’s.
The morning after his fight with Jack he’d waited for her at their usual meeting spot and eventually left when she hadn’t shown up, figuring she was sick. Then it happened again the next day, and the day after that. Anytime he tried to call her she sent him straight to voicemail, and he knew she was screening him. A powerfully dull ache ran through his body at the thought of Lila purposely avoiding him, and he nearly split the pencil in his hand when his eyes grew watery.
After composing himself, he looked to the front of the classroom where his Calculus teacher was passing back their graded midterm exams. Mrs. Jackson was the best math teacher he’d had at Dalton, and he knew that she was good friends with Lila. Apart of him wanted to pull her aside after class and ask her how she was, but he didn’t want to risk putting Lila in a compromising position. He wasn’t blind to the fact that she gave him special treatment, the kind of treatment that would probably be frowned upon by her superiors and colleagues, but he missed her terribly.
He thought back to the times when she’d been his only friend in the world, picking him up during a time when he was slipping into darkness and no one else was around to care. He couldn’t get the nights when he was thirteen out of his mind, nights when it was thundering and raining and he was petrified of being in the brownstone alone. Nights when he couldn’t get
his parents’ untimely death out of his mind and was afraid of what he might do to himself or someone else. All he had to do on nights like those was call Lila.
She’d come over and they would study together, cook dinner and watch movies while waiting for Jack to come home. Some nights he did, some nights he didn’t. Eventually, Chase had stopped feeling the pang of abandonment whenever his brother didn’t come home because he knew he would always have Lila. He jammed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the crushing blow of how wrong he’d obviously been. One word from Jack and Lila was gone.
Mrs. Jackson came up next to his desk and Chase didn’t look up, opting instead to stare ahead as she dropped his exam down on his desk.
“See me after class,” she said, before continuing on.
Chase stared down at the ‘F’ on his exam, and couldn’t have cared less.
---
Lila’s heels clicked against the tile floor of the empty hallway and bounced off of the walls, making the sound echo all around her. The students were all in class and she was struggling to follow Principal Grace White, who was speed walking, in her four inch heels. Grace was a stern, but fair woman who loved children and the power of education. She ruled The Dalton School with an iron fist but still managed to convey a message of strength and compassion to the students and faculty around her. Lila admired her deeply.
At the moment, however, Principal White was making her feet hurt. Lila increased her pace to a small jog until she was next to the principal, who was clearly desperate to end the conversation they’d been having. “But Principal White, the kids look forward to this trip every year. I’ve already put up half of my own money to fund it and they have done everything possible to chip in, bake sells, car washes--the works. All we need is an extra two thousand dollars, and with the thirty-seven grand a head we charge in tuition I’m having a hard time believing that we can’t scrounge up the cash.”
Principal White finally came to a stop, tossing her silver bangs out of her eyes as she watched Lila trip over her feet at the unexpected halt. She waited patiently for Lila to find her footing before adjusting her rectangular eyeglasses. “We simply don’t have the funding this year, Lila. The parents are already down my neck about how counter-productive a school “grieving club” is, and if I give you the money to take these kids on a vacation while the school library and football team are suffering I might have an angry mob on my hands.”
“Well first of all everyone needs to stop thinking of it as a vacation. Sure, it’s a trip to Hawaii, but I can assure you that there will be plenty of educational activity going on.”
“Uh huh,” Grace hummed, skeptically.
Lila held her hands out. “Maybe you could give me the money under the table.”
Principal White’s eyes widened.
Lila stomped her foot and threw her head back. “Dammit these are good kids, Grace.”
Principal White’s head lifted at the use of her first name. Lila was the only member of her faculty who got away with calling her Grace. “Look. I’ll broach the subject at the next meeting, but I’m not making any promises—“
Before she could finish Lila threw her arms around the principal’s neck, squeezing tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
A smile sputtered across Grace’s face and she accepted the hug before pulling away. “All right, all right, enough,” she said sternly, a small blush creeping to her cheeks as she breezed past Lila. “I’ll keep you posted.”
Lila waited until Grace had turned the corner before doing a small happy dance. In the middle of her celebration an arm grabbed her from out of nowhere, causing her to yelp out loud and trip over her heels for the second time that day. She fell sideways into Chase’s chest as he pulled her into the janitor’s closet before slamming the door shut.
Lila composed herself, looking around at the mops and various cleaning supplies scattered around before turning to Chase and shoving him with one hand. “What the hell are you doing?!” She attempted to open the door.
Chase stepped in front of it, blocking her.
“Principal White is right outside that door,” she warned, through gritted teeth. After everything that had happened Lila was officially on edge around Chase but as she stood there taking in the distress in his eyes she found herself unable to move.
“Chase.” She pressed back against the wall and they stood quietly for a minute. “You should be in class,” she whispered.
Chase leaned against the opposite wall, facing her. “Why are you avoiding me? Not answering my calls?”
“You know why. Jack fired me. To be honest I was pissed off about it at first but the more I think about it the more I realize he was right. I can’t give you special treatment forever. It will only hurt you in the long run.”
“I never thought you were even capable of hurting me until now. This…” He motioned between them. “Sucks.”
“Exactly,” Lila beamed. “And it shouldn’t suck. You should be out chasing girls, going to parties, getting drunk… but instead you’re in a hall closet with the twenty-eight year old guidance counselor.”
A small smirk jumped to his face. “If you could hear what the guys in the locker room had to say, you’d know that’s not such a bad thing.”
“Those guys in the locker room don’t have the kind of access to me that you do and that’s why you’re in here with me and not out there with them.” Lila swallowed hard. “There are limits, Chase. There are serious limits that I’ve completely disrespected and Jack called me out. He was right.” She jammed her eyes shut and covered her mouth with her hand before sniffling and looking back up. “I’ve been so fucking selfish.”
Chase shook his head. “He’s wrong. You’re wrong.”
“You’re calling me at all hours of the night, pulling me into hall closets, failing your midterm exams. Mrs. Jackson told me you didn’t answer one question on your Calculus paper.” Tears sprung to Lila’s eyes as she said the words. “Not a single one.”
“I didn’t answer one question because I can’t fucking think.”
“Here are a few things to think about… graduation, Harvard, your future. Do you have any idea how many desperate students are gripping wait-list letters right now, praying that some kid somewhere screws up their chances? This morning alone I’ve had five extremely bright and talented kids come into my office in hysterical tears because they were wait-listed at Harvard.”
Chase swallowed hard and gazed off.
Lila poked a finger against his green Dalton jacket. “You have something special, Chase, and that’s why they took you but Harvard is not a reality, yet. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ve got it in the bag because you don’t. One false move and they will rescind your admission.” She snapped her fingers, “Like that. So fast it’ll make your head spin. I’ve seen it happen. I’m begging you not to throw everything away. Not over me.”
“I don’t care about Harvard.”
“Start. Caring.”
“You’re the only thing that matters to me.” The honesty of his words seized him and he had to look away from her when his chin began to tremble. He looked back, grief clouding his eyes. “I can’t focus on anything knowing that you hate me.”
Her shoulders visibly collapsed as he transformed before her, and all she could see was the thirteen year old boy in him all over again. “I could never hate you. Ever. But this can’t go on. If Jack decides to go to the administration, I’ll lose my job.”
Chase’s breathing had become heavy. “You know Jack, Lila. You know how he is.” He licked his lips, wondering if he should continue. His mouth was speaking the words before he could think to stop them. “He’s jealous of us, he always has been, and the only reason he fired you was to separate us so he can have you for himself.”
Lila’s eyes widened. “Chase. You’re being dramatic.”
“No.” He raised his voice. His mind flashed back to the several times he’d caught Jack gazing longingly at Lila when he tho
ught no one was looking. The way he argued with her. Lila didn’t know Jack well, but Chase did, and he knew that Jack would never waste a precious breath arguing with anyone if it wasn’t something that meant a lot to him. Jack looked for reasons to argue with Lila, he couldn’t wait for her to do something wrong, because that was the only way he knew how to hold on to her. Chase hadn’t missed any of these things, they’d been obvious to him since he was thirteen years old, and every day that passed he hated it a little more. “I’m not,” he insisted.
“Nothing will ever happen with me and Jack.”
Chase was unconvinced. “He wants you, Lila. He’s wanted you for years, and it kills him that he can’t have you so now he’s using me to hurt you. How can you not see it?”
She didn’t know how to argue his point, so instead she said what she knew to be true. “Your brother loves you. He works hard to take care of you and keep a roof over your head.” She wasn’t Jack’s biggest fan by a long shot, but she’d always wished he and Chase were closer for Chase’s sake. “I think you’re a little too hard on him sometimes.”
“Lila, please. He likes to play the card of hard working big brother but the truth is that he chooses to drown himself in his work so he doesn’t have to face up to the fact that our parents are dead and there’s nothing he can do about it, but I’ll be damned if he destroys the only thing I care about because he can’t handle the fucked up shit going on in his own mind.”
Lila lowered her head, staring at her shoes.
His breathing had eased now that he could see she was wavering. “You remember all those nights I was home alone in the mansion after my parents died, scared out of my mind? I would call Jack and beg him, Lila, I would beg him to come home. He never did.”
She looked up. “I know.”
“You were the one who was always there when I needed you. And now you’re abandoning me, too…”
“No.” She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.
Lila's Thunder: The Almeida Brothers, Book One Page 4
