She raised her brow at me again. “Really? You’re truly happy?” Her faced transformed into one of concern. “Aren’t you lonely? Do you not sit at home and wish you had someone to spend your life with? Someone to come home to that wraps their arms around you and makes the outside world fade away? One that makes you feel safe? One that loves you?” She pointed her finger at me in frustration. “Being alone is not the answer to your problems. You need someone to force you out of your comfort zone.”
“Paige,” I whispered, regretting that I had to point this out. “That doesn’t exist for someone like me. You know that.”
“Oh, honey. Yes, it does.” She shook her head in sorrow. “You deserve that more than anyone else in this world. You just have to find the right one. But to do that, you have to get out there and find him.”
Please, Lord, give me strength.
“Paige-”
“Now!” She threw me for a loop with her outburst. “We’re doing exactly what Galen told you to do by letting our hair down tonight.”
There was a look in her eye that I recognized. One that scared me half to death.
She wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
♥♥♥
Could this day have gotten any more disastrous?
I found myself sitting at a bar, abandoned by Paige. She did what she’d said and let her hair down, but I did not. Before she left, she downed a lot of wine. I sipped at mine, barely. She, too far gone, didn’t realize that I wasn’t right there with her, having a blast.
I was highly uncomfortable. I didn’t like to be alone, a stranger amongst the crowd. I kept watching my surroundings in hopes that I’d find her, but she’d vanished somewhere with a man. A very handsome one, so I understood it…in a way.
My first night out in forever and I’m left alone.
A couple of men approached me, but I gave them the cold shoulder. Bitchy, yes. Still, I couldn’t give them any inclination that I was interested.
Because I wasn’t.
I knew that I was pretty. I wasn’t movie star gorgeous or anything like that. I was average height, with an average size body, nothing special. It was my hair and eyes that made me stand out, though. My eyes were a very piercing shade of blue. They’d been described as aqua or Caribbean-blue before. My hair was thick and lush, the golden, natural blonde hanging down almost to my waist. People, men especially, liked this a lot – I’d received many complements in the past. Still, it didn’t factor to me.
I was just me.
It wasn’t like I didn’t see beauty when I saw it, either. I did. I could recognize a good looking person by seeing them. Who couldn’t? However, beauty was only skin deep. You might be the most beautiful person in the world on the outside, but on the inside you were ugly, vile, mean…dirty. It had been a long time since I’d taken someone’s looks into consideration. Hell, it had been a long time since I had any interest in anyone outside of my world. I wasn’t ready for anything else.
And there were reasons for that.
I leaned forward and tapped on the bar, hoping to gain the bartenders attention. It was time to call it a night. I wasn’t going to stay here, alone, only to get hit on. I didn’t need to put myself through the misery.
The things I do for my friend.
When the bartender moved toward me, I called out, “Can I close my tab, please?”
He shook his head, winking. “Your friend took care of it already.”
Okay…
I saluted him and jumped off my stool, relieved that I didn’t need to stay here longer, when another person tapped my shoulder.
“Leaving already?”
I turned at the familiar voice and found Jared Talbert, Galen’s nephew, standing near me.
We’d never been close, but I’d known him. Now, especially, since he was an attorney at the law firm. He’d never known my association with Galen, other than being his assistant, thanks to his time at law school. Still, I had noticed him giving me lingering looks since he’d joined the ranks at Talbert & Talbert, following in his father’s footsteps. He would be taking Tom’s place when he finally retired, which made Jared think that he was privileged, entitled.
“Oh… Hey, Jared,” I greeted him, keeping my dismay hidden. Instead, I shrugged on my coat and gave him a pleasant smile.
“I’ve never seen you here,” he replied, his eyes twinkling.
Great.
Just great.
He was going to hit on me.
Any woman would be interested in Jared. He was six foot one with midnight black hair and a mouthwatering physique. His eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel, and his looks matched that beauty, just like his uncle and father. Back in Tom and Galen’s youth, they were both heartbreakers – I’d seen the pictures and heard the stories. Galen was still very handsome, and he had women throwing themselves at him on a daily basis. Jared was no different, maybe even better. However, I was not getting attached, ever. And Jared would be my last choice if I were choosing. He was too arrogant for my liking.
“Nope, not me. I came with Paige. I have to get going, though. I’m sorry.” I dug through my purse, my hands shaking, and I pulled out my phone, showing it to him. “Got called away. Have a good night!”
He didn’t like that answer.
“Hey!” Gently, he grabbed my elbow before I could make a quick escape. “Just one drink? Come on. One and I’ll let you go. Promise.” He was charming, almost dazzling with his request, and his smile was megawatt.
It did absolutely nothing for me.
“Sorry, Jared, I have to go. Have a good night.” I gave him another smile and pulled my elbow out of his grasp, moving through the throng of patrons, not looking back.
The cold air immediately assaulted me when I made it out of the noisy bar. I gathered my coat closer to ward off the chill, the October night abnormally frosty, but in reality, it’d been there all night. However, the chill I felt was on the inside.
Galen and Paige’s words had left a bone-deep ache inside of me. An ache that had been eating away at me all night long, no matter how much I tried to ignore it.
Did I really do this?
Had I shut myself off from the world?
Even though I hated to admit it, the answer was a simple yes.
My mind went through the night as I walked toward my apartment. Love, as Paige portrayed it, sounded beautiful, almost majestic, and what I knew Galen had once had with Ava was breathtaking. I’d witnessed that fact with my own eyes. I’d be stupid not to want something like that. But that meant letting someone in, exposing every deep-seeded fear, issue, and secret. I didn’t know if I could do that. The thought alone petrified me.
I used to not be like this. I remember a time that I was open, carefree…alive in my own skin. The first blow delivered – the beginning of the one-two punch I’d received that started my transformation – happened the day my brother was sent off to boarding school. I was heartbroken and cried for days. He was my everything back then – my best friend, my hero – even though he was five years older. I thought my entire world was crumbling around me. Then, my parents died a few weeks later, and I truly understood the meaning of earth-shattering. I’d only been twelve at the time, but the memory was as clear as ever.
I’d been away one weekend at a friend’s house and, out of the blue, Galen came to pick me up. After his whispered conversation with my friend’s parents, I’d reluctantly left with him.
I’d met Galen many times at company picnics and whatnot. He seemed friendly enough, but we weren’t close – he was just my mother’s boss. The fact that it was him picking me up had left me bewildered.
Galen took me straight to his house, where he left me in his living room with Ava. Obviously, I knew something bad happened. However, the escalation in Galen’s voice as he spoke to someone on the phone in the other room left me more frightened. Ava tried to talk to me, but I couldn’t ignore what was going on around me. Something was wrong – terribly, terribly wrong.
In the end, Galen and the police sat me down and told me that my parent’s had died. After a lot of probing about my parent’s relationship, I had an even worse feeling, even more so after hearing of their deaths. I wasn’t stupid; I knew their line of questioning wasn’t normal.
Galen attempted to keep the details from me in hopes to protect me, but it all finally came out after I begged and pleaded with him to tell me. I needed to know the facts. To this day, I wish that I hadn’t been so adamant because the news would wreck me forever.
My mother shot my father and then turned the gun on herself.
Murder suicide.
I’d never remembered my parent’s fighting, ever. They seemed to get along really well, always touching and kissing, showing some type of affection. As a child, I acknowledged their love. It was deep…so very deep and beautiful.
It wasn’t until years later that I finally knew the real truth about what happened.
Galen had worked swiftly to gain custody of me and my brother, Jonathan, which was why he was talking so ardently on the phone. Galen ended up taking Jonathan out of boarding school so that he could come back home to me. At the time, I was so thankful for this. It was the only bright light in the sea of darkness that had become my life.
We lived with Galen after that. He was good to me, treating me like his own.
But then my life changed again.
Another blow was dealt.
And they continued to be dealt for many more years after that.
Chapter 3
Clara
Screeching tires and a car horn blasted next to me. I screamed and jumped as a cab driver yelled, “Watch out lady! I could’ve killed ya!” The cab’s bumper was a mere inch from my legs.
My heart was pounding in my chest…and not because of the near accident. Reliving my past did this to me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled and rushed across the street.
After gaining my surroundings, I recognized the street I was on. I was right around the corner from my apartment. I barely remembered the twenty minute walk from the bar.
I hurried to my building and said hello to the doorman as I rushed past him. I couldn’t get into the elevator fast enough. It wasn’t until I was in my apartment, my safe haven, that I finally calmed down.
As I did, a thought struck me. Did Paige and Galen appreciate how far I’d come in the last decade or see how well I was doing? Taking a deep breath, I brushed off the thought. It didn’t matter at this point.
I shrugged off my coat and flung it on the couch. I sat my purse next to it and ambled into the kitchen. A bath and a large glass of wine were in order to help relieve the stress of the day.
I usually didn’t indulge in more than a glass or two if I drank wine. With my history, I wasn’t entirely sure if it was wise or not to have more. I’d never tested the theory. This would be my third glass tonight, but it was way warranted.
A blinking light in my kitchen stopped the bottle mid-air as I poured the wine. I tilted my head, surprised. I’d never seen that light on, let alone blink before. My answering machine was pretty much ancient, so I was shocked that it even worked. Although I never used it, I had a landline. Honestly, I had no idea why I’d kept it all the years I’d been here. It was just there. Furthermore, I couldn’t remember the last time it rang or the last time I had a message awaiting me.
I walked to it and hit the play button, my curiosity piqued. “Hello, I’m…I’m lookin’ for Clarabelle Vincent,” came through the tiny speaker. A man spoke with a slow, southern, almost sensual drawl. “My name is Grey Raiden. You don’t know me, but I have some news that I need to discuss with you. It’s not somethin’ I’d like to leave on an answerin’ machine, though.” He forced a laugh, his nerves making it tense. I detected a hint of pain there, too. “I…I know this is out of the blue and odd, but I believe this is somethin’ you’d wanna hear. It’s really important.” He trailed off his number and then said he hoped he’d hear from me before the machine clicked off.
I replayed it, transfixed. The voice on the machine was deep, masculine…striking. He had the most soothing tone I’d ever heard – and I’d spoken to a lot of people over the phone because of my job. His was something different, something that called to me in a way that was profound.
A shiver tripped down my spine as I played it a third time.
“Grey Raiden,” I murmured.
It was a great name.
A really great name.
And the voice!
I was about to push the button for the fourth time when I stopped myself.
What am I doing?
This is crazy!
A voice shouldn’t do this to me.
I took a step back and stared at the answering machine, wondering what in the world was going on with me. It had to have been the conversation with Paige. She must have flipped on something inside me or planted a seed in my mind, forcing me to focus on something outside of my norm.
That had to be it.
I turned and headed for the bathroom, telling myself to forget the voice on the machine. I didn’t need to hear it again, nor was it important to call him back.
♥♥♥
After a long soak in the tub, the voice didn’t go away. It played in my mind like a song, drawing me in with its catchy melody.
I’d finished my wine rather quickly, but it was more in aggravation and mortification with myself than needing to relax. I’d felt turned on. It was wrong and totally creepy to become aroused by a voice on my answering machine.
Even though his voice was sexy…
Stop it, Clara!
I pushed myself out of the tub and dried off. I was slipping on my robe, still chastising myself, when my cell rang from the living room.
I found my purse where I left it, and after swiping the screen, I put it to my ear. Before I could say anything, Paige hollered, “Clarabelle! Bella!”
Ugh.
My voice was deadpan. “Hey, Paige. Having fun now that you’ve ditched me?”
“What?!” she cried. “You were talking to a guy, and when I came back, you were gone.” The load music was still blasting in the background, proving that she was still at the bar.
“So you didn’t mean to ditch me?” I questioned, my annoyance dripping from my voice.
“No! I thought maybe you took my advice and were having a bit of fun back home. I was giving you time. I’d never ditch you!”
“Well, you did, and I was extremely uncomfortable.” I ground my teeth together. I hadn’t let myself feel my anger towards her until this moment.
“Clara,” she purred, clearly inebriated. The music became softer as she found somewhere quiet to talk. I didn’t want her to do that, but she replied before I could say so. “Look, I was an ass. I thought you were having fun. If you had told me, I would’ve left with you. You shouldn’t have gone home alone. I would have come over.”
I didn’t want to ruin her fun. Paige didn’t get out much. She had a three year old son at home and did it all alone. Her mother and brother chipped in when they could to watch Logan, but it wasn’t often, and it definitely wasn’t a Friday night when it happened.
“Just have fun,” I told her, letting go of my irritation. It wasn’t that bad, and I was fine now, happy to be home. “Be safe and call me tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to ditch you.” She sighed. “I love you, sweetie. I mean that. I shouldn’t have done that on your first night out.”
“Don’t worry about it. Be good. And I love you, too.” I smiled as I disconnected.
I threw my cell on the counter, a yawn splitting my jaw. My bed was calling my name.
As I walked to my room, the landline rang. My footsteps faltered, and I had to right myself quickly before I fell on my face. Catching the back of the couch, I spun and stared at the phone and answering machine.
Surely not…
It rang again.
Was this some weird joke?
Was I hoping th
at it was the mysterious Grey Raiden?
Shit.
I was.
Maybe I did need to get out more.
I wasn’t going to answer, though. No way!
The machine kicked on as I stared. “This is Clara. Leave a message.” I sounded younger, more jaded. I had come a long way from that girl of twenty.
The voice interrupted that thought. “I’m sorry for callin’ so late. This is Grey Raiden again. I, uh, I don’t know what I’m doin’ here. I just… I just really need to speak with you.”
A force compelled me to the phone, and I picked up before I knew what I was doing. I stared at the phone, thinking what in the hell did I just do?!
“Hello? Hello?” His voice was almost desperate.
I put the phone to my ear and used my office voice when I said, “This is Clara Vincent.”
“Clara,” he repeated, like he was tasting my name.
Holy crap!
Chills pebbled my skin.
“Clarabelle Vincent? I’m not just callin’ some random Clarabelle in Chicago, right?”
That made me pause. “How many Clarabelle Vincent’s are there?”
Did my voice just get husky?
Was I flirting?
He chuckled in response, and it sounded really, really good. “There were a few, but thanks to Google, I pinpointed, hopefully, the right one.”
Now that was disturbing…but then again, it wasn’t.
Who was this Clara in my mind, and what did she do with the sane one?!
I cleared my voice, getting back on track. “I’m Clarabelle Vincent, Mr. Raiden-”
“Grey, please. I think bein’ on a first name basis might be good durin’ this.”
I took my cordless phone with me to the couch and sat down, settling in for whatever this was. “And what is this, Grey? I haven’t received a call on this phone in a very long time. This is very strange.”
“I can imagine.” Grey sighed, and it sounded as if it came from somewhere forlorn and so sad. “I wish I could have met you under better circumstances.”
Vague. That was very vague.
“What circumstances? And how would you have met me in the first place? You’re beating around the bush here, Grey.” I looked at the clock again, knowing this needed to end before it went too far, became too weird. The night had already been crazy for me. “It’s late, and I need to get to bed.”
Finding Bliss (Bliss #1) Page 2
