I wept under the hot spray of water, the world disappearing around me, so I didn’t hear him. I didn’t know he had joined me.
Grey’s voice caught me off guard when he said, “You thought I was asleep while you cried, but I’ve gotten to know you, darlin’…especially when you’re in my arms.” A sob tore from my throat at the comfort his voice brought me. I kept my face pointed down, unable to face him. “You’re blamin’ yourself, aren’t you?”
How did he know?
Of course he knew, I reminded myself. Grey was always attuned to me.
His fingertips slid down my arm and then back up, tentatively, like he was approaching a wild mustang ready to bolt. “Clara, none of this was your fault.”
My teeth started to chatter, and it wasn’t from being cold. I couldn’t stop shaking from grief.
“It’s not your fault, Clara. You were abused. You did what you could to survive,” he whispered. “It was all you could do. And I’m happy you did what you did…because it brought you to me.”
“I…If I…”
“What? What could you have done? I’ve seen things like this on the news. If, and that’s a big if, Jon was incarcerated, it would have been for years, not a lifetime. He would’ve done the same thing once he got out. Hell, he’d probably be so mad at you for puttin’ him away, he would’ve killed you. From what I’ve heard about him, I wouldn’t have put it past him. You did what you did to take care of you, Clara. You. I don’t hold that against you…and neither does anyone else.”
“It’s not that simple,” I murmured, hating the broken mess I’d become in such a short time. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be more.
“Damn it, Clara,” he growled and hauled me to him. He placed me in his lap, filling me with what I denied myself before – it felt like home. “Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t. You had no control over Jonathan’s actions.”
“But if I told…”
“Then what? There are so many possibilities. So many. You can’t focus on that. You can’t.” He placed my head on his shoulder and kissed my wet hair. “Don’t run from me because of this. I know you. I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re tryin’ to pull back because you feel undeservin’.”
My breath hitched.
“You are the most deservin’ person I’ve ever met. You are sweet and kind, so loving…. You are many great things. I want you for me, Clara. I want us badly. I want to make you happy. I want you to know that I am at your side, no matter what. I’m never gonna desert you, darlin’. I am here. Just talk to me…lean on me. I’ve got you.”
His words slowly penetrated my defenses, and I wanted all of that. I wanted him to lean on. I wanted him at my side. I wanted him for life. I wanted it all.
I rose slowly and straddled his thighs. I leaned in and kissed him. As our tongues twined together, my heart shifted in my chest. I went from falling in love with him, to being in love with him.
Fully.
Completely.
Irrevocably.
With everything in me.
I ran my hands down his shoulders and arms, loving him. Without words, I wanted him to know what he’d done to me…what I felt for him.
He grew hard between my legs, effected just as much as me. There was no slow build. The intense arousal hit hard and fast, and I was hot and needy. My kisses increased with reverence, and the urge to take him was heady. I was lost in Grey.
My hand found his hard length between us, and I positioned him at my entrance. I slowly sank down, taking him inch by beautiful inch. His growl of approval poured down my throat, filling me in a way that was so different than how he was actually filling me.
“Oh, fu…” He couldn’t formulate words as I pivoted my hips in circular motions. My head tipped back and to the side, abandoning his mouth. The feel of him inside of me was good, too good.
I lifted slightly and then dipped down. Over and over, I teased us both. I wanted to ride him fast and hard. I wanted to bring us both into a stunning, brilliant completion, but I needed to show him without words. I wasn’t ready for words. Actions, I could do. And I wanted mine to prove that I loved him.
He palmed my breasts, lifting them to his mouth. His tongue snaked out and slowly licked each one, the pass of his tongue slow and precise. He was drawing this out, too. I cried out with each blissful swipe. I wished he’d take them in his mouth and ease the pounding ache there.
His hands traveled down my sides and over my hips. He grabbed my ass, kneading, squeezing. The sensation of his strong, capable hands on me drove me higher. With those hands, he could do serious damage, but he’d given me kindness, understanding, and pleasure with each caress. He was there for everything. He was too good, too pure for me. Yet, he was mine, even when I was too weak to understand this.
He picked me up, holding me close, as he lifted us from the tiled floor. He shut the water off and carried me to the bathroom counter. He sat me on the ledge of the counter and grasped my long hair in his hands. He tugged my hair back, forcing me to stare at him. His features were drawn, stark, as he observed me.
“Don’t.” He thrust into me roughly. “Don’t pull away from me again.”
Something had switched. What went from proving my love to him had transformed into him needing me to not run from him. He wanted my surrender, my complete relinquish of control. He wanted everything.
Maybe it was his form of showing he loves me…
The thought dwindled away as he tugged my hair back further and attacked my neck, licking, sucking, and biting. It was glorious. He plunged into me with a repeated severity. I cried out and sunk my nails into his back, hoping he wouldn’t destroy me…but at the same time he was, only fervently. He was ingraining himself deeper inside of me, mentally, physically…emotionally.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on tighter, never wanting to stop. I never wanted to let go. I threw my head back and arched my back, meeting his every drive with my own, our sounds of ecstasy blending together. I had to grip the sink as his force continued to grow stronger and stronger and I got closer and closer.
“Grey,” I cried out, grinding down on him as he pistoned into me.
“Never run,” he growled and then found my center. He played with the nerves there like they were an instrument, thrumming them expertly. I mewled as a bomb detonated in my womb and spiraled outward. My back bowed as my orgasm ripped me apart, crashing over me.
“Grey!” I panted through it, saying his name over and over again.
“Yes!” he growled and then slammed into me a final time. I held him close as he poured himself inside of me, knowing I’d never be able to leave him.
He was more vital than the heart beating in my chest.
♥♥♥
The morning consisted of ignoring phone calls and lying in bed together, shutting out the world. Luckily, Emma had taken Bella home with her to give me a reprieve. Due to her maternal instincts, I was guessing, she knew that something was going to happen during the night that would send me over the edge.
And she was right.
Grey made me open up about everything I was feeling, and he talked me through them, opening my eyes a bit more. In the end, we both decided that the guilt would always be there– it wasn’t easily forgotten – but it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t change the past, so all I could do was move forward and live my life.
The last thing he’d brought up was Galen. He thought Galen needed to know about the letter.
“Call him, Clara,” he told me, handing me my cell. “He might not be my favorite person, but he deserves to know. He’ll be hurt when he arrives and finds out you didn’t tell him what went down.”
“You’re right,” I groaned, face-planting into his chest. “I just don’t want any more craziness today. I want to finish decorating my house for Christmas, like we should have last night.”
“Get this over with and we’ll finish decoratin’, Clara. It won’t be too hard. I promise.” He nuzzled my hair with his cheek.
“You don’t play fair,” I whispered, kissing his bare chest.
“You’re full of it,” he teased.
I licked his chest. “I know of something else I’d like-”
“Oh, no you don’t.” He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away, his eyes dancing. “No distractin’ me with your womanly wiles.”
“Womanly wiles? Really?” I smirked.
“I know what you’re tryin’ to do.” He lifted my hand, the same one holding my phone. “Call. Now. Afterward, we can see what we can do with your wiles.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, grinning.
I rolled over and rested against the headboard, pulling the covers over me to hide my nakedness. It felt weird to call Galen while sitting in bed, nude.
“I’ll make us some coffee while you talk…give you some privacy,” Grey announced as he rolled out of bed. He sat on the edge and tugged on his boxers. He leaned over the bed and kissed my lips. “Call me if you need me.”
“Thanks, honey.”
I watched him stroll out of the room before I unlocked my phone, found Galen’s number, and tapped the screen to connect. I was not looking forward to this.
Galen’s voice calmed me as he answered. “Hey there, girly.”
Smiling, I replied, “Hey, Galen.”
“It’s awfully early to hear from you, not that I’m complaining. How are you?”
“I, well…I’m good.”
“Good? You sure? You seem nervous.”
Instead of answering, I decided to put it off for a bit and asked, “Are you still heading this way next week?”
“You know I am. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m missing you terribly, kiddo. Chicago just isn’t the same without you.”
Something in his voice worried me.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
“Nothing’s wrong…just missing my girl. How’s Bliss treating you? Are you still liking it?”
“Absolutely.”
“Grey might have something to do with that, though,” he teased.
Paige had told me that Galen had practically interrogated her when she arrived back at the office, so he knew that Grey and I were seeing each other. He had never brought it up, though.
“Maybe…”
“Am I going to be seeing him while I’m there?” he questioned, no doubt wanting to extend his interrogation to Grey.
“Yes. You’ll see him and meet his family.”
“Right. Paige said they were nice people.”
My heart warmed at the thought of everyone together.
“They are. Besides you, the best I’ve ever met. I love them all.”
“Hmmm. Sounds like you’re doing great there.”
“I am, Galen. I definitely am.”
“Then what’s wrong? I know you, girly, and I know when you’re upset over something. That’s why you called, isn’t it? Did something happen?”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. Like Grey, Galen knew me all too well. “Yes, something happened last night,” I explained, hesitating.
“Well…? Get on with it. I’m due in court in an hour, so I don’t have much time, Clara.”
“Right… You’re right. Sorry.”
“It’s me, girly. There’s nothing you can’t tell me. I’m always here,” he reminded me, his voice soft.
“I know, Galen. It’s all a big shock, and I didn’t take it all that well. It would have been worse if it hadn’t been for Grey.”
“Then I’m glad he was there. Now, tell me what this is about.”
I went through everything that happened the night before. Galen remained silent throughout and still didn’t speak for a few moments after I was done.
Finally, he murmured with a sigh, “History repeating itself.”
“Yeah…” I agreed.
“Well, at this point, nothing shocks me when it comes to Jonathan. Still, Clara, I’m worried. What’s the name of the detective? I’m going to give him a call.”
“Wesley Wilde. He’d given me his card before he left. I can grab the number if you want.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll look him up.”
“You really don’t have to do that, Galen. There’s nothing anyone can do.”
“That might be, but that doesn’t ease my mind,” he returned, his voice growing stern.
“Fine,” I conceded.
“I’m going to try and clear my schedule, head there early. As I said, I don’t have a good feeling about this whole mess.”
“Galen-”
“I might not be able to, but I’m going to try. I’ll give you a call later this afternoon to let you know for sure.”
“Galen-”
“No, sweet girl. There’s no talking me out of this. Plus, it would be nice to spend some extra time with you. I’ve missed you too much.”
“Me too. I miss you all the time.”
“See,” he joked. “Listen to old Galen… He always knows best.”
“Of course you do,” I said, chuckling.
“See you soon, sweet girl. Can’t wait.”
“Me either. Love you.”
“Always,” he whispered and disconnected.
♥♥♥
I was slipping on my shirt when Grey walked into the room, carrying a mug. “I thought you could use this,” he explained as he sat it on the dresser, studying me. “You okay? How’d it go?”
“As well as expected, I guess. Galen’s going to try and come early, though. He said he has a bad feeling, and he wants to be here for me,” I enlightened him, picking up my mug and taking a big gulp. The coffee was definitely needed.
“That’s good then.” He continued to watch me, not convinced.
“It is. I’m happy to have more time with him, but I wish it were under better circumstances.”
Grey nodded, his eyes worried. “I can see that.”
“What’s wrong with you? You seem off?” I asked, confused.
“Sam called. She needs me to settle some issues with our food supplier, but I told her it can wait. I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“No, Grey,” I replied, shaking my head. “No. You have to work. I’m okay now…honestly. I’ll be fine.” His jaw turned hard and his shoulders became rigid as he prepared to fight me on this. I went on before he could argue. “Emma needs to bring Bella home, anyway. Why don’t you see if she can come over and stay with me if you’re really worried? We can finish decorating while you work.”
His face and shoulders relaxed as he acquiesced, “That’s a good idea. Sam can come over, too.”
“Doesn’t she have things to do?”
“Nah, it’s fine. If I’m there, she can leave. There’s nothin’ too crazy goin’ on today, outside of what I need to do.”
“Okay,” I drawled.
He flashed me those dimples. “Kiss me, darlin’. I’ve gotta get dressed, then I’m gone.”
Biting my lip to keep from laughing at his command – he could be so bossy sometimes – I pushed up on my toes and brushed my lips against his. “Come home soon, okay? You’ve got some womanly wiles to take care of.”
His eyes flared. “You’ve got it, darlin’.”
♥♥♥
Emma and Sam arrived together, and we finished decorating the house, which was amazingly festive, exceeding my expectations. During this, they had treated me like I was made of finely spun glass and at any moment, I’d shatter into a million pieces. They’d jumped at my every whim, going above and beyond to accommodate me.
This continued while I made everyone lunch. I tried to engage them in some type of conversation while I made our sandwiches, but it turned out forced and stilted. When the time came for them to leave, they exchanged worried glances and sat on the couch instead.
Yesterday was rough – we all knew that – but I was carrying on like normal, my behavior as consistent as any day. I knew they were concerned, which was acceptable. If the roles were reversed, I’d be very worried about them. However, it was their p
ity that was pushing me past my limits, not their concern. I didn’t want their pity. I wanted them back with me, the Clara they knew and had shown they loved. I wanted them to look at me the same, not differently. What happened to me happened years ago. The fact that they knew shouldn’t have changed that.
Therefore, I was getting pissed.
After putting Bella down for her nap, I’d decided to confront them. I descended the stairs, readying myself for it, and found them huddled together on the couch, whispering to each other.
Heaving a weary sigh, I flopped down on the loveseat. “You two have to stop,” I told them, meeting their eyes.
“What do you mean?” Emma questioned, confused.
“I’m not going to fall apart. I’m sorry you heard what you heard, but I can’t stand this.” I pulled off the band from around my ponytail and ran my hands through my hair roughly.
“Clara, we aren’t-” Sam attempted to say.
“I get it. I do. I just can’t…” My voice broke. “You aren’t looking at me the same. What I did was wrong, and I can’t help that or change the past. But you two…I need you back to the way you were.”
“Oh, honey,” Emma murmured, sighing, and then came to sit next to me. Sam followed her. I flinched when they took my hands, but they were determined and wouldn’t let me pull away. “We don’t see you any differently.”
“Yes, you do,” I argued. “I see the way you look at me. I see the…the…pity there. I see the guarded expressions. You look at me like you don’t know me.”
Sam laughed. “Good God, Clara, shut up.”
My mouth dropped at her candor, and I sputtered, “Wha…wha…what?!”
“We don’t look at you differently. We are just worried about you, okay?” Sam gave me a pointed look that said she meant business. “You’ve had a lot of shocks lately. Hell, you’ve had enough to last a life time. You have every right to lose it. We’re just here for you, to make sure you’re okay if that happens.”
Finding Bliss (Bliss #1) Page 34
