The mention completely derailed my focus since I had yet to see it for myself.
And the internet was on fire?
“Seriously? I wanna see it,” I told him, following him to the couch where his phone was resting. Then I watched as he typed in his passcode - it’s still my birthday? - the screen immediately opening up to a paused video of my performance on Twitter.
“Geez, it’s already uploaded to Twitter?” I thought to myself as Knox pressed the button to start the video from the beginning, the first thing I noticed being, “My ass looks great.”
“I wholeheartedly agree,” Knox added, earning him a little bump in the shoulder as I kept my eyes locked on the screen.
“Ooh. That actually looked a lot better than it felt. I thought I had twisted my ankle on the landing,” I admitted, remembering the way my heart skipped a beat when it actually happened.
Since I was on live TV, there was no way I could’ve just stopped mid-performance. But I would’ve had to do some serious modifying if it had been anything more than the small tweak it thankfully turned out to be.
Still, while I had my personal views on the situation, Knox insisted, “Well you hid it like a champ cause that shit was flawless, Ri. Real talk.”
I couldn’t help but blush at his enthusiastic approval, especially since, “I… thought about you.”
Though it hadn’t exactly been intentional, knowing Knox was in the audience always gave me an extra edge, an extra boost of sensuality that worked like a charm with the particular song I was dancing to. But my plain confession hadn’t doubled as an explanation, forcing Knox to ask, “Really? Why?”
I shrugged, gnawing at my lip as I told him, “Something about you just makes me feel especially… daring; especially sexy. And since I needed to channel some of that energy, I… thought about you.”
Without meeting his eyes, I could feel Knox studying me for more information. But it honestly felt like I had already said too much. In fact, I knew I had said too much once he put two and two together to say, “The other night. In the studio. What was that really about, babe?”
The sigh I released was extra weighty as I tried to find the words to say, “I… wanted you. I want you. But I’m not supposed to want you. And since I know I can’t actually have you, that only makes me want you even more.”
“Why can’t you have me?” he asked, sending a jolt through me because… shit, I said that out loud?
I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been embarrassed by my slip or grateful that the truth had come out without coming off too alarming. But since I was already on a roll - even if it was accidental and maybe a little wine-induced - I decided to give him more of it when I whispered, “You’re no good for me, Knox. You... hurt me. More than I’ll ever care to admit.”
The room went still as the weight of the last few years slipped from my shoulders right onto the little space between us on the couch. A space that was quickly filled in once Knox chose to scoot a little closer to me, taking my hand in his as he replied, “Truth is, I never knew how to give you what you really deserved. I never knew how to… love you. So instead of taking the time to figure it out, I ran.”
“But you embarrassed me,” I said, hastily snatching my hand away as I stood up from the couch, creating the distance necessary for me to really get my point out.
Though once again, Knox found a way to fill in the gap, standing up to join me before he stepped right in front of me and lifted my chin to meet his eyes when he confessed, “Pushin’ you away was the only way I knew how to save you from my incompetence.”
“How could you have possibly felt so incompetent that you had to hurt someone you supposedly cared about?” I whispered, desperate to make sense of his actions; desperate to hear the answers I had been yearning for since it had all went down in the first place.
And for a second I worried I still wouldn’t get them when Knox turned his head, biting at the inside of his cheek before turning back to me with a new hint of distress in his eyes. Then he closed them, releasing a heavy breath before opening them back up to say, “That’s what I’ve been goin’ to therapy for, Ri. To find those answers, to make sense of my bullshit, to discover the root cause of my incompetence. But I’m well aware that that’s also not an excuse to hold off any longer on the apology I owe you. So I’m sorry. For hurtin’ you, for embarrasin’ you, for... bein’ a trash ass nigga who wasn’t even worthy of the time you gave me.”
I laughed back the tears that had welled up, managing to keep them in their rightful place when I told him, “You weren’t always trash.”
“Yeah? You still remember that time we stayed up hella late reenactin’ the choreography from all of those old ass videos? Girl groups, boy groups, niggas that had went solo…,” he trailed, making me laugh once again as I thought about all of the phone calls we had gotten with complaints about the noise we were making.
But I also remembered, “Only one of us had to perform the next day and I barely made it through that show, so you actually might’ve been a little trash for that.”
“You sure made it to that happy ending 2.0 though,” he reminded me, making me squirm as I looked down to his body that was still completely exposed. And while I would’ve loved to have been able to play it off, the sight practically forced me to be honest.
So as he wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me a little closer, I agreed, “Perfect attendance for those.”
“Perfect attendance, huh?” he asked in his raspy southern drawl, landing a streak of soft kisses against my forehead before moving down to my nose and then onto each of my cheeks. It was as if he was making a point of going everywhere except the place I wanted him to be.
Because he wanted to be sure that I wanted him to be there.
So to make things clear, I got on my tippytoes, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck to pull his face closer to mine so that I could give him the kiss I had been wanting to deliver since the day he showed up in my office. It was one filled with a mix of passion, and anger, and… what the fuck took you so long to say all of this; our mouths practically suctioned together as he slipped his tongue past the threshold of my lips. And when he palmed my ass to lift me from the ground, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, I knew there was no turning back.
Truth be told, I wasn’t interested in turning back. It felt good to be wrapped in Knox’s strong arms, felt good to have his hard dick pressed against my panties that were fully exposed now that my robe had been discarded on the way to his bedroom. I felt completely alive when he tossed me on the bed so that he could remove the rest of his clothes. And when he crawled on top of me, keeping himself light as his face hovered over mine, his repeated, “I’m sorry” almost made me burst into tears.
But considering tears weren’t exactly the best option for foreplay, I grabbed his face and pulled it down to mine for another one of those spine-tingling kisses. This time it was paired with a bunch of grabbing, and groping, and tossing around in the sheets as we traded control back and forth; one of the main things I missed about having sex with Knox. While the sex was always hot, it was also fun, and adventurous, and diverse while still managing to get us to the same satisfying finish line. And it was obvious Knox had missed it as well as he climbed from the bed, using my ankles to drag me to the edge before dropping to his knees and… shit, is that an apology too?
I quickly decided it was once Knox used his tongue as a weapon against me, my back arching away from the bed as he licked, and sucked, and nibbled on places that hadn’t been rightfully explored since… well… the last time he did it. And I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been annoyed with myself for not ever finding a suitable replacement, or giddy with the fact that I hadn’t wasted my time on someone who couldn’t do it like…
“Knox…,” I groaned, my hands landing on top of his head and pushing his face deeper as he used a stiff tongue to give long, slow strokes against my clit.
And it was his little chuckle against my hea
t that almost made me come undone, though I felt a little embarrassed once it was paired with a muffled, “Babe, you gonna cut off my air supply doin’ that shit.”
“Ooh. I’m sorry,” I said, releasing his head along with the extra clench of my thighs that had probably contributed to the problem just as much.
But I couldn’t help myself, and thankfully Knox didn’t seem as bothered when he stood up from the ground, taking my legs with him and landing kisses along my calves as he asked, “What I tell you ‘bout all that sorry shit? You ain’t sorry. The shit felt good and you wanted more of it. Nothin’ to be sorry about, babe.”
“Well I would’ve been sorry if I accidentally killed you doing it,” I replied, watching as he put the slightest bend in my knees before he pulled a freshly-pedicured toe into his mouth, making me squirm, and giggle, and… fuck.
The action had distracted me just enough to take him all in with one swift stroke, the back of my knees hooked in the crook of his elbows as he sank even deeper with a second, and third, and… obviously I lost count. But numbers quickly deemed themselves irrelevant as I clenched the sheets in my hands, overwhelmed with the fact that this was really happening. I was really in Knox’s bed - albeit, a hotel but his bed nonetheless -, really doing exactly what I had fought with myself about for the last couple years, really getting ready to let him cum inside of… oh my God.
“Knox!” I screamed for multiple reasons; one because of the tremors running from my head to my feet as I came ten times harder than I usually would alone, and two because of the warm, white liquid being squirted all over my stomach as he grunted through his own orgasm.
As he stroked himself empty, he growled, “Damn, girl. Almost fucked around and put a baby in you.”
I cringed, falling from my high way faster than I expected to as I groaned, “Ugh. Don’t joke about stuff like that.”
“Why not? You don’t want me to put a baby in you?” he asked casually as if it was just some everyday occurrence.
And I suppose it was.
There was probably someone getting pregnant right now this second. Hell, maybe even someone in this same hotel. And even though we hadn’t used a condom, the fact that my IUD and I were the best of friends took away all concerns surrounding any potential of that person being me. Yet the idea of carrying Knox’s seed, being connected to Knox forever, sharing something so sacred with someone I was supposed to hate… that made me sick.
So as I watched him strut towards the bathroom, his dick bouncing in front of him with every step he took, I yelled my answer of, “Absolutely not. We’re talking about a baby, Knox. A whole human. I barely like you as a human. Why would I want you to give me another, surely identical one?”
“You sure didn’t mind me when I was deep in them guts,” he shouted back with a little laugh that made me blush because… true.
And instead of making a weak attempt of denying his claims, I changed the subject when I asked, “Bring me a towel too, please.”
His smile was full when he finally made his way back from the bathroom, walking slower than necessary to show off the fact that his dick was back at full attention. And naturally, my eyes went wide before lowering with interest as I refreshed myself on every detail. But no matter how tempted I was to take every last inch of him into my mouth the second he got within arm’s reach, I focused on getting the towel out of his hand so that I could clean myself up.
At least, that’s what I attempted to do. Though Knox moved it out of my reach insisting that he’d do it for me since he was the one who had made the mess.
I rolled my eyes, resting on my elbows as he used the warm towel to wipe my belly clean of his essence while he said, “Don’t start actin’ all weird on me now that you’ve officially lost the bet, babe. We still got a show to do. And if I remember correctly, it was you who said you didn’t want the viewers gettin’ the wrong idea about us.”
“Shit, I forgot all about that,” I thought to myself, purposely ignoring the mention of our informal bet when I asked, “Who said there was more of where this came from?”
My breath caught in my throat when he peeked up at me with eyes so heated and a smirk so sexy I was just sure we were getting ready to go for a round two. But instead of taking advantage of my vulnerability, he took one last swipe of my stomach with the towel before standing back erect so that he was looking down at me when he answered, “You don’t have to say anything, Ri. I know what you need and I know what I want. It’s called teamwork. Or common sense.”
“Nothing about this represents common sense for me. In fact, it actually represents the complete opposite,” I told him as I finally made my way out of the bed, my panties uncomfortably wet from never being completely removed and my bra totally disheveled.
While I wasn’t going to pretend to have any regrets about the situation, there was still no escaping the complications of the act because… now what? Knox and I weren’t going to be together no matter how good his words - and actions - made me feel. And we definitely couldn’t continue doing whatever that was since it was exactly what had brought about trouble in the first place.
Still, what I expected to offend him only made him laugh when he replied, “You screamed my name way too loud for either one of us to actually believe that shit, babe.”
“Damn, he’s right…” I thought to myself as I snatched my robe off of the floor, pulling it over my shoulders and tightening the belt as tight as it should’ve been when I showed up here in the first place. Maybe then I wouldn’t be thinking so hard and throbbing between the thighs.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that being around Knox didn’t exactly lend itself to finding solutions to my problem. So instead of sticking around for selfish reasons, I shouted an awkward, “Anyway! I need to go. I have an early start tomorrow.”
“Back at it already, huh?” he asked as he finally decided to put some clothes on.
Only his briefs, but still enough for me to regain my focus so that I could answer, “The work of a dancer is never done. If anybody knows that, it’s you.”
For a second, Knox was quiet, staring off into space long enough for me to question my comment in my head. But just as I was coming to the conclusion that nothing about what I said had been offensive, he was snapping out of it to add, “I’ve actually been workin’ on finding a better balance. Dance will always be my world, but it’s not really my life anymore. I mean, I still do it because I’m good at it and it pays the bills, but… I’m gettin’ old, man.”
The laugh slipped before I could contain it as I brushed him off to say, “You are not old.”
But he held on to his sentiments, his smile half-hearted when he replied, “I’ve been in the game for a long time.”
“That’s true. But you aren’t old. You still got it,” I told him with a reassuring smile.
Though he didn’t quite match it, even when he agreed, “Maybe I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want more out of life. You know, settle down. Have a little family of my own and shit.”
“A family? Yeah right. You are not trying to be anyone’s family man,” I suggested with another laugh. Though once again, Knox didn’t match it meaning… shit, he’s serious about this.
Nothing about Knox had ever, ever struck me as a family man. He was always on the go, always chasing the next level in his career while keeping whatever woman - or women - on the side to fulfill his needs. But those needs, those desires never seemed to include settling down and having a family. At least until now when he stared me down and admitted, “For the right woman, I am.”
“Well I’m just sure she’s out there, waiting and ready to pop out some little dancing ass babies for you,” I insisted, trying to joke my way through how uncomfortable the air around us suddenly felt as I turned around and made my way to the door.
But there was no escaping Knox’s bubble once he stepped behind me, close enough for me to feel the heat he naturally radiated, close enough for me to smell the mixture of sweat and
cologne on his skin when he said, “Nah, I don’t think she’s there quite yet. But maybe one day she will be.”
Everything about the moment screamed dangerous territory. Every thought that came to mind seemed even more ridiculous than the last. But no matter how crazy the butterflies were going in my stomach as I tried to form an articulate response, the only thing that came out of my mouth when I pulled at the door knob was, “Yeah. Maybe one day.”
Knox
“Surprise!”
I watched, and laughed to myself as Amerie turned to leave the room she had just entered while Miranda wrapped an arm around her shoulder to stop her. I could only imagine the rush of adrenaline pouring through her as a group of her closest friends, colleagues, and family members all wished her a happy birthday. And even though I secretly wished this celebration could’ve just been between the two of us, it felt good to see the genuine smile on Amerie’s face as she dished out hugs and cheek kisses to all of her peoples.
Hopefully she was saving the real kisses for me.
“Just wait your turn, bruh…” I thought to myself as she finally headed our way, her smile growing wider at the sight of Blaise which probably would’ve made me jealous if I didn’t already understand the dynamics of their relationship. But since I did, I didn’t mind when she wrapped him into a hug so tight that I was ready to catch the pieces he would surely combust into.
“How’d you know about this and come all this way without me finding out?” was her first question the second she let him go, putting her hands on her hips as she waited for an explanation.
Blaise could only shrug as he told her, “It’s called a surprise party for a reason, sis. Happy Birthday.”
“Thank you,” she gushed before turning my way and releasing a content sigh.
If it wasn’t paired with a smile, I might’ve been confused on where we stood. But since it was, I dug in my pocket and pulled out the gift I had thankfully been able to pick up on my way to the venue just before the jewelry shop closed.
An Encore for Love Page 14
